Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category

Let’s play two in the field of dreams.

September 17, 2016

 

W P “Bill” William Kinsella has passed away. Hoping there’s a doubleheader in heaven’s cornfields tomorrow.

 

#SFGiants have scored more runs in 3 innings against #Cardinals than they did in 3 games against #Padres. #Nowtheyrejusttoyingwithus.

The #SFGiants have scored 14 runs in 2 games after manager Bruce Bochy cancelled batting practice. So much for “practice makes perfect.”

The Buffalo #Bills have fired offensive coordinator #GregRoman. Because nothing, EVER, is #RexRyan‘s fault.

It took #JimmyFallon to make #MattLauer look like a real journalist again. #Trump #TonightShow

Donald Trump this morning. “Hillary Clinton and her campaign in 2008 started the birther controversy. I finished it,” This is apparently what happens sometimes when you are dealing with a older man who not only lies but has no concept of the U.S. collective memory known as the internet.

So now Iowa Rep. Steve King is accusing Colin Kaerpernick of being influenced by his fiancee Nessa Diab and… “I understand that he has an Islamic girlfriend that is his fiancée, and that this has changed him and has taken on some different political views along the way, This is activism that’s sympathetic to ISIS.’
We’re going to need a bigger basket.

 

Roger Goodell – #NFL to commit $100 mill to research into player health and safety. Funding to be paid from player uniform and other fines.

Remember those innocent days when the worst thing Democrats and moderates feared was another #Bush in the White House?

It’s called “projection.” @realDonaldTrump, look it up. #birtherism

So how long until @realDonaldTrump starts railing about “precious bodily fluids?”

Bull Durham had it right – “The world is made for those who aren’t cursed with self-awareness.” This tweet from Donald Jr. yesterday “The new aristocrats are in DC. They steal, lie, and take from hardworking Americans. Clinton part of the ruling class. Trump for the people.”

 

Ohio governor John Kasich today was asked on CNN “is it still possible that you could support Donald Trump?” He replied.
“It’s very unlikely Too much water under the bridge.”
So will Trump call his pal Chris Christie for advice on how to close one of those Ohio bridges?

 

And now Trump, railing against Hillary Clinton and gun control,
“I think her bodyguards should drop all weapons. Disarm immediately, Take their guns away, let’s see what happens to her.”

When this election is over, so may be the future of political satire – it just cannot top reality.

Pay for view bonanza?

September 16, 2016

And regarding Trump’s claim that he would be the “healthiest” President ever…. who but me would love Obama to challenge him to a game of pickup basketball?

 

Psychologists say that intermittent reinforcement is the best way to keep rats and people blindly doing what they were doing. Hence, the #SFGiants with their 2016 roller-coaster are keeping and creating fans for life,

In North Carolina, GOP spokeswoman Kami Mueller decried the NCAA’s decision to move championship games from the state. “Under the NCAA’s logic, colleges should make cheerleaders and football players share bathrooms, showers and hotel rooms.”
And a lot of football players are going “I’m in.”

The University of Arizona football team has dismissed RB Orlando Bradford after he was arrested and charged with 7 felony counts following an alleged domestic violence incident. Bradford was the team’s #2 running back last season. Too soon to start a pool on which ACC or SEC team will decide he deserves a second chance?

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission today recalled Samsung Galaxy Note 7 smartphones. Will they claim the decision was made with flaming speed?

Wells Fargo is blaming their whole fraudulent account scheme on “staff.”. I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

 

A man in New York City who was unhappy about his car being “booted” was shot today after he allegedly attacked an off-duty cop with a meat cleaver, #Ifonlyhewasarmed

MLB suspended Padres GM A.J. Preller for 30 days after ESPN reported the team was keeping two separate files of medical information on their players: one for industry consumption and the other for the Padres’ internal use.
Hmm, maybe for those 30 days Preller will be offered a position with a presidential campaign.

Rev. Faith Green Timmons, of the Bethel United Methodist Church, interrupting the Donald today in the midst of an attack on Hillary Clinton. “Mr. Trump, I invited you here to thank us for what we’ve done in Flint, not give a political speech,”
Hmm, Rev. Timmons has more cojones than Matt Lauer.

 

 

Donald Trump has promised he would return the economy to the days of 4% growth. Hmm, the last time we had 4% growth, a Clinton was in the White House.

The CDC announced today that kissing chickens is bad for your health. Hope that didn’t upset too many people’s weekend plans.

WTF moment of the day. Trump asked if he now believes President Obama was born in the US ““I’ll answer that question at the right time. I just don’t want to answer it yet.”
Because he doesn’t want to lose the votes of his birther supporters?

Ivanka Trump accused an interviewer of “too much negativity” and cut the interview short after she was reminded of a comment of her father’s in 2004, that pregnancy is “a wonderful thing for the woman, it’s a wonderful thing for the husband, it’s certainly an inconvenience for a business.”
Sounds like the skin on the apple is as thin as the bark on the tree she fell not very far from.

From Bill Littlejohn “A report is that Ronaldo has more social media followers than anyone in the world but Taylor Swift.  “Social media followers?”  Heck, Taylor Swift has more ex-boyfriends than Ronaldo has social media followers……

He should have said “there’s an election?”

September 14, 2016

Steph Curry was asked as part of a longer interview who he was supporting for President. He simply answered “Hillary” and moved on. And some people are actually complaining that athletes shouldn’t get involved in politics? #Onewordistoomany? #WTF?

Another #Padres pitcher coming in with an ERA of around 6. And of course the #SFGiants scored one run.  At some point the team should charge a fee for giving all these pitchers the best outing of their careers.

 

If by chance the #SFGiants stagger into the playoffs, no one will accuse them of peaking too soon in September.

Hillary Clinton had to cancel San Francisco fundraisers early this week over her pneumonia. Shame. She could have used that “basket of deplorables” line to great effect about the SF Giants bullpen.

(or in some cases,  like today, their hitters.)

 

Major league baseball has announced their 2017 schedule, with both the Twins and Red Sox opening at home April 3. Too soon to bet on which game is most likely to be snowed out?

Several Washington State players have been arrested this year, and coach Mike Leach, formerly at Texas Tech,  is blaming the police and media for unfairly focusing on football players. Toto, we’re not in Texas any more….

In New York, an assemblyman who fatally shot himself last week won his primary today. So voters not paying attention? Or voters deciding that a dead man could do less damage than the live alternative?

 

In Austria, an 18-year-old girl is suing her parents because she said the Facebook pictures they posted of her as a child have made her life miserable. Ah, for the good old days when your parents could only embarrass you with scrapbooks.

 

Proving it’s not just U.S. airports and airlines who are fond of euphemisms – a travel agent bulletin says the runway at Aberdeen Airport in Scotland is currently out of service, due to a technical issue.”
The issue, they discovered an actual hole in the runway.

Mike Pence this week refused to call David Duke “deplorable.” Just one question for Governor Pence, who WOULD he call deplorable?

Last year, Donald Trump was listed as 6’2″ and 198 pounds. Today he told Dr. Oz he was 6’3″ and 236 pounds. Time for a congressional investigation?

So @realDonaldTrump says he “feels as good as when I was 30.” If any 70 year-old really believes that, he’s too delusional to be President.

Hillary Clinton today released detailed medical information. The report said she has “mild, non-contagious bacterial” pneumonia. It also has details about blood cholesterol levels, allergies, her annual mammogram, etc.
Wonder how long before Donald Trump announces again he is the very healthiest but he won’t release his records because we just wouldn’t understand.

Donald Trump has said “I will end forever the use of the H-1B as a cheap labor program, and institute an absolute requirement to hire American workers for every visa and immigration program. No exceptions.”
Today, Melania Trump tweeted a letter from her lawyer defending her immigration status. The lawyer said Melania told him she “remained in the United States on five one-year H-1B visas before obtaining a green card,”
#Youcantmakethisstuffup

Times they are a changin’

September 13, 2016

Vin Scully said today he won’t broadcast the postseason so that his last game will be the Dodgers-Giants in SF Oct. 2. So maybe he has less faith in how LA will do in the playoffs than even Giants fans.

So it’s only one game, but wonder if #LosAngeles is thinking of suing #StLouis under the “Lemon Law.” #Rams #49ers

Trent Dilfer said before MNF that Colin Kaepernick had caused “friction” that had “torn at the fabric of the team” by becoming the “center of attention.”
Uh, looking at the 49ers-Rams final score guessing a lot of NFL teams will be trying to figure out how to tear fabric this week in practice

So while we are into conspiracy theories, what about the possibility of a #TrumpBodyDouble. Would explain that inhuman shade of orange and some of the wild statements- especially if the body double was a giant Furby.

Just when you think you’ve heard every airline excuse under the sun, and the moon, now I have a client on a delayed United flight in Denver because “they dented the plane with a baggage loader.”

After reports of phantom donations, House Democrats now seeking a Justice Department investigation of Trump Foundation, #sauceforthegoose

Donald Trump, attacking Hillary Clinton for her “basket of deplorables” line: “You can’t lead this nation if you have such a low opinion of its citizens.” Can a statement have an asterisk?

 

A 21 year-old California man in Hawaii decided to make an illegal, nearly 200 ft jump off Kauai’s Wailua Falls. He was knocked unconscious, had to be rescued by other tourists, and called it ‘spiritual’, I call it ‘Almost a Darwin.” #misseditbythatmuch

The U.S. Census Bureau said median income in the US rose over 5% to $56,516, the first increase since 2007. #IblameObama

Edward Snowden says now he thinks President Obama should pardon him, saying his actions “may seem unlawful in letters on a page but when we look at them morally, when we look at them ethically, and when we look at the results, it seems obvious that these were necessary things.”
And then does Snowden expect Obama will bring him home from Russia on a flying pig?

The Presidential election is distracting us from interesting state contests, but Lousiana’s Senate race deserves more attention. Not only is David Duke running, but a new book out “Murder on the Bayou” has allegations against one candidate, Rep. Charles Boustany, that prompted this verbatim statement from fellow candidate GOP Treasurer John Kennedy:
“I want to be very clear that my campaign played absolutely no role in creating this story alleging Congressman Boustany’s sexual relationships with prostitutes that were later murdered, his staff’s alleged involvement in running the bar and hotel where this illicit behavior took place, or publishing the book,”
#nottheOnion #Youcantmakethisstuffup

Monday night madness.

September 12, 2016

If this keeps up Los Angeles is going to ask St. Louis if they would would take the Rams back.

And the 49ers wonder why they can’t get fans to games, besides having a lousy team. ESPN’s Darren Rovell -“Two and half hours before Rams at 49ers, cheapest get-in ticket on StubHub is $35. Cheapest team parking spot? $69!”

 

 

Oakland 16, KC 3 on Monday.  Wait, didn’t the Raiders play yesterday?

After Saturday’s loss to CMU, Okla State coach Mike Gundy says he only wants to play nonconference home games with Big 12 officiating crews. Because his own conference refs NEVER make mistakes…?   Or because they understand the importance of avoiding upsets of top teams who bring the conference money  for bowl games.

 

Hope no #Samsung executive ever prayed for their #GalaxyNote7 to be the hottest phone in the world?

Carrie Tolstedt, the woman who oversaw the Wells Fargo community banking unit where the fake account scam happened left the bank in July. She got a $124.6 million golden parachute.
“I am shocked” said nobody.

 

 

An Indiana fertility doctor has been charged with obstruction of justice. Prosecutors said the 1970s and 80s, he allegedly impregnated perhaps 50 women, who thought they were using medical school donors, with his own sperm. So will his defense be he wanted to be the next father of our country?

Donald Trump says he will release his medical records “soon.” Like he released his tax returns “soon” after he promised them this January?

Trump today said “this last week I took a physical I’ll be releasing – when the numbers come in, hopefully they’re gonna be good, I think they’re gonna be good.” Well of course, the bestest greatest numbers, they’re going to be huge.

No joke. Conspiracy theorists are now opining that Hillary Clinton is seriously ill or worse and has been replaced by a body-double. #BeammeupScottietheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet

 

As Trump and Clinton battle hard for the swing state of Virginia, thinking after tonight’s MNF game either of them would get a major boost if they promised on their first day in office to ban Dan Snyder from owning an NFL team.

 

Think I’ve got it: Professional athletes regularly have illnesses and injuries. When they pretend they are fine and play through them for big games it’s proof of what heroic men they are. When a woman presidential candidate pretends she’s fine and shows up at an important event when she has pneumonia, it’s more proof of her duplicitous nature.

 

ESP from TC?

“Kaepernick will be the backup for tonight’s game. His role is to enter the game if it’s a blowout, take snaps and go down on one knee.”

 

Pay no attention to the man behind or in front of the curtain?

From Marc Ragovin “So Donald Trump is going to discuss his medical records this week with Dr. Oz. Trump and Oz is a very appropriate coupling.”

If we stop laughing the bad guys win.

September 11, 2016

ESPN’s fantasy football app was down today.  The horror.  Many viewers were left with only being able to care about whoever actually won the game.

Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and the #Browns losing on #NFL opening week

So as we honored all those who perished on September 11, and all of the first responders, etc, with ceremonies in MLB, perhaps we could make the date more significant going forward by having it be the ONLY time in the year teams play “God Bless America” during the 7th inning?

 

After watching #SFGiants revival in Arizona, looks like there’s at least one SF Bay Area team with chance of winning Monday night.

Just maybe #SFGiants have decided to eliminate #Casilla discussions by not taking 1 run leads to the 9th? #HunterPence

So Oklahoma State fell out of the top 25 after losing to Central Michigan even though officials admitted the game should have been over before the winning play. On the other hand, OSU shouldn’t have been that close to CMU at the end of the 4th quarter.
(ditto Clemson w/ Troy and Georgia with Nicholls.)

 

Kim Jong-Un has banned sarcasm. Yeah, right.

 

So @HillaryClinton has pneumonia. Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to say when he is President he will build a wall to keep out pneumonia.

 

Just imagine what would have happened if @HillaryClinton had followed her doctor’s advice & stayed home from 9/11 memorial service. #cantwin

Meanwhile, Martin Shkreli showed up outside Chelsea’s Clinton’s apartment and actually heckled Hillary as she left after going there after the service.  Very little bipartisan agreement in this country, but can we agree that Shkreli is a poor excuse for a human being?

All of us are just guessing, really. But interesting how the same people who are positive Hillary is hiding something in her medical records are convinced there’s nothing to see in Trump’s tax returns.

In Tampa, a man tried on a bulletproof vest last night while his cousin fired a shot to see if it worked. It didn’t. One Darwin, one manslaughter charge. #ifonlytheywerearmed No wait… back on your game, Florida.

 

My writing is mostly about sports and politics, and I don’t like playing the woman card. But give me a break, folks. Of course Hillary went to the 9/11 memorial today when she was sick. She’s a woman and a mom. Women go to important things when we are sick. We take care of our kids, significant others, we go to work if work needs to be done. Whereas men, at the risk of being “grossly generalistic….” Okay, rant’s over.

Round and round we go.

September 10, 2016

The Battle at Bristol gets the new record for most attendance at a NCAA football game at 155,690. What’s next, a game in Times Square where they sell SRO tickets?

 

  –

Many SF Giants were shocked to see an unaccustomed sight in the dugout tonight during the team’s 11-3 win over the Arizona Diamondbacks – smiles.

 

Did #Northwestern decide to stop playing Division 1 #FBS football last offseason and just not tell anyone?

Millions of Americans dislike both #Trump & #Clinton & think choosing the lesser evil is tough – what about when #Yankees play #Dodgers?

 

ESPN commenting on how old US Open women’s champion @AngeliqueKerber is…. she is 28 years old.

Not sure who will with the Willie Mac award for this year’s most inspirational SF Giant. But the award for the Giant most likely to drive fans to scream, cry and/or drink has to go either to Santiago Casilla or the manager who keeps putting him out there.

Two games for USC, two players ejected in 1st half each game: LT Chuma Edoga today for pushing an official, LB Jabari Ruffin last week for stomping on an opponent’s groin.
So maybe  coaches Sarkasian & Kiffin weren’t solely responsibly for all that Trojan embarrassment after all?

Many of Hillary Clinton’s fundraisers are closed to the press, last night’s LGBT event WAS open to some media. And she said this – “To just be grossly generalistic, you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. Right? The racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic — you name it,”
So was it a gaffe by a very cautious politician? Or a deliberate hand grenade tossed to set off an carefully-timed explosion?

 

Hillary has backed off the “half” of Trump’s supporters on the “basket of deplorables” line, but not the concept. As the old joke goes “We’ve already established that, now we’re haggling price.

 

Guessing @realDonaldTrump is furious at @HillaryClinton over #BasketofDeplorables – insulting millions of Americans is HIS job.

Donald Trump yesterday “With Iran, when they circle our beautiful destroyers with their little boats and they make gestures at our people that they shouldn’t be allowed to make, they will be shot out of the water.” How Presidential of him.

 

Mike Pence “I think it’s inarguable that Vladimir Putin has been a stronger leader in his country than Barack Obama has been in this country. And that’s going to change the day that Donald Trump becomes president.”
So Trump’s first act is going to be to disband Congress?