Left Coast Sports Babe

There have been two fatal shark-bite attacks off the Pacific Coast this spring,  prompting officials to try to figure ways to get rid of the sharks in a hurry.

The easiest way – put a sign on the beach saying “Playoff time.”

(okay, for anyone who is thinking “huh?”  It’s a hockey joke.  Have to have one from time to time)

Jenna and her new husband plan to honeymoon in Europe.  And after the wedding the newlyweds slipped away quietly.  Good to know SOME member of the family had an exit strategy.

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And in many ways it was a typical Republican wedding.  Jenna’s mother Laura cried because she was losing a daughter, her father cried because he was losing a tax deduction.

More suggestions for Hillary Clinton t-shirts for the design contest.

“I donated $4600 and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”

“White chicks rule”

“My home state is Illinois (crossed out)

Arkansas (xed out too.)

New York (ditto)

Pennsylvania (big red x)

Where do you want it to be?

I am not making this up.

On Hillary Clinton’s website there is a contest for supporters to design a t-shirt that can be sold in her official campaign online store.

Other than the obvious “My other t-shirt is a pantsuit” may I suggest:

“I ran for the presidency and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”

Or based on his performance in South Carolina, when she is onstage with Bill Clinton –  “I’m with stupid?”

Apparently Jenna Bush’s wedding was lovely and of course the happy couple received many nice gifts.  The most extravagant came from Vice President Dick Cheney, who gave them a week’s supply of gas.

John McCain is so old he can remember when he was a maverick.

UPS just announced they have signed a marketing agreement with the owners of Big Brown, the impressive Kentucky Derby winner.

Is this really a great idea before the Preakness and Belmont?  UPS generally doesn’t deliver on Saturdays.

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And at this point will Hillary replace her campaign song with the Boz Scaggs classic “It’s Over?”

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Or Hall and Oates’ “She’s gone.”

For all non-Hall and Oates fans, the first verse is particularly worth quoting:

“Everybody’s high on consolation
Everybody’s trying to tell me
What is right for me, yeah
I need a drink and a quick decision
Now it’s up to me, ooooh what will be.”
 

For all those Americans who are weary of this long drawn-out Democratic primary.

 Cheer up, there’s only a little more than a MONTH left in the NBA playoffs.

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And Papa John’s Pizza offered 23 cent pizzas today in  the Cleveland area as an apology to fans after one of their Washington area franchises printed up t-shirts calling #23 Lebron James a “crybaby.”

Oil companies in Texas have a different strategy.  If anyone calls #11 Yao Ming a crybaby, they will raise the price of gas to $11 a gallon.

At this point in the Democratic primary, Hillary Clinton has almost no mathematical chance for the nomination, and almost no time left to catch up anyway.  Yet she still insists she will win.

Yep, guess she really did grow up a Cubs fan.

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Actually Hillary Clinton is running a strangely apt campaign considering her vote to go to war in Iraq….. No Exit Strategy

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Though, okay, hands up for both people who a year ago figured that Hillary basically would be out of it, and the New Orleans Hornets still are alive with a  good chance to win it all.

Why I love AMERICA, by Hillary Clinton.    Apologies to Letterman’s 10 top ten list.

A – is for Arkansas.  I won Arkansas. They love me in Arkansas.

M – is for Michigan.  I won Michigan.  I would have won it even if I wasn’t the only name on the ballot.  They really do love me.

E – is for Every Other State I won.  There are so many  of them.  They love me too.

R -is for Rhode Island.   Who says I only care  about  big states? I love cute little states, well, except Delaware.

 I -is for Illinois.  My home state. I won  Illinois…no, wait a minute.  Illinois is full of Judases.  Indiana is the real Illinois.  They love me.   I love them too, at least pending returns on Tuesday.

 C – is for California.  I am the Golden Girl in  the  Golden State.  Even if a lot of them voted for poor John Edwards who wasn’t even running by the time  the election happened.  They WOULD have voted for me.

A – is for Arkansas- – Did I mention I won Arkansas?

So the NHL game between the San Jose Sharks and Dallas Stars finally ended at 130a Central Time when the Stars scored in the fourth overtime to win 2-1.

Good thing too, the NHL was about to turn it over to their superdelegates.

While campaigning in North Carolina and Indiana, Hillary Clinton denied that her support of a gas tax holiday was political pandering.  She also said it was just because of her love of the game that she is also supporting a bill to make Basketball the national sport.

Written during overtime number 4.

So when did this hockey game become the Democratic primary?

Presidential candidate John McCain has been taking some heat because of comments he made that implied the Iraq war was for oil.  He has tried to step away from those comments, at first saying that he was talking about the first Gulf War.  Now apparently he is saying he was confused by his memories of the Spanish-American war.

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So in this television season that was interrupted by the writer’s strike,  Sunday night will be the season finale of “Cold Case.”

Of course, the same thing could happen Tuesday if  Hillary loses Indiana and North Carolina.

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And Tampa Bay is off to their best baseball season ever after droppng the Devil from their name.

Does this mean for starters that Toronto, starting off May in the cellar,  could soon be known simply as the Jays?

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I

The most exciting two minutes in sports?

So what are the dullest two minutes in sports?  A few suggestions.

The last two minutes of an NBA where one team has a 15 point lead but the other team fouls nonstop, just in case?

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The two minutes a manager talks to his pitcher on the mound, after that pitcher has suddenly given up a couple hits and a home run in about seven pitches, and the reliever hasn’t had time to warm up yet.

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The two minutes after the two minute warning in the NFL, when one team is leading by three touchdowns.

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Bengie Molina running to first base?  Or Nomar Garciaparra getting ready in the batter’s box?

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Hillary Clinton says she has instructed her daughter Chelsea to go to Churchill Downs and place a bet on Eight Belles, the only filly in the race.  

So it might be a sign for Hillary if Eight Belles wins.  But what if the winner is Big Brown, Visionaire or Cool Coal Man?

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Albert Hofmann, the inventor of LSD, just died at the age of 102.  Will his tombstone read “Off on a long strange trip?”

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Eli Manning and the Giants went to Washington this week for a photo op with President Bush.  Well, at least SOME New Yorkers made it to the White House.

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Actually President Bush was a little surprised to see the Giants show up.  Late in the 4th quarter, he had turned off the TV when Tom Brady unfurled that sideline banner saying “Mission Accomplished.”

The Yankees yesterday placed Alex Rodriguez on the disabled list.  It’s actually the first time since 2000 that the third baseman has been inactive. Well, other than the playoffs.

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At this point Reverend Wright might be the most embarrassing thing in recent memory to happen to Chicago.  Well, except the Cubs.

(Note to all Cubs fans, yes, I know they are off to a great start.  And yes, it isn’t September yet.)

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On the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Cindy McCain made disparaging remarks about her husband’s driving.  But let’s be fair, it took him a long time to adjust to the change from horse and buggy.

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And after drinking a shot of whiskey in a bar in Pennsylvania, today Hillary Clinton borrowed a Ford pickup so she could pump gas in Indiana.

Can we just file all this under the title “Pander-monium?”