Left Coast Sports Babe

Motorcyle stuntman Evel Knievel died today at the age of 69.  One of the first men in history to try to scatter his ashes by himself.  

Penn State has accepted a bid to travel to the Alamo Bowl in San Antonio. 

Which is appropriate, because Joe Paterno is one of the few coaches who actually does “Remember the Alamo!”

While digging the site for the aquatic center for the 2012 Olympics in London, workers  have apparently unearthed some Iron Age artifacts dating as far back as the year 330.

These artifacts include pottery, a Roman coin, and tickets to a Rolling Stones concert.

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Raiders coach Lane Kiffen has apparently been getting some interest from NCAA football teams looking to replace their head coaches.  And why not, he’s young, energetic, and has solid experience this year dealing with college-level talent.

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Regarding this sanctuary city argument, perhaps it’s best to have a little compassion for people in unhappy and pathetic situations.    And besides, it would be cruel now for Madison Square Garden to serve an eviction notice to the Knicks.

In Los Angeles, USC is negotiating to move their football home games from Memorial Coliseum to the Rose Bowl.  Guess if the Trojans are going to make a habit
of losing to teams like Stanford, it’s the only way they can guarantee to play there.

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Arizona kicker Neil Rackers apologized for hitting an NFL Films camera with his helmet after the Cardinals loss to the 49ers last Sunday.   Rackers had just missed a potential game winning field goal.

Apparently after Stanford went  0 for 4 in field goal attempts in their loss to Notre Dame, their kicker also swung his helmet at a cameraman, but he missed wide right.

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In the Republican presidential debate Wednesday night, Mike Huckabee suggested sending Hillary Clinton to Mars.  Later, Barack Obama and John Edwards issued a joint statement – “Who says this election has no bipartisan proposals?” 

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Many Republicans worried in advance that their aging candidates wouldn’t be ready for a YouTube debate.   Actually, it went pretty well, though there was one embarrassing moment when Romney  arrived and asked if it would be possible to have an album autographed by lead singer Bono for one of his sons.

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And who said Democrats are the big spenders?  Rudy Giuliani is fighting allegations that he billed taxpayers for the cost of bringing  his security detail to a resort with his then mistress,  Judith Nathan.    Say what you will about Bill Clinton, but for his trysts, the Secret Service agents didn’t have to even travel outside the White House.

To help celebrate their 50th year in Los Angeles, the Dodgers are entering their first float in the Rose Parade.  And fans have an opportunity to buy tickets for a special Dodgers grandstand. Presumably the grandstand will open one hour after the parade starts, and close 45 minutes before it is over.

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Kerry Wood just signed a $4.2 million contract with the Cubs.  Wood said he is happy to remain in Chicago, and plans to be rested and ready to be injured in Spring Training.

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President Bush has decided he wants to facilitate peace in the Mideast.  Isn’t that like Rudy Giuliani deciding he wants to be a marriage counselor?

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And John Edwards has announced he will support the Writers Guild strike.  His rallying cry – “No new haircut jokes.”

So tonight’s Monday Night Football featured the Miami Dolphins against the Pittsburgh Steelers  Hours in the rain and mud and a final score of 3-0.  There hasn’t been such a low scoring sloppy mess in primetime since the last Presidential debate.

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And in yet another example of what’s wrong with the US Bowl system, the Cincinnati Bearcats, 9-3 and ranked in the top 25, will likely go to a lousy low-paying bowl because the team’s success is so new that bowl organizers don’t know how many fans will travel and buy tickets. 

Come on, if the only criteria was fans showing up, then a team like Notre Dame would be in a major bowl almost every year, no matter how lousy they were.  Oh, right….

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More about “Enchanted.”  There is a nice scene where the Princess does a major cleanup in New York with the help of local vermin.   But surprisingly, Bernard Kerik wasn’t even involved.

The BCS favors big name teams from big time
conferences, so that instead of a the playoff most
college fans want, the networks usually get marquee
matchups.   And this year – the likely challengers
in the National Championship?  Missouri-West Virginia.
 
The odds of a playoff system look better and better.

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What a fall,  though.  A two time loser has a chance
to  win it all.  But enough about Rudy Giuliani.

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Thanksgiving not only marks the beginning of the
shopping season, but also a time for Americans to
focus on holiday charity.  Was it in that spirit,
the  Arizona Cardinals gave a game to the 49ers?

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Alex Rodriguez and the Yankees are reportedly putting
the finishing touches on a contract that includes
bonuses for reaching home run milestones.  Presumably
double bonuses if he hits a milestone during the NBA
finals, the Stanley Cup finals, or the day of the NFL
draft.

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Disney’s “Enchanted”,  about a princess with a
tiara who ends up in Manhattan, had a great opening
weekend at the box office. This despite all the New
Yorkers who stayed away thinking it was the Judith
Nathan story.

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And Hillary Clinton continues to spar with Barack
Obama over the experience issue.  But hey, if time
spent in the Oval Office is the best qualification for
being President, shouldn’t Monica Lewinsky be running
instead?  

Notre Dame 21 – Stanford 14.    Notre Dame lost three fumbles,  Stanford missed four field goals.   Penalties, missed tackles and dropped passes abounded.  But good news,  although this game was shown nationally on ESPN, next year’s game has already received interest from Comedy Central.

On Friday,  LSU joined the sizable ranks of number one and two ranked NCAA football teams who have been upset in 2007.

Any truth to the rumor that President Bush called all the losing coaches before their games and told them they were “doing a heck of a job”?

Today President Bush was asked about his traditional pardon of the turkey.  His reply, “I did not pardon him, I simply commuted his sentence.”

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And – if you hate puns stop reading now –

Will people across the United States who log off their computers and stop reading email for the holiday feel like they are going cold turkey?

Without them, all aspiring comedy writers would have a little less material…

 In fact,  forget the West Coast offense.  The 49ers are now employing the Loch Ness offense.    No one has solid proof it exists.

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And after watching their formerly #2 team lose 5 of their last 6 games,  Cal fans can be thankful that their hearts are sure not to be broken this weekend.  The Bears have a bye week.

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Brett Favre is hinting that he might postpone his retirement again and play in 2008.   Even Cher is saying, “Enough already.”

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When Lloyd Carr announced his retirement, his players reportedly gave him a standing ovation.   Big deal, if Charlie Weis announces HIS retirement the whole  town of South Bend will give him a ticker tape parade.

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A recent poll showed that Hillary Clinton was the  2008 Democratic presidential  candidate that voters would most like to have a guest for Thanksgiving dinner.  Though apparently there was a glitch.  Many voters thought the poll asked who they would most like to have SERVED for Thanksgiving dinner.

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And Hillary was asked how she felt about Thanksgiving dinner.  She said she felt that eating turkey made sense but that didn’t mean she would do it.

Has to go to Nick Saban, who compared his Crimson Tide’s humiliating loss to Louisiana-Monroe to 9/11.   Saying the team “must respond like America did from a ‘catastrophic event.'”

 Well, if Coach Saban is asked to leave Alabama after this  mediocre season, at least he has a job waiting with the Guiliani campaign.

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And maybe the real reason A-Rod is coming back to New York?  Of all the big market teams after him, the Yankees might be the least likely to put him in a position to fail in another World Series.

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And any frustrated NFL fans –  read,  people in San Francisco, Oakland, Miami etc – who might be turning their attention to the CFL.

The Winnipeg Blue Bombers have made it to the Grey
Cup against the Saskatchewan Rough Riders.   But  without their star quarterback after Kevin Glenn was injured in the East Division final.

Considering the fact, however,  that Vinny Testaverde is doing a  competent job for the NFL Panthers, perhaps Winnipeg should see if Doug Flutie is available?

(Background for all non-CFL fans, the Grey Cup is the Canadian Super Bowl equivalent.  And Kevin Glenn has had the league’s best quarterback rating until he broke his arm last weekend.)

New Oxymoron   – Touchdown, 49ers! 

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Wonder who tuned into Notre Dame (1-9) against Duke (1-9)  last Saturday.  Apparently in an effort to boost ratings NBC titled the broadcast “The Biggest Losers.”

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38 year old Brett Favre led his Green Bay Packers over 44 year old Vinny Testaverde and the Carolina Panthers.    Which was a blow for those of us who feel age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.  

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President Bush has attacked the Democrats for their policy of  “tax and spend.”  As opposed to his policy – “don’t tax, spend anyway.”

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So Hillary Clinton’s opponents are really attacking hard these days.  In fact, there is a rumor her fellow Dems are trying to get her ranked #2 in the BCS.

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And CNN is facing heat from telling a college student to ask Hillary if she preferred diamonds or pearls.  Mostly from Bill Clinton who said “Don’t give her any ideas, I’m still paying off for Monica.”

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While Barry Bonds is indicted for perjury, how about the Dolphins, who say on their website that they are an NFL team?

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And (all conservatives can stop  reading now.)…

While we are indicting for perjury, isn’t there a record somewhere of President Bush  saying he would ” preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States?” 

Pete Rose was asked if he thought Barry Bonds would be convicted of perjury.  His response “I wouldn’t bet on it.”

Another “two” bites the dust.

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Thursday night, Oregon became the lastest second ranked team to be upset by an unranked team.    Until this year the consistently worst losses for number twos have been by Democratic veeps in presidential elections.

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And after all the rumors, Barry Bonds was finally indicted for perjury on steroid charges.    It’s a shame for the home run king that the grand jury didn’t throw in a murder charge.  In California, that would guarantee he would walk.

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Actually, the whole steroids issue puts a huge cloud over Bud Selig’s tenure as commissioner, and many are saying again he should resign.    If so, perhaps our next commissioner should be George W. Bush.  Who has more experience working with perjurers and other liars?

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And Bill Clinton has a new video supporting his wife’s candidacy where he does a tough workout on a treadmill.  This may be the first time in recent memory that Bill got hot and sweaty over Hillary.

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Quote from Alex Rodriguez on the subject of rejoining the Yankees.

“Prior to entering into serious negotiations with
other clubs, I wanted the opportunity to share my
thoughts directly with Yankees’ ownership. We know
there are other opportunities for us, but Cynthia and
I have a foundation with the club that has brought us
comfort, stability and happiness.”

Translation, the market for a moody slugger with a
history of choking in the post season isn’t as strong
as we thought.

A Carnac moment:

Answer:  Three yards and a cloud of dust.

Question:  Describe a San Francisco 49ers offensive drive.

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But on a cheerier note, can we have a show of hands from all those who had Hawaii and Kansas as the year’s last two undefeated Division 1 football teams?  Both of you?

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And with Tampa taking Devil off their names to be simply the “Rays”, how long until 0 and 7 Seattle becomes just the “Sonics?” 

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The city of Miami is seeking permission to demolish the Orange Bowl.  The city commission is expected to approve the request, even though they were disappointed to learn the Dolphins would not be inside.

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And the writers’ strike is having an effect  on presidential campaigns.  If it keeps up Hillary Clinton may have to resort to reruns of her canned questions. 

Though first a word for the 2007 Dolphins. Who look
well on the way to their own perfect season.

And despite the writer’s strike, late-night comedy
fans got a chance to see a live show Monday.  That is,
if they tuned in till the end of the 49ers game.

The 49ers play in Monster Park, which is NOT named for
Monster.com  – the job search website, but for Monster
Cable.  Monster‘s products primarily connect audio and
video components.  Unlike the San Francisco passing
game, which doesn’t seem to connect anything.

Silver lining for Notre Dame fans, at least the team
won’t embarrass themselves in a bowl this year.

The Fighting Irish may have to change the motto to
“Win more than one for the Gipper.”

Roger Clemens said he might pitch for the US Olympic
team in 2008.  Of course, he won’t take the mound
until the medal round.

Navy defeated North Texas 74-62 on Saturday. Didn’t
see the game but both teams must have done a solid job
with their free throws.

Rudy Giuliani says of Hillary Clinton, “she cannot
take a position and stick with it.” Rudy himself is
perfectly capable of sticking with a position, as long
as the words “I do” aren’t involved.

Tampa Bay has dropped the “Devil” part of their name
and will now be known as the “Rays.”

There is a similar discussion in South Bend this
football season.  Some alums want to drop the word
“Fighting” others want to drop the words “Notre Dame.”

And if San Francisco doesn’t get a slugger to replace
Bonds next year, they may have to shorten their name to the
“Ants.”

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So Joe Torre is writing a memoir about his Yankee
years. The working title is “Manager Strangelove- How
I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Boss.”