Posted tagged ‘Sarah Palin’

Honoring Mr. Blackwell..

October 24, 2008

Mr. Blackwell died this week. In his honor, the Republicans are establishing an award: it’s for spending the most money you can while still looking like you shop at Wal-Mart.

By the way, to any new readers, this is primarily a sports jokes blog, with politics thrown in.    Until November 4, however, it may be the other way around.   And while I will cheerfully attempt jokes about anyone, I am an unabashed supporter of Barack Obama.    (Besides, alas, he’s not that funny.)  For any McCain-Palin fans, I hope you have a sense of humor about it, otherwise check back post-election.  I do promise some Biden jokes.

John McCain accused Barack Obama of recently changing his tax plan while running for President.   As opposed to himself,  who changed his tax plan back when he decided to run for President.

Football coach Rich Rodriguez agreed to terms with the University of Michigan back in January.  But he just finally on Friday signed the six year deal  worth an estimated $2.5 million a year. 

Good thing too, with all those other schools just waiting to steal away a 2 and 5 coach.

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After Barry Bonds sat out most of the 2006 season after problems with knee surgery performed by his personal doctor, now comes the news that Tom Brady’s personal surgeon may have botched his knee surgery as well.

Meanwhile, in the NBA, several players have suggested to Kobe Bryant that perhaps he should look beyond the Lakers team physician for a second opinion about HIS knee.

The fall classic…

October 23, 2008

World Series or not, most folks in the Tampa area still aren’t really into their baseball team yet.   In fact, when a local newspaper asked residents what they thought about the Rays,  the most common response – “It’s best to use sunscreen. ” 

How can you tell a  Rays bandwagon fan?

They’re at the game.

How can you tell a Phillies bandwagon fan? 

They actually cheer.

By the way, thanks to reader Mike Bush of Santa Barbara who reminded me that  they are the Tampa Bay Rays, not the Tampa Rays, and that Tampa Bay is not a city.   It’s the Tampa -St. Pete -Clearwater area.    And having just been to the stadium this summer, I know it’s in St. Petersburg.    But Tampa is easier to write. 

Of course, they aren’t the Miami Marlins either.  Or the Denver Rockies.  Or for that matter the Phoenix Diamondbacks.   What is it about expansion teams.  One city’s not enough, they have to claim the whole state?   

The Republican National Committee spent $150,000 on campaign clothes and accessories for Sarah Palin.    $150,000!   For about two months.  Who was selling them the clothes?  Scott Boras?

Actually for as poorly as the campaign is doing in October, you’d expect most of the outfits to have pinstripes. 

In related news, the Obama campaign admitted spending about $50  recently on accessories for Joe Biden.   All on rolls of duct tape.  For his mouth.

And this from Nick Coombs:  Senator John McCain chided Barack Obama for saying nice things about the Rays while having previously said he was rooting for the Phillies.  Actually McCain was disappointed the A’s didn’t make it, he would have loved an all-Philadelphia world series.

Late night thoughts…

October 18, 2008

What a weird world we live in, when a presidential candidate apologizes to David Letterman for missing a show, but doesn’t apologize to the American public for missing more votes than anyone else in the Senate.

After weeks of being lampooned by Tina Fey, Sarah Palin showed up in person on Saturday Night Live.  Apparently Joe Biden also inquired about coming to speak on the show sometime,  but NBC informed him that the program only runs for an hour and a half.

Hell freezes over…

October 18, 2008

…The Chicago Tribune for the first time in its 150 year history has endorsed a Democrat for president.

Add one more thing to the list of miracles that have happened  before the Cubs winning another World Series.

Sarah Palin was campaigning in Ohio today, continuing her talk about “pro-America” places.  To be fair, she thought about visiting “amateur-America,” but the Bengals were having a closed practice.

It started with “Joe Millionaire.”  Now we have “Joe Six-Pack” and “Joe the Plumber.”  If America doesn’t get over its fascination with these “average Joes” we someday could end up with “Joe President.”

Oops, never mind.

And this weekend at the box office the reigning powerhouse “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” will take on “W.”    One’s a funny movie about being cute, spoiled and pampered, until you end up in a place where you are confused, lost and over your head.     The other’s about a talking dog.

Only one more debate to go…

October 15, 2008

Finally, something that both Democrats and Republicans can celebrate together.

John McCain’s choice of Sarah Palin as his running mate gave the Republican ticket a quick boost,  but the effects seem to be fading.  Can we call it a “dead moose bounce?”

John McCain is coming up with a new economic plan almost every daily.  Some say the continual change in plans in cynical.  But give the guy a break, maybe he simply can’t remember what plan he prposed yesterday.

Contrary to what John McCain says, Barack Obama is not “measuring the drapes” in the Oval Office.   Joe Biden, however, has been rumored to be trying to get his draft of  his first speech as vice-president under three hours.

The Dodgers are still reeling from their eighth inning meltdown Monday night.   And think of how much worse it would have been if their fans had stayed around to see it.

Sports Illustrated has an online section at SI.com listing their experts’ picks for the World Series.  Excuse me, how many of these “experts” had the Rays anywhere NEAR the World Series?

(let alone the Phillies.)

But before we get too cocky about baseball experts, can we see a show of hands for all those who predicted the last undefeated team in the NFL would be the Tennessee Titans?

Dropping the puck

October 12, 2008

Saturday night Sarah Palin dropped the puck at a Philadelphia Flyers hockey game.   Meanwhile, her running mate John McCain dropped the puck at a shuffleboard game.

Philadelphia fans did not exactly seem thrilled to see Governor Palin.  They greeted her with many thumbs down signs, and loud boos.  Boos that were only equalled by the ones for the Flyers after they gave up 4 goals in the first period.

After forty years, “Hockey Night in Canada” debuted a new theme song- “Canadian Gold.”

In the US, Fox is thinking of debuting a new theme song for the playoffs “Wait til the Midnight Hour.”

Not to say the game 3 starter for the Phillies,  Jamie Moyer, throws REALLY REALLY slowly… But the Dodgers set a pitching machine at his speed during batting practice and the thing stalled.

How slowly do Moyer’s pitches approach the plate?  You almost expect one of them to have its turn signal blinking.

Both Bill and Hillary Clinton will make a joint campaign appearance on behalf of Barack Obama, and then the former President will campaign on his own for Senator Obama.    Just when things were going so well….

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And what a weekend for college football.  So many top teams went down that viewers weren’t sure if they were watching SportsCenter or Wall Street Week.

Sarah Palin meets the Queen of England…

October 3, 2008

I have no connection to Saturday Night Live, or a comic troupe, alas…

But nonetheless, here is an imagined conversation between Governor Sarah Palin and Queen Elizabeth II of England.   (imagined with Tina Fey as Sarah and Kristin Whig as the Queen.)


Great to meetcha.  Can I call you Liz?  Are you a hockey mom too?

Swell house.  Yes, I’d love tea. You betcha. You know, we have English Breakfast Tea at my house.

John has told me that you guys have been such a big help in Iraq.   And we just can’t wave the white flag of surrender. I mean, just because we are trying to control a country across the ocean that doesn’t want us there…   Did I mention that John McCain and I are Mavericks?
 
And I brought you a present.  It’s a wolf I shot that I found on your lawn.  I even field dressed it for you.   But, gosh, your English wolves have short legs.  A Corgi?  No, what’s that?  Oh, terribly sorry Liz.  Say it ain’t so.  Dog-gone.

A silver lining in Chicago….

October 3, 2008

Apparently the city of Chicago has directed bars and restaurants near Wrigley Field to stop serving alcohol after the seventh inning of any Cubs potential series clinching home playoff games. 

Does this really need a punchline?

And when asked about Barack Obama’s new lead in the polls, John McCain replied “Life isn’t fair.”

So McCain is finally acting presidential.  It’s just that the president is Jimmy  Carter.

Senator McCain’s campaign announced Thursday they were leaving Michigan.  Well, finally, some proof that McCain has an exit strategy.

Most pundits agree that in the debate Sarah Palin met or exceeded expectations.  But have we learned nothing in the last eight years other than maybe we should be setting the bar a LITTLE higher.

A new NBA report found no evidence of illegal activity by any referee other than Tim Donaghy.  Wonder if this report was done by the same people who figured a few years back that baseball’s steroid problem was Barry Bonds.

Interim positions?

October 2, 2008

Tom Cable was appointed the Oakland Raiders’ interim coach.  But for the Raiders, isn’t “interim coach”  redundant.

If Sarah Palin flops in Thursday’s debate, will they begin referring to her as the “interim vice-presidential candidate?”

Actually the Palin camp has a new debate strategy.  They will give Joe Biden free reign to make an opening statement, which should lead right into Gwen Ifill saying “well, that’s all the time we have.”

More about that scandal in Canada, where Prime Minister Stephen Harper has been accused of making a speech lifted word for word from a speech by Australian Prime Minister John Howard.  Well, at least no one accuses George W. Bush of plagarising.  That would require that he read something.

And this from actual Dodgers fan Nick Coombs:


What’s the difference between a Cubs fan and a Dodgers fan?
One waits 100 years, the other waits till the 7th inning.

It’s now the first of October…

September 30, 2008

We’re officially in October.  Or as New Yorkers now refer to it – football season.

There are rumors that Sarah Palin is prepping for the debate by reading Wikipedia.  But today she joked about Joe Biden’s age.  Apparently she hasn’t yet read the entry about her running mate.

Sarah Palin also said of Biden “I’ve been hearing about his speeches since I was in the second grade.”  Second grade?  Impressive.  Wonder when she heard about his speeches?   Presumably listening to the radio while looking out the window for Russia?

 

There’s a new election scandal (true) in Canada.  The Liberal party just figured out now that Prime Minister Stephen Harper gave a speech in 2003 copied almost word for word from Australia’s Prime Minister John Martin?

Five years after the fact?  Who’s running their campaign anyway, former U.S. employees of FEMA?


And early voting began Tuesday in Ohio, making citizens of the state the first to cast ballots for the next president.  Well, considering the Browns, Bengals, Indians and Reds, guess it’s fair that Ohio is first in SOMETHING.

A new polls indicates that 70 percent of Americans now disapprove of George W. Bush.   And four percent had no opinion.    Which is shocking news.  26 percent still back him?

Rough week for upsets…

September 29, 2008

What a week for upsets.  USC was upset by Oregon State, Georgia was upset by Alabama, Florida was upset by Old Miss.  And then of course David Letterman was REALLY upset by John McCain.

Green Bay Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers may have a separated shoulder.  Which means it would be a great time to turn to an aging veteran backup… Oops.

 
How bad was the CBS Sarah Palin interview?  Katie Couric says for her next political interview she wants to talk to someone articulate like President Bush.

The Chicago White Sox have to make up a game against the Detroit Tigers to see if they can tie for the AL-Central lead.  Some sports commentators have worried that the Tigers will just be “mailing it in.”    Which just means they’ll be playing like they have all season.

Mike Mussina, 38, became the oldest pitcher ever to win 20 games for the first time Sunday.   His teammates tried to mob him until he yelled “You punks get off of my field.”

Sarah Palin’s travels

September 24, 2008

This week Sarah Palin has been travelling with John McCain to Iowa, Michigan, Pennysylvania and New York.  Then after they visited the United Nations, Senator McCain took her down to Wall Street, so they could visit the state of Denial.

Wally Joyner resigned Tuesday as the San Diego hitting coach.  This came as a surprise to the team’s fans.  The Padres HAD a hitting coach?

Hard to believe, but kids who have become baseball fans in the 21st century think the Boston Red Sox are a dynasty and the New York Yankees are cursed.

Now that Chicago has clinched the NL Central: what’s the difference between a true Cubs fan and a bandwagon Cubs fan?

The bandwagon fan is already planning to wear a “Cubs World Series 2008” shirt, the true Cubs fan knows the shirt will say “Wait until next October.”

This just in – Blackberry thoughts

September 16, 2008

A John McCain aide said that the Senator helped invent the Blackberry.

And Sarah Palin added “I can see blackberries growing from my house.”

More Sarah, etc.

August 30, 2008

So to appeal to disgruntled Hillary Clinton voters,  John McCain chose Sarah Palin as his running mate.

Does this mean if Hillary had beaten Barack, to appeal to disgruntled Obama voters he would have picked Clarence Thomas?

Governor Palin is a woman of many talents, including being an accomplished hunter.  John McCain is thus considering asking for a format change in the vice-presidential debate, maybe something along the lines of Hamilton-Burr?

Back to sports.  Right now there are three likely playoff teams that play in indoor stadiums – the Rays, the Twins, and much of the time, the Diamondbacks. 

Last minute negotiations are reputedly underway to add a roof on the new Yankee stadium.

And okay, a serious statement to close, because how many times can I say this?

The Stanford Cardinal are tied for first in the Pac 10.