Archive for September 2008

It’s now the first of October…

September 30, 2008

We’re officially in October.  Or as New Yorkers now refer to it – football season.

There are rumors that Sarah Palin is prepping for the debate by reading Wikipedia.  But today she joked about Joe Biden’s age.  Apparently she hasn’t yet read the entry about her running mate.

Sarah Palin also said of Biden “I’ve been hearing about his speeches since I was in the second grade.”  Second grade?  Impressive.  Wonder when she heard about his speeches?   Presumably listening to the radio while looking out the window for Russia?

 

There’s a new election scandal (true) in Canada.  The Liberal party just figured out now that Prime Minister Stephen Harper gave a speech in 2003 copied almost word for word from Australia’s Prime Minister John Martin?

Five years after the fact?  Who’s running their campaign anyway, former U.S. employees of FEMA?


And early voting began Tuesday in Ohio, making citizens of the state the first to cast ballots for the next president.  Well, considering the Browns, Bengals, Indians and Reds, guess it’s fair that Ohio is first in SOMETHING.

A new polls indicates that 70 percent of Americans now disapprove of George W. Bush.   And four percent had no opinion.    Which is shocking news.  26 percent still back him?

Now that the regular season is (almost) over…

September 30, 2008

Who knew that the biggest difference between the Yankees and Mets would turn out to be that the Yankees got a one week head start on choosing tee-times?

And what kind of a year has it been for Chicago vs. New York?  Let’s see, Obama, the Cubs and White Sox still competing.  Hillary, Rudy, the Yankees and the Mets all watching at home.

Sarah Palin has borrowed Hillary Clinton’s phrase about putting cracks in the glass ceiling.  But realistically, after some of her interviews, if the glass ceiling were made of ice, Governor Palin would be the Zamboni.

A man was arrested last week on the field at Dodger Stadium for impersonating a Los Angeles Dodgers player.   In related news, members of the Mets bullpen have been arrested for impersonating major league pitchers.

Rough week for upsets…

September 29, 2008

What a week for upsets.  USC was upset by Oregon State, Georgia was upset by Alabama, Florida was upset by Old Miss.  And then of course David Letterman was REALLY upset by John McCain.

Green Bay Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers may have a separated shoulder.  Which means it would be a great time to turn to an aging veteran backup… Oops.

 
How bad was the CBS Sarah Palin interview?  Katie Couric says for her next political interview she wants to talk to someone articulate like President Bush.

The Chicago White Sox have to make up a game against the Detroit Tigers to see if they can tie for the AL-Central lead.  Some sports commentators have worried that the Tigers will just be “mailing it in.”    Which just means they’ll be playing like they have all season.

Mike Mussina, 38, became the oldest pitcher ever to win 20 games for the first time Sunday.   His teammates tried to mob him until he yelled “You punks get off of my field.”

Premature Ad-jaculation

September 26, 2008

John McCain’s campaign had a web ad posted Friday morning saying that Senator McCain had won Friday NIGHT’s debate.

Presume the ad was placed next to another ad selling Yankees playoff tickets.

 

 

And Yahoo.com headline..

Swiss man flies over Channel on jet wing

My first thought, great, now the airlines are charging you extra to sit inside?

Guess ESPN focused on the wrong USC-OSU game….

September 26, 2008

After all the hype about USC – Ohio State, which turned out to be a rout… no one paid much attention to the USC-Oregon State game.  Including apparently USC.

Beavers 27- Trojans 21.

Guess USC was a little too focused on their big upcoming rematch with Stanford.

So now Sarah Palin thinks she understands Russia being from Alaska because “we have trade missions back and forth.”

Does this mean she thinks she is ready to deal with Japan because she has helped her son trade Pokemon cards?

 

 

 

Will the Presidential debates go on?

September 25, 2008

Why not?  Even if Obama and McCain both do want to meet with President Bush about the economic crisis.

The debate is scheduled for 9pm Washington time.  That’s past Bush’s bedtime.

First Lady Laura Bush said that Sarah Palin really didn’t have the foreign policy experience to be president, but that she was a “quick study.”

And yes, that worked out so well with Laura’s husband.

The New York Mets had a lead, money, and experience, not to mention several big name stars on their team.   Yet they  are now in danger of losing the pennant race.   Who’s managing this outfit, Hillary Clinton?

 

Proving that the apple does not fall far from the twisted tree, this effort is basically from my son, Carey Schwartz:

Polls now show he is losing to Barack Obama.  And this week John McCain cited the U.S. economic crisis as a reason to cancel Friday’s Presidental debate.

In a gesture of solidarity, the New York Yankees asked Major League Baseball to cancel the playoffs.

Sarah Palin’s travels

September 24, 2008

This week Sarah Palin has been travelling with John McCain to Iowa, Michigan, Pennysylvania and New York.  Then after they visited the United Nations, Senator McCain took her down to Wall Street, so they could visit the state of Denial.

Wally Joyner resigned Tuesday as the San Diego hitting coach.  This came as a surprise to the team’s fans.  The Padres HAD a hitting coach?

Hard to believe, but kids who have become baseball fans in the 21st century think the Boston Red Sox are a dynasty and the New York Yankees are cursed.

Now that Chicago has clinched the NL Central: what’s the difference between a true Cubs fan and a bandwagon Cubs fan?

The bandwagon fan is already planning to wear a “Cubs World Series 2008” shirt, the true Cubs fan knows the shirt will say “Wait until next October.”

That bailout..

September 23, 2008

John McCain said he was concerned that the bailout plan “gives a single individual the unprecedented power to spend $1 trillion dollars without any meaningful accountability.”

Well, unprecedented since President Bush started a trillon dollar war.
 

As the dust settles, Americans are increasingly demanding that the Government take punitive action against reckless spenders…   And the Yankees responded,  “wait a minute, wasn’t missing the playoffs punishment enough?”

 

 

Referees’ errors have helped Denver win a second home game in a row.  Any truth to the rumor the Broncos are changing the name of their stadium from  “Invesco Field”  to “Verizon Field” –  because of all the missed calls?

And the New York Yankees have now missed the playoffs for the first time since 1993.

To give you an idea how long ago that was.  In 1993, Barack Obama was a newlywed community organizer, Sarah Palin was in her first term on the Wasilla City Council.  And the biggest thing George W. Bush was mismanaging was the Texas Rangers.

End of some eras…

September 21, 2008

Both Yankee Stadium and Shea Stadium will be demolished piece by piece, as New York law prohibits large scale implosions.  Unfortunately, someone forgot to tell the Mets bullpen.

or

Both Yankee Stadium and Shea Stadium will be demolished piece by piece, as New York law prohibits large scale implosions.    Apparently someone forgot to tell Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign.

 

Whats the difference between Yankee Stadium and John McCain?   One is an out-of-date old relic  being honored for past glories this summer.  The other is a baseball stadium.

Manchester United, perhaps the most famous soccer team in the world, has been primarily sponsored for the past few years by AIG.  After last week’s taxpayer bailout, we may have a new contender for “America’s Team.”

As we get closer to October…

September 21, 2008

Congrats to the Tampa Bay Rays, who have just clinched their first ever playoff spot.  Now fans just hope that the pressure of the postseason doesn’t get to the young team. 

It’s not that folks in the Tampa area aren’t used to being disappointed in October.  It’s just usually that it’s by the Buccaneers. 

And apropos of nothing, the last time the New York Yankees missed the playoffs?   1993.   Five years before the Rays franchise was founded.

Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers celebrated his 16th birthday by renting out Dodger Stadium for a party.  Apparently the team offered him a half price deal to have his party the following day before Los Angeles played the San Francisco Giants.  But Jonas and his friends didn’t want to commit to vacating the premises for fans by the third inning.

Weekend thoughts.

September 20, 2008

Earlier this year John McCain said  “The issue of economics is not something I’ve understood as well as I should.”

Well, I guess this means he is ready to be president.

The Boston Celtics visited President Bush this week.  Following in the footsteps in recent years of the Red Sox and the Patriots.    Proving that it’s not IMPOSSIBLE to get to the White House from Massachusetts.

What’s difference between a fan of free markets and a fan of big government?  About 900 points on the Dow.


The problem with a government bailout of an expensive mess is that it sets a precedent.  in fact, it probably won’t be long until unhappy citizens ask for a bailout of the Yankees. 

The Yankees say they will unveiled a really historic artifact from their past will be unveiled during a ceremony before Sunday’s final game.  Presumably a World Series ring?

 

Although the college football season is heading into its fourth week, universities on the quarter system finally start classes next week.   But at least football players at Stanford, Northwestern, Washington, and UCLA have had a taste of what it’s like to go to Florida State.

AP Headline

September 19, 2008

Yesterday’s AP headline: “Bush working on economic turmoil.”

 

Now that’s one mission he’s accomplished.

End of the road..

September 17, 2008

The New York Yankees were so sure they would make the playoffs, that they didn’t plan closing ceremonies for Yankee Stadium during the last game this Sunday.  Instead, the team scheduled the ceremony for November. 

Presumably they also planned to have the ceremonies hosted by either President-elect Clinton or Giuliani.

And former HP CEO Carly Fioriana made headlines by saying that neither Palin, McCain, Obama or Biden are qualified to be CEO’s because they have not run a business, and the qualifications are different. 

 

Well, President Bush was a CEO, and look how well that turned out.

 

 

Back to baseball…

September 17, 2008

What’s the difference between the Mets and the Yankees?  Probably about a week.

About two million people in Houston remain without power after Ike.  Unfortunately, that number includes the Astros lineup.

 

And Ned Yost was fired as manager of the Milwaukee Brewers, despite the fact that his team was tied for the Wild Card lead at the time.  Well, that’s at least one indignity this year that will be spared Joe Girardi.

This just in – Blackberry thoughts

September 16, 2008

A John McCain aide said that the Senator helped invent the Blackberry.

And Sarah Palin added “I can see blackberries growing from my house.”

As the baseball season winds down…

September 16, 2008
This year there is likely a silver lining for Yankees fans.  They don’t have to watch A-Rod flop in the playoffs.

For the Republicans, Sarah Palin has been a great distraction from the cranky out-of-touch old man who is really in charge of things. 

So much so, in fact, that the Steinbrenner family is now considering replacing manager Joe Girardi with Madonna.

As low as things are getting in the US elections, Canadian national campaigning might have gone lower with a Conservative ad showing a cartoon Puffin bird defecating on Liberal party leader Stephane Dion.

Actually, the McCain campaign did think of a similar anti-Obama campaign with a bird, but Sarah Palin shot it.

For what it’s worth….  There have been a lot of lousy free agent signings in baseball – Carl Pavano by the Yankees, Barry Zito by the Giants, Andruw Jones and Kevin Brown by the Dodgers.  But at least today they all look like better financial decisions than buying stock in financial companies.

Experience?

September 15, 2008

With all this talk about experience in the presidential election, can we have a moment to remember…?  Al Davis has been running the Oakland Raiders for 45 years.

Karl Rove this weekend said that some of John McCain’s television ads were “beyond the 100 percent truth test.”

For a Republican, isn’t being accused of lying by Karl Rove,  like being told your childcare doesn’t come up to the standards of Michael Jackson?

Or like being told that you are not as good a husband as Bill Clinton?

John McCain made a campaign stop at a NASCAR race this weekend.  Guess he wanted to try to convert the potential Obama voters there – both of them.

Rough day for UCLA

September 14, 2008

Their football team lost to BYU 59-0.    Fifty-nine?!!! 

 

Brigham Young didn’t have that much scoring in all his combined honeymoons.

It’s not that Rick Neuheisel has never been so embarrassed by his team before. But in the past, police were involved.

Distractions…

September 13, 2008

John McCain hopes that putting a young attractive woman on the ticket will distract Americans from the fact that an old out-of-touch man is actually really running things.

If it works and they get elected, look for Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis to replace coach Lane Kiffin with Jessica Simspon.

– 

 

Sarah Palin is doing such a good job of distracting Americans from John McCain’s record, her next job offer may be to do public relations for the Yankees.

Maybe it’s just me, but Sarah Palin reminds me of the buttoned down woman nobody recognizes who shows up at a  mostly-male corporate meeting.  When it’s someone’s birthday.  And then she takes out the boombox and starts playing “the Stripper song….

 

 

 

Rough week for quarterbacks…

September 11, 2008

After the first game of the season, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is out for the year. This might be the most crushing single performance since Rudy Giuliani in the Florida primary.

Congratulations to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, who were the first team to reduce their magic number to zero.  Over in Tampa Bay, most fans are still asking “what’s a magic number?”

Silver lining of sorts for San Francisco fans:  After three lousy seasons, 49ers quarterback Alex Smith and his $49 million contract are out for the year. Suddenly, that Barry Zito contract doesn’t look so bad.

Curt Schilling blasted New York fans as “bitter and miserable.”  And he wasn’t even in San Francisco at the time.