Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category

Striving for mediocrity?

September 17, 2017

Forget who’s going to get a win first, the 49ers or Bengals? Who’s going to score a touchdown first?

On a brighter note, neither team is likely to get many penalties for excessive celebration.

With their 3rd field goal today, the 49ers didn’t outscore the Seahawks. But they barely outscored the SF Giants who somehow managed to score 7.

Who knew – Tony Romo is already a seriously good NFL color analyst. This might finally be his ticket for success in the postseason.

The Indians are back on a winning streak.  Meanwhile bigger story in Cleveland is that the Browns actually scored a touchdown.

 

Watching some of games today & thinking maybe it’s that Colin Kaepernick might be too good to be some NFL teams’ quarterback.

Looking ahead to #NFL Week 3 – #Browns vs #Colts . Otherwise known as the “Someone’s got to win Bowl?”

NY Jets players said they were “infuriated” and “demoralized” when Marshawn Lynch did a dance on the sidelines late in Sunday’s game.  Of course, what should really have them infuriated and demoralized is losing to the Raiders by 25.

#Stanford lost the lead and the game to #SDSU after power was restored at SDCCU stadium last night. De-Lighted?

So the real question of the night, after #Emmys who will @realDonaldTrump attack with a tweet at 3am?

Since Sean Spicer sort of admits he lied as Press Secretary,  will the Emmy’s invite Donald Trump some day in future if he admits lying as President?

Seeing Sean Spicer on the Emmy’s makes me long for days when middle-aged white men caught lying for a President went to jail. #Watergate

Just imagining what would have happened if UN Ambassador had explained behavior of Hillary Clinton’s by saying “She gets emotional.”

Trump calls Kim Jong Un “Rocket Man” Funny, when I think of President & Elton John it’s more like “Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word.”

How do we report to Melania Trump anti online-bullying campaign someone is joking about hitting women w/ golf balls? Asking for a country.

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Treed off?

September 16, 2017

Had Stanford gone for it on 4th & 1 and gotten TD, last SDSU drive would be for a tie at best. No guts, no glory. #preventoffense

Stanford did play a great football game for those who have become fans of the SF Giants “no offense” offense.

 

If Stanford had pulled this win out could they make team slogan “Love is all you need?”   #BryceLove

Nothing is certain except death, taxes, and that the #SFGiants should NEVER pitch to Paul Goldschmidt.

 

On the other hand,  Nebraska also looked like they might have the most embarrassing performance of the day in college football.   Until LSU stepped up tonight against Mississippi State. #holdmybeer

Stanford’s Keller  Chryst against SDSU – 8-19, 56 yards, 2 INT.   So bad an NFL team whose QB had those number would almost be tempted to sign Kaepernick

Nebraska paid Northern Illinois over $800,000 to come to Lincoln. NIU won 21-17. Love watching schools choke on high-priced cupcakes.

Meanwhile, teams often say “God was on our side.” Maybe after Irma He/She really was on Florida’s side with that Hail Mary against Tennessee.

So about that number one draft pick… SF Giants about to be on the (long) clock. @mlb

Seeing all these cute pictures of the President with an 11 yr-old boy cutting White House lawn…. Are we sure Trump didn’t think it was Barron.

Defense Secretary Jim Mattis says transgenders can continue to serve in the military, while the Pentagon convenes “a high-level panel” to determine how to enact Trump’s ban.
Possible translation, put the ban in committee for a while & maybe the President will forget about it.

About 200 people showed up for #MOAR pro-Trump rally today. Have seen excuse that Trump supporters were working. Dudes, it’s Saturday.

Expecting Trump tweet against the Juggalos…. as soon as someone explains to him what a Juggalo is.

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Trump makes his 1st address to UN General Assembly Tuesday. And people thought the movie ‘It’ was scary.

British police apparently have been searching the house near Heathrow Airport of a couple in their 70s who have taken in over 260 foster children, and were recognized by the Queen in 2009 with an MBE for their work.
Fox News headline: “Police raid home of couple who took in young Syrian refugees.”
Uh, these wonderful people were taking in kids before there WERE Syrian refugees.

MVP weak?

September 15, 2017

NFL Players’ Association named Colin Kaepernick its week 1 MVP. Well, he had a better week than Andy Dalton.

 

We may argue about mixing sports & politics . But maybe man with nuclear codes should be able to shrug off a sports anchor dissing him?

 

So nobody really expected this would be another #SFGiants team to win 100 games. But 100 losses, alas, is attainable.

 

Of course “stick to sports” folks calling for ESPN to fire Jemele Hill want FoxSports to fire Clay Travis over “1st Amendment & boobs …. Ooh wait, never mind. #WTF?

MLB has fined Red Sox for using Apple Watch to steal signs. So team will have to go back to stealing signs old-fashioned ways. The horror.

 

Cincinnati Bengals, who have not scored a touchdown this year, have fired their offensive coordinator. Thereby shocking Bengals fans “we HAD an offensive coordinator?”

 

Thinking Jemele Hill would resign for having called Trump a white supremacist if Trump resigns for having called Obama a racist born in Kenya.

 

Trump saying people dumping ESPN in “RECORD numbers” over its politics. Is that what happened to “The Apprentice” in its later years?

Taxpayers paid $1092 for an unidentified someone to stay at Mar-A-Lago 2 nights in March. “Rack rate,” not “corporate” or “govt” rate. Run the country? This administration can’t even run a good travel agency.

In Paris, residents of the 10th arrondissement are hiring falcons to combat a pigeon problem. The plan is for the birds to scare the pigeons off, but not to eat them. Hmm, wonder how falcons feel about the potential taste of small dogs.

Expecting the WH to demand CNN cancel “Parts Unknown” as soon as they figure out who Anthony Bourdain is.

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Bourdain btw, when asked if he had to cater a dinner for Trump and Kim Jong Un what he would serve. He responded “hemlock.”  Though later said he was joking and corrected it to kale.

But really, some of us would just as soon eat hemlock as kale.

Does anyone think Trump actually realizes Americans live in the USVI? #Irma?

Scary but fortunately no fatalities in London subway attack.  But somehow  Trump knows the bomber was “in the sights of Scotland Yard.   Good for those with England in Trump insult bingo.

 

Theresa May says Donald Trump is not “helpful”, police call him an “unhelpful source of speculation.” Is this British for “ignorant fuckwit?

Wonder if Scotland Yard has Trump in their sights?  #Dangerous

From Marc Ragovin.  “Ann Coulter is reportedly so depressed by Trump’s flip flop on DACA, she has started eating.”

Lebron who?

September 14, 2017

Would say, who knew a Cleveland team could be lovable. But guessing most Americans couldn’t name more than one or two Indian players.

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So wait… tonight Houston-Cincinnati final 13-9, Chicago-NY final 14-6. Now which game was MLB & which Thursday Night NFL  football?

 

Initial NFL week 2 report: Colin Kaepernick is still not an NFL QB. But  Andy Dalton doesn’t appear to be one either.

Kids today probably would have a hard time believing the movie Major League  was supposed to be about the woeful Cleveland Indians.

So how’s that Mark Zuckerberg 2020 Presidential exploratory campaign doing?

Equifax knew about security flaw for 2 months & did nothing. Like discovering your front door lock doesn’t work, but what could go wrong?

Motel 6  announced employees will no longer work w/ ICE. Wonder how many other chains are quietly telling employees the same thing.

Ted Cruz “Consenting adults should be able to do whatever they want in their bedrooms.” If they’re heterosexual & don’t use birth control.

Ted Cruz promised his Twitter account would never “like” porn again. So that means a staffer showed him how to set up an alias account?

Both Dems & GOP at times talking about relations w/ Trump seem like women in abusive relationships – “he really loves me, he’s changing.”

Reportedly #DACADeal struck with no wall. Now “no deal” & “wall will continue to be built.” Congrats to those who had “less than 12 hrs” in pool.

Quote of the day – “You look at really what’s happened since Charlottesville, a lot of people are saying and people have actually written, ‘Gee, Trump might have a point.”
Because @realDonaldTrump is NEVER, EVER wrong.

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Think I’ve got it: Steven Mnuchin & wife Louise Linton brought into Trump Adminstration to make Ivanka & Jared look grounded by comparison.

Wasn’t an Al Gore fan, but don’t recall demands after the 2000 election that he say “Completely my fault I lost.”   Nader & chads and Florida had nothing to do with it. #WhatHappened

Trump says he couldn’t reach Pres. of Mexico by phone for condolences. Should Mexico respond by saying “check for the wall is in the mail?

 

But really, President Trump,  if you couldn’t reach Mexico by phone w/ earthquake condolences,  have you heard of something called Twitter?

My friend Mark Silverman points out that Bob Nightingale, in USA Today, calls attention to the fact that the Indians during their winning streak have won as many games as the Browns since Nov  2011!

21 club

September 14, 2017

Since the Cleveland Indians are never going to lose again, guess baseball fans can make plans without worrying about watching games 5-6-7 in 2017 World Series?

Oakland As have  announced that 4/17/18 home game will have free admission for all fans.  Of course, pay toilet entrance fees will start at $10.

#SFGiants secret motto for 2017 – “Hold my beer.”

(but hey, , I always wanted to know what watching the 1962 Mets was like. #SFGiants)

Danica Patrick is looking for “competitive ride with a team that believes in her.” Given her record, isn’t that kind of an oxymoron? #NASCAR

Texans LB Brian Cushing suspended for PEDRs, this time 10 games because it’s his 2nd offense.
Okay, maybe once you don’t know, or think you can get away with a certain substance. Twice? This isn’t just a PED suspension, it’s a stupidity suspension.

Who says there’s no good news these days? Martin Shkreli’s bail has been revoked and he’s going to jail.

Reports are that Motel 6’s in Arizona are calling ICE on guests they suspect to be undocumented. Who knew that light they were leaving on was to help illuminate white hoods?

 

How long until #JoeArpaio signs a contract to replace Tom Bodett as spokesman for #Motel6?

Los Angeles getting 2028 Olympics. Angelinos hearing this news while stuck in traffic can only hope by 2028 we all have self-driving cars.

Jimmy Carter’s advice to Trump – ‘Keep the peace, promote human rights and tell the truth.” Carnac Trump response “Name 3 signs of hell freezing over?

White House says ESPN anchor Jemele Hill, who called Trump a white supremacist on Twitter, should be fired. Now I REALLY want some NFL to sign Kaepernick. #passthepopcorn

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Would the White House please clarify why #FoxAndFriends can attack presidents,  ex-presidents, senators, etc , but an ESPN anchor can’t attack Trump on her personal Twitter account?
So if being on TV and making disparaging comments about a President on Twitter is a “fireable offense” I sure wish someone had told the producers of  “the Apprentice.”

After midnight on the east coast. Wonder how many GOP politicians are being very careful about not liking what they search for on Twitter?

 

Trump is pushing a tax plan that hasn’t even been written yet. Well, following the Obamacare mess at least he’s consistent.

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Would be ironic if Trump’s single-minded obsession to erase all of Obama’s legacy including Obamacare is what finally leads to single-payer.
Trump supposedly made bipartisan DACA/border security deal tonight.   So we all know what he’s Tweeting about….another attack on Hillary. #WTF?
Since we’re not supposed to talk climate change after a hurricane, guess we can’t talk gun control after another school shooting? #Spokane

Even money?

September 12, 2017

So what’s going to happen first, Indians lose a game, or Browns win one?

Not #Chargers fan but MLB or NBA teams can’t call time-outs mid-pitch, or mid-free throw shot, why should NFL be able to do mid-kick?

Warriors signed NBA ad patch deal – $20 mill year w/ Rakuten?! Because Golden State has so much in common w/ Japanese tech company?

Over-under on the first year NBA uniforms will look like NASCAR?

Last night’s Giants Dodgers game ended at 211a, after starting at 1050p.  Now those of us on the West Coast know how watching NL and AL West teams feels to those back East.

 

Lakers will retire not one, but two numbers, 8 & 24, for Kobe Bryant. Well that ought to debunk notion Kobe had biggest ego in NBA.

Especially for my British friends: We always knew Ted Cruz was a wanker. We didn’t know he was REALLY a wanker.

Cruz now says it was a “staffing issue” that led to liking that porn tweet. Does Ted mean he was fantasizing about a staffer?

Accidentally “liking” porn on Twitter doesn’t seem like mistake a young tech-savvy staffer makes. A busy 46 yr-old man on the other hand…

At least Jimmy Carter admitted to “lusting in his heart.”

That moment when you are reading a menu online at a restaurant you are interested in and see that “Cashew Nut Rice” has a star by it. Turns out the star means, not “house speciality” but “contains nuts.” Ya think? #WTF?

If Hillary Clinton’s book #WhatHappened keeps selling so well, Donald  Trump may have to have someone write  another one for him.

Huckabee Sanders- prosecuting ex-FBI director Comey is “something that should be looked at.” That should improve FBI-WH relations #Lordy

Sarah Huckabee Sanders complains #WhatHappened is full of “false & reckless actions. Who does Hillary  Clinton think she is, the President?

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9 people now have died after biggest US 2017 mass shooting in #Plano.  Somehow I missed Donald  Trump tweet of sympathy.

The motive for the Plano shooting apparently was similar to the previous worst US mass shooting of 2017 – an ex-husband angry that his wife had moved on.  So if we really want to keep America safe, where’s the call to deport divorced men?

Never forget

September 11, 2017

But never stop the snark. My motto anyway.  If we stop laughing and being satiric, the bad guys win.

 

#SFGiants & #Dodgers have both been awful lately. Now it’s raining in San Francisco. Maybe God didn’t even want to see these teams play.

 

So wait a minute, didn’t #Saints fire their ineffective defensive coordinator…? The more things change. #MNF

Some horrendous QB play this weekend makes it hard to believe Kaepernick doesn’t have a job. Heck by comparison, Tebow should have a job.

Male privilege. Beth Mowins made her MNF debut tonight and Sergio Dipp gets all the headlines.

So many people lauding Al Gore now about Climate Change.   What if he had just shut up & gone away after losing Presidency. #HillaryClinton #misogyny

#WSJ reports some of Trump’s lawyers thought Jared should have stepped down over Russian contacts issue. #FakeNewsWSJ tweets in 3.2.1..

Problem w/saying that people shouldn’t rebuild in flood zones, is that climate change means we don’t really know where flood zones will be.

What was Steve Bannon doing on 60 minutes. What these clowns need is a new reality show on Fox – “Dancing with the Truth?”

Bannon – Firing of James Comey was the biggest mistake in “modern political history.” Trump “Hold my beer.”

Molly Ivans and Ann Richards would be proud: Miss Texas last night during Miss America: “I think that the white supremacist issue, it was very obvious, that it was a terrorist attack. And I think that President Donald Trump should’ve made a statement earlier addressing the fact, and in making sure all Americans feel safe in this country. That is the number one issue right now.”

Pope Francis: “The President of the United States presents himself as pro-life and if he is a good pro-lifer, he understands that family is the cradle of life and its unity must be protected.”
Time to start a pool on timing of #FakePope tweets?

8 shooting victims in Plano TX. Alleged killer reportedly unhappy wife filed for divorce. A 32-year-old white man. If Muslim-undocumented Trump would tweet condolences. And say it’s why we need a wall and immigration changes. #Sad.

A real man of the people: “The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau recently passed new rules that would have barred Equifax and a number of other financial services companies from using forced arbitration clauses in consumer contracts. However the Trump administration is currently attempting to stop those rules from going into effect.”