Left Coast Sports Babe

So the Dolphins fired Randy Mueller after a 1-15
season.  Which will put the new GM in a similar
position to the next US president.  Nowhere to go but
up, but look at the mess they will inherit.

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Bill Billick wanted to return for a 10th season as
Baltimore’s head coach.   But quoth the Ravens
“Nevermore.”

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And Jose Canesco, who might turn out to be the most
honest man in baseball, is writing a sequel to his
book “Juiced.”  The title is reportedly “Vindicated,”
though Canseco would have preferred “Nyah nyah ne nyah
nyah.”

So what do Barack Obama and the Minneapolis Timberwolves have in common?

Both would be thrilled with a few wins in January.

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And here’s a thought to make you feel more secure if you have to fly this week.

By now,  we are all used to the 3 ounce rule at airports.  No gels, liquids, or similar substance over 3.4 ounces.  And if, like me, you prefer to bring nearly empty bottles of stuff on a trip so you can toss the empty containers when you are finished with them, you are out of luck, because the CONTAINER size must also not exceed 3.4 ounces.     Because apparently you could combine a few bottles of 3 ounce liquids in a larger bottle to create a bomb.   So that half empty  8 ounce shampoo bottle is a serious security risk and must be thrown away or checked.

Okay, fine, so you buy this madness, and work it out with little bottles, even if that means spilling half your liquids putting them in smaller containers.  Or chasing all over town looking for miniatures.  

And then you get through security tired and thirsty.  So, time for a soda or water.  Which they sell in… 20 ounce plastic bottles?!!!    

But don’t worry, you should still feel safe.  Because apparently the terrorists don’t know about the soda bottles.  Don’t tell them.

So creationist Republican candidate Mike Huckabee is refusing to apologize for his religious Christmas advertisement aimed at conservative Christian voters.    After all, he says at this point in the campaign “it’s the survival of the fittest.”

Florida State will have 36 players ineligible for the Music City Bowl in Nashville on December 31, mostly for academic reasons. 

So should the Seminoles take the field to the strains of Carrie Underwood singing “Before He Cheats?”

So Mike Huckabee is now acting like he is somehow more qualified to be president than Mitt Romney because he shot a pheasant while Romney only bagged “small varmits.”

By that logic, the Republicans should be drafting Cheney in 2008.  After all, he bagged a lawyer.

More snide stuff tomorrow…but today,  just Merry Christmas or Happy Whatever You Celebrate and a special thanks to the writers who have in one way or another been incredibly helpful this year.  Apologies to whoever I know I have forgotten.

In alphabetical order

Glenn Dickey

Will Durst

Tom Fitzgerald

Leah Garchik

Cam Hutchinson 

Alex Kaseberg

Bill Littlejohn

Hartley Miller

Scott Ostler

Dwight Perry

Ken Rasak

And thanks to all the politicians and sports figures who make the world the kind of place where sometimes you don’t even need a punchline.  And thank you to everyone who reads this.  

Janice Hough

So Kobe Bryant has now scored 20,000 points.  Amazing, that´s probably includes almost a dozen assists.

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And Mike Bellotti says he has turned down the UCLA coaching job.   ” I have been, and continue to be, 100 percent committed to the University of Oregon and our pursuit of a national championship.”

Translation, the Bruins didnt offer him enough money.

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So Condoleeza Rice is criticizing Mike Huckabee for saying Bush has a go-it-alone foreign policy.

She says it is absolutely not true, that “the President always consults with Cheney and me.”

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And more problems with truthiness for Mitt Romney, as it has now come out that neither he nor his father George  marched with Martin Luther King.  Despite the fact that Romney repeated the story about his father last month.

But he did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once. 

So T.O. accused Jessica Simpson of being a distraction?

Isn’t that like Bill Bilichick accusing other teams of cheating?

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And Tom Tancredo dropped out of the presidential race and endorsed Mitt Romney.

This is shocking, Tom Tancredo was running for president?

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As the bowl season begins NBC is considering a special on Notre Dame’s recent BCS history.  The show will be titled “American Idle.” 

And regarding Roger Clemens’ angry declaration that he never “took steroids.”

No doubt, with his reputation I am sure they were given to him for nothing.

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But considering now that the best pure hitter of the modern era is banned for gambling, and both the best power pitcher and hitter are alleged to have taken steroids, shouldn’t we just hang an asterisk banner in front of the Hall of Fame and have done with it? 

Last weekend, Eli Manning broke Joe Namath’s

record for interceptions.  But if we are counting

Namath’s bad passes shouldnt he get credit for the one to Suzy Kolber?

A big storm hit the Northeast last weekend.  Snow was falling faster than Hillary Clinton’s poll numbers.

Joe Lieberman, the former Democratic vice-presidential candidate, is going to endorse John McCain for president.

Well, hawks of a feather…

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And the Boston Globe endorsed Barack Obama for President.  To which a Clinton spokesman replied  “So what does that paper know about winners?  All they do is cover the Red Sox, Celtics and Patriots…er, never mind. 

So the 49ers beat the Bengals 20-13, behind Shaun Hill, a third string quarterback who prior to last week had never thrown a pass in six years in the NFL. 

Usually when Cincinnati is this embarrassed, police officers are involved.

Wow, so it looks like it really is true that steroid use was common in baseball.  And most of the players listed came from a few teams where Mitchell had connections who were willing to talk.  Who knows how many others there were with more careful and discreet suppliers?

Oh well, for those who hate the idea of stars doing anything to their bodies and want to see natural talent without enchancement, there’s always going to the movies.

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John York is handing over day to day duties of the San Francisco 49ers to his son Jed.  Isn’t that kind of like Captain Smith handing over duties on the Titanic? 

The New York Jets have a problem at their home games with drunken men harassing women and urging them to expose their breasts. Think this could be solved by the team inviting as a special guest Rosie ODonnell?

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And the Democratic presidential primary is getting nastier, with all sorts of preposterous allegations being thrown around.  For example, this week, someone accused Hillary of sleeping with Bill Clinton.

Ah for the good old days in Major League Baseball.  When the list that players were most worried about being on belonged to Heidi Fleiss.

Since we’re renaming teams based on performance – how about the NBA with the Minnesota Timberpuppies?   The Memphis Cubbies?  Or the Miami Not-so-Hot?

Other suggestions encouraged.

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There has been a lot of disagreement in Republican presidential debates  about the legality of various tortures. But today all the candidates agreed, if elected they would not make Americans  watch the Miami Dolphins.

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In Iowa City Monday night Bill Clinton was heckled by
a robot, or rather, a man dressed as a robot.

Out of habit he responded, “Yes, Hillary.”–

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And Led Zeppelin played their first concert this week in over 19 years.  Apparently they opened with a rousing version of “Wheelchair Ramp to Heaven.”            

Despite all the recent controversy many Californians in fact would be thrilled to support a Mormon leader, especially in the Bay Area.  Unfortunately, Steve Young is going to stay retired from the 49ers.

While Tim Tebow profusely thanked God, his family and friends after receiving his Heisman, he forget one important thing. To thank the NCAA, for creating the rule that says a player cannot be drafted until three years out of high school.  Which means at
least for this year, he cannot be drafted by the  Dolphins.

Scary thought, in twelve games, Heisman runner-up Darren McFadden has scored sixteen touchdowns.  In thirteen games, the San Francisco 49ers have scored eighteen.

In settling the sexual harrassment case involving a former Knicks employee.  Madison Square Garden issued a statement saying they felt the outcome was a “travesty of justice” but that it “is time for us to move on and put this issue behind us.”   So now the
Knicks can get back to normal – being a travesty of an NBA team. 

That’s the day the New England Patriots, with their perfect record and the league’s best offense, take on the Miami Dolphins, with THEIR perfect record, and the league’s worst defense.

So we can all find out the answer to an age-old question.   What happens when an irresistible force meets eleven movable objects?

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Actually, at this point, the only thing that could stop the Patriots is if they were somehow ranked number one or two in the BCS.

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Ann Romney, wife of presidential candidate Mitt, said this in Las Vegas about his speech on religion last week.

“People were saying, ‘It was like George Washington,’  ‘It was the Gettysburg Address.’ ”   Leaving aside the obvious questions about hyberbole and accuracy,  did she really expect anyone in Vegas to remember either of those examples?  Except maybe Wayne Newton.