Left Coast Sports Babe

Both of these items from this post are true. From an unnamed midwestern state. Names changed in the second to protect…well, maybe this girl from her parents.

Item one. A package of peanuts in the shell from “Sweet Nut-things” Gift Shoppe. Ingredients list: Peanuts, salt.

But in a box on the label “Allergy information: This product was handled/manufactured in a facility that processes peanuts and other tree nuts.”

No kidding.

–

The second is a bit sad. Let’s call the girl Susie Q. This is a 1/12 page ad in a metropolitan newspaper. NOTHING below has been exaggerated, only a few lines, mostly of identifying details, have been left out.

The headline “Local Young Lady Competes for the Miss Jr. Pre-Teen Midwest City.”

The ad.

“Hi, my name is Susie Q. I am eight years old. I will be in 4th grade, I enjoy learning and playing with exotic birds with My Grandma. I am very creative and opinionated with ideas. I have participated as a cheerleader and took 2nd place at nationals. My role model is Gabriella Montez AKA Vanessa Hudgens of High School Musical. I would like to thank you in advance for your time and support.

I was recently selected to participate in Nationals’ 2009 Miss Jr. Pre-Teen Midwest City pageant.”

Then the ad abruptly switches to third person.

“Susie Q learned of her acceptance as Nationals Inc announced their selections on Monday. Susie Q will be competing for her share of thousands of dollars in prizes and specialty gifts. Susie will be competing in the Miss Jr. Pre-Teen division, which will have young ladies competing in modeling routings which include casual wear and formal wear. Most important, Susie will display her personality and interviewing skills.

If Susie were to win the title, she would represent the city and surrounding communities at the Cities of America National Competition in Orlando, Florida. Over $60,000 in prizes and awards will be presented while each winner enjoys this expense paid trip of five nights and six days.

There is no cost to Susie Q for participating. Community business, organizations, and private individuals will assist Susie in participatng by becoming an official sponsor to her. Through sponsorship, each contestant receives all the necessary training, rehearsals, and financial support which will allow Susie to become a very confident and well-prepared contestant in this years city pageant.

Any business, organization, or private individual who may be interested in becoming a sponser may contact Susie Q’s pageant coordinator at 1-800-xxx-xxxx.

Thank you again for your suppprt. Susie Q.”

There is also a picture of a girl with her hair piled on her head in an up-do, holding a rose.

I actually grew up a big Miss America fan, and more power to women if they can use them for scholarships etc. Susie Q is EIGHT YEARS OLD.

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