Left Coast Sports Babe

Who has offered to send me a few jokes while I attend my high school reunion:

For security reasons,  Police have banned 11 ‘fixated individuals’ from Wimbledon.

Looks like John McEnroe will have  to watch it on TV with the rest of us”

In San Francisco,  they may rename one of the city’s largest sewage works the George W Bush Sewage Plant.

What an insult. Sewage plants are in the business of cleaning up messes.

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And Barack Obama and his wife donated $2300.00 each to Senator Hillary Clinton’s campaign. 

Well, Senator Obama may have bettered his image with Clinton supporters, but he probably hurt his image as a responsible spender.

For his incredibly stupid comments…

He was three white sheets to the wind?

Shaquille O’Neal’s rap tirade against Kobe Bryant may have been a little over the top. 

But since Shaq left the Lakers, not even Kobe’s wife has gotten a ring.

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An American hiker stranded in the Bavarian Alps for nearly three days was rescued after using her sports bra as a signal.

Shame she wasn’t hiking with Pamela Anderson, the woman might have been found at least a day sooner.

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Bill Clinton now says he will campaign for Barack Obama.   What was the turning point?
 
Maybe after Hillary told him on a long distance call “You know, I hardly see you these days.  If it  hadn’t been for Senator Obama,  you and I would be making plans to live together again in
the White House.”

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Bill Clinton is talking about campaigning for Barack Obama.

I guess that’s where Obama got the idea for  “it  depends on the definition of public financing is…”

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Bill Clinton is talking about campaigning for Barack Obama.  Considering all the work he did for Hillary, that’s great news.  For John McCain.

Not to say that Senator McCain is out of touch.

But after Michelle Obama’s recent TV appearance reporters asked him what he thought about HIS his wife and “the View”.  And John responded, “well, she usually likes the one out of the living room window.”

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The Bush administration’s plan to deal with American’s energy problems is to allow more off-shore oil drilling.

Isn’t that kind of like the government fighting the drug war by opening a meth lab?

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Kobe Bryant has been selected to play for the United States in the Olympics.  When asked what he thought about his teammates he responded “I’m going to have teammates?”

And I apologize in advance if this is offensive.   But couldn’t resist. 

So after his firing, former New York Mets manager Willie Randolph said “He didn’t see it coming.”

With all due respect, Willie, even New York Governor David Paterson saw it coming.

Last Friday, David Letterman’s top ten list was:

“Top ten signs you have a bad travel agent.”

http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/top_ten/index/php/20080620.phtml

In response:

“Top ten signs you are flying on an airline in financial trouble.”

10.  When they pass out pretzels, they pass the pilot’s cap around for donations.

9.  They divert cross-country flight to Texas to fill up on cheaper gas.

8.  Flight attendants all wearing cast-off pantsuits from Hillary Clinton.

7.  The overhead bins have been turned into coin lockers.

6.  Flight attendants announce that your seat cushions not only double as a flotation device, they will also double as your pillow.

5.  “Buy on board” for $5.00 will now include alcoholic beverages, snack boxes and shares of airline stock.

4. Napkins show signs of being purchased at close-out discount stores – for example being printed “Giuliani for President 2008”

3. Airline fuselage covered with more sponsorship stickers than an Indy car.

2. Instead of turning on air conditioning, flight attendants hand out paper fans.

1.  You are flying on an airline based in the United States.

Fresno State against Georgia?

“Dog meet Dog?”

(note to people going, huh?  Both teams are the Bulldogs) 

The NBA is trying to get former referee Tim Donaghy to pay back $1.4 million in damages. Donaghy’s defense lawyer says they are just trying to punish him  for embarrassing the league.

If that were true, then the NBA would be trying to get at least $10 million from the New York Knicks.

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Soon to be heard at watercoolers everywhere in the US.

Did you hear who won the major PGA tour event this week?  Yeah, me neither.

Just 17 percent say the country is going in the right direction, according to an  recent AP poll.

Still, 17 percent?  I had no idea that many Americans worked for oil companies.

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Let’s hope this “unbundling” – the airline term for nickel and diming you for everything doesn’t catch on as a way to raise prices in other businesses.

If so, what’s next?  99 cent coffee at Starbucks?  Cup extra?

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The Seattle Mariners could become the first team with a $100 million player payroll to lose 100 games.

Not to be outdone, the Giants’ Barry Zito could become the first pitcher with an $18 million contract to lose 18 games.

Losing in an elimination game to Stanford on Wednesday. 

So should the headline read “Another Number One bites the Dust?”

Actually rumor has it his fellow PGA professionals sent him a nice bouquet of flowers, with a note suggesting he rest and really recuperate the knee this time. ..five or six years should do it.

Of course, the television networks have an opposite view.  At the moment their biggest challenge is to see if the rest of the PGA tour can reach the U.S. rating heights of hockey.

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apparently ratings for game 6 of the NBA finals were higher than they have been since 2000.  No word, however, on how many of those viewers tuned to ABC expecting to see the late night news or Jimmy Kimmel.

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So  in his first season Kevin Garnett led his team to championship rings.   But don’t feel too sorry for the disappointed Lakers.  Apparently they are getting rings designed by Kobe’s jeweller.

Golf’s national championship ended up to be a real thriller.  With a long contest featuring a jovial older white veteran,  who ended up losing to a younger mixed race/black man.   Wonder if we’ll ever see another competition like that again?

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Big Brown’s trainer is blaming the jockey, the Mets are blaming Willie Randolph, Hillary Clinton’s campaign is blaming everyone… Who’d a thunk that the most responsible New York team this summer might turn out to be the Yankees…

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Although ex-Yankees boss George Steinbrenner is blaming the National League’s lack of a DH, for Chien-Ming Wang’s injury sustained when he was running the bases.  What’s next, the Boss suggesting that pitchers ride in and out on golf carts?   Or making it illegal for a pitcher to cover first?

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The College World Series is held every year in Omaha, Nebraska. 

Nebrakans are particularly appreciative of watching college level baseball talent – their nearest big league team is the Kansas City Royals.

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Though as popular as the event is, the “Road to Omaha” , which starts with 64 teams in the Regionals, has not achieved the fame and attention of the NCAA men’s basketball championship. 

Suggestion for the NCAA to increase interest: –  Print brackets on their website, along with the injunction that such brackets are not to be used for betting purposes, and call it  “June Madness.”

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The best of times, the worst of times.

On Saturday morning, Florida State catcher Buster Posey was named the college baseball player of the year by national baseball writers.  He was the fifth pick is the draft, after posting a .460 batting average, had played all nine positions, and had six saves with a 0.00 ERA.

In the afternoon game against Stanford, Posey went 1 for 4 with no RBIs, struck out twice, and gave up 6 runs in 1/3 of an inning in relief.  

Former Stanford star Tiger Woods had two eagles and a chip-in on the back nine to take the lead at the US open.

And at the College World Series Stanford scored 11 runs in the ninth to stun third seed Florida State.

Well, the sports are impressive.  But isn’t college supposed to be about academics?

(admitted bias here, my son is a walkon Stanford pitcher, although not on the playoff roster.)

Okay, I don’t usually post links to other sites.  But this, originally forwarded to my son by Nick Coombs, is ridiculously funny.   And ridiculously R rated.  At least.  It’s the Onion’s idea of Ozzie Guillen’s lineup card.  And if you don’t know the manager of the White Sox, suffice it to say he has one of the foulest mouths in baseball, if not all of sports.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/furious_ozzie_guillens

Okay, in  a summer where airlines seem to be competing for the stupidest new fees and charges, US AIr has just upped the ante.

Not content with charging for the first checked bag….they are as part of their “Business Model Transformation”, going to start charging for drinks.

Not alcoholic drinks.  Any drinks.  2.00 each.  Soda, juice, bottled water and coffee.

Yeah, right, coffee.  US Air is going to risk morning riots over 2.00 if passengers don’t bring cash on early morning flights. 

But it could get better.  Business travellers won’t care as much, except they will need receipts.  So this means that flight attendants, in addition to having to make change, will have to figure out ways to issue receipts.  Because this could add up to $10-20 for a roundtrip flight with connections.

And if coffee is 2.00, does that include cream and sugar?  How much for a refill?  What happens if flights are delayed on the runway.  Do you at least get free bottled water?

And what if you buy your own soda or juice drink at the airport?   If you want a cup and ice will there be a corkage charge?

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And while we are at it, if the airlines have to increase revenue so badly, how about onboard auctions? For example, they could have you put in a bid for how much it is worth to you to recline your seat.  Then you could also bid on how much it is worth to you to not have the person in front of you recline THEIR seat.   Highest bidder wins the space.

James Carville suggested today that Barack Obama select Al Gore as his vice presidential running mate.

Yeah, guess that would be good for Gore.  Help him get his message out.

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Jim Johnson, one of the Barack Obama’s advisors on his search committee for vice president, resigned today over allegations of his receiving questionable loans.

Next up, a committee to vet the vetters.   But then, who vets them?  So we need a committee to vet the people vetting the vetters.    Once we can figure out a way to pick THOSE people…

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Ron Wilson said he was the “happiest person in the NHL” after being hired as the coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs.   He really must have hated all that playoff pressure.

Trainer Rick Dutrow is still trying to figure who or what to blame in the wake of Big Brown’s disappointing finsh in the Belmont.  He does point out, however, as the 1 to 4 favorite, that Big Brown did win the popular vote.

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Regarding John McCain’s “I will veto every single beer” comment: Will his defense be that the night before he had too many bills?

No one knows exactly what was discussed during Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton’s private meeting.  But rumor has it they talked about his vice presidential search.  And Hillary told him that she thought the person who had done the  best job of being search committee chair  was Dick Cheney. 

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The San Francisco Giants are nearly at .500 on the road, but are six games below .500 at home.  In part because they just aren’t hitting at A T and T Park.  In fact, they have the worst home to road scoring ratio for anyone but Bill Clinton.

The first member of the 600-600 club.

600 home runs – 600 times on the disabled list.

The Seminoles are going back to the College World Series for the first time since 2000.

At Florida State they are thrilled,  recently the only times their athletes have made the news during the spring is in the police blotter.

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The University of Miami is also going to the College World Series.   No surprise there as they were the nation’s top seed.  But it’s a nice change for the state of Florida to have their top amateur baseball teams be other than the Marlins and Rays.

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No one can figure out what happened to Big Brown in the Belmont Stakes.  A New York favorite hasn’t flopped so spectacularly since Rudy Giuliani.

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Barack Obama is searching for a vice presidential running mate.   

A good choice might be an older white man,  maybe someone who is too old to have a future agenda of his own.  It would help if the candidate  had  a solid military background, and could attract independent to conservative voters…

Wonder if there’s a chance he can convince McCain to drop out and take the offer?