Left Coast Sports Babe

So Senator Barack Obama has been dealing with some controversy regarding people using his middle name,  Hussein, which obviously has a negative connotation to many Americans.

It could be worse – his middle name could be W.

For a few minutes, the Green Bay Packers website reported today that Brett Favre was retiring,  but the page was quickly taken down.  

Good thing too, Brett certainly has never wanted for there to be any confusion about his possible retirement. 

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Arkansas running back Darren McFadden has at least one child already, and has two by two different women due this summer.  If by chance he falls far enough in the draft to be picked up by the New England Patriots, I guess their 2008 slogan will be “Oh Baby.”

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George W. Bush said today that the economy is not heading into a recession?   Which I suppose is accurate, we are already there.

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And the weekly hockey joke.    As we approach the end of February, NHL teams are beginning to think about the playoffs.  Or as the Maple Leafs call it – “spring break.”

The CEO of the Tribune Company, which owns the Chicago Cubs, has said he might sell the naming rights to Wrigley Field.

May I suggest”Coppertone” stadium?  Because your tan also will fade in September.

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If if you saw those pictures of President Bush dancing in Africa, well it had to happen eventually.  Someone who actually makes Mark Madsen look good.

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And Congress has asked the Justice Department to probe into the Roger Clemens case.  Seems like maybe they finally have learned not to trust the honesty of a man from Texas.

Injured Portland Trail Blazers center Greg Oden today endorsed Barack Obama for President.

So much for all those who say that Obama will never capture the senior vote.

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The San Francisco Giants were already facing a challenging year with no slugger to replace Barry Bonds.  Now, their Gold Glove shortstop Omar Vizquel is having knee surgery.  Manager Bruce Bochy thinks the team will be competitive – yeah, maybe with the Pac 10.

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Raul Castro is taking over the presidency of Cuba.     Without an election but appointed as the best man for the job by his brother.  Yet another reminder of how a banana republic likes to keep power concentrated in one or two families.

Kelvin Sampson received $750,000 from Indiana to resign.  Which means that since 2000 the university has now paid more than $4 million to ex-coaches and athletic administrators.

4 million to people who do nothing for the school anymore?   Well, that’s about the same deal Notre Dame has with Charlie Weis.

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And it still might be a better deal for Indiana University than the $2 million Hillary Clinton is paying Mark Penn.
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 Kelvin Sampson is getting $750,000 to leave Indiana University.  This might be the best deal ever involving a broken contract and a cell phone.

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Alfter being taken to the hospital by ambulance for an irregular heartbeat, Mark DeRosa of the Chicago Cubs was found to have a treatable heart condition.  Still, it’s surprising ….generally the ones with the heart conditions are Cubs fans. 

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Ralph Nader might have cost Gore the 2000 election, now in 2008, his entry in the race may hurt John McCain.  Because since Nader turns 74 this week, he may well remind Americans of how quickly senility can set in.

Either that or he will make McCain look young and vigorous.

It’s been a rough week for John McCain.   First the New York Times story alleging his involvement with a lobbyist, then a campaign finance issue, now even the Academy declares it is “No Country for Old Men.”

After that New York Times article on his alleged indiscretions, John McCain is riding a new wave of conservative support, and getting more donations.

So now apparently the Clinton campaign has called the Times to complain:  They should be running the story accusing her with Vince Foster.

On Hillary Clinton’s website, they refer to her young supporters as “Hillblazers.”

Which of course means that other demographics need a  name.

Those who support her because of Bill  – Hill-Billies.

Her senior supporters  –  OlderthantheHills.

Her latino supporters -with partial credit to carlos mencia – Hillofbeanos.

Her supporters who have switched to Obama –
OvertheHills.

Beltway insiders – including some super delegates  – Capitol Hills.

The New York Times reported that John McCain might have had an affair with a woman 31 years his junior. Guess in case he can’t get all the conservative votes,  McCain is trying to pick up Bill Clinton supporters.  

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And I realize this blog is short on sports jokes recently.  With the NBA and NHL playoffs about two months away, the NFL a nonissue until the draft – well, except on police blotters, March Madness a few weeks way, and spring training just starting up,  there isn’t that much going on in the world of sports.     And so not that much that is funny.

Well, not counting the San Francisco Giants saying they will be competitive this year.

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And of course, anyone in February who has tried to write any comedy, amateur or professional, owes a huge debt of gratitude to Roger Clemens.    His testimony before Congress was truly performance enchancing.

It now appears that Senator Hillary Clinton’s campaign had no real plan at all after Super Tuesday.   Because they thought that she would wrap up the nomination on that date.

So what did they do, circle February 5 on the calendar with the notation “Mission Accomplished?”

So what will Shaquille O’Neal’s role be on the fast paced Phoenix Suns?  Two words come to mind “speed bump.”

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It’s a weird world.  The US Navy can fire a missile and hit a satellite 133 miles away that was going 17,000 mph.  So why can’t NBA players hit their free throws? 

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  David Letterman said that John McCain looks like “the guy at the supermarket who is confused by the automatic doors.”  McCain angrily responded “Yeah right, since when do supermarkets HAVE automatic doors?”

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Roger Clemens withdrew Wednesday from a scheduled appearance at “ESPN. the Weekend,” an event at Walt  Disney World.  What a shame, he would have been a real headliner in Fantasyland.

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Hillary Clinton is running a new ad…The ad ends with a photo of Clinton working at her desk at night. “She understands. She’s worked the night shift, too.”

Well, duh, she had to do something while she waited for Bill to come home.

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And finally a real story from the New York Times:

 “Texas’ odd system of allocating delegates has flummoxed the Clinton campaign. Clinton told reporters over the weekend that her aides were still struggling
to understand how the state operates.

“I’ve got people trying to understand it as we speak,”  she said. “Grown men are crying as we speak. I had no idea it was so bizarre.” 

So her campaign can’t figure out the delegate system in Texas?  And Senator Clinton tells us she can fix healthcare, the economy and the war in Iraq?

So with position players reporting this week, baseball fans can start seriously thinking about spring.  Except in Toronto, where the Leafs are still falling.

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Fidel Castro stepped down as Cuba’s leader this week at the age of 81.  Yep, it took a while but that US embargo finally worked.

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President Bush is visiting Ghana on Wednesday. He’s on an Africa tour that also includes Tanzania, Liberia,  Rwanda, and Benin.   Maybe when he gets back from all those exotic places he’ll feel brave enough to visit San Francisco.  

(Note to non-Californians – W has not been to San Francisco ONCE in two terms.  Closest he got was the airport, which is in Burlingame.)

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And tonight Hillary Clinton unveiled her latest signs –  “Solutions for America.”   At this point she is changing slogans more often than she changes pantsuits.

So Hillary Clinton’s campaign does  not like the term “super delegates. ”  They prefer the term “automatic delegates.”    Just like the New England Patriots thought they were playing in the “automatic bowl.”

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Direct quote from Andy Petitte about HGH:  “I didn’t do it to try to get an edge on anyone. I didn’t do it to try to get stronger or faster or throw harder,  did it because I was told that it might be able to help me.”

 Two thoughts, help him to do what if it wasn’t to get an edge, get stronger faster or throw harder?

And yeah, guess he joins the ranks of pitchers, like Jim Bunning, who plan a post-baseball career in public office.

And NO ONE from the Obama campaign has approved this joke…but anyway…

Some pundits now say that her husband’s campaign performance may have lost Hillary the Democratic nomination.

So, it may have been a while but once again, she joins the club of women who have been screwed by Bill Clinton

So this year’s NBA uniforms had one color on the front, another color on the back.   Which presumably at the post-game parties would confuse the heck out of the witnesses.

The Yogi Berra Museum removed Roger Clemens’ jersey from an exhibit , and the museum director said they were “trying to project the positive virtues of baseball.”

But did they forget what Yogi himself said about the men on the mound.

“All pitchers are liars or crybabies.”

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So last week millions of Americans watched as countless young hopeful people were whittled down to 24.  But besides the number of kids who still believe Clemens, American Idol chose their semifinalists.

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So after changing his mind on the Bush tax cuts, and going back and forth on the issue of whether or not he will accept public funding for the general election, Senator John McCain this week voted AGAINST an anti-torture bill.  No wonder Mitt Romney endorsed him.

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And the NBA has begun a discussion of putting franchises in Europe.  No word on what they will do in the interest of parity, with so many players willing to take salary cuts to play in Amsterdam.

Any truth to the rumor that if Roger Clemens takes the mound in 2008,  his entrance song  will be “When you wish upon a star?”

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Watching Roger being interviewed by congress brings to mind these actual lyrics from Elton John’s Rocket  Man… 

I’m not the man they think i am at home
Oh no no no i’m a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone

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And Hillary Clinton has sent her daughter Chelsea to Hawaii to campaign this weekend.   Wonder how many hours it took her to convince Bill not to go instead.

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San Francisco manager Bruce Bochy said today his team is going to be one of the best in baseball at executing the fundamentals.  Translation, we still don’t have a cleanup hitter.

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And Kobe Bryant has announced that he has an injured ligament in his pinky finger, but that he will forego surgery and play through it.   Besides, it’s not like the pinky gets that much use…it’s on his passing hand.

So Florida State, perhaps in order to stave off a worse NCAA penalty, put their sports teams on self-imposed probation for two years.  For all those  athletes who haven’t been going to class, that’s one plus one.  

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And Mitt Romney endorsed John McCain today.    Mike Huckabee says that’s fine, he expects Romney’s endorsement tomorrow.

And by the way, isn’t it nice to know that Congress is focusing on issues that are so important to our country…

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Roger Clemens continues to insist he is innocent.  And when he is acquitted of all charges, he is going to help O.J. find the real killer.

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And presumably everyone has seen the looks Roger gave his ex-friend and trainer Brian McNamee…  All I can think of is “Who would have thought a little guy like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness?”

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After her string of recent losses, Hillary Clinton has chosen a new campaign song – “Sympathy for the Devil.”

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Today John McCain voted against an anti-torture bill in the Senate, which means in essence he voted in favor of waterboarding.   The Straight Talk Express has officially become a runaway train.

Okay, the news is not all bad for the Washington Wizards.  Sure, they’ve still lost eight in a row.  But they’ve been designated the official team of the Clinton campaign.

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And more from Washington.  Roger Clemens is apparently getting a warm reception in Congress.    Let’s see,  he’s arrogant, he’s been paid increasing sums of money to work less and less days per year, and he appears to be able to lie with aplomb.   Well, of course they like him, with that kind of record, the man belongs in Congress.   

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In college basketball, Vanderbilt beat Kentucky Tuesday night 93-52.  The last time Kentucky looked that bad, a Union army was involved.

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The Department of Homeland Security is reportedly working on adapting spy satellites for domestic surveillance.  It is reportedly a coincidence that their first satellite will have a Patriots logo.