Archive for October 2008

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That infomercial…

October 30, 2008

Barack Obama’s 30 minute prime-time infomercial was watched by over 36 million people.  It was so popular, in fact, that if this presidency thing doesn’t work out most major networks have offered him his own sitcom.

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How low were the ratings for the World Series.   Rumor has it Fox was thinking of pre-empting game six to replay Obama’s infomercial.

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As the election approaches, so do all the worries and rumors about voting problems, computer glitches and tainted results.  American sports fans in particular just can’t wait for it to be over.  Then they can get back to real life, like watching college football and following the BCS standings.

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Mike Singletary, the new coach of the San Francisco 49ers, dropped his pants to make a point during halftime of last week’s loss to the Seahawks.  Well, Singletary may or may not be the right fit for the 49ers, but he has been made an honorary member of the Stanford band.

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Congrats to the University of Cincinnati Bearcats football team. Now 6 and 2, they knocked off the 23rd ranked University of South Florida Thursday night on national television.  

The only folks upset in Cincinnati?  Members of the Bengals.  Now they may not even be the best amateur team in town.

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And lastly, a joint effort with Bill Littlejohn.

This World Series was the lowest rated in history.  As a result all members of the Phillies have been made honorary members of the Philadelphia Flyers.

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Congratulations to Bud Selig…

October 29, 2008

He finally figured out a way to have a World Series game end by midnight.

Not saying this World Series had awful ratings, but there was talk at Fox of pre-empting game six with a replay of Obama’s infomercial.

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Even celebrations are different in Philadelphia.  Not to say Phillies fans are tough, but on the floats for the upcoming parade they plan to hang former non-winning players in effigy.  

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How negative is Sarah Palin these days?   She’s now been made an honorary Philadelphia sports fan.

Sarah Palin again accused  Obama of being tied to another “radical professor,” and said it was “not negative campaigning to call someone out on their record.”

This spoken by a woman who has said publicly that she might still vote for a convicted felon next week for Senate?

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Actually,  if we disqualified everyone in Congress with associates who have unsavory incidents in their past, I’m afraid we would never get a quorum.

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Sarah Palin seems like she’s running for president in 2012.  And John McCain acts like he’s running for president in 1972.

 

How does Sarah Palin season her salmon?    “Dill, baby, dill.”

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Postponed again…

October 29, 2008

Game 5 of the World Series, currently suspended after five and a half innings, is on hold again.  Tuesday afternoon the conclusion of the game was put off until at least Wednesday.

Which meant that Tuesday night, Fox’s World Series ratings were about the same as they have been for other Series games.

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One bit of good news for cold wet Phillies fans, because the game was suspended in the sixth and not after the seventh inning, when they resume, the stadium will not yet have cut off beer sales.

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Bud Selig isn’t worried about what this delay might do to his sport, well, other than rename it “the Winter Classic.”

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Who’d a thunk that the Phillies would be playing meaningful games deeper into the fall than the Eagles?

 

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And back to politics.  John McCain’s aides are reportedly worried that Sarah Palin has “gone rogue” and is now hurting the campaign. 

Bummer, they thought they were adding Hillary to the ticket, and ended up with Bill.

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The McCain campaign has become so fractious and disorganized and self-destructive, you have to wonder, have they all become Democrats?

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How badly has John McCain run his campaign?  If this presidency thing doesn’t work out Al Davis may decide he’s a perfect fit for the Oakland Raiders.

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Snow place like home?

October 27, 2008
Game five of the World Series was played in sloppy, cold and wet conditions.   Or as the Minnesotans call it “Summer.”

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Just think, except for that great game seven in the ALCS, they could finish up game five, and head to Boston.  Where the forecast for Wednesday includes snow.

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(Who’d have dreamed the World Series might be saved by a dome.?)
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Next year, the World Series is planned to finish up in November.  November!  Well, good thing the Cubs should once again be out by the first round.

The Tennessee Titans remain the last undefeated team in the NFL.   Well, if they run the table and finally dethrone the 1972 Dolphins, I guess Miami can drown their sorrows to the tune of a country song.

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After being acquitted on a DUI charge, Rafer Alston of the Houston Rockets joked that “you can’t  celebrate a DUI case with a glass of wine.”  Yo, Rafer, ever heard of cabs?
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John McCain said that Barack Obama is already measuring the drapes in the White House.  Meanwhile, the RNC is shopping for drapes at Neiman Marcus.

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Condeleezza Rice is being considered as the possible next president of the San Francisco 49ers.   Which means she would work for John and Denise Debartolo York, two of the NFL’s most derided owners. 

Not only have the Yorks run the franchise into the ground, but they only  got the team because it belonged to Denise’s father.  Wonder who thought Condeleezza might have any experience dealing with a situation like that?

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This just in…

October 26, 2008

John McCain says his campaign is going well.  Yep, any day now he and Governor Palin will unfurl the banner reading “Mission Accomplished.”

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Ralph Nader says he’s set a record by giving 17 campaign speeches yesterday in Massachusetts totaling 255 minutes.

Amazing…  Nader HAS 17 supporters in Massachusetts?

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A campaign spokesman said the speeches were to “was to raise awareness that Nader is running for president as an independent.  ” and that “two-thirds of the nation doesn’t realize it.”  The other one-third , of course, realizes it, but doesn’t care.

 

The San Diego Chargers and New Orleans Saints played a regular season game Sunday in London. It’s part of the NFL’s new plan to disappoint fans on two continents.

As we approach Halloween and people are working on their costumes, rumor has it members of the Cincinnati Bengals are planning to come as professional football players.

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Honoring Mr. Blackwell..

October 24, 2008

Mr. Blackwell died this week. In his honor, the Republicans are establishing an award: it’s for spending the most money you can while still looking like you shop at Wal-Mart.

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By the way, to any new readers, this is primarily a sports jokes blog, with politics thrown in.    Until November 4, however, it may be the other way around.   And while I will cheerfully attempt jokes about anyone, I am an unabashed supporter of Barack Obama.    (Besides, alas, he’s not that funny.)  For any McCain-Palin fans, I hope you have a sense of humor about it, otherwise check back post-election.  I do promise some Biden jokes.

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John McCain accused Barack Obama of recently changing his tax plan while running for President.   As opposed to himself,  who changed his tax plan back when he decided to run for President.

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Football coach Rich Rodriguez agreed to terms with the University of Michigan back in January.  But he just finally on Friday signed the six year deal  worth an estimated $2.5 million a year. 

Good thing too, with all those other schools just waiting to steal away a 2 and 5 coach.

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After Barry Bonds sat out most of the 2006 season after problems with knee surgery performed by his personal doctor, now comes the news that Tom Brady’s personal surgeon may have botched his knee surgery as well.

Meanwhile, in the NBA, several players have suggested to Kobe Bryant that perhaps he should look beyond the Lakers team physician for a second opinion about HIS knee.

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The fall classic…

October 23, 2008

World Series or not, most folks in the Tampa area still aren’t really into their baseball team yet.   In fact, when a local newspaper asked residents what they thought about the Rays,  the most common response – “It’s best to use sunscreen. ” 

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How can you tell a  Rays bandwagon fan?

They’re at the game.

How can you tell a Phillies bandwagon fan? 

They actually cheer.

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By the way, thanks to reader Mike Bush of Santa Barbara who reminded me that  they are the Tampa Bay Rays, not the Tampa Rays, and that Tampa Bay is not a city.   It’s the Tampa -St. Pete -Clearwater area.    And having just been to the stadium this summer, I know it’s in St. Petersburg.    But Tampa is easier to write. 

Of course, they aren’t the Miami Marlins either.  Or the Denver Rockies.  Or for that matter the Phoenix Diamondbacks.   What is it about expansion teams.  One city’s not enough, they have to claim the whole state?   

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The Republican National Committee spent $150,000 on campaign clothes and accessories for Sarah Palin.    $150,000!   For about two months.  Who was selling them the clothes?  Scott Boras?

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Actually for as poorly as the campaign is doing in October, you’d expect most of the outfits to have pinstripes. 

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In related news, the Obama campaign admitted spending about $50  recently on accessories for Joe Biden.   All on rolls of duct tape.  For his mouth.

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And this from Nick Coombs:  Senator John McCain chided Barack Obama for saying nice things about the Rays while having previously said he was rooting for the Phillies.  Actually McCain was disappointed the A’s didn’t make it, he would have loved an all-Philadelphia world series.

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October Surprise:

October 22, 2008

Fox has made no secret of their preference for a McCain-Palin victory in November,  But alas, the biggest October surprise has turned out to be a Phillies-Rays World Series.

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How old is the ageless Jamie Moyer of the Phillies?  He’s so old he can remember the last time the Phillies won the World Series.

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How young are the Phillies and Rays on average?  Even Barack Obama says they’re inexperienced.

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Oops.  John McCain slipped up at a campaign rally in referring to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.  Not the Rays as they have been known this season.  But to be fair, most folks in the Tampa/St. Pete area don’t know about the name change either.

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These are heady times for sports fans in the Tampa area.   With the NHL Lightning’s season underway and the Rays in the World Series, for the first time ever in October, they get to ignore two local teams at once.

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The New York Yankees and Dallas Cowboys have joined up to form a  company that will provide food, retail and other services at their new stadiums.  And if operations go well, company staff will be free to work for other teams during the postseason.

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There is talk of adding a second NHL team maybe by expansion,  in Toronto, Canada, home of the Maple Leafs.  Hasn’t the city suffered enough?

 

(For all you American readers who aren’t hockey fans, the Maple Leafs are the closest thing Canada has to the Cubs.  Much beloved, and they haven’t won a championship in over 40 years.)

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California Governor Arnold Schwarenegger, who has been assiduously avoiding the presidential campaign, just announced he will go to Columbus, Ohio on Halloween to campaign for Senator McCain.   This way if anyone sees him, Arnold can pretend to be just another guy in a Terminator mask.   

 

 

From Bill Littlejohn:

“Mr. Blackwell, composer of the annual Worst Dressed List, has passed away at age 86.  A football scholarship to the University of Oregon has been established in his name”

(if you are not a Pac-10 fan this may not make sense until you Google pictures.  If you are, no further explanation needed.)

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As we approach Halloween…

October 21, 2008

Most Americans are working on their costumes…
Rumor has it members of the Cincinnati Bengals are planning to come as professional football players.

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Some people like to dress up for Halloween as cheerleaders, athletes, boy or girl scouts, something from their younger lives…. Which is why John McCain is going as a maverick.
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Online bidding went as high as $65,100 per seat for each PSL (personal seat license) for the best seats to New York Jets seats in the new Meadowlands stadium, which is scheduled to open in 2010.  Lucky winners will get to pay $700 per ticket to the games themselves.

The most upset people in New York about these auction prices?  Yankees management, who wonder “Why didn’t we think of this?” 

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A month ago, the Dallas Cowboys were 3-0, and the stock market was over 11,000.  Guess maybe they really are America’s team.

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And John McCain said he just “loves being an underdog.”  Finally, the real reason he picked Sarah Palin.

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Congrats to the Rays…

October 20, 2008

The Tampa Bay Rays, who went from the worst team in baseball in 2007, to the World Series now in 2008 by beating the Boston Red Sox in game seven of the ALCS, 3 to 1.

The save went to rookie David Price, who just last year was pitching for Vanderbilt University.   So I guess the headlines tomorrow “The Price is Right?”

 

Until this year, Tampa was known as the “Devil Rays,” but they dropped “Devil” from their name in the offseason.   Might be one of the most sucessful exorcisms in recent history.

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Coach Mike Krzyzewski, whose Duke team has not won a NCAA basketball championship since 2001, is reportedly considering renaming the team the Duke Blues.

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The Rays had a 2008 payroll of just under $44 million.  For those of you scoring at home,  less than the San Francisco Giants and Los Angeles Dodgers combined to pay Barry Zito, Andruw Jones and Jason Schmidt.

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And for San Francisco area football fans,  the Stanford Cardinal 23-20 lost to UCLA Saturday.  UCLA won the game on a late touchdown drive, helped by four Stanford penalties for 35 yards.  For the game,  the Cardinal was penalized 10 times for 103 yards, including some personal fouls.  No word yet on a rumor that the team will change its colors to silver and black.

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Late night thoughts…

October 18, 2008

What a weird world we live in, when a presidential candidate apologizes to David Letterman for missing a show, but doesn’t apologize to the American public for missing more votes than anyone else in the Senate.

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After weeks of being lampooned by Tina Fey, Sarah Palin showed up in person on Saturday Night Live.  Apparently Joe Biden also inquired about coming to speak on the show sometime,  but NBC informed him that the program only runs for an hour and a half.

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Hell freezes over…

October 18, 2008

…The Chicago Tribune for the first time in its 150 year history has endorsed a Democrat for president.

Add one more thing to the list of miracles that have happened  before the Cubs winning another World Series.

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Sarah Palin was campaigning in Ohio today, continuing her talk about “pro-America” places.  To be fair, she thought about visiting “amateur-America,” but the Bengals were having a closed practice.

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It started with “Joe Millionaire.”  Now we have “Joe Six-Pack” and “Joe the Plumber.”  If America doesn’t get over its fascination with these “average Joes” we someday could end up with “Joe President.”

Oops, never mind.

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And this weekend at the box office the reigning powerhouse “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” will take on “W.”    One’s a funny movie about being cute, spoiled and pampered, until you end up in a place where you are confused, lost and over your head.     The other’s about a talking dog.

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Joe the Plumber, and more baseball…

October 17, 2008

Turns out that “Joe the Plumber” doesn’t even have a plumber’s license.  But he can see the licensing bureau from his house.

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And “Joe the Plumber” says he favors McCain’s economic policies.  He figures there will be less taxes he will have to evade.

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The reason McCain talked so much about “Joe the Plumber.”  In his debate prep bringing up his friend G. Gorden Liddy the Plumber didn’t go that well…

But whatever Joe thinks,  Josephine the Plumber was listening to the part of the debate about equal pay.  And she is pissed.

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John McCain said of the Obama-Biden ticket “We’ve got them right where we want them.”  Funny thing, that’s exactly what the Dodgers said about the Phillies.

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The Tampa Bay Rays scored five runs in four innings against Daisuke Matsuzaka, aka Dice-K, but let the Boston Red Sox come back to win in game 5.

So will the headline read  “Rays roll Dice, but still lose?”

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Approaching the World Series…

October 16, 2008

Don’t you love karma and payback…

Fox owns the rights to televise the World Series, although many playoff games have been on TBS.  To increase ratings, the playoffs games have generally been in the evening, with the “prime” games starting about 830p.   Yes, 830p, guaranteeing that the games won’t end until close to midnight at best.    But yes, all in the name of ratings, even if chlldren, and many adults, can’t stay up for the games.

So how perfect is it that we are one win away from the Fox World Series rating bonanza of Philadelphia vs. Tampa Bay?

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John McCain said in Wednesday’s debate that he would put the “most qualified” candidate on the Supreme Court. 

Like he chose Sarah Palin? 

(Guess this means his pick would be a toss-up between Amy Brenneman and  Judge Judy.)

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The University of Wisconsin band will be allowed to play this weekend, following a suspension for a hazing, alcohol related incidents and a “pattern of humiliating behavior.” 

In related news, despite their “humiliating behavior” against Toledo, the University of Michigan football team will be allowed to play this weekend too.

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Despite Manny Ramirez’s .520 batting average and four home runs in the post season, Los Angeles was bounced out of the National League Championship Series in 5 games by the Phillies.

Guess Manny being Manny wasn’t enough to offset the Dodgers being the Dodgers.

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Many viewers didn’t even bother to turn on game five of the Dodgers Phillies series, since they figured the outcome was a foregone conclusion.

The same rationale many other viewers used not to watch the third Presidential debate.

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Only one more debate to go…

October 15, 2008

Finally, something that both Democrats and Republicans can celebrate together.

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John McCain’s choice of Sarah Palin as his running mate gave the Republican ticket a quick boost,  but the effects seem to be fading.  Can we call it a “dead moose bounce?”

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John McCain is coming up with a new economic plan almost every daily.  Some say the continual change in plans in cynical.  But give the guy a break, maybe he simply can’t remember what plan he prposed yesterday.

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Contrary to what John McCain says, Barack Obama is not “measuring the drapes” in the Oval Office.   Joe Biden, however, has been rumored to be trying to get his draft of  his first speech as vice-president under three hours.

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The Dodgers are still reeling from their eighth inning meltdown Monday night.   And think of how much worse it would have been if their fans had stayed around to see it.

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Sports Illustrated has an online section at SI.com listing their experts’ picks for the World Series.  Excuse me, how many of these “experts” had the Rays anywhere NEAR the World Series?

(let alone the Phillies.)

But before we get too cocky about baseball experts, can we see a show of hands for all those who predicted the last undefeated team in the NFL would be the Tennessee Titans?

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Playoff thoughts..

October 13, 2008

Despite the Philadelphia Phillies’ 3-1 lead in the NLCS, Ryan Howard is hitting only .188.

Maybe he really is the next Alex Rodriguez.

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But Philadelphia fans are still thrilled.  With one more win they get to boo their team in the World Series.

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What’s the difference between a free market capitalist and a socialist? 

About 3000 points on the Dow.

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John McCain is stepping up his attacks by association on Barack Obama.    Next apparently he will say that while in Chicago Obama was a fan of Rex Grossman.

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Excessive fines?

October 13, 2008

Three members of the Miami Dolphins were fined $10,000 each by the NFL for last week’s “excessive celebrating” after a touchdown.  Well, at least there’s one thing that probably won’t happen to the 0-6 Cincinnati Bengels.

(Of course, maybe it’s just my imagination, but weren’t the Bengals playing better when they were getting arrested?)

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Monta Ellis of the Golden State Warriors was fined $3 million for getting injured while driving a moped, which was forbidden by the terms of his contract.  No word on how much he will also be fined by his teammates in kangaroo court.  A moped?!

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According to ESPN, after Friday’s practice, Adam “Pacman” Jones apparently apologized to Dallas Cowboy teammates for his latest “incident.”

Then he vowed that such a thing would not happen again.

Well, one out of two’s not bad.

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A group in Detroit is trying to raise $15 million to save what is left of baseball’s old Tiger Stadium.    Some area fans have promised to donate the group will also look into tearing down the football stadium, Ford Field, preferably with the Lions in it.

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Joey Chestnut of San jose ate 45 pizza slices in 10 minutes Sunday to win the first Famous Famiglia World Pizza Eating Championship in Times Square.  Well, we may be struggling in Iraq, and struggling with the economy at home, but suppose it’s nice to know that America is upholding our superpower ranking in SOMETHING.

 

John McCain has vowed if elected to cut capital gains taxes..   Of course, given the way the market is going, most Americans won’t HAVE any capital gains taxes….

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McCain also vowed that during the debate he would kick Barack Obama’s ‘you-know-what.”   He wasn’t trying to be cute, he just forgot what he was going to kick.

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Dropping the puck

October 12, 2008

Saturday night Sarah Palin dropped the puck at a Philadelphia Flyers hockey game.   Meanwhile, her running mate John McCain dropped the puck at a shuffleboard game.

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Philadelphia fans did not exactly seem thrilled to see Governor Palin.  They greeted her with many thumbs down signs, and loud boos.  Boos that were only equalled by the ones for the Flyers after they gave up 4 goals in the first period.

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After forty years, “Hockey Night in Canada” debuted a new theme song- “Canadian Gold.”

In the US, Fox is thinking of debuting a new theme song for the playoffs “Wait til the Midnight Hour.”

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Not to say the game 3 starter for the Phillies,  Jamie Moyer, throws REALLY REALLY slowly… But the Dodgers set a pitching machine at his speed during batting practice and the thing stalled.

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How slowly do Moyer’s pitches approach the plate?  You almost expect one of them to have its turn signal blinking.

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Both Bill and Hillary Clinton will make a joint campaign appearance on behalf of Barack Obama, and then the former President will campaign on his own for Senator Obama.    Just when things were going so well….

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And what a weekend for college football.  So many top teams went down that viewers weren’t sure if they were watching SportsCenter or Wall Street Week.

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The economy and baseball….

October 10, 2008

Who’d a thunk with our 401Ks, that the K would stand for strikeout?

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Although I think I can safely guarantee the market will not go down on Monday.  Monday is Columbus Day.

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Good news:  the price of gas is going down.

Bad news:  most Americans now can’t afford their car payments.:

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Barack and the Weatherman.

October 9, 2008

John McCain’s campaign has been trying to discredit Barack Obama by his association with a former Weatherman.  But the accusation isn’t getting much traction.  Most voters under 50 say they don’t even watch the Weather Channel.

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And a version for readers over  50…

John McCain’s campaign has been trying to discredit Barack Obama by his association with a famous former Weatherman.  But the accusation isn’t getting much traction.  For most older voters, the only person that brings to mind is Willard Scott. 

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Barack Obama has purchased 30 minutes of network primetime for October 29.  Well, that ought to be almost enough for some introductory remarks by Joe Biden.

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Former NHL goalie Clint Malarchuk accidently shot himself after he placed a .22 caliber rifle between his legs after shooting rabbits. The bullet hit his chin. 

Tonight, Malarchuk reportedly said he considers himself “the luckiest man in America.”.

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The NHL season opener was Thursday night, which means in the US, that hockey television ratings were about the same as they were Wednesday night.

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From my funny friend Bill Littlejohn: 
“Kevin Costner and Ron Sheldon are reportedly discussing a sequel to ‘Bull Durham’.This time, Crash and Annie help Nuke after Laloosh was named in the Mitchell Report”

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