Posted tagged ‘Dick Cheney’

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Quizzing Hillary?

January 13, 2009

Apparently confirmation hearings for Hillary Clinton as secretary of state will involve questioning her about Bill. Well, sure who better to know what’s really going on in Bill’s Clinton’s life than Hillary?

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George W. Bush once again defended his presidency today, especially regarding Katrina and the credit markets. But lets be real, in eight years the only time he’s really noticed anything under water was watching Michael Phelps.

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George W. Bush and Dick Cheney actually are claiming that they have strengthened the Presidency.

Right, just like…

Sarah Palin and her family have strengthened the abstinence movement.

Al Davis has strengthened the Oakland Raiders.

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George W. Bush and Dick Cheney say they have strengthened the institution of the presidency. Even Cubs fans say these guys are delusional.

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There’s gambling in Las Vegas? I’m shocked, shocked…

Fox Sports is planning a series of one-hour shows on the NCAA men’s basketball tournament featuring Bob Knight and Billy Packer. The shows will be taped at the race and sports book in the Wynn hotel. But former CBS sportscaster Packer said the shows will be about analyzing the games and won’t mention gambling.

Does that mean we can expect a show analyzing the NFL playoffs featuring Plaxico Burress and Pacman Jones to be taped at a nightclub?

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Thanking President Bush…?

December 28, 2008

Sunday morning current secretary of state Condoleezza Rice said that people will soon “start to thank this president for what he’s done.”

Well, there’s a good chance they will thank him for what he will do on January 20.

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Condoleezza Rice also said that she didn’t feel the President had damaged America’s standing in the world.  Of course, she  might be just a bit out of touch these days.  Someone mentioned the Detroit Lions’ historic season and Condi said she was sure the President would be calling them with congratulations.

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Actually, when you think about it, the Detroit Lions might be the most appropriate team for President Bush to invite to his White House.

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Over in Hawaii, Barack Obama – along with most people on the island of Oahu – was without electricity for over 12 hours.   This was not unprecedented; although  the last time a president-elect found himself without power was when George W.  had his first post-election meeting with Dick Cheney.

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The New England Patriots completed an excellent 11-5 season, looked like one of the strongest teams in the NFL down the stretch,  and still found themselves shut out of the playoffs.   Which means they won’t get a call from the President and a visit to the White House.  But they may get an invitation from the new Secretary of State.

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Coca Cola received a warning letter from the FDA.  Apparently their “Diet Coke Plus” doesn’t have enough added nutrients to merit its label, which says “Diet Coke with Vitamins and Minerals.”    They have thus been ordered to revise the label.    Coca Cola is planning to appeal but if they lose they will just slap a sticker on the label, use it for regular Coke, and call it “Diet Coke with Sugar.”

The FDA also advised Coca Cola that “it is inappropriate to add extra nutrients to snack foods such as carbonated beverages.”

Yeah, good to see the FDA looking out for our health.  Extra caffeine, fine, extra sugar, fine, extra fat in chips and cookies, fine,….just none of those scary “extra nutrients.”

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A winter storm knocked out power to over 400,000 households in Michigan.  On the bright side, this meant none of them had to watch the Lions.

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R.I.P Deep Throat..

December 19, 2008

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Mark Felt, recently revealed as Watergate’s “Deep Throat”, has died at the age of 95. His funeral services will, of course, feature 18 1/2 minutes of silence.

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(Hard to believe Watergate was 35 years ago….And Nixon was impeached over covering up a two-bit breakin, though he didn’t help his own cause with those expletive-laden tapes.  As Dick Cheney said, “how quaint.”)

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Sixty-seven percent of Americans said in a recent poll that they could translate their dogs’ and cats’ sounds Although men were twice as likely as women to say they were “clueless” about understanding their pets.. Should we be surprised? Most men can’t even understand women…

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  • The San Jose Sharks have the best record in the NHL. Sports fans in California are so excited, some of them are even considering watching a game.

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  • Vice-president Cheney has now admitted authorizing the use of water torture. Although he will not be legally prosecuted rumor has it that when he takes his grandchildren to Disney World park employees will stop their boat in the middle of the Small World ride.

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    Change we can believe in.

    November 11, 2008

    “Change” is indeed the word for this fall.  The Tampa Bay Rays made it to the World Series, the Arizona Cardinals have a four game lead in their division, and the U.S. elected a black president. 

    Fans of the status quo, however, will be relieved to see the L.A. Clippers are off to another 1-6 start.  

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    Barack Obama met George W. Bush today for his White House tour and moving-in orientation.   Finally, a home eviction Americans can feel good about. 

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    Barack Obama visited his future residence for the first time Monday.  Actually the White House is not that different from many homes in America  – its value has decreased under the current occupant.

     

    There’s real change in the vice-presidency too.  We’re going from a guy who recklessly shoots off his gun, to a guy who recklessly shoots off his mouth.

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    But for those who fear that the relatively young Obama might be a reckless president, here’s a reassuring thought on his pragmatism – he’s from Chicago, and he’s NOT a Cubs fan.

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