Left Coast Sports Babe

Starbucks offered a free pastry Tuesday morning to anyone who ordered a ‘hand-crafted” drink. And stores had people waiting in lines around the block. Forget all these expensive contingency plans to get people to fill in their census forms. The government should just offer them free doughnuts.

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For all the nasty vitrol spewed by opponents of the healthcare reform, there actually would have been a kinder, gentler way to delay passage. Republicans should have just asked Joe Biden to say a few words in favor of the bill. (He’d still just be getting warmed up.)

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Possible redemption for Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire? A Virginia chiropractor is under investigation for allegedly providing steroids to members of the Washington Nationals. What more evidence do we need that steroids don’t necessarily improve your performance?

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Joe Biden seems to have upset some Republicans by referring to healthcare reform as a “f**king” big deal. Apparently he should have followed the lead of our last vice-president and used the word as a verb.

(In case anyone forgets, Dick Cheney suggested to Vermont senator Patrick Leahy that he attempt an anatomically impossible act.)

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Apparently for the newest “Pirates of the Caribbean”, Disney has asked that only aspiring actresses with “real breasts, not implants” apply for the roles. Auditions will be held in Los Angeles whenever both candidates can make it.

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Zydrunas Ilgauskas has signed a deal that will again have him playing center for the Cleveland Cavaliers. Just when those poor midwest sportscasters and copy editors had finally gotten comfortable with “Faroukmanesh.”
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Andy Borowitz said that Google claimed one of the last straws in their decision to pull out of China was the way the Chinese censors turned a request for “human rights” into “did you mean hunan rice.” But hey, anyone could make that mistake,” said former President George W. Bush.

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Brett Yormark, the CEO of the truly awful New Jersey Nets, apparently was seen arguing with a fan who attended a home game with a paper bag over his head. Guess the fan wouldn’t share his bag.

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from my funny friend Neil Berliner:

A poll says that 50% of New Yorkers favor the legalization of medical marijuana and 41% oppose. One gentleman in the other 9% asked to have the question repeated twice and then replied, “Hey bud, which way is the Fillmore East at?”

This entry was posted on March 24, 2010 at 1:01 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments.

Tags: Dick Cheney jokes, healthcare jokes, Joe Biden jokes, Neil Berliner