Posted tagged ‘Joe Paterno’

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Rats!

December 17, 2008

Scientists have found a 11 milion year old rat species still living in the Mekong Delta. The rat apparently was found in an original KFC bucket.

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Penn State football coach Joe Paterno, 82, just signed a three year contract extension. When asked if he thought this was risky, Paterno said, “No, he thought the University would survive the recession.”

(yeah, I know, it’s a variation on an old joke.)

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Also in Pennsylvania, the Phillies signed left-handed pitcher Jamie Moyer, 46, to a two year contract experience. When asked about it, Paterno reportedly replied “Well, they might have given him more years if Jamie had a little more experience.”

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This next joke basically belongs to Alex Kaseberg. I just tweaked it a little bit.

At a Iraq press conference, President Bush had to dodge two shoes thrown at him by a reporter. Apparently the New Iraq Times’ motto is now “All the News thats Foot to Print.”

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Now that Governor Blagojevich has been stopped from selling Obama’s Senate seat, there is talk of a special election in Illinois. So we’ll go back to putting someone in office the old-fashioned way. Buying one vote at a time.

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Actually President Bush is trying to help out. He has suggested that the state of Illinois let each party choose a candidate, but save the money they would have spent on the election.   Then W. will just have the Supreme Court decide.

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Governor Blagojevich still maintains he has done nothing wrong. He says his morals just have a wide stance.

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President elect Barack Obama’s team is not only full of smart people, but also good basketball players. As reported in USA Today, Obama’s high school basketball team won the Hawaii state championship. His education pick Ame Duncan played at Harvard, his future National Security Advisor James Jones played at Georgetown. And UN Ambassador pick Susan Rice and Attorney General pick Eric Holder both played in high school. Oh, and Obama’s personal aide Reggie Love? He played at Duke.

Just what Washington needs, another team that can beat the Wizards.

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The “grandaddy of them all”

December 16, 2008
With so many  games, including the BCS, fans don’t really seem to get college football’s  bowl tradition anymore.  In fact, in a poll of those planning to watch the Rose Bowl between Penn State and USC,  most thought “the grandaddy of them all” referred to Joe Paterno.
 
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Florida Quarterback Tim Tebow didn’t win his expected second Heisman, despite having the most first place votes.  On a brighter note, he did receive a congratulatory phone call from Al Gore.
 
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The Redskins had their playoff hopes dashed Sunday by the lowly Cincinnati Bengals. This was the most embarassing thing to happen in Washington since Saturday.

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An AP headline proclaimed “It’s official, Barack Obama elected 44th president.”  The headline was referring to the fact that 538 electors cast their votes Monday.

Coincidentally, the same headline appeared in a FEMA press release. 

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Silly limerick time.

  • Our prez found himself under attack.
    Dubya almost was hit in the back.
    But how sad but true,
    That those two size 10 shoes
    Were the weapons he found in Iraq

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    And the Feds are thinking of another interest rate cut.   If rates go much lower investors will get back less money than they put in.  Of course, we already have that option, it’s called “Wall Street.”

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    And another tacky alert:

     

    David Paterson’s office accused SNL of taking cheap shots about his disability. Last week’s “Weekend Update skit showed the legally-blind Governor looking confused and disoriented, and often walking in front of the camera when it was not his turn to speak. SNL responded that they would never make fun of Paterson’s eyesight, rather they were spoofing John McCain at the last town hall debate. 
     

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    Bowling for Roses…?

    November 23, 2008

    So Penn State is heading to the Rose Bowl “presented by Citi.”   Although this is the 95th time the game will take place,  the first Rose Bowl was actually in 1902.    Which was ironically the rookie year coaching for Joe Paterno.

    The Rose Bowl is referred to as the “grandaddy of them all.”    Though Paterno says, “Hey, that’s MY title.”

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    Many fans didn’t think the 82 year old Paterno would make it coaching through the year.  Ironically it now seems likely he will be viable longer than Citi. 

     

    George W. Bush still has almost two months in office. Then he can go back to Texas, and bankrupting just one company at a time.

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    As one of his last acts in office, President Bush is trying to remove species from the Endangered Species Act.  Though he is doing his best to add the Republican Party.

    In the meantime, he is cleaning out the White House library – “The Military for dummies,” “The Economy for dummies,” “The Environment for dummies..”

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    But everyone’s writing books when they leave Washington –  Laura Bush, Condoleezza Rice, the President himself.  Even Dick Cheney said he thinks he’ll take a shot at it.

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