Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category

Quadruple crown.

June 9, 2019

Or rather, is this the first time in history four horses have won the three races of the Triple Crown?

In retrospect, amazed on D-Day 75th anniversary week that there wasn’t more sentimental betting on Sir Winston.

Someone asked on TV if Sir Winston knows he won. Anyone who’s ever ridden a competitive minded horse  – or pony – even on a trail ride, knows horses who choose to finish first ALWAYS know they’ve “won.”

The field at Memorial Coliseum will be renamed United Airlines field.  As if USC didn’t already have enough problems getting their football program off the ground.

Random thought, one-time Palo Alto High School star Jeremy Lin is one win away from an NBA Championship ring.

 

Texas A&M’s DB Derrick Tucker was arrested over an incident where he allegedly assaulted a man over a disagreement about tacos. If only he were armed?

Since women in Missouri now need a pelvic exam to have an abortion, surely the state should also require at minimum a prostate exam for men to get Viagra.

Milo Yiannopoulos has been named the grand marshal for Boston’s “Straight Pride” parade.
That moment you don’t know if it’s news or #TheOnion

 

Trump says his new deal with Mexico will “reduce, or eliminate, Illegal Immigration coming from Mexico and into the United States. ”
Who’s going to tell him that during his next crisis this means he can’t invent another caravan?

Mother Jones calls Trump’s deal with Mexico a “Nothing Burger.

Don’t they mean a “nothing berder?”

Anyone else think that under Trump the USA is now suffering because of MSBP (Munchausen syndrome by proxy?)

Republicans are demanding during House obstruction of justice hearings starting Monday that Democrats not say mean things about Trump or call him a liar.
So when is GOP changing their mascot from an elephant to a snowflake?

 

On a lighter note, if you’ve lost track of number of times you’ve watched “When Harry Met Sally,” I heartily recommend “Always Be My Maybe.”

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Raptured in Toronto?

June 7, 2019

“Stanley Cup, what Stanley Cup?”

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Raptors guard Fred VanVleet might have lost a tooth colliding with Shaun Livington tonight. Canadian healthcare doesn’t cover dentist visits but just guessing VanVleet won’t ever have to pay for dental work in Toronto ever again.

 

So will Zaza retroactively be named MVP for Warriors in their 2017 NBA Championship season.

Baseball is a funny game. So who had Drew Pomeranz, same guy who lost a 5-0 lead in top of 1st by giving up SIX runs in bottom of inning to worst in baseball Baltimore Orioles, pitching six scoreless innings against Clayton Kershaw to help lead SF Giants to 2-1 win over LA Dodgers?

Seattle Mariners CF Mitch Haniger on 10-day injured list after hitting himself with a foul ball and suffering a ruptured testicle.
As a woman I can dispassionately say “That sounds painful.”
Guessing men will have a slightly more visceral reaction.

 

Amy Klobuchar points out that Trump is selling Pride merchandise on his website while he won’t let embassies fly the Pride flag. Donald also hates pets, but it doesn’t stop him selling collars and dog sweaters.

Truly amazing that same POTUS who won’t allow embassies to fly rainbow flag has so many other GOP men kissing his ass. #PrideMonth

Trump tweet referencing “Mars of which the Moon is a part.”

So the “stable genius” knows astronomy too.

To be fair, does anyone really want NASA to go to the Moon right now?  Donald would probably order them to plant a Trump sign next to American flag.

So the next time teachers assign a science project to draw or model the galaxy, in red states will they have to make our moon part of Mars?

Trump has ended his own manufactured crisis by saying Mexico will stop most illegal immigration and so he won’t implement tariffs. Uh oh, how’s he going to use the caravan excuse next time?

Trump not only had nasty partisan interview with Laura Ingraham in front of American Cemetery in Normandy, he doubled down on it by posting video of it with graves clearly visible on Twitter. Where’s the outrage, especially from Veterans?

Serious spitballing here. With all the possible permutations in 2020, why aren’t we talking about the possibility of two women on the Democratic ticket?

Officially bad.

June 6, 2019

Sports fans have had a nice little break from officials dominating headlines in really big games. Officials for Stanley Cup Finals Game 5 between Blues and Bruins “Break’s over.”

 

St. Louis Blues are one win away from their potential first Stanley Cup Championship.  To put this 52 year drought in perspective, when the Blues were an expansion team, the NHL went from 6 to 12 teams.

Now more than 12 teams make the playoffs.

The Patriots Super Bowl latest ring is the largest ever made.  “I am shocked” said absolutely nobody.

Warriors minority owner Mark Stevens has apologized for shoving and swearing at Raptors’ Kyle Lowry; says he is sorry and “embarrassed.” Well, I certainly believe the embarrassed part.

 

Alec Baldwin said he is ‘so done’ playing Trump on SNL.
How many million of us are “so done” watching Trump play a President on TV?

Trump today referred to the Speaker of the House as “Nervous Nancy.”

Right about now don’t think Nancy is the one who is nervous.

Before his speech at the American cemetery today for D-Day,  Donald Trump gave an interview to Fox News from the American cemetery at Normandy, in front of the graves, calling special counsel Robert Mueller a “fool” and the Speaker of the House a “disaster.”

Another moment he became Presidential?

 

Trump  later on D-Day to French President Macron  -“We read about it all our lives — Normandy — and there are those who say it was the most important ever. Not just at that time, but ever. And to be a part of it, and to have number 75, 75 years, was very, very special.”

There are D-Day vets with advanced dementia who are more articulate.

So what do we think Trump’s excuse would have been to have avoided the military during WWII?

Down and out

June 5, 2019

SF Giants did their best (getting down 5-0 early and being shut out 7-0 by the Mets), to make sure their fans who also care about Warriors didn’t need to feel conflicted switching channels tonight.

Although on a brighter note, has an MLB team ever blown a 5-0 lead in top of first by allowing six runs in bottom of the inning, and in SAME week scored six runs in top of 10th to win game in extra innings?

Raptors posted a picture tonight saying “crossed the bridge, ready for battle” before game 3.  Except the picture was of the Golden Gate Bridge. Which doesn’t go anywhere near Oakland.

Unfortunately for Warriors fans, that’s one of the few things Raptors got wrong all night.

 

Apparently a lot of Trump fans are rooting for Raptors because Warriors are clearly not fans of the Donald.
Guess maybe no one should show MAGAers that standing ovation in Toronto for Barack Obama.

 

Only way Donald Trump gets a standing ovation in Toronto is if he chooses the city for his resignation speech.

Mark Cuban, who owns Dallas Mavericks, said today of the Los Angeles Lakers   “The more screwed up they are, the happier I am.”

Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country?

In interview with”The Sun, Trump said he wanted Ivanka, Donald Jr., Eric and Tiffany to hold a “next generation” meeting with the Prince William & his wife, Kate & Prince Harry.
“I think my children will be meeting them. It would be nice.”
One word. BARF.

 

And yeah, didn’t we all expect that the President of the United States would top off a state visit to England by getting in a twitter battle with Bette Midler?

A large number of people who have been taking those short cruises to Cuba from Florida are locals and residents of other Southern states who can drive to the pier. Fortunately Trump doesn’t need any votes from those states for re-election.

Not sure how many Americans work in the cruise industry, but pretty sure Trump today with the Cuba decision made sure he won’t get ANY of their votes.

Trump  golfing tonight at  Doonbeg, his money-losing Irish golf club. This after meeting the Irish prime minister AT THE AIRPORT, because Varadkar thought it was inappropriate to meet at Donald’s private club. Are we great yet?

Trump canceling English classes, recreational programs including sports and legal aid for unaccompanied minors in all federal migrant shelters citing budget pressures. Yeah, well Donald has to find money for his family European vacations somewhere.

Trump saying he didn’t join the military because he was not a fan of the Vietnam War is an insult both to those who served and those who protested.

 

For some reason Fox News isn’t highlighting this part of Trump interview with Piers Morgan, who in talking about gun control said “This guy in Vegas had 82 assault rifles and bought 52 guns in one year,”
Trump response – “He was a sick guy. If it wasn’t guns, it would be bombs or something else. He was actually a pretty smart guy. He was a good, successful gambler and there’s no such thing as a successful gambler and what he went out and did is incredible.”
#NotTheOnion

Not bowled over.

June 3, 2019

The 2020 College Football Bowl lineups and conference matchups are out.   And the Pac 12 is now going to the Independence Bowl? Well, that ought to draw at least a few hundred fans to Shreveport…

Meanwhile 11 of 15 ACC teams will be going to bowls. What did NCAA think football postseason is, March Madness?

Roger Goodell on shortening NFL preseason “”I feel what we should be doing is always to the highest quality, and I’m not sure preseason games meet that level right now.”
Gosh, what was his first clue?

SF Giants choose OF Hunter Bishop as their first pick  in 2019 draft. Well, last Giant who went to Serra High School and ASU turned out okay.   #BarryBonds

Although to be fair, is there anything less likely to be accurate than an MLB draft analysis?

Trump’s first actions upon landing in London are to verbally attack Mayor Khan and to complain about their televisions showing CNN. Can’t imagine why the Brits detest him so much.

Perhaps if Trump is so upset about CNN he could try watching BBC World News.  They do cover news in English.

Queen Elzabeth II gave President Trump an abridged first edition of Winston Churchill’s “The Second World War” today.
Troll level – Royal Master.

Other Presidents, including George W. and Barack Obama, have stayed at Buckingham Palace, but Trump was told he couldn’t due to “renovations.”  I guess they decided to deal with the 51 bedrooms other that aren’t the Queen’s all at once?

 

Trump ended up at the U.S. ambassador’s residence,  though his family and entourage ended up at a hotel.    Have to wonder, as Trump clan took over top floor of that hotel, the Corinthia, how many other hotels had told them there was no room at the inn?

Maybe this is what happens when you tell the tailor to make a tux for a man who is 6’3″ and 239 pounds?

Loonies

June 2, 2019

Well, a Canadian dollar is really about three quarters.

 

Raptors in 1st half – “Wow, sure look like best team in NBA?”
Raptors in 3rd quarter “How the heck did they beat 76ers let alone the Bucks?”

 

NFL free agent DT Muhammad Wilkerson was arrested this weekend for driving while intoxicated in Manhattan.
Isn’t driving voluntarily in Manhattan, particularly if you have pro-athlete type money, itself grounds for a breathalyzer test?

Nice couple wins finally for SF Giants in Baltimore. Let’s hope it doesn’t cost them a top draft pick.

 

Many people’s definition of “socialism” is “anyone but me getting free stuff from the government.”

A principal of a Louisiana Catholic school was arrested for being drunk and not paying his bill on a trip to Washington D.C.  At a strip club.   Your move, Florida.

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So after she wrote a column about the Mueller report and saying POTUS probably committed a crime, Donald Trump has decided to start a war of words with Peggy Noonan. Pass the popcorn.

So Trump makes a wordless PR visit to a church today on his way home from golfing, still in his golf clothes, including cap and shoes. But at times like this it is important to remember that Obama once wore a tan suit.

So as Trump heads to Britain, he no doubt imagines that himself is a king. I’m good with that, if it’s King Charles I.

Trump now about London Mayor Sadiq Khan – “‘I don’t think much of him. He’s the twin of de Blasio except shorter.”
Wonder how many more balloons and other protests Khan can approve by tomorrow.

Trump says “The problem is that Mexico is an “abuser” of the United States, taking but never giving.” Once again, not that Freud was perfect, but he NAILED projection.

USA imports two-fifths of total fruits and vegetables from Mexico. Another reason Trump is so heedless with tariffs. Does anyone think he has eaten fruits or vegetables in his life?

 

 

Trump just announced Kevin Hassett his top economist, is leaving his administration. Who says tariffs don’t have consequences?

Beam me up Scotty…

June 1, 2019

After being seen chatting with Stephen Curry, and pulling something out his hair. , Drake posted a video and said “Steph Curry hair lint for sale on my eBay right now!!!”

The bidding supposedly is up to $100,000….

 

Scoring five runs in the first and trailing 6-5 going to 2nd inning  might be the most 2019 SF Giants thing ever.

The SEC is lifting their conference ban on alcohol sales in stadiums, and will let individual schools decide.  And let’s see, most of these universities are in open-carry states. What could possibly go wrong?

 

 

United Airlines has announced they will now limit the number of unaccompanied minors on flights to six. What about the number of adults who act like children?

 

Time sadly to reset the mass shooting clock again in the U.S.   Also sadly, you knew immediately the killer wasn’t an immigrant or a Muslim, as it took Trump until Saturday morning to tweet about it.

And this last mass shooter had apparently been in National Guard. A good guy with a gun. Until he wasn’t.

On a brighter note, Trump calling Meghan Markle “nasty” will probably do as much as anything to endear her to the British people.

Have seen a few people point out on Twitter that today’s stock market drop is an excellent buying opportunity for Trump cronies if Donald ends up going back on his tariff threat. But of course a stable genius would know market-manipulation is illegal, right?

Trump claims to be kicking off his re-election campaign in Orlando. Guess no one showed him this from Orange County, which is mosly Orlando, in 2016 – .. Hillary Clinton, 59.8%. Donald Trump 35.4%

To be fair, Trump did tweet this yesterday… (verbatim)

“As we celebrate LGBT Pride Month and recognize the outstanding contributions LGBT people have made to our great Nation, let us also stand in solidarity with the many LGBT people who live in dozens of countries worldwide that punish, imprison, or even execute individuals…….on the basis of their sexual orientation. My Administration has launched a global campaign to decriminalize homosexuality and invite all nations to join us in this effort!

My question, who stole his phone?