Archive for December 2008

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Rod Blagojevich… who else….

December 10, 2008

Governor Rod Blagojevich may have set new standards for political stupidity.  Even Larry Craig said “What were you THINKING?”

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To save time, the gubernatorial oath in Illinois may now start with the words “Will the defendant please rise.”

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Amazingly,  Blagojevich ran for Governor promising to clean up state government.   Isn’t that like  if John Edwards ran for president promising to restore White House family values?

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With an assist and inspiration from Alex Kaseberg  –   Interestingly,  the governor had said “Go ahead, tap my phones.”    Apparently Blagojevich is a Serbian word meaning “stupidest political crook ever.”

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There’s a new bi-partisan spirit in Illinois.  Apparently Blagojevich may end up sharing a cell with his predecessor,  former Republican George Ryan.

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Of course down in Louisiana they are shaking their heads and saying “Amateurs…”

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Governor Blagojevich is accused of trying to sell Barack Obama’s senate seat to the highest bidder.  The cynical thought,  while we try to dig the country out of this recession, maybe we should sell ALL the seats in Congress to the highest bidders?  It would raise some money, and how much worse could we do?

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President George W. Bush now says of the Iraq war “I wish the intelligence had been different.”  Isn’t that like Sylvester Stallone trying to distance himself from the Rambo movies by saying “I wish the script had been different?”

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Of course, regarding the Bush presidency, many Americans just wish HIS intelligence had been different.   And ours, in voting to re-elect him.

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Major League Baseball wants to eliminate coin flips in deciding where to play tie-breaker games.    I suppose they want to use something less controversial…like BCS computers?

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Viable enterprises…

December 9, 2008

Congress is still unsure on bailing out Detroit,  because they want to be sure that taxpayer money will be spent on a “viable” enterprise.  On the other hand, even after he picked Sarah Palin,  John McCain  still received federal campaign financing.

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President Bush said of the bailout “These are important companies, but on the other hand, we just don’t want to put good money after bad.”  Besides, isn’t that what he thinks Iraq is for?

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Notre Dame accepted an invitation to the Hawaii Bowl.  Guess it was the best way to make sure their team wouldn’t be hit again by their own fans’ snowballs.

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The Golden State Warriors finally found a cure for their nine game losing streak.  It’s called “Playing the Oklahoma City Thunder.”

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Endangered species?

December 8, 2008

President Bush has been taking some criticism for all the species he has tried to take off the Endangered Species list.  In his defense, think of all those he has added- like the middle class.

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As the Green Bay Packers lost to the Houston Texans (!),  Packers fans muttered about what would have happened if Aaron Rodgers was Brett Favre.  But then as the New York Jets lost to the San Francisco 49ers, perhaps some of them realized, Brett Favre is no longer Brett Favre.

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Bad news, good news…

December 7, 2008

Bad news today for the University of Washington, where the Huskies just completed an 0-12 season.  Good news,  the 0-12 season is over.  Detroit Lions fans are wondering how they apply for Pac 10 membership.

Bad news in November,  in that the number of Americans who do not have jobs, but who are  now not even  looking for work,  skyrocketed.  Good news, that number will soon include President Bush.

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And why Americans want a college playoff system and don’t trust the BCS, example 354, (at least).  Okay, so today the number 1 ranked team – Alabama – played number 2, – Florida, but Florida was favored, and won.  Then number 4, Oklahoma, played number 12 Missouri, and won.  Number 3 Texas was idle.

And the BCS is proudly proclaiming that they have the teams they expected in the national championship…. both with one loss.    And the only Division 1 undefeated teams, Utah and Boise State?  Nowhere in sight.   (Not to mention Penn State, USC  and Texas Tech, also one loss teams, out of the running.)   If Barack Obama had run on a college football playoff platform no telling how big the landslide might have been.

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Not so happy holidays…

December 6, 2008

According to a recent USA Today poll,  80 percent of Americans said they have had a holiday gathering ruined by a relative.   The other 20 percent said they couldn’t answer because their mother was listening.

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Barack Obama is trying to help Hillary Clinton retire her campaign debt.  Though these days maybe Hillary would have better luck if she called it a bailout.

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It is a weird world when “only” $15 billion is considered almost chump change…

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Now that Hillary Clinton is moving to the nation’s capital, how long until she announces that in her heart she really has been a Washington Nationals fan?

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O.J. Simpson will spend at least nine years in prison for his armed robbery conviction, giving him plenty of time to reflect.  Especially about the fact he didn’t try to steal his stuff back in Los Angeles.

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The chairman of the Chicago Cubs said the franchise should be sold by next spring.  Which means the new owners will get to have a full season to be disappointed.

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Greg Maddux, one of the winningest pitchers of all time, despite never having overpowering stuff, has announced his retirement.  He decided it was time when his fastball could no longer rattle glass.

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Previously undefeated Ball State lost to Buffalo in a shocking upset in the Mid American Conference football championship game.   Of course, to most casual  fans the biggest shock was that Ball State had a football team, let alone that they were undefeated.

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Oklahoma City basically stole their new NBA team from Seattle.  But how long until the Oklahoma fans beg some other city to steal their Thunder?

 

 

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3D football…

December 5, 2008

The Oakland Raiders were featured in the NFL’s first 3D televised game Thursday night.  Who knew?  The 3 apparently stood for Oakland’s win total.  The D apparently stood for dreadful.

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The Oakland Raiders were trounced 34-7 by the San Diego Chargers Thursday night, making them 0-10 for their last primetime games.

On the brighter side, the Raiders’ season video has been optioned as an NBC sitcom.

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Apparently linebacker Anthony Pierce will now be testifying against teammate Plaxico Burress in his gun case.  Burress thought Pierce had his back. This is what is known as blown coverage.

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Plaxico Burress’s friend and teammate Anthony Pierce will now be testifying against him. Apparently  the police gave Pierce six to ten good reasons for testifying.

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For the third time in a year, federal prosecutors have rewritten their indictment against Barry Bonds for perjury, this time dropping four counts of lying to a grand jury.  Isn’t it great in this economy to actually watch our tax dollars at work? 

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Some Democrats are already criticizing Barack Obama for not getting more involved in the economic crisis, although he won’t be sworn in for over six weeks.    Even Elizabeth Taylor had honeymoons that lasted longer than this.

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Desperation…

December 4, 2008

So at this point Detroit automakers say they will do anything for a bailout….  Anything except actually making cars Americans want to buy.

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Bill Clinton said this week that he would “stay out of Hillary’s way.”  Isn’t that what he’s been trying to do for most of their marriage?

 

Protesting a bit too much?

The New York Giants issued a 425 word statement denying that they tried to cover up Plaxico Burress accidentally shooting himself.   425 words?   The Gettysburg Address was only 272!

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One line from the statement  – “No one from the Giants had any involvement with any decision by the hospital concerning its reporting requirements relating to gunshot wounds,” said Pat Hanlon, vice president of communications.    No comment. 

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The whole incident generates a  potential followup to the question “How do pro athletes get so many DUI’s when they could easily afford personal drivers?”   As in,  “If you are a real NFL star isn’t someone in your posse supposed to be carrying the gun for you?”

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Quite a night in New York.  Rockefeller Center lit up their Christmas tree, and then the Cleveland Cavaliers lit up the Knicks.   (Final score  – Cavaliers 118, Knicks 82)

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The Washington Redskins are clinging to playoff hopes after a disappointing month has left them 7-5.  On the brighter side, they may end up with more wins than the Wizards.

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Thursday night’s NFL matchup features the 4-8 San Diego Chargers against the 3-9 Oakland Raiders.  Was this game sponsored by America’s malls?  Because it just might make most men in America throw up their hands and go Christmas shopping.

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The San Francisco Giants will experiment with yield management and market pricing next year, by holding out 2,000 seats where the price will fluctuate as game day approaches, and according to supply and demand.  Thus unused seats could end up deeply discounted. 

The Los Angeles Dodgers are studying the idea.  Their modification might be to sell seats twice, since they have so many unused after the seventh inning.

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Crisis management?

December 3, 2008

Former Oakland football coach Lane Kiffin, now hired as the new head coach at the University of Tennessee said that being with the “dysfunctional” Raiders was valuable experience.  And that “you can’t go to school and learn crisis management like going there.”

Of course, by that token the most learned people in American have worked in the Bush administration.

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Automotive companies CEOs are driving their own companies’ cars this week to Washington on their second trip to ask for loans and bailouts.   Which is a nice PR move…but if it catches on?

Just wait until the airline companies need bailouts,  their executives will keep Congress waiting for hours.   And I can already hear the excuses about lost files in luggage.

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Executives from all of the Big Three automakers will drive their own hybrids to Washington.  Many in Congress think this second bid is too little too late.  Just like Detroit starting to make hybrids.-

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More BCS madness.  The system was created to avoid controversy and confusion in choosing college football’s top teams.    So in the Big 12 title game, where the winner goes on to the national championship game,  the North division champion  Missouri will go against the as-determined-by-the-BCS South Division champion,  Oklahoma.    Texas, with an identical 11-1 record, barely lost out.

Oh and that one Oklahoma loss?  To Texas. 

To err is human, to really screw things up requires a BCS.

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There’s a new Plaxico Burress cocktail.  Just one very expensive shot.

 

 

 

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Madam secretary…

December 2, 2008

(Apologies if you see another post off  to the side, having some technical difficulties.)

 

With Hillary Clinton nominated as Barack Obama’s secretary of state, there are rumors her husband Bill will be chosen to take her place in the Senate. 

Former President Clinton was at first leery of the idea.  Aides advised him that with the demands of the Senate, he would have to spend most of his time in Washington, instead of traveling with his wife.  And Bill said… well, now that I think about it….”

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Bill Clinton said that before he would accept the New York Senate seat he would need three things:  Chuck Shumer’s support, Michael Bloomberg’s cooperation, and Eliot Spitzer’s rolodex.

 

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A recent study showed that the British are the most promiscuous people in the world in terms of one-night stands.  And Bill Clinton asked Barack Obama, “Say, have you filled that position as Ambassador to the United Kingdom yet?”

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GMAC, the financing arm of General Motors, has tightened credit to the point that only buyers with excellent credit can get loans.  So basically GM couldn’t get financing to buy their own cars.

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If convicted Plaxico Burress of the New York Giants faces at least a 3 1/2 year sentence for carrying an illegal firearm after he accidentally shot himself with his own gun at a Manhattan nightclub.  Though a good lawyer might be able to get him paroled to the Lions.
 
Actually carrying the gun wasn’t apparently the problem, dropping it was…
 
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Wonder what Burress’s defense will be, that he didn’t expect to be going to the nightclub, and was on this way to the airport?
 
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On the brighter side, if this NFL thing doesn’t work out, Burress has been offered a job working security for Dick Cheney.
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The definition of a recession is negative growth in the economy for at least two quarters. Now economists say that the United States is definitely in a recession, and has been so for a year. 
So where did all these economists come from?  FEMA?
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President Bush said last weekend that he wants history to see him as a “liberator of millions.”    For starters,  he liberated millions of Americans from voting Republican.
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This year’s Cyber Monday featured all kinds of items with prices slashed 50 percent or more.  Including stocks.
 

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Any given Saturday night, or Sunday.

December 1, 2008

Troubled New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress, already unable to play due to a hamstring injury, accidentally shot himself in the thigh Saturday night while at a New York nightclub.

It’s a shame Burress isn’t a member of the Buffalo Bills or the bullet would have missed “wide right.”

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A bit of explanation for all non-college football junkies regarding yesterday’s post.  The BCS bowl system is so messed up that the University of Texas, who finished in second place in their own division of the Big 12, could yet end up playing in the BCS national championship game if the division winner, Oklahoma, loses in the Big 12 final next week… thus leading to the next joke.

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The University of Texas, runner up in the South division of the Big 12, could yet end up national champions if Oklahoma, the team that defeated them, stumbles in the league championship round.  And Hillary Clinton wonders — is it too late to have the BCS run the Democratic party?

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The San Francisco 49ers upset the Buffalo Bills Sunday to move their record to 4-8.  Amazing.  With two more wins they could be Division 1 Bowl eligible.

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