Left Coast Sports Babe

John McCain is so old he can remember when he was a maverick.

UPS just announced they have signed a marketing agreement with the owners of Big Brown, the impressive Kentucky Derby winner.

Is this really a great idea before the Preakness and Belmont?  UPS generally doesn’t deliver on Saturdays.

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And at this point will Hillary replace her campaign song with the Boz Scaggs classic “It’s Over?”

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Or Hall and Oates’ “She’s gone.”

For all non-Hall and Oates fans, the first verse is particularly worth quoting:

“Everybody’s high on consolation
Everybody’s trying to tell me
What is right for me, yeah
I need a drink and a quick decision
Now it’s up to me, ooooh what will be.”
 

For all those Americans who are weary of this long drawn-out Democratic primary.

 Cheer up, there’s only a little more than a MONTH left in the NBA playoffs.

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And Papa John’s Pizza offered 23 cent pizzas today in  the Cleveland area as an apology to fans after one of their Washington area franchises printed up t-shirts calling #23 Lebron James a “crybaby.”

Oil companies in Texas have a different strategy.  If anyone calls #11 Yao Ming a crybaby, they will raise the price of gas to $11 a gallon.

At this point in the Democratic primary, Hillary Clinton has almost no mathematical chance for the nomination, and almost no time left to catch up anyway.  Yet she still insists she will win.

Yep, guess she really did grow up a Cubs fan.

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Actually Hillary Clinton is running a strangely apt campaign considering her vote to go to war in Iraq….. No Exit Strategy

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Though, okay, hands up for both people who a year ago figured that Hillary basically would be out of it, and the New Orleans Hornets still are alive with a  good chance to win it all.

Why I love AMERICA, by Hillary Clinton.    Apologies to Letterman’s 10 top ten list.

A – is for Arkansas.  I won Arkansas. They love me in Arkansas.

M – is for Michigan.  I won Michigan.  I would have won it even if I wasn’t the only name on the ballot.  They really do love me.

E – is for Every Other State I won.  There are so many  of them.  They love me too.

R -is for Rhode Island.   Who says I only care  about  big states? I love cute little states, well, except Delaware.

 I -is for Illinois.  My home state. I won  Illinois…no, wait a minute.  Illinois is full of Judases.  Indiana is the real Illinois.  They love me.   I love them too, at least pending returns on Tuesday.

 C – is for California.  I am the Golden Girl in  the  Golden State.  Even if a lot of them voted for poor John Edwards who wasn’t even running by the time  the election happened.  They WOULD have voted for me.

A – is for Arkansas- – Did I mention I won Arkansas?

So the NHL game between the San Jose Sharks and Dallas Stars finally ended at 130a Central Time when the Stars scored in the fourth overtime to win 2-1.

Good thing too, the NHL was about to turn it over to their superdelegates.

While campaigning in North Carolina and Indiana, Hillary Clinton denied that her support of a gas tax holiday was political pandering.  She also said it was just because of her love of the game that she is also supporting a bill to make Basketball the national sport.

Written during overtime number 4.

So when did this hockey game become the Democratic primary?

Presidential candidate John McCain has been taking some heat because of comments he made that implied the Iraq war was for oil.  He has tried to step away from those comments, at first saying that he was talking about the first Gulf War.  Now apparently he is saying he was confused by his memories of the Spanish-American war.

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So in this television season that was interrupted by the writer’s strike,  Sunday night will be the season finale of “Cold Case.”

Of course, the same thing could happen Tuesday if  Hillary loses Indiana and North Carolina.

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And Tampa Bay is off to their best baseball season ever after droppng the Devil from their name.

Does this mean for starters that Toronto, starting off May in the cellar,  could soon be known simply as the Jays?

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The most exciting two minutes in sports?

So what are the dullest two minutes in sports?  A few suggestions.

The last two minutes of an NBA where one team has a 15 point lead but the other team fouls nonstop, just in case?

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The two minutes a manager talks to his pitcher on the mound, after that pitcher has suddenly given up a couple hits and a home run in about seven pitches, and the reliever hasn’t had time to warm up yet.

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The two minutes after the two minute warning in the NFL, when one team is leading by three touchdowns.

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Bengie Molina running to first base?  Or Nomar Garciaparra getting ready in the batter’s box?

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Hillary Clinton says she has instructed her daughter Chelsea to go to Churchill Downs and place a bet on Eight Belles, the only filly in the race.  

So it might be a sign for Hillary if Eight Belles wins.  But what if the winner is Big Brown, Visionaire or Cool Coal Man?

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Albert Hofmann, the inventor of LSD, just died at the age of 102.  Will his tombstone read “Off on a long strange trip?”

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Eli Manning and the Giants went to Washington this week for a photo op with President Bush.  Well, at least SOME New Yorkers made it to the White House.

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Actually President Bush was a little surprised to see the Giants show up.  Late in the 4th quarter, he had turned off the TV when Tom Brady unfurled that sideline banner saying “Mission Accomplished.”

The Yankees yesterday placed Alex Rodriguez on the disabled list.  It’s actually the first time since 2000 that the third baseman has been inactive. Well, other than the playoffs.

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At this point Reverend Wright might be the most embarrassing thing in recent memory to happen to Chicago.  Well, except the Cubs.

(Note to all Cubs fans, yes, I know they are off to a great start.  And yes, it isn’t September yet.)

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On the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Cindy McCain made disparaging remarks about her husband’s driving.  But let’s be fair, it took him a long time to adjust to the change from horse and buggy.

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And after drinking a shot of whiskey in a bar in Pennsylvania, today Hillary Clinton borrowed a Ford pickup so she could pump gas in Indiana.

Can we just file all this under the title “Pander-monium?”

On a night when the Suns set in the West.

Florida State wide receiver  Preston Parker,  the  Seminoles 2007 MVP,  was arrested early in April for possession of marijuana, and for having  .45-caliber loaded pistol in his car.  He is trying to get the case resolved so he can rejoin the team. 

In his defense the FSU junior, who hopes to be drafted after the season, says he was just trying to get the attention of the Bengals.

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Despite 35 upcoming bowl games in the works for this college football season, the BCS says they do not plan to add a “plus-one” game for the national championship.  Yeah, that 36th game might mean too much collective time away from class for NCAA student athletes.

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Regarding that story about Clemens and the underaged future country star::

In 1986 Roger Clemens  won  the AL MVP and Cy Young with a record of 24 and 4.

But at this;point  his more famous record  may become  28 and 15.

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Flag pins, preachers, pantsuits and age jokes.  This election is enough to make you long for a dignified voting process like American Idol.

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After edging out the Golden State Warriors for the final playoff spot, the Denver Nuggets not only got swept by the Los Angeles Lakers, they looked bad in all four games.

At least the Warriors had an excuse for not showing up this week.

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And poor Barry Zito, and poor Giants fans.  After the team shelled out $126 million last year to sign him to a multiyear contract, he is 0-6 and has been relegated to the bullpen.

There hasn’t been a return on investment this bad since the $100 million plus spent by Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign.

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And Hillary Clinton says now if you count the votes that don’t count (from Michigan and Florida), she is leading in the primary.
Counting the votes that don’t count.  Al Gore wishes he could have just counted the ones that did.

Or  if you will…

Counting the votes that don’t count.  Isn’t that  how President Bush has been trying to balance the budget for years…counting the revenues we don’t have?

Senator John McCain is searching for the perfect running mate to be his vice-president.

He needs someone tough, someone who can help with with women voters, and to protect his own likable image, someone who is willing to be the one on the ticket who gets down and dirty with his Democratic opponent.

Therefore his perfect running mate?   Hillary Clinton.

And a correction, Zito is only getting $14 million a year.

He is also now 0-6.  Maybe the San Francisco Giants severed ties with the wrong Barry?

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(this might only work for Bay Area readers.)  In the NHL playoffs,  San Jose is now 0-2 after starting the playoffs at home.  Will the headline read “Sharks Tanked?”

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John McCain on Sunday criticized Barack Obama for being insensitive to poor people.  He said Senator Obama’s opposition to a temporary gas tax repeal would make it harder for  lower income people to travel.  

Then he excused himself because his wife’s borrowed corporate jet was waiting.

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Senator McCain has actually been taking some heat for not paying the legal cost to use his wife’s private plane during the campaign.  But in his defense, he said she did give him a senior discount.

Whie I wish Barry Zito all the best in his efforts Sunday to avoid an 0-6 start I must admit he gives the San Francisco Giants something even the Yankees don’t have  —

A $17 million a year fifth starter.

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And for any non-USC Trojan fans who didn’t have enough fun when Stanford’s football team upset the then #2 Trojans 24-23, I refer you to Saturday’s baseball game at Stanford’s Sunken Diamond:

USC 5-  Stanford 26.

You read it right.

Josh Howard in an interview with a Dallas ESPN affliiate today said “Most of the players in the league use marijuana and I have and do partake in smoking weed in the offseason sometime.”

Well, Howard may be in for fines and discipline from the league but he’s well on his way to signing a big endorsement contract with 7-11.

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And in Washington, the Nationals have a shiny new ballpark, but inside they still have a lousy team.

Kind of the same result we get by voting in a new Congress.

The New York Times reports that a new football league is forming to be a feeder league for the NFL.   Wait a minute, isn’t that college football.

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 Good news for couch potatoes.  Three new organizations have applied to the NCAA to start new college bowl games.  If approved, it would bring the total number of bowls to 35!

What a relief for all those 6-6 teams that just missed out on post-season play.

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After the Pennsylvania primary, Hillary Clinton said “I won that double-digit victory that everybody on TV said I had to win.”    And went on to say why that was a rationale for continuing her campaign.

Except that this morning the Pennsylvania Secretary of State said the margin was 9.2 %.  With potentially a block of votes from urban Philadelphia   -an Obama stronghold – yet to be counted.  .. Which could mean more the final total is more like 8.5 percent.

(Yeah, I know, a win’s a win, unless you’re Al Gore.  But if you are going to base a speech on a line of rhetoric, good idea to get your numbers right.)

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And once again the headline this week:

“Kenyan wins Boston Marathon”

Which could now join a long list of “duh” (as in, tell us something we don’t know) headlines.

Like for starters:

Yankees expect to have highest payroll in Major League Baseball.

Cubs fans optimistic this will be their year.

Controversy erupts in figure skating judging results.

IOC vows drug free Olympics.

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More to follow.  Suggestions accepted.