Left Coast Sports Babe

The Beijing Olympics start on 8/8/08, at 8pm.  For all you considering watching the opening ceremony from Californa, that’s 500am Friday morning  California time.

George W.  Bush is heading to Beijing, but while in China he will avoid making political statements, including on the subject of human rights.  And,  according to the New York Times,  he has specifically ruled out giving a Reaganesque “tear down this wall”  speech.     

But as our President says, why would anyone want to tear down the Great Wall?

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China will have five Olympic mascots, collectively called “Fuwa,” that are “designed to express the playful qualities of five little children who form an intimate circle of friends.” And of course, the playful qualities of little children who have been spending months sewing millions of these mascot dolls. 

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And Brett Favre’s agent said, after the quarterback left Green Bay’s training camp,  that “the train has left the station.”

Of course, the train may turn around, go in a different direction, or just derail.

Has Favre ever thought about being a spokesman for Amtrak?

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In related news the train said it felt pressured and was never fully committed to leaving the station.

When asked about which  Olympic event he would most be following,  Barack Obama said it would be have to be basketball, since he remembers rooting for the USA “Dream Team” when he was a young man. 

By the same token, John McCain said he would again be rooting for the Christians over the Lions.

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And Brett Favre continues his “will he play” or “won’t he play” rollercoaster.  Kind of makes sense now that he dated his wife for 12 years before proposing.

ESPN quoted Manny Ramirez after Day 1 in Los Angeles. “I like this city, the environment, the energy in the fans. I think that I’ll play here for the remainder of my career.”

Well, you never know, but doesn’t that sound it bit like Elizabeth Taylor, on a day after she said “I do?” 

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The Obama-McCain camps are sparring a bit over extra debates.   McCain’s campaign wants more of the town-hall format,  Obama’s camp wants something more along the lines of the historic Lincoln-Douglas debates

But to be fair,  John McCain says he has valid reasons for opposing Lincoln-Douglas debates,  in fact, he has felt uncomfortable with the format ever since he attended them.

So the Brett Favre-Green Bay Packers impasse may come to an end with the Packers paying Favre $20 million not to play.

Chicago Bears fans are taking up a similar collection for Rex Grossman.

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Ken Griffey Jr reported to the Chicago White Sox after being traded from the Cincinnati Reds, and drove in two runs in his debut.  He pronounced himself happy to be in Chicago, and  ready to be injured before the playoffs.

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John McCain’s campaign is trying to push the satirical image of Barack Obama as “the one.”

Based on McCain’s own performance  this week, does that mean the presidential debates will be between “One” and “Done?”

The Boston Red Sox have traded Manny Ramirez, who has even worn out his welcome with many fans, to the Los Angeles Dodgers.  Well, at least he will only have to now deal with fans between the 3rd and 7th innings.

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To be fair, Manny Ramirez’s troubles with the Red Sox may have been exacerbated by all the Boston media attention.  Well, sure, and that certainly won’t be a problem in Los Angeles.
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Not sure why the Red Sox thought of dealing with the Dodgers.  I mean, how would they know if Los Angeles would support an arrogant superstar who lives in his own world and sometimes seems to have no concept of the term “team player.”

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In San Francisco, the Giants made no trades on deadline day.  Well, yeah, why would you want to break up a 44-63 team?

John McCain released an ad on Wednesday calling Barack Obama the “biggest celebrity in the world,” and comparing him to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.

Actually, that wasn’t the original idea for the ad.  Senator McCain wanted to compare Obama to Mae West.

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Michelle Wie is being criticized by other LPGA golfers for skipping the Women’s British Open to play in a PGA event this week.

But give the gal a break. Maybe she just wanted the weekend off.

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Dunkin Donuts has announced they are offering healthier menu options:

Isn’t that like better childcare at the Neverland Ranch?

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China has announced another last minute emergency plan to deal with Beijing’s pollution problem before the Olympic games.

The plan will close additional factories, halt construction projects and further reduce the number of  cars on the road.  Hindsight is 20-20, but if China was serious about these objectives,  then last year they should have hired President Bush’s economic team.

These are all too easy but…

Los Angeles today was shaking like…

Dick Cheney when he heard oil prices took another tumble.

John Edwards being approached by a reporter.

John McCain hearing that the first presidential debate will feature a geography quiz.

Barack Obama hearing that Reverend Wright has been hired as a religious commentator by Fox News..

Chicago Bears fans hearing how much Rex Grossman admires Brett Favre…

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Moving along…

Sen. Ted Stevens, the nation’s longest-serving Republican senator was indicted Tuesday on seven felony counts.

If convicted on all counts, he could again become the nation’s longest-serving Republican senator.

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Regarding the  recent embarrassing incident where John Edwards was allegedly caught at a hotel visiting his mistress, the former Senator has a defense: 

Given all of Obama’s favorable publicity in Berlin, Edwards just decided it was time he too reminded Americans of JFK.

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The International Olympic Committee has announced this Olympics will be the last for baseball as a medal sport.  For those disappointed fans of amateur baseball the IOC will do their best in 2012 to organize a summer series betwen the Kansas City Royals and the Washington Nationals.

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With so many events being tape delayed, viewers who hope to watch the games “plausibly live” will have to be particularly careful.  They may read news stories about athletes being stripped of their medals for doping before they see the events..

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And Iraq has been banned from this year’s Olympics for “government interference.”  Does this mean the IOC will retroactively recalculate all past figure skating scores involving a French judge?

A really really bad pun alert for the weekend.

Barack Obama’s Berlin speech prompted comparisons of the candidate with JFK.   Who in his famous speech accidentally said “I am a jelly doughnut.”

But given Barack’s prowess on the basketball court,  presumably if he had made a similar error, it would be to say, “I am a dunkin’ doughnut.”

The Green Bay Packers have announced they might postpone retiring Favre’s number: They are saying now that they were never fully committed to retiring the jersey and felt pressured by Brett to make a decision.’ . . .

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And regarding the QANTAS plane with the hole in the cargo section.   Well, you might be paying to check your luggage but at least on this flight it got a window seat.

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The NBA has filed for trademark rights to six nicknames for the league’s new Oklahoma City franchise: Barons, Bison, Energy, Marshalls, Thunder and Wind.

Considering that they basically stole the franchise from Seattle, what about Robber Barons?

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But “Energy?”   The Oklahoma City Energy?      What kind of a name is that?  Maybe they have hopes of drilling their shots…?

Five players were suspended after their brawl with the Los Angeles Sparks, and so the Detroit Shock signed 50 year old Nancy Lieberman to a one week contract.

There’s no guaranteed she won’t get in a brawl too, but at least any potential medical bills will be paid by Medicare.

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Apparently one of her jobs is to keep the rest of the team in line by threatening them with timeouts.

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The  Nationals are visiting A T and T Park this week, playing against the Giants who have the worst home record in major league baseball.     And the Giants as of Wednesday have actually won two in a row.  Who says Washington hasn’t done anything for San Francisco lately?

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Conservative columnist Robert Novak apparently hit a pedestrian with his car this week.   Presumably it was the pedestrian’s fault,  for walking too far to the left.

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In a stunning display of obviousness – – or bad eyesight –  Novak claimed he didn’t even know he had hit the man,  and acccording to Fox News, said he was a block away from the scene of the accident when a bicyclist stopped him to tell him he’d struck someone.  

Which means the scariest afternoon in the planet might be a hunting party with Robert Novak and Dick Cheney.

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And the Barack Obama World Tour hits Berlin later this week.  John McCain claimed that the stop was just about publcity, and besides, Obama wasn’t even making time to visit both East and West  Berlin.

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The Obamas revealed in an interview that they give their daughters $1.00 allowance a week.  Curiously enough, the same amount the girls will probably get when they are eligible for Social Security.

John McCain joked Tuesday about how the Czech Republic and Slovakia split years ago, but from “time to time some of us misstate and say Czechoslovakia.”  

He then added that when he gets to the White House, two of his first celebrity guests will be “Bennifer.”

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Now that Oklahoma City has named their NBA team, Seattle’s next lawsuit will say that Oklahoma stole their “Thunder.”

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So at a fundraiser, George W Bush told people to turn off their recorders, but a tape of his remarks found its way to ABC News. 

Should he be surprised?   In a room full of wealthy Republicans, one of them found another way to profit in a down economy…

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And okay, this might one of the few jokes on this blog that if you are a guy reading you might have to ask a woman to explain:

Sid Craig, who founded Jenny Craig with his wife, died Tuesday at the age of 76.  The funeral will of course be free, plus the cost of food.

Because Thunder only happens when it’s raining….

And the new name for the new Oklahoma City NBA team is yes, the Thunder.

Besides the fact that they stole the name from the Golden State Warriors’ mascot, you have to wonder…is that the best they could do?

If nothing else they could have paid tribute to the team they took from Seattle and name the team the Oklahoma Super Sooners.

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John McCain says that Barack Obama could only make his trip to Iraq now because the surge is making it safe for him to be there?    Almost as safe as it would have been for him to travel there before we invaded in the first place?

McCain’s latest ad says we are winning the war, if we had done what Barack Obama wanted we would have lost. 

Actually Senator, if we had done what Obama wanted we wouldn’t have been there in the first place.

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And McCain also said about the Afghanistan situation. “We have a lot of work to do and I’m afraid it’s a very hard struggle, particularly given the situation on the Iraq/Pakistan border.”

I guess he was distracted by the tensions closer to home on the Canada-Mexico border.
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And George W. Bush was asked what he thought about “the Dark Knight.”  He said that if the Democrats were willing to allow off-shore drilling we wouldn’t need to turn off the streetlights.

Greg Norman is leading the British Open after three rounds.  After tomorrow, most of these jokes may or may not be out of date.

When John McCain heard about Norman leading after three rounds, his response “That’s amazing, that guy is OLD.”

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If he wins will Ensure be classified as a performance enchancing drug?

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I’m going to forgo the obvious joke that Norman’s first comments in the clubhouse were “Now you punks get off of my greens.”

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Greg Norman is actually playing the tournament on a whim while on his honeymoon.  He was married last month to Chris Evert.  In related news, the Williams sisters sent the couple a nice belated present, and thanked Chris for deciding not to drop in and play a few rounds at Wimbledon.

May your troubles last as long as Brett Favre’s retirements?

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And what’s happened in this world.  Tiger Woods is missing most of the major tournaments, the Cubs are in first place, the Packers are trying to get rid of Brett Favre?

At least there are a few signs of normalcy – three riders have already been caught doping in the Tour de France.

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Last week, Dick Cheney was given a clean bill of health and doctors’ pronounced his heartbeat normal.  This weekend, however, they have scheduled an emergency follow up exam, to make sure his heart has stood the stress test of oil dropping $20 a barrel.

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It’s a good weekend at the movies for our nation’s top political figures.  Barack Obama likes to think of himself as a “Dark Knight,”  John McCain is interested in “Mamma Mia” because he remembers his first senior discount at an Abba concert, and well, President Bush is just excited about the opening of “Space Chimps.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger has appointed Bo Derek to the California Horse Racing Board.  Well, next year it will be easy to spot the West Coast contenders in the Kentucky Derby… they’ll be the horses with their manes in cornrows.
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And from my very funny friend Bill Littlejohn:

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has appointed Bo Derek to a state commission overseeing horse racing.   Apparently there has been a problem with horses testing positive for botox”

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This year’s All Star Game ended  after 130am Eastern Time.  It’s appropriate that the ending counted towards the World Series.  Kids won’t be able to stay up to see the end of those games either.

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Star Alabama high school football player Destin Hood had planned to play football at the University of Alabama, but he decided instead to sign a baseball contract with the Washington Nationals.  Guess he just wanted to be paid legally for playing with an amateur team.

By the time it was over, Brett Favre had retired and un-retired three more times.

John McCain is trying hard to act up to date after he mistakenly referred to the nonexistent country of Czechoslovakia again this week.  In fact, he went into a Chinese restaurant to order Beijing Duck.

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Not to say that President Bush isn’t the literary type.  But someone asked him if he thought that the New Yorker had insulted Obama, and he responded, “well, it’s certainly none of my business, but I thought now that Hillary was supposed to be supporting him. “

Monday John McCain mistakenly referred to relations between Russia and Czechoslovakia.

(Czechoslovakia has been split into two countries, the Czech republic, and Slovakia, for almost 15 years)

He says he was distracted, apparently his campaign is planning a international town hall meeting in Constantinople.

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And President Bush said anyone can make a mistake, of course he meant Czechoslovakia and the Soviet Union.

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Back to sports.  If you don’t care about the Home Run Derby and the All-Star Game, this is a rough few days for baseball fans.  There are no major league games at all for three days.

On the other hand, we all get a small taste of what it’s like to spend a year as a Royals fan.