Monday thoughts…

Posted November 18, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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A USA Today ad on Monday touted “Make millions by buying bad loans.” 

Yeah, we’ve already learned how to do that.  Start with billions.

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Barack Obama has been busy meeting with old rivals and possibly offering some of them key positions in his admininstrations. But for those those who think he might sell out completely, the President-elect from Chicago’s South Side has announced he will never ever root for the Cubs.

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And Obama said on 60 minutes that he was serious about a college football playoff and was willing to “throw his weight around a little” to do it.  When he talked about sitting down with dictators without preconditions, who knew he was including the BCS?

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President Bush invited the Ryder Cup team members to the White House and told them he had he avidly followed “every minute” of their play.

Well, yeah, not like he had anything else to do this September

 

The Canadian Football League’s Grey Cup championship is Sunday, November 23.  It will only be televised to limited viewers in the U.S.  Apparently the media doesn’t feel that Americans will be that interested in a game between two perceived mediocre small market teams.

As opposed to say, this week’s Monday night football game between the Cleveland Browns and Buffalo Bills.

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in Monday Night Football, the Bills had a chance to win the game, but a 47 yard field goal attempt missed by going too far to the right.   Which might have also been how John McCain lost the election.

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Lions and Bengals and Bears, oh my…

Posted November 16, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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As the Lions continued their quest for a perfect season by losing a tenth game in the row….

The CIncinnati Bengals played a true stinker of a game, and still ended up tying the Philadelphia Eagles 13-13 after neither team could score in overtime.  

But really, tying the Cincinnati Bengals?  Isn’t that like french kissing your sister?

Or getting drunk, trying to kiss your sister, and kissing your brother-in-law?

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And Sunday on 60 Minutes, Barack Obama reiterated his call for a playoff system for the top college teams.  Was there a hometown bias?    Based on their earlier 37-3 loss to the Green Bay Packers, the Chicago Bears might just qualify.

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And as we start thinking about the inaugural:

In 1841, William Henry Harrison gave the longest inauguration speech in history, almost two hours, in bitter cold weather.  He caught pneumonia and died a month later.  Well, it’s a good thing that there is no inaugural speech for the Vice President. 

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Mike Huckabee is getting his own show on Fox News.  Not to be outdone, Sarah Palin will be getting her own show too: “Northern Overexposure.”

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Embarrassing?

Posted November 16, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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A questionnaire for applicants for one of 8,000 jobs in the Obama administration asks about anything potentially embarrassing you may ever have said, done, or posted, including on blogs, MySpace, and Facebook. 

Forget 8,000 jobs, with those criteria they might be lucky enough to find that many people who could attend his inaugural.

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And those who do pass the criteria will certainly be over 50.

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A new benefit for the baby boomer generation: being lucky enough to grow up during a time where every stupid thing you did in college and high school was likely only witnessed by contemporaries who couldn’t remember it well either.
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Another sign you need to get a life post-election:  (And hey, I resemble this remark.)

You get dressed in the morning and feel naked without your Obama button.

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The University of Michigan paid a total over $4 million to get coach Rich Rodriguez away from West Virginia University.  Now,  with a 3-8 record, Michigan boosters wonder, how much do they have to pay for West Virginia to take him back?

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The New York Yankees are prepared to make a record offer to pitcher  C.C. Sabathia for 2009.   With the added inducement of no recent record to live up to in the playoffs.

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And kudos again to the University of Cincinnati Bearcats, who will move into the college football top 20 after knocking off Louisville Friday night and are almost certainly headed to post-season play.

To which Bengals fans ask – what’s post season play?

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You know it’s time to get a life after the election when…

Posted November 15, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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Okay, it’s 11 days after the election and over two months until Obama’s inauguration.  Which means it’s a good time to look for signs that you might need a life again…

For example:

You still get up first thing in the morning and automatically go to Pollster.com

You plan to watch the 2-7 St. Louis Rams against the 2-7 San Francisco 49ers, and you don’t even live in St. Louis or San Francisco.

For that matter, you plan to watch the Rams – 49ers game and you DO live in St. Louis or San Francisco.

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You really really care if Obama or McCain end up winning Missouri.

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Back to sports.

Is it time yet to rename it “Frequently Suspended University.”

Nine games into the season, the FSU Seminoles have played only TWO games without at least one player suspended.  19 different players have been suspended at least one game. each.  And they haven’t even had final exams to get caught cheating on yet.

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The Philadelphia Phillies have announced after their first World Series win since 1980 that they will be raising ticket prices.   Guess  after a championship this is the only way to be sure in 2009 that they  give their fans something to boo about.

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And back to politics:

Governor Sarah Palin was asked what she thought of Hillary Clinton possibly being named Secretary of State.  And she responded, “which state?”

Or,

 Sarah Palin was asked what she thought about Obama choosing Hillary as his Secretary of State.  And she responded. “No more trick questions,  America’s not a state, it’s a country.”

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Comebacks?

Posted November 14, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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Michael Vick’s lawyer says that the former quarterback wants to return to the NFL when he is released from prison.   Vick is at least hoping to be paroled to the equivalent of a halfway house – like the Lions or 49ers.

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Hillary Clinton is apparently being considered for the job of Secretary of State.   At first she was leery of the idea, and Obama reportedly told her, “I understand, it’s a lot of travel, you won’t see your spouse for weeks at a time,” and which point Hillary interjected “I’m in.”

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The New York Jets beat the New England Patriots on Thursday night football, a win that would have been unimaginable back when Tom Brady was healthy and Brett Favre was just learning the Jets offense.   But this just proves the old saw “Age and treachery will overcome youth and an ACL.”

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The recount in Alaska is swinging back and forth between convicted felon and incumbent Ted Stevens and his Democratic Senate challenger Mark Begich.  Although if Stevens wins, he is likely to resign.  And reportedly Sarah Palin will run for his seat.

Wonder if she remembers saying the Vice President is in charge of the Senate?

Though if she does win, Joe Biden has to be telling himself, “I got out of there just in time…”

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Congratulations to Tim Lincecum, the San Francisco Giants’ baby-faced and pint-sized 24 year old fireballer, who won the Cy Young award for the best pitcher in the National League.  Lincecum compiled 18 wins, the most strikeouts, and the second best ERA in the league. And amazingly, he did it without the benefit of pitching against the Giants’ hitters.

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On the other end of the spectrum, 45 year old Randy Johnson filed for free agency after he failed to come to terms with the Arizona Diamondbacks.   Apparently the D’backs were hoping Johnson would give the team a senior discount.

 

From my funny friend Bill Littlejohn:

“The Cubs acquired closer Kevin Gregg from the Marlins, meaning that Kerry Wood likely won’t be back.The Cubs, however, plan to retire Wood’s spot on the disabled list”

 

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It’s not too early to think about the playoffs..

Posted November 13, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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The NFL has announced lower playoff ticket prices for this year.  Yet another attempted economic stimulus that won’t trickle down to Detroit.

Apparently the average ticket price will be down 10 percent from last year.   Except in Arizona, where Cardinal fans are still saying “So what ARE these things called playoff tickets?”

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Sarah Palin continues the blame game for her and John McCain’s loss last week -everyone from the media, to staffers, to being muzzled, to Bush’s policies…  Any day now she’ll complain that they might have won if voters weren’t influenced by Simon, Randy and Paula.

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And President-elect Obama is already beginning his efforts to put together an administation that will help ailing industries.   Although for comedy writers, he’s already chosen Joe Biden.  

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John McCain made his first campaign appearance on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.  Well, where else could he have gone for more sympathy after having lost a job to a younger, less experienced man? 

 

And finally, an incredibly tacky joke:   Don’t read if you are easily offended.

Barack Obama chatted this week with Bill Clinton.  At one point Obama asked the former president about living with a dog in the White House.  Clinton replied, it’s not so bad, you have interns.

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The president’s writing a book!!

Posted November 12, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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George W. Bush says he will be writing a book after he leaves the White House.  Aides told the President that he will probably need a ghost-writer.

Bush’s purported response:  Can we get Casper?

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If the book gets published George W.  may go into the record books – as the first President to write a book before he reads one.

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Back to sports:

Tim Lincecum of the San Francisco Giants won the Cy Young award Tuesday.  He says he hopes to celebrate with a new car.  Once he gets his learner’s permit.

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A Chicago writer was the only voter to leave Lincecum off the ballot.  What, did he accidentally vote for Barack Obama?

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President Bush said in an interview that he has said some things that he regrets saying.  Of course, what most Americans regret hearing him say was:

“I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”

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Change we can believe in.

Posted November 11, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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“Change” is indeed the word for this fall.  The Tampa Bay Rays made it to the World Series, the Arizona Cardinals have a four game lead in their division, and the U.S. elected a black president. 

Fans of the status quo, however, will be relieved to see the L.A. Clippers are off to another 1-6 start.  

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Barack Obama met George W. Bush today for his White House tour and moving-in orientation.   Finally, a home eviction Americans can feel good about. 

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Barack Obama visited his future residence for the first time Monday.  Actually the White House is not that different from many homes in America  – its value has decreased under the current occupant.

 

There’s real change in the vice-presidency too.  We’re going from a guy who recklessly shoots off his gun, to a guy who recklessly shoots off his mouth.

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But for those who fear that the relatively young Obama might be a reckless president, here’s a reassuring thought on his pragmatism – he’s from Chicago, and he’s NOT a Cubs fan.

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Only 45 non-shopping days?

Posted November 10, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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Yes, it is officially only 45 days until Christmas, which many retailers fear may be the worst in recent memory.  Especially now that the Republican National Committee is no longer shopping for Sarah Palin.

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One real problem facing the new President-elect will be Detroit.     Barack Obama says he has hopes of working out a plan to save GM and Ford, but realistically there’s nothing he can do about the Lions.

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Speaking of football, there’s one silver lining for the offensively challenged Oakland Raiders this season.  No fines for touchdown celebrations.

Although the team does plan a big celebration if they ever score one.

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With all the rumors about former Democratic presidential candidates ending up in an Obama administration, one name is notably absent – John  Edwards.

Though based on his haircuts and recent personal history he might well apply for a job as either director of Pentagon procurement, or being in charge of hiring interns.

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President Bush was a little confused about the meeting with Obama on Monday.  When an aide referred to Barack as the new “President-elect” he responded “You mean you have to get elected?”

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2012

Posted November 8, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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A recent poll said that 64 percent of Republicans want Sarah Palin to run for president in 2012.

And presumably about 100 percent of Democrats.

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Though to be fair, McCain-Palin did win every state she could see from her house.

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Ralph Nader was chastised by Fox News anchor Shepard Smith for using a derogatory racial term to describe President-elect Obama.  

Isn’t being chastised by Fox News on political correctness like being chastised by John Edwards on family values?

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In the end, Hillary Clinton turned out be a real soldier for Barack Obama.  Ironically, some of her best campaigning came after Obama told her he thought he might be able to give her an important role in his administration, but it wouldn’t come with a first-lady type job for her husband.

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Celebrating Obama’s election…

Posted November 8, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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It seems like much of the world is celebrating the election of Barack Obama as President of the United States.  Including especially many of the commuters on Amtrak from Wilmington to Washington DC.  Finally, they are going to get some peace and quiet. 

(see bottom of this post if that doesn’t make sense.)

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Despite many people’s worries the election seems to have gone relatively smoothly.  With few computer problems or allegations of tampering.

But all is not lost for conspiracy theorists – there’s still the BCS.

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Barack Obama said on Monday Night Football that he thought we should have a college football playoff system.  Had he only added “and we should re-regulate the airlines”, he would have really won in a landslide.

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To increase their revenue, Boston Red Sox are adding 560 new seats next year to Fenway Park.  And not to be outdone, while they bid for Manny Ramirez the Dodgers are adding seats too.  They will be sold for after the seventh inning only, and will be located in the parking lot.

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Sam Perry has become a celebrity after Oprah cried on his shoulder Tuesday night and the pictures went out on worldwide television.  Just as well that the scene was televised.  Can you imagine coming home? “Yes, honey, it’s makeup, but it’s not what you think…really, it was Oprah.”

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(oh, and regarding the commuters to Wilmington.  Joe Biden has been a regular commuter on that train.)

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Turning over the same old Leaf…

Posted November 7, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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Ryan Leaf was placed on “administrative leave” from his job as an assistant quarterback coach at West Texas A & M over drug allegations,  ten years after he was the number two choice in the NFL draft.

Yep, he’s right on track for a future career in “Celebrity boxing.”

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All of a sudden, Peyton Manning’s 4-4 start with the Indianapolis Colts doesn’t look so bad. (Manning was drafted number one in the 1998 draft, Leaf was number two.)

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The Los Angeles Dodgers have offered a hefty two-year contract to Manny Ramirez, but may end up being outbid.  Hey, times are tough, especially when you only get concession revenues from the third to the seventh inning.

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On election night, Oprah ended up crying on the shoulder of a stranger, who turned out to be an Obama volunteer from California.   Sam Perry, aka Mr. Man, said he didn’t mind a bit, after all as a Democrat he was used to women crying on election night.

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John McCain’s staff denied there were any bad feelings late in the campaign between the Senator and Governor Palin.  They also denied that McCain had had any “buyer’s remorse’ about the pick.   In fact, one aide said that John had even suggested Sarah go hunting with Dick Cheney.

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The Denver Broncos defeated the Cleveland Browns, in “Thursday Night Football.”  Or, as the NFL refers to its new scheduling policy: “If we can find a night we think you will watch we’re playing a game.”

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And once again, the Oakland Raiders home game Sunday will be blacked out in the San Francisco because the team didn’t sell enough tickets.  Is this really the right strategy.  Maybe the threat should be, if you don’t buy tickets, we’ll black out the alternate game between two real teams.

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And after Barack Obama’s historic win, Americans stockpiled newspapers Wednesday morning to save for their grandchildren.  Who will probably ask someday “What’s a newspaper?”

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After the election…

Posted November 6, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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It should be at least a few weeks before the first candidates declare for 2012.

 

One day after the election, Barack Obama is working on his transition team.  And Joe Biden is just finishing delivering his VP acceptance speech.

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Sarah Palin said she doesn’t believe she cost John Palin a single vote.  Well, Obama may have won most of the swing states, but Palin certainly owns the state of denial.

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After the election there were plenty of phone calls.  George W.  Bush and Dick Cheney called John McCain to offer condolences.  And Bill Clinton called Sarah Palin to offer to buy her lunch.

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After the end of the baseball season Manny Ramirez said he wanted a big longterm contract, saying  “I want to see who is the highest bidder. Gas is up and so am I,”

Yeah, proving exactly why smart teams won’t sign him to a long term contract…

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There are reports that Major League Baseball agents are scrambling to sign their clients’ big contracts before January 1,  when President-Elect Obama’s expected tax increases will hit multi-millionaires.   

So who knew, they may not make the playoffs, but the Yankees could at least help pay off our national debt.

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And voters in San Francisco overwhelmingly rejected a measure that would have renamed a local sewage plant after George W. Bush.  Of course, San Franciscans being San Franciscans, no word as to whether they thought the renaming would be unfair to the president,  or to the sewage plant.

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The jokes return tomorrow.

Posted November 5, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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In the meantime.  Yippee!  Or in a more professional style.  Can we believe it?  This is an historic election in more ways than one.  And there will be plenty of time for jokes.

But for now, wow.  again, Yippee!!!  

I am so proud to be an American.

(And yes, kudos to John McCain and his classy concession speech.  As they said about Charles I on the day of his execution – “Nothing in his life so became him as the leaving of it.”)

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Monday night football..

Posted November 4, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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Pittsburgh Steelers receiver Santonio Holmes returned after being benched for a game after police found marijuana cigars in his car.  he caught three passes for 30 yards including a five yard touchdown pass.   He denied rumors  that the touchdown catch was a “high-five.”

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On interviews during the halftime show of Monday Night Football, John McCain said he’d like to get performance-enchancing drugs out of sports.  Barack Obama said he’d just like to see a playoff system in college football.  That settles it – they’re BOTH unrealistic dreamers.

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A prankster purporting claiming to be President Sarkovy calling from Paris managed to dupe Sarah Palin into a conversation.  But to be fair, Governor Palin said she hadn’t talked to anyone speaking Parisian before.

 

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And finally on election eve.  The Arizona Cardinals are in first place and  the Tennessee Titans are undefeated.  The New York Yankees didn’t make the playoffs, and both the Philadelphia Philles and the Tampa Bay Rays made it to the World Series.    By comparison,  you could have probably gotten better odds on the U.S. electing a black man to be our next president….

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Okay, even with negative campaigning there are limits….

Posted November 3, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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Someone, apparently an Obama supporter, chartered a plane in Oakland to fly over the stadium with the banner “McCain is a Raiders fan.”

Okay, now this negative campaigning is going too far.

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After Baylor barely lost to #14 Missouri in football their coach Art Briles said “It was a very emotional, very draining non-win.”

Well, if he loses his job at Baylor, Briles may have a great future with the Republican party.

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The Washington Nationals have announced plans to lower the cost of some tickets in 2009.  This will put their prices more in line with other AAA teams.

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Kudos to the San Francisco 49ers.  At least they didn’t embarrass themselves this Sunday with a  bye week.

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Rewritten joke from yesterday:

Halloween is over and President Bush really enjoyed himself.  Although he was surprised to hear from John McCain about the new tradition of keeping your mask on until November 5.

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You have to love American elections.  All this money, time and effort spent on convincing people who aren’t smart enough to have made up their minds until the last minute.

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Wouldn’t it be nice to have a V-chip or something similar for early/absentee voters?  Then if you vote, you could get a chip for your television that would mute political ads until after the election….

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After Halloween…

Posted November 1, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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President Bush enjoyed Halloween.  But with the election approaching Tuesday, he’s waiting for the Republican National Committee to tell him he can take the mask off.

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The University of Michigan is paying almost $2 million to new coach Rich Rodriguez, in addition to a $2.5 million payment to West Virginia to buy out his old contract.    For that money, the coach has led the team to a 2-7 record.

Well, at least the school will be able to count on saving the contract’s $50,000 to $200,000 bowl bonus.

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Over four million in a year for a 2-7 record?   Are we sure he isn’t coaching the Lions?

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Although speaking of the Detroit Lions, who are actually 0-7, they have reportedly agreed to a two year contract with Daunte Culpepper.  Guess he gave up hope of signing with an NFL team.

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Barack Obama and John McCain will both be interviewed during halftime on Monday Night Football.  Ralph Nader was also looking for an appropriate game for an interview, but the Bengals and Lions don’t play each other this season.

Barack Obama is coming to Cincinnati on November 2.  Which may be the town’s only chance this fall of seeing a winner on Sunday.

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That confusing first amendment….

Posted November 1, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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Sarah Palin said Friday that her First Amendment rights are being threatened by reporters who criticize her.  Wow.  Even Dan Quayle knows that trying to misrepresent the constitution is a “hot potatoe.”

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Of course, to be fair, it is possible Governor Palin didn’t mean to misrepresent the First Amendment.  It is possible she’s never read it.

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And new San Francisco coach Mike Singletary is still trying to explain why he dropped his pants during a halftime speech to his team last week.

One thing he did accomplish,   the 49ers’ play on the field is no longer being talked about as the most embarrassing thing that happened this week in San Francisco.

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And Phillies fans jammed the streets of Philadelphia to cheer their team in a victory parade.  Then after the parade they went home and got ready to boo the Eagles.

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That infomercial…

Posted October 30, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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Barack Obama’s 30 minute prime-time infomercial was watched by over 36 million people.  It was so popular, in fact, that if this presidency thing doesn’t work out most major networks have offered him his own sitcom.

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How low were the ratings for the World Series.   Rumor has it Fox was thinking of pre-empting game six to replay Obama’s infomercial.

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As the election approaches, so do all the worries and rumors about voting problems, computer glitches and tainted results.  American sports fans in particular just can’t wait for it to be over.  Then they can get back to real life, like watching college football and following the BCS standings.

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Mike Singletary, the new coach of the San Francisco 49ers, dropped his pants to make a point during halftime of last week’s loss to the Seahawks.  Well, Singletary may or may not be the right fit for the 49ers, but he has been made an honorary member of the Stanford band.

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Congrats to the University of Cincinnati Bearcats football team. Now 6 and 2, they knocked off the 23rd ranked University of South Florida Thursday night on national television.  

The only folks upset in Cincinnati?  Members of the Bengals.  Now they may not even be the best amateur team in town.

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And lastly, a joint effort with Bill Littlejohn.

This World Series was the lowest rated in history.  As a result all members of the Phillies have been made honorary members of the Philadelphia Flyers.

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Congratulations to Bud Selig…

Posted October 29, 2008 by left coast sports babe
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He finally figured out a way to have a World Series game end by midnight.

Not saying this World Series had awful ratings, but there was talk at Fox of pre-empting game six with a replay of Obama’s infomercial.

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Even celebrations are different in Philadelphia.  Not to say Phillies fans are tough, but on the floats for the upcoming parade they plan to hang former non-winning players in effigy.  

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How negative is Sarah Palin these days?   She’s now been made an honorary Philadelphia sports fan.

Sarah Palin again accused  Obama of being tied to another “radical professor,” and said it was “not negative campaigning to call someone out on their record.”

This spoken by a woman who has said publicly that she might still vote for a convicted felon next week for Senate?

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Actually,  if we disqualified everyone in Congress with associates who have unsavory incidents in their past, I’m afraid we would never get a quorum.

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Sarah Palin seems like she’s running for president in 2012.  And John McCain acts like he’s running for president in 1972.

 

How does Sarah Palin season her salmon?    “Dill, baby, dill.”

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