Archive for November 2008

Change we can believe in.

November 11, 2008

“Change” is indeed the word for this fall.  The Tampa Bay Rays made it to the World Series, the Arizona Cardinals have a four game lead in their division, and the U.S. elected a black president. 

Fans of the status quo, however, will be relieved to see the L.A. Clippers are off to another 1-6 start.  

Barack Obama met George W. Bush today for his White House tour and moving-in orientation.   Finally, a home eviction Americans can feel good about. 

Barack Obama visited his future residence for the first time Monday.  Actually the White House is not that different from many homes in America  – its value has decreased under the current occupant.

 

There’s real change in the vice-presidency too.  We’re going from a guy who recklessly shoots off his gun, to a guy who recklessly shoots off his mouth.

But for those who fear that the relatively young Obama might be a reckless president, here’s a reassuring thought on his pragmatism – he’s from Chicago, and he’s NOT a Cubs fan.

Only 45 non-shopping days?

November 10, 2008

Yes, it is officially only 45 days until Christmas, which many retailers fear may be the worst in recent memory.  Especially now that the Republican National Committee is no longer shopping for Sarah Palin.

One real problem facing the new President-elect will be Detroit.     Barack Obama says he has hopes of working out a plan to save GM and Ford, but realistically there’s nothing he can do about the Lions.

Speaking of football, there’s one silver lining for the offensively challenged Oakland Raiders this season.  No fines for touchdown celebrations.

Although the team does plan a big celebration if they ever score one.

With all the rumors about former Democratic presidential candidates ending up in an Obama administration, one name is notably absent – John  Edwards.

Though based on his haircuts and recent personal history he might well apply for a job as either director of Pentagon procurement, or being in charge of hiring interns.

President Bush was a little confused about the meeting with Obama on Monday.  When an aide referred to Barack as the new “President-elect” he responded “You mean you have to get elected?”

2012

November 8, 2008

A recent poll said that 64 percent of Republicans want Sarah Palin to run for president in 2012.

And presumably about 100 percent of Democrats.

Though to be fair, McCain-Palin did win every state she could see from her house.

Ralph Nader was chastised by Fox News anchor Shepard Smith for using a derogatory racial term to describe President-elect Obama.  

Isn’t being chastised by Fox News on political correctness like being chastised by John Edwards on family values?

In the end, Hillary Clinton turned out be a real soldier for Barack Obama.  Ironically, some of her best campaigning came after Obama told her he thought he might be able to give her an important role in his administration, but it wouldn’t come with a first-lady type job for her husband.

Celebrating Obama’s election…

November 8, 2008

It seems like much of the world is celebrating the election of Barack Obama as President of the United States.  Including especially many of the commuters on Amtrak from Wilmington to Washington DC.  Finally, they are going to get some peace and quiet. 

(see bottom of this post if that doesn’t make sense.)

Despite many people’s worries the election seems to have gone relatively smoothly.  With few computer problems or allegations of tampering.

But all is not lost for conspiracy theorists – there’s still the BCS.

Barack Obama said on Monday Night Football that he thought we should have a college football playoff system.  Had he only added “and we should re-regulate the airlines”, he would have really won in a landslide.

To increase their revenue, Boston Red Sox are adding 560 new seats next year to Fenway Park.  And not to be outdone, while they bid for Manny Ramirez the Dodgers are adding seats too.  They will be sold for after the seventh inning only, and will be located in the parking lot.

Sam Perry has become a celebrity after Oprah cried on his shoulder Tuesday night and the pictures went out on worldwide television.  Just as well that the scene was televised.  Can you imagine coming home? “Yes, honey, it’s makeup, but it’s not what you think…really, it was Oprah.”

(oh, and regarding the commuters to Wilmington.  Joe Biden has been a regular commuter on that train.)

Turning over the same old Leaf…

November 7, 2008

Ryan Leaf was placed on “administrative leave” from his job as an assistant quarterback coach at West Texas A & M over drug allegations,  ten years after he was the number two choice in the NFL draft.

Yep, he’s right on track for a future career in “Celebrity boxing.”

All of a sudden, Peyton Manning’s 4-4 start with the Indianapolis Colts doesn’t look so bad. (Manning was drafted number one in the 1998 draft, Leaf was number two.)

The Los Angeles Dodgers have offered a hefty two-year contract to Manny Ramirez, but may end up being outbid.  Hey, times are tough, especially when you only get concession revenues from the third to the seventh inning.

On election night, Oprah ended up crying on the shoulder of a stranger, who turned out to be an Obama volunteer from California.   Sam Perry, aka Mr. Man, said he didn’t mind a bit, after all as a Democrat he was used to women crying on election night.

John McCain’s staff denied there were any bad feelings late in the campaign between the Senator and Governor Palin.  They also denied that McCain had had any “buyer’s remorse’ about the pick.   In fact, one aide said that John had even suggested Sarah go hunting with Dick Cheney.

The Denver Broncos defeated the Cleveland Browns, in “Thursday Night Football.”  Or, as the NFL refers to its new scheduling policy: “If we can find a night we think you will watch we’re playing a game.”

And once again, the Oakland Raiders home game Sunday will be blacked out in the San Francisco because the team didn’t sell enough tickets.  Is this really the right strategy.  Maybe the threat should be, if you don’t buy tickets, we’ll black out the alternate game between two real teams.

And after Barack Obama’s historic win, Americans stockpiled newspapers Wednesday morning to save for their grandchildren.  Who will probably ask someday “What’s a newspaper?”

After the election…

November 6, 2008

It should be at least a few weeks before the first candidates declare for 2012.

 

One day after the election, Barack Obama is working on his transition team.  And Joe Biden is just finishing delivering his VP acceptance speech.

Sarah Palin said she doesn’t believe she cost John Palin a single vote.  Well, Obama may have won most of the swing states, but Palin certainly owns the state of denial.

After the election there were plenty of phone calls.  George W.  Bush and Dick Cheney called John McCain to offer condolences.  And Bill Clinton called Sarah Palin to offer to buy her lunch.

After the end of the baseball season Manny Ramirez said he wanted a big longterm contract, saying  “I want to see who is the highest bidder. Gas is up and so am I,”

Yeah, proving exactly why smart teams won’t sign him to a long term contract…

_

There are reports that Major League Baseball agents are scrambling to sign their clients’ big contracts before January 1,  when President-Elect Obama’s expected tax increases will hit multi-millionaires.   

So who knew, they may not make the playoffs, but the Yankees could at least help pay off our national debt.

And voters in San Francisco overwhelmingly rejected a measure that would have renamed a local sewage plant after George W. Bush.  Of course, San Franciscans being San Franciscans, no word as to whether they thought the renaming would be unfair to the president,  or to the sewage plant.

The jokes return tomorrow.

November 5, 2008

In the meantime.  Yippee!  Or in a more professional style.  Can we believe it?  This is an historic election in more ways than one.  And there will be plenty of time for jokes.

But for now, wow.  again, Yippee!!!  

I am so proud to be an American.

(And yes, kudos to John McCain and his classy concession speech.  As they said about Charles I on the day of his execution – “Nothing in his life so became him as the leaving of it.”)

Monday night football..

November 4, 2008

Pittsburgh Steelers receiver Santonio Holmes returned after being benched for a game after police found marijuana cigars in his car.  he caught three passes for 30 yards including a five yard touchdown pass.   He denied rumors  that the touchdown catch was a “high-five.”

On interviews during the halftime show of Monday Night Football, John McCain said he’d like to get performance-enchancing drugs out of sports.  Barack Obama said he’d just like to see a playoff system in college football.  That settles it – they’re BOTH unrealistic dreamers.

A prankster purporting claiming to be President Sarkovy calling from Paris managed to dupe Sarah Palin into a conversation.  But to be fair, Governor Palin said she hadn’t talked to anyone speaking Parisian before.

 

And finally on election eve.  The Arizona Cardinals are in first place and  the Tennessee Titans are undefeated.  The New York Yankees didn’t make the playoffs, and both the Philadelphia Philles and the Tampa Bay Rays made it to the World Series.    By comparison,  you could have probably gotten better odds on the U.S. electing a black man to be our next president….

Okay, even with negative campaigning there are limits….

November 3, 2008

Someone, apparently an Obama supporter, chartered a plane in Oakland to fly over the stadium with the banner “McCain is a Raiders fan.”

Okay, now this negative campaigning is going too far.

After Baylor barely lost to #14 Missouri in football their coach Art Briles said “It was a very emotional, very draining non-win.”

Well, if he loses his job at Baylor, Briles may have a great future with the Republican party.


The Washington Nationals have announced plans to lower the cost of some tickets in 2009.  This will put their prices more in line with other AAA teams.

 –

Kudos to the San Francisco 49ers.  At least they didn’t embarrass themselves this Sunday with a  bye week.

 

Rewritten joke from yesterday:

Halloween is over and President Bush really enjoyed himself.  Although he was surprised to hear from John McCain about the new tradition of keeping your mask on until November 5.

You have to love American elections.  All this money, time and effort spent on convincing people who aren’t smart enough to have made up their minds until the last minute.


Wouldn’t it be nice to have a V-chip or something similar for early/absentee voters?  Then if you vote, you could get a chip for your television that would mute political ads until after the election….

After Halloween…

November 1, 2008

President Bush enjoyed Halloween.  But with the election approaching Tuesday, he’s waiting for the Republican National Committee to tell him he can take the mask off.

The University of Michigan is paying almost $2 million to new coach Rich Rodriguez, in addition to a $2.5 million payment to West Virginia to buy out his old contract.    For that money, the coach has led the team to a 2-7 record.

Well, at least the school will be able to count on saving the contract’s $50,000 to $200,000 bowl bonus.

Over four million in a year for a 2-7 record?   Are we sure he isn’t coaching the Lions?

Although speaking of the Detroit Lions, who are actually 0-7, they have reportedly agreed to a two year contract with Daunte Culpepper.  Guess he gave up hope of signing with an NFL team.

_

Barack Obama and John McCain will both be interviewed during halftime on Monday Night Football.  Ralph Nader was also looking for an appropriate game for an interview, but the Bengals and Lions don’t play each other this season.

Barack Obama is coming to Cincinnati on November 2.  Which may be the town’s only chance this fall of seeing a winner on Sunday.

That confusing first amendment….

November 1, 2008

Sarah Palin said Friday that her First Amendment rights are being threatened by reporters who criticize her.  Wow.  Even Dan Quayle knows that trying to misrepresent the constitution is a “hot potatoe.”

Of course, to be fair, it is possible Governor Palin didn’t mean to misrepresent the First Amendment.  It is possible she’s never read it.

 

And new San Francisco coach Mike Singletary is still trying to explain why he dropped his pants during a halftime speech to his team last week.

One thing he did accomplish,   the 49ers’ play on the field is no longer being talked about as the most embarrassing thing that happened this week in San Francisco.

And Phillies fans jammed the streets of Philadelphia to cheer their team in a victory parade.  Then after the parade they went home and got ready to boo the Eagles.