Left Coast Sports Babe

Without them, all aspiring comedy writers would have a little less material…

 In fact,  forget the West Coast offense.  The 49ers are now employing the Loch Ness offense.    No one has solid proof it exists.

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And after watching their formerly #2 team lose 5 of their last 6 games,  Cal fans can be thankful that their hearts are sure not to be broken this weekend.  The Bears have a bye week.

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Brett Favre is hinting that he might postpone his retirement again and play in 2008.   Even Cher is saying, “Enough already.”

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When Lloyd Carr announced his retirement, his players reportedly gave him a standing ovation.   Big deal, if Charlie Weis announces HIS retirement the whole  town of South Bend will give him a ticker tape parade.

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A recent poll showed that Hillary Clinton was the  2008 Democratic presidential  candidate that voters would most like to have a guest for Thanksgiving dinner.  Though apparently there was a glitch.  Many voters thought the poll asked who they would most like to have SERVED for Thanksgiving dinner.

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And Hillary was asked how she felt about Thanksgiving dinner.  She said she felt that eating turkey made sense but that didn’t mean she would do it.

Has to go to Nick Saban, who compared his Crimson Tide’s humiliating loss to Louisiana-Monroe to 9/11.   Saying the team “must respond like America did from a ‘catastrophic event.'”

 Well, if Coach Saban is asked to leave Alabama after this  mediocre season, at least he has a job waiting with the Guiliani campaign.

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And maybe the real reason A-Rod is coming back to New York?  Of all the big market teams after him, the Yankees might be the least likely to put him in a position to fail in another World Series.

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And any frustrated NFL fans –  read,  people in San Francisco, Oakland, Miami etc – who might be turning their attention to the CFL.

The Winnipeg Blue Bombers have made it to the Grey
Cup against the Saskatchewan Rough Riders.   But  without their star quarterback after Kevin Glenn was injured in the East Division final.

Considering the fact, however,  that Vinny Testaverde is doing a  competent job for the NFL Panthers, perhaps Winnipeg should see if Doug Flutie is available?

(Background for all non-CFL fans, the Grey Cup is the Canadian Super Bowl equivalent.  And Kevin Glenn has had the league’s best quarterback rating until he broke his arm last weekend.)

New Oxymoron   – Touchdown, 49ers! 

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Wonder who tuned into Notre Dame (1-9) against Duke (1-9)  last Saturday.  Apparently in an effort to boost ratings NBC titled the broadcast “The Biggest Losers.”

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38 year old Brett Favre led his Green Bay Packers over 44 year old Vinny Testaverde and the Carolina Panthers.    Which was a blow for those of us who feel age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.  

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President Bush has attacked the Democrats for their policy of  “tax and spend.”  As opposed to his policy – “don’t tax, spend anyway.”

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So Hillary Clinton’s opponents are really attacking hard these days.  In fact, there is a rumor her fellow Dems are trying to get her ranked #2 in the BCS.

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And CNN is facing heat from telling a college student to ask Hillary if she preferred diamonds or pearls.  Mostly from Bill Clinton who said “Don’t give her any ideas, I’m still paying off for Monica.”

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While Barry Bonds is indicted for perjury, how about the Dolphins, who say on their website that they are an NFL team?

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And (all conservatives can stop  reading now.)…

While we are indicting for perjury, isn’t there a record somewhere of President Bush  saying he would ” preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States?” 

Pete Rose was asked if he thought Barry Bonds would be convicted of perjury.  His response “I wouldn’t bet on it.”

Another “two” bites the dust.

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Thursday night, Oregon became the lastest second ranked team to be upset by an unranked team.    Until this year the consistently worst losses for number twos have been by Democratic veeps in presidential elections.

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And after all the rumors, Barry Bonds was finally indicted for perjury on steroid charges.    It’s a shame for the home run king that the grand jury didn’t throw in a murder charge.  In California, that would guarantee he would walk.

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Actually, the whole steroids issue puts a huge cloud over Bud Selig’s tenure as commissioner, and many are saying again he should resign.    If so, perhaps our next commissioner should be George W. Bush.  Who has more experience working with perjurers and other liars?

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And Bill Clinton has a new video supporting his wife’s candidacy where he does a tough workout on a treadmill.  This may be the first time in recent memory that Bill got hot and sweaty over Hillary.

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Quote from Alex Rodriguez on the subject of rejoining the Yankees.

“Prior to entering into serious negotiations with
other clubs, I wanted the opportunity to share my
thoughts directly with Yankees’ ownership. We know
there are other opportunities for us, but Cynthia and
I have a foundation with the club that has brought us
comfort, stability and happiness.”

Translation, the market for a moody slugger with a
history of choking in the post season isn’t as strong
as we thought.

A Carnac moment:

Answer:  Three yards and a cloud of dust.

Question:  Describe a San Francisco 49ers offensive drive.

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But on a cheerier note, can we have a show of hands from all those who had Hawaii and Kansas as the year’s last two undefeated Division 1 football teams?  Both of you?

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And with Tampa taking Devil off their names to be simply the “Rays”, how long until 0 and 7 Seattle becomes just the “Sonics?” 

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The city of Miami is seeking permission to demolish the Orange Bowl.  The city commission is expected to approve the request, even though they were disappointed to learn the Dolphins would not be inside.

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And the writers’ strike is having an effect  on presidential campaigns.  If it keeps up Hillary Clinton may have to resort to reruns of her canned questions. 

Though first a word for the 2007 Dolphins. Who look
well on the way to their own perfect season.

And despite the writer’s strike, late-night comedy
fans got a chance to see a live show Monday.  That is,
if they tuned in till the end of the 49ers game.

The 49ers play in Monster Park, which is NOT named for
Monster.com  – the job search website, but for Monster
Cable.  Monster‘s products primarily connect audio and
video components.  Unlike the San Francisco passing
game, which doesn’t seem to connect anything.

Silver lining for Notre Dame fans, at least the team
won’t embarrass themselves in a bowl this year.

The Fighting Irish may have to change the motto to
“Win more than one for the Gipper.”

Roger Clemens said he might pitch for the US Olympic
team in 2008.  Of course, he won’t take the mound
until the medal round.

Navy defeated North Texas 74-62 on Saturday. Didn’t
see the game but both teams must have done a solid job
with their free throws.

Rudy Giuliani says of Hillary Clinton, “she cannot
take a position and stick with it.” Rudy himself is
perfectly capable of sticking with a position, as long
as the words “I do” aren’t involved.

Tampa Bay has dropped the “Devil” part of their name
and will now be known as the “Rays.”

There is a similar discussion in South Bend this
football season.  Some alums want to drop the word
“Fighting” others want to drop the words “Notre Dame.”

And if San Francisco doesn’t get a slugger to replace
Bonds next year, they may have to shorten their name to the
“Ants.”

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So Joe Torre is writing a memoir about his Yankee
years. The working title is “Manager Strangelove- How
I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Boss.”

Roger Clemens’ agent indicated Wednesday that this year the Rocket may finally be ready to retire.

 Even Cher is saying, “Enough already.”

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International Olympic Committee president Jacques Rogge
says that medals originally  won by  Marion Jones at the Sydney Games will only go to “clean athletes.”  Apparently the IOC’s search for such athletes will be aided by OJ Simpson, after he finds the real killers.

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And the NHL Ottawa Senators have started the season 13 and 1.  This  may be the first time in this century that the words “Senators” and “great month” have been used in the same sentence.

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Bill Clinton indicates that Hillary didn’t give a
clear answer to the illegal immigrants drivers license
question in the last Democratic debate, because to do
so would have left her open to being “swift-boated” in
the campaign.

I like the one about “tainted supplements” better.

Indianapolis denies that they pumped in artificial
recorded crowd noise during the  Patriots – Colts
game.

And they say it was just a coincidence that a few
misguided fans could be heard cheering for Reggie
Miller.

Since I am not being paid none of these jokes are crossing a picket line…..not that being paid a lot of money wouldn’t be tempting….

So Navy cancelled classes for a day because they
beat Notre Dame for the first time in over 43 years. .

Florida State thought of doing the same because
they knocked off number 2 Boston College, and then
Bobby Bowden remembered his players don’t go to class
anyway.

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Navy hasn’t beaten Notre Dame since 1963.  To
give you an idea how long ago that was – Astroturf
hadn’t been invented, the first Super Bowl hadn’t
happened, and Vinny Testaverde was just a rookie.

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And Hillary Clinton says that licenses for illegal
immigrants make sense but she doesn’t support them.

Funny, thats exactly how Bill feels about his
marriage vows. 

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Who says there is no bipartisan agreement in
Washington ?  Both Fred Thompson and Dennis Kucinich
say that if elected, to make their wives more
comfortable the theme for their  inaugural ball will
be a father-daughter dance.

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Stephen Colbert has lost his bid to be on the ballot
in South Carolina because state Democrats say you
have to be a viable candidate to be included in the
primary.  So wonder when South Carolina will formally give
Biden, Dodd, Kucinich and Gravel the same bad news.

So Seattle’s new owners have announced their intention
to move the NBA team to Oklahoma City.  Wonder if they
will rename the team the Oklahoma Super Sooners?

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And great karma item of the day… In East Lansing a
popular item this fall  has been Michigan State green shirts that read,  “At least we didn’t lose to Appalachian State.”

Yeah but in an exhibition game tonight the Spartans
managed to lose 85-82 to Division II Grand Valley
State.

I can see the t-shirts now in Ann Arbor.

The hardest sentence to write is the first sentence,
so this blog introduction will come in a few weeks. 

In the meantime, here’s some thoughts for the week.

Vinny Testaverde aggravated his Achilles’ tendon and
so may not be playing this weekend.

So can we suppose this was an old Trojan war injury?

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Alex Rodriguez took a lot of grief for his timing in
opting out of his Yankees contract. But give the guy a
break.. it might be the only time in his career that he
does something headline grabbing in October.

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A recent poll showed that one in five people were
superstitious about their favorite teams.
Actually, the number was considerably higher but many
fans felt that such an admission would really jinx
those teams.

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Well of course the Rockies were swept.  All four
World  Series games ended after 12am eastern time.
And we know Cinderella’s spell ends at midnight.

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Losing streaks?  The Red Sox have won twice in
four years, Boston College is ranked #2 in the BCS
polls,  the Patriots are undefeated — even the
Bruins and  Celtics are improving.  Yikes!  Does this
mean the next president of the US will be Mitt Romney?

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Qualcomm stadium workeed out really well as a
relief  shelter.  Of course, the stadium had had
lot of practice with disasters as the longtime home of
the San Diego Chargers.

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Rudy Giuliani said last week that waterboarding
was not torture.  He also announced that if he gets
the nomination his running mate will be Jack Bauer.

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With all the criticism with his performance
after Katrina, President Bush has made a real effort
with the Southern California wildfires.  This week he
praised all the rescue workers and their efforts in
shoring up the levees.

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Hillary Clinton celebrated her 60th birthday
last Friday. When asked about it, she reportedly said
“I feel like a 30 year old.”    And Bill said, “Me,
too.”