Posted tagged ‘Plaxico Burress’

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3D football…

December 5, 2008

The Oakland Raiders were featured in the NFL’s first 3D televised game Thursday night.  Who knew?  The 3 apparently stood for Oakland’s win total.  The D apparently stood for dreadful.

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The Oakland Raiders were trounced 34-7 by the San Diego Chargers Thursday night, making them 0-10 for their last primetime games.

On the brighter side, the Raiders’ season video has been optioned as an NBC sitcom.

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Apparently linebacker Anthony Pierce will now be testifying against teammate Plaxico Burress in his gun case.  Burress thought Pierce had his back. This is what is known as blown coverage.

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Plaxico Burress’s friend and teammate Anthony Pierce will now be testifying against him. Apparently  the police gave Pierce six to ten good reasons for testifying.

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For the third time in a year, federal prosecutors have rewritten their indictment against Barry Bonds for perjury, this time dropping four counts of lying to a grand jury.  Isn’t it great in this economy to actually watch our tax dollars at work? 

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Some Democrats are already criticizing Barack Obama for not getting more involved in the economic crisis, although he won’t be sworn in for over six weeks.    Even Elizabeth Taylor had honeymoons that lasted longer than this.

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Crisis management?

December 3, 2008

Former Oakland football coach Lane Kiffin, now hired as the new head coach at the University of Tennessee said that being with the “dysfunctional” Raiders was valuable experience.  And that “you can’t go to school and learn crisis management like going there.”

Of course, by that token the most learned people in American have worked in the Bush administration.

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Automotive companies CEOs are driving their own companies’ cars this week to Washington on their second trip to ask for loans and bailouts.   Which is a nice PR move…but if it catches on?

Just wait until the airline companies need bailouts,  their executives will keep Congress waiting for hours.   And I can already hear the excuses about lost files in luggage.

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Executives from all of the Big Three automakers will drive their own hybrids to Washington.  Many in Congress think this second bid is too little too late.  Just like Detroit starting to make hybrids.-

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More BCS madness.  The system was created to avoid controversy and confusion in choosing college football’s top teams.    So in the Big 12 title game, where the winner goes on to the national championship game,  the North division champion  Missouri will go against the as-determined-by-the-BCS South Division champion,  Oklahoma.    Texas, with an identical 11-1 record, barely lost out.

Oh and that one Oklahoma loss?  To Texas. 

To err is human, to really screw things up requires a BCS.

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There’s a new Plaxico Burress cocktail.  Just one very expensive shot.

 

 

 

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Madam secretary…

December 2, 2008

(Apologies if you see another post off  to the side, having some technical difficulties.)

 

With Hillary Clinton nominated as Barack Obama’s secretary of state, there are rumors her husband Bill will be chosen to take her place in the Senate. 

Former President Clinton was at first leery of the idea.  Aides advised him that with the demands of the Senate, he would have to spend most of his time in Washington, instead of traveling with his wife.  And Bill said… well, now that I think about it….”

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Bill Clinton said that before he would accept the New York Senate seat he would need three things:  Chuck Shumer’s support, Michael Bloomberg’s cooperation, and Eliot Spitzer’s rolodex.

 

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A recent study showed that the British are the most promiscuous people in the world in terms of one-night stands.  And Bill Clinton asked Barack Obama, “Say, have you filled that position as Ambassador to the United Kingdom yet?”

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GMAC, the financing arm of General Motors, has tightened credit to the point that only buyers with excellent credit can get loans.  So basically GM couldn’t get financing to buy their own cars.

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If convicted Plaxico Burress of the New York Giants faces at least a 3 1/2 year sentence for carrying an illegal firearm after he accidentally shot himself with his own gun at a Manhattan nightclub.  Though a good lawyer might be able to get him paroled to the Lions.
 
Actually carrying the gun wasn’t apparently the problem, dropping it was…
 
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Wonder what Burress’s defense will be, that he didn’t expect to be going to the nightclub, and was on this way to the airport?
 
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On the brighter side, if this NFL thing doesn’t work out, Burress has been offered a job working security for Dick Cheney.
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The definition of a recession is negative growth in the economy for at least two quarters. Now economists say that the United States is definitely in a recession, and has been so for a year. 
So where did all these economists come from?  FEMA?
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President Bush said last weekend that he wants history to see him as a “liberator of millions.”    For starters,  he liberated millions of Americans from voting Republican.
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This year’s Cyber Monday featured all kinds of items with prices slashed 50 percent or more.  Including stocks.
 

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Any given Saturday night, or Sunday.

December 1, 2008

Troubled New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress, already unable to play due to a hamstring injury, accidentally shot himself in the thigh Saturday night while at a New York nightclub.

It’s a shame Burress isn’t a member of the Buffalo Bills or the bullet would have missed “wide right.”

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A bit of explanation for all non-college football junkies regarding yesterday’s post.  The BCS bowl system is so messed up that the University of Texas, who finished in second place in their own division of the Big 12, could yet end up playing in the BCS national championship game if the division winner, Oklahoma, loses in the Big 12 final next week… thus leading to the next joke.

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The University of Texas, runner up in the South division of the Big 12, could yet end up national champions if Oklahoma, the team that defeated them, stumbles in the league championship round.  And Hillary Clinton wonders — is it too late to have the BCS run the Democratic party?

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The San Francisco 49ers upset the Buffalo Bills Sunday to move their record to 4-8.  Amazing.  With two more wins they could be Division 1 Bowl eligible.

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