Left Coast Sports Babe

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Albert Hofmann, the inventor of LSD, just died at the age of 102.  Will his tombstone read “Off on a long strange trip?”

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Eli Manning and the Giants went to Washington this week for a photo op with President Bush.  Well, at least SOME New Yorkers made it to the White House.

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Actually President Bush was a little surprised to see the Giants show up.  Late in the 4th quarter, he had turned off the TV when Tom Brady unfurled that sideline banner saying “Mission Accomplished.”

The Yankees yesterday placed Alex Rodriguez on the disabled list.  It’s actually the first time since 2000 that the third baseman has been inactive. Well, other than the playoffs.

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At this point Reverend Wright might be the most embarrassing thing in recent memory to happen to Chicago.  Well, except the Cubs.

(Note to all Cubs fans, yes, I know they are off to a great start.  And yes, it isn’t September yet.)

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On the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Cindy McCain made disparaging remarks about her husband’s driving.  But let’s be fair, it took him a long time to adjust to the change from horse and buggy.

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And after drinking a shot of whiskey in a bar in Pennsylvania, today Hillary Clinton borrowed a Ford pickup so she could pump gas in Indiana.

Can we just file all this under the title “Pander-monium?”

On a night when the Suns set in the West.

Florida State wide receiver  Preston Parker,  the  Seminoles 2007 MVP,  was arrested early in April for possession of marijuana, and for having  .45-caliber loaded pistol in his car.  He is trying to get the case resolved so he can rejoin the team. 

In his defense the FSU junior, who hopes to be drafted after the season, says he was just trying to get the attention of the Bengals.

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Despite 35 upcoming bowl games in the works for this college football season, the BCS says they do not plan to add a “plus-one” game for the national championship.  Yeah, that 36th game might mean too much collective time away from class for NCAA student athletes.

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Regarding that story about Clemens and the underaged future country star::

In 1986 Roger Clemens  won  the AL MVP and Cy Young with a record of 24 and 4.

But at this;point  his more famous record  may become  28 and 15.

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Flag pins, preachers, pantsuits and age jokes.  This election is enough to make you long for a dignified voting process like American Idol.

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After edging out the Golden State Warriors for the final playoff spot, the Denver Nuggets not only got swept by the Los Angeles Lakers, they looked bad in all four games.

At least the Warriors had an excuse for not showing up this week.

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And poor Barry Zito, and poor Giants fans.  After the team shelled out $126 million last year to sign him to a multiyear contract, he is 0-6 and has been relegated to the bullpen.

There hasn’t been a return on investment this bad since the $100 million plus spent by Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign.

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And Hillary Clinton says now if you count the votes that don’t count (from Michigan and Florida), she is leading in the primary.
Counting the votes that don’t count.  Al Gore wishes he could have just counted the ones that did.

Or  if you will…

Counting the votes that don’t count.  Isn’t that  how President Bush has been trying to balance the budget for years…counting the revenues we don’t have?

Senator John McCain is searching for the perfect running mate to be his vice-president.

He needs someone tough, someone who can help with with women voters, and to protect his own likable image, someone who is willing to be the one on the ticket who gets down and dirty with his Democratic opponent.

Therefore his perfect running mate?   Hillary Clinton.

And a correction, Zito is only getting $14 million a year.

He is also now 0-6.  Maybe the San Francisco Giants severed ties with the wrong Barry?

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(this might only work for Bay Area readers.)  In the NHL playoffs,  San Jose is now 0-2 after starting the playoffs at home.  Will the headline read “Sharks Tanked?”

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John McCain on Sunday criticized Barack Obama for being insensitive to poor people.  He said Senator Obama’s opposition to a temporary gas tax repeal would make it harder for  lower income people to travel.  

Then he excused himself because his wife’s borrowed corporate jet was waiting.

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Senator McCain has actually been taking some heat for not paying the legal cost to use his wife’s private plane during the campaign.  But in his defense, he said she did give him a senior discount.

Whie I wish Barry Zito all the best in his efforts Sunday to avoid an 0-6 start I must admit he gives the San Francisco Giants something even the Yankees don’t have  —

A $17 million a year fifth starter.

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And for any non-USC Trojan fans who didn’t have enough fun when Stanford’s football team upset the then #2 Trojans 24-23, I refer you to Saturday’s baseball game at Stanford’s Sunken Diamond:

USC 5-  Stanford 26.

You read it right.

Josh Howard in an interview with a Dallas ESPN affliiate today said “Most of the players in the league use marijuana and I have and do partake in smoking weed in the offseason sometime.”

Well, Howard may be in for fines and discipline from the league but he’s well on his way to signing a big endorsement contract with 7-11.

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And in Washington, the Nationals have a shiny new ballpark, but inside they still have a lousy team.

Kind of the same result we get by voting in a new Congress.

The New York Times reports that a new football league is forming to be a feeder league for the NFL.   Wait a minute, isn’t that college football.

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 Good news for couch potatoes.  Three new organizations have applied to the NCAA to start new college bowl games.  If approved, it would bring the total number of bowls to 35!

What a relief for all those 6-6 teams that just missed out on post-season play.

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After the Pennsylvania primary, Hillary Clinton said “I won that double-digit victory that everybody on TV said I had to win.”    And went on to say why that was a rationale for continuing her campaign.

Except that this morning the Pennsylvania Secretary of State said the margin was 9.2 %.  With potentially a block of votes from urban Philadelphia   -an Obama stronghold – yet to be counted.  .. Which could mean more the final total is more like 8.5 percent.

(Yeah, I know, a win’s a win, unless you’re Al Gore.  But if you are going to base a speech on a line of rhetoric, good idea to get your numbers right.)

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And once again the headline this week:

“Kenyan wins Boston Marathon”

Which could now join a long list of “duh” (as in, tell us something we don’t know) headlines.

Like for starters:

Yankees expect to have highest payroll in Major League Baseball.

Cubs fans optimistic this will be their year.

Controversy erupts in figure skating judging results.

IOC vows drug free Olympics.

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More to follow.  Suggestions accepted.

Last year: President Bush took his private 747  to  California, rode to Stanford University in a long motorcade with  dozens of  police cars, and then took a private helicopter to Napa, just so he
could ride a bike for Earth Day.

So John McCain is on a campaign tour of the South,  where he says he is embracing “forgotten places.”

Of course in his case those forgotten places can be where he left his keys, his glasses, his teeth….

It’s been a rough start to the playoffs for the Wizards.  Not only are they down 2-0 after big losses to the Cavaliers,  but Deshawn Stevenson really seems to have lit a spark under LeBron James by calling him “over-rated.”  And then Brendan Haywood gets called for a flagrant foul on James.

It’s enough to make Washingtonians looking for a little more dignified performance turn on C-Span.

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And this might be the quote of the week from new Milwaukee Bucks coach Scott Skiles.

“Anybody that is going to come to work with enthusiasm, concentrate and play hard will never have a problem with me. I don’t care if they throw the
ball in the seats 25 times a game.”

“They’ll be pulled out of the game before they get to
25, of course, but they will never have a problem with
me,” he added

The Pennsylvania primary is in two days.  Weary state residents cannot wait to get back to regular life and  to be done with all the negative campaigning.  Especially in Philadelphia, where they can go back to focusing on booing the Phillies.

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After losing his job as  the team’s president, last week Isiah Thomas was also fired from his job as coach of the Knicks.  This came as a surprise to many New Yorkers – someone was actually COACHING the Knicks?

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Barack Obama on Sunday said that while either he or Hillary would be the best choices, even Senator McCain would be a better president than George W. Bush.  With all due respect, Nixon was a better president than George W. Bush.

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Actually with all due respect, Chauncey Gardiner would be a better president than George W. Bush.

And stung by allegations that she lied about the risks she faced on her trip to Bosnia, Hillary Clinton has decided to do something truly dangerous – flying on American Airlines.

Regarding Hillary Clinton’s healthcare plan:

Barack Obama says mandates do not work.

George W. Bush says he is also against mandates, saying dates should be between a man and a woman.

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When asked if he thought Barack Obama was being condescending towards some voters, President Bush replied, I don’t know what you mean by condescending but I do think he was talking down to people.

Okay, it’s a slow time of year for sports.

The Ottawa Senators, based in Canada’s capital city, started the season off as the NHL’s hottest team, and ended up making the playoffs.  But they were swept in four games by the Pittburgh Penguins. 

Frustrated Senators fans said it was the worst performance they had seen from Ottawa since the last session of Parliament.

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Last night/yesterday morning, the Colorado Rockies beat the San Diego Padres 2 to 1 in 22 innings.

Now THIS was a situation that might have really needed super delegates.

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Worst thing for the fans – they cut off beer after the 7th inning.

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And this is a really tacky late night joke.

Yorvit Torrealba of the Rockies and Josh Bard of the Padres both caught the entire game.   Meaning they spent more time on their knees than Monica Lewinsky.

Barack Obama released his tax returns.  He earned almost 4 million dollars from the two books he wrote before he ran for president.

As opposed to President Bush, who had two books he read before he ran for president.

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A man was kicked off a plane this week because he wouldn’t stop praying.   Considering all the bankrupties and grounded planes, it’s a wonder the whole plane  wasn’t praying.

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When did the presidential debates become events to tide people over until the next Super Bowl media day?

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And okay, an actual hockey joke.  Feel free to ignore if you ignore hockey.

What’s the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Ottawa Senators?

About a week.

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And the Yankees have reconsidered their digging up that Red Sox jersey, and have told Boston they can bury another jersey in its place.  So long as Manny Ramirez is in it.

So Cindy McCain has copied her “family recipes” from the Food Network?

I worry less about that than the fact that her husband has now copied President Bush‘s tax plan.

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And yes, an actual bible verse in this blog.  With no comment I think needed:

Romans 12:9

     Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good

Delta Airlines has the industry’s lousiest mileage upgrade policy, and they have outsourced most of their reservations to India.  Northwest Airlines, with the lousiest seating policy, is affectionately referred to in the travel industry as “Northworst.”

So will the combined airline be  De-Worst?

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And this is a true comment from a Southwest agent, who patiently changed a reservation for a client of mine who had told me one thing and meant another –

My favorite question from customers –  “What’s after the last flight?”