At a press conference today in Yankee Stadium, Derek Jeter vowed to return to the field in 2013. Of course he didn’t say whether it might be to throw out a ceremonial first pitch.
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Some are openly questioning how the alleged Boston bomber’s wife could be so completely in the dark about her husband’s secret life. At least no one’s asked for a public comment from Hillary Clinton.
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LeBron James, on finishing second to Marc Gasol for the NBA’s Defensive Player of the Year award: “It sucks. It definitely sucks, though, finishing second. Who wants to finish second?” Well, this ought to take care of Lebron’s reputation for whining.
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Shocking story about a baby in Delhi sold twice on Facebook. Many Indians can’t believe it. They figured babies were only sold on Ebay.
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The NFL Draft started Thursday. W ell, it was about time football finally got some #ESPN coverage.
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Wonder how many SEC players who got drafted are due for a pay cut?
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Really? Ebay is emailing all members telling us to tell Congress “No” on proposed online sales tax legislation, as it is “wrongheaded”, “unfair” and a “burden” for small businesses. Except that businesses with less than $1 mill. a year in online sales would be exempt. Guess it depends on what the definition of “small” is.
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Now the media is reporting “Carnival Cruise ship evacuated.” The story, after barge explosions on the Mobile River, crew members who are living on the Carnival Triumph while it is being repaired were taken off for safety reasons. Dear Gawd. When the ship is repaired will they report on the number of people with hangovers and upset stomachs from overindulging on board?
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Stockholm police apparently found illegal narcotics on Justin Bieber’s tour bus. So is this enough for the U.S. to deport him back to Canada
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The alleged Boston bombers’ mother says she believes that the bombing was fake, “a show,” and that the blood was “paint.” Wow. Even U.S. Conspiracy theorists are impressed. What’s next, a talk radio gig?
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Asked if her son Jeb should run for President, Barbara Bush responded “He’s by far the best qualified man, but no. We’ve had enough Bushes. It’s not just four families, or whatever” Hmm, maybe the Bush we should have elected was Barbara.
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Stanford LB Alex Debniak gave an interesting and articulate pre-draft interview on local radio today. Although he did say at one point “Me and my agent…” Quick, check for academic fraud.
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Guess Manti T’eo being a first round draft pick was as much of an illusion as the Notre Dame star’s girlfriend. #NFLDraft
It appears that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev fatally injured his brother by running over him in an SUV as he escaped. So will Dzohkhar ask for leniency because he killed an enemy of the U.S.?
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The Yankees announced that Derek Jeter, 38, will be in a walking boot at a news conference Thursday. Either that or he will be in a walker. Not sure.
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In 2011, the West Fertilizer company filed a report with the EPA saying there was no risk of fire or explosion at the plant, and “The worst-case release scenario would be the release of the total contents of a storage tank released as a gas over 10 minutes.” In other words, this is Texas, we don’t need no stinkin’ regulations.
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Anthony Weiner has a new Twitter account. Presumably a condition of activating it was giving his wife the password.
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Apparently the new name of the four-team playoff that starts after the NCAA 2014 football season will be the “College Football Playoff.” Translation. No one’s bid enough for naming rights yet.
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Great quote from Nevada State Senator Kelvin Atkinson, as he came out to his colleagues while they were debating a same-sex marriage bill. “I know this is the first time many of you have heard me say that I am a black, gay male. If this (bill) hurts your marriage, then your marriage was in trouble in the first place.”
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Day two of the NBA playoffs. There is something wrong with a postseason that lasts longer than a Kardashian marriage.
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Nice truism from my friend Jim Barach. “A report warns that the “cinnamon challenge”, where people try to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon can be dangerous to a person’s health. However, it is still not as dangerous as eating a cinnamon roll from Cinnabon.”
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Senator Max Baucus, 71, announced his retirement. Responded Senator John McCain -”So young?”
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California Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom has decided to endorse Democrat Ro Khanna, 36, who is running for Congress against 7-term incumbent Mike Honda, 72, also a Democrat. Gosh, can’t imagine why Newsom thinks an older politician should step aside for an ambitious younger one..
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The U.S. Department of Justice has joined the suit against Lance Armstrong, saying that by his cheating he defrauded and damaged the post office. Maybe they could settle, however, if Armstrong could get the USPS some performance enhancing drugs.
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Former Senator Bob Dole said in a recent interview that the Republican Party needs to learn that “compromise is not a bad word.” And most of the GOP House members responded, “Bad? More like a profanity.”
After we find and prosecute the Boston Marathon bombers, think there’s any way to prosecute some of the media who printed photos of innocent men as suspects?
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Derek Jeter apparently has a small crack in his surgically repaired left ankle and will be out at least until the All-Star break. At this point the Yankees may decide to seek a second opinion from an expert paleontologist.
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Mitt Romney said today that President Obama gave a “superb” speech at the memorial for the Boston Marathon bombing victims. Well, heck, if the Yankees and Red Sox can get along for a few days, maybe bipartisan goodwill is possible. For a few days anyway.
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And on the subject of bipartisan agreement…. My friend Ed Murrell and I will probably would never vote the same way on anything. But I agree with him on this post of his today. So what – the league put out a schedule today…..“Sports radio has become a boring, monotonous NFL advertisement. Who honestly gives a !@#$%^& about the NFL schedule. You’ve got no life if you’re into that mess.”
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-NY Mets vs. Colorado Rockies today in 30 degree weather in Denver. 30 degrees? That’s colder than the Mets’ bats. MLB says more stringent security measures will be in place at ballparks. So fans may need to arrive earlier as the league tries to guard against terrorists attacks on big crowds. Well, at least Marlins fans are safe.
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A thought from Michael Hayne that would be funnier if it weren’t rather true. ” The great thing about being white is we’re never a terrorist, we just have a mental illness.”
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Chris Culliver, the SF 49ers’ player who ended up in trouble for his anti-gay comments during Super Bowl week, now posted on Instagram photos of a iPhone conversation referring to women as “bitches” and “hoes.” There is just no cure for stupid.
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Now that Britney Griner is officially out, really rooting for Mark Cuban’s idea. Would be fun if the first openly gay athlete in a major men’s professional sport turned out to be a woman.Another thought about the Senators who voted against more government control over guns. So why doesn’t their support of individual freedom extend to things like legalized marijuana and prostitution?
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Turns out the man suspected of sending letters contacting ricin-laden letters to President Obama and Sen. Roger Wicker is an Elvis impersonator from Tupelo. Geez. If Elvis wasn’t dead, this kind of stuff would kill him.
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Whichever side you’re on, it seems pretty clear that if Senators were afraid they would lose their next election for voting against background checks, some of them would have put aside their principled defense of gun rights.
Silver lining in today’s game for SF Giants’ fans? If Clayton Kershaw is going to be the Dodgers’ power hitter on top of being their ace, it’s going to take Los Angeles $250 million to sign him long term…..
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Red Sox 8, Yankees 2. Wonder who George Steinbrenner would have fired by now.
(with an assist from my friend Tony Alan Banks. You have to wonder if somewhere in the afterlife, Steinbrenner fired Billy Martin just out of habit.)
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Sandy Koufax looked good throwing out the ceremonial first pitch for the Los Angeles Dodgers. Wonder how long it will take the Yankees to offer him a pitching contract.
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The University of Kentucky has announced that freshman guard Archie Goodwin is leaving early for the NBA. Guess he wants to parlay leading his team all the way to the first round of the NIT into big $$$.
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Jon Stewart really slamming #NBC tonight on the Daily Show. So is Stewart also auditioning for Jay Leno’s job?
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Lindsay Lohan will be a guest on the “Late Show with David Letterman” next week. Sure hope the show insisted on sending a car and driver.
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Apparently police had to be called at a Seattle zoo’s Easter Egg Hunt when two mothers began fighting. Reportedly after one reportedly pushed a child aside to make it easier for her own child to get some eggs. Shocking. Parent violence at an Easter Egg Hunt?! Now, we’d expect it for opening day of Little League.
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Unclear on the concept – Lindsay Lohan has reportedly told her lawyers that she’ll only enter lockdown rehab if she’s allowed to take her Adderall prescription with her…..
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Well, at least there’s a Pac 12 team in the Women’s Final Four. Now if the #Cal Bears can just knock off UConn and Geno Auriemma in New Orleans all of Stanford might root for them.
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USC has hired UFGC’s Andy Enfield as their next men’s basketball coach. Guess Enfield couldn’t turn the deal down, over $1 million a year plus every March off.
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Glee’s Cory Monteith has voluntarily checked into a rehabilitation center to address substance addiction issues. Some would say such issues were caused by watching his own show.
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From Bill Littlejohn: As we approach the Masters, Tiger Woods has reclaimed his No. 1 ranking and is well on his way to being the Tiger of old. In fact, insiders are predicting a Lindsey Vonn ski pole to his Escalade by Christmas.
And remember, love may fade, but Marshmallow Peeps are forever.
All this talk about Buster Posey being a San Francisco Giant for life….But it’s an 8 year contract! Posey will be 34 when it’s over. Making him almost old enough to play for the New York Yankees.
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The Seattle Seahawks’ Chris Clemons said he’s not homophobic but it would be selfish for an NFL player to come out, since one’s sexuality should be left “at home.” Right, based on that long tradition of men not talking about sex and women in locker rooms…..
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Many Stanford women’s basketball fans were unhappy when President Obama said that their team would lose to Cal in the NCAA Tournament. And as it turns out, Obama WAS wrong….
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Some are talking about lowering the baskets for women’s basketball to increase scoring. After watching a few rounds of NCAA’s thinking maybe we need to do that for the college men too.
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UCLA has hired Steve Alford as their new men’s basketball coach. Which means Bruins fans can look forward in 2014 to another weekend in the NCAA tournament.
The Yankees’ Andy Pettitte says he expects to be in the World Series. Is Pettite angling for a trade already?
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The National Zoo has artificially inseminated their female panda. Waiting for the first conservative politician to say it’s another example of Obama showing disrespect for traditional panda marriage.
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The under-over in Las Vegas for complete games in MLB this season by ANY pitcher in 2013 is 6 1/2. For the entire season. The Detroit Tigers’ Mickey Lolich had 29 complete games in 1971.
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Well, he’s a douchebag but a creative douchebag. A 61 year old Virginia man, angry that his girlfriend had broken up with him, was arrested after he allegedly placed a fake Craigslist ad with her picture and address saying she was a “senior lady” looking for casual sex.
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TSA has decided just to suspend 17 employees at Newark who were originally going to be fired “because it was determined that they did not ‘intentionally’ violate procedures associated with checked baggage screening.” Well, it’s not like they messed up on anything important…..
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Michael Steinberg, a NY hedge fund executive, was arrested at his Park Ave apartment today on charges to conspiracy and securities fraud.
Steinberg’s lawyer said “he did absolutely nothing wrong.” Of course, it’s probably the fault of all the profiling police do of hedge fund executives.
In this case, Indiana. Bobby Knight had better aim with his chairs than the Hoosiers had with some of their shots tonight.
The Patriots’ Rob Gronkowski said today he would be accepting of a gay teammate. Good for him. But why is this harder for players than, for example, accepting a teammate who is a rapist.
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Best thing about tonight’s mostly lopsided Sweet Sixteen games… realizing we are only 3 days from MLB opening day.
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Johan Santana’s 2013 Mets’ season is probably over with a shoulder injury. Should we declare him an honorary NY Yankee?
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The NBA has said, “Oops, Kobe Bryant really did foul Ricky Rubio” – on Rubio’s last second shot that might have tied the game. Not that it affects the Lakers’ 120-117 win over the T’wolves. And it’s not as if the league has any rea$on to want Lo$ Angele$ in the playoff$…..
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Tiffany’s has just come out with a new collection of World Champion SF Giants memorabilia. This opposed to World Champion Cubs memorabilia which is in their “archaeology” collection.
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A Cosmopolitan article says the three words men most don’t want to hear from a woman is “I look fat.” Uh, I would say those three are at best a distant second to “Can we talk?”
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How new is the University of Florida Gulf Coast? Their oldest alums are 37. Wow. That’s too young to play for the NY Yankees.
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United Airlines is now offering their Mileage Plus members a free one year membership in AARP. Wonder if they are offering the same deal to some of their flight attendants?
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Three New Jersey men in were arrested for smoking marijuana New Jersey – in the parking lot of a police barracks. Can’t imagine how pot gets the reputation of messing with your short-term memory.
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Mitt Romney says he doesn’t miss the campaign trail, saying “I like the life of being an American citizen. It’s good to live a normal life again.” Wonder if after Mitt said this he got in his private plane to head to one of his vacation homes for the weekend?
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New York starting pitcher Phil Hughes has officially been placed on the disabled list for opening day. Looking like this year’s Yankee theme song will be “Another One Bites The Dust.”
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Due to a number of accidents including a refinery fire, the Chevron’s board has cut CEO John Watson’s bonus and stock options by 10-20%. In 2011, Watson made $24.7 million. Gosh, how will he feed his family?
A silver lining to Monday for many sports fans – there was no chance today for any more busted brackets.
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Anyone considered that maybe Punxsutawney Phil was right? And that this is just going to be a really really cold spring….
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According to the NY Times, senior citizens are increasingly using recreational marijuana. So to serve that market, how long until we see Doritos’ flavored Ensure?
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While Los Angeles made it closer at the end, Golden State was beating up on the Los Angeles Lakers so badly at halftime the Warriors could have been charged with elder abuse.
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UCLA has fired men’s basketball coach Ben Howland. Well, if Howand wants a chance with another underachieving team, there may soon be an opening with the Lakers.
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Former RNC chair Michael Steele on the GOP – “”However, we are not a religious party. And we need to understand that America’s not looking for a religious party.” Well, he’s half right.
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A thought about Costa Rica’s protest about playing their soccer match against the USA in the snow. Just wait until the 2022 World Cup in Qatar. With average daytime temperatures of 106…..
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UCLA fired Ben Howland after they lost to Minnesota. Minnesota fired Tubby Smith after they lost to Florida. This does not bode well for the losing coach in the Florida-University of Florida Gulf Coast game.
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Some conservative media complaining that Sasha and Malia Obama are vacationing at the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas. Of course if they were driven to an inexpensive Florida beach resort the same folks would complain that they were wrecking spring break for middle class families with the extra traffic and security.
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The New York Yankees will open the season with about $82 million of players on the disabled list. To put that in perspective, that’s about the payroll of the Astros and Pirates combined..
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Not watching the NBC interview but apparently Jerry Sandusky was laughing in his denial that anyone could have imagined that what they heard and saw in that Penn State locker room meant he was having sex with a boy. Can’t we just hurry up and put this guy in the general population.
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In light of his recent public announcement of a romance with Lindsay Vonn, was it really the best idea for the NY Daily News to have posted this headline about Tiger Woods’ win today?: “Tiger back on top.”
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Geek humor. The band “My Chemical Romance” has split up. Did they use electrolysis?
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So why aren’t the people defending “traditional” marriage also pushing for amendments to outlaw divorce?
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From my funny friend Jim Barach: “A Huffington Post writer is looking for people who claim to have had sex with a space alien. He should start by talking to Dennis Rodman’s mother.”
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Ford is apologizing after ads submitted to them for a competition ended up on line. One featured 3 women bounded and gagged in the back of a Ford Figo, another had 3 male race-car drivers in the same situation, and in the 3rd it was the Kardashian sisters. Absolutely appalling, well maybe except the last one.
Why we know the same people who run the BCS are not on the NCAA men’s basketball tournament selection committee – not only did defending champions Kentucky not get in, but the field only has 3 SEC teams.
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Wonder what kind of shape the USA would be in if Americans spent as much time thinking about who they vote for as they do filling out their NCAA brackets? #Marchmadness
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So which happens first? President Obama releases his NCAA brackets? Or the GOP criticizes him for making time to select them?
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Wonder how busted most people’s brackets would already be if you had to know the city and state of any team picked, and for that matter at least one player on each team….
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Pat Boone called President Obama a Marxist. Wonder how many people these days actually remember what a Marxist is? For that matter wonder who many people actually remember who Pat Boone is?
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Now former Denver Bronco Elvis Dumervil has fired his agent. Wonder if he did it by fax.
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Just saw a commercial saying: “KFC whole chicken is delivered and prepared fresh by real cooks in our restaurants.” Is SNL starting to run their fake ads during the day now?
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Two high school football players in Steubenville were found guilty of raping a drunk 16 year old girl at a party last year. Proof perhaps that doing very bad stuff and posting it online trumps even society’s bias in favor of athletes.
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Lindsay Lohan apparently could miss her Monday morning court date because she missed her flight last night from NY to LA to stay and party at a local nightclub. Gosh, if she shows up the judge again Lindsay could face a really really stern warning.
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Mark Teixeira says his wrist injury may sideline him longer than originally thought, but added “I don’t know if it’s the beginning of May, the end of May, the beginning of June, I don’t know when it is but we got a whole bunch of season left and the time that really matters is the playoffs.” Uh, this assumes the NY Yankees make the playoffs.
Of course, GOP Rep. Steve LaTourette is retired so he can say this, “We’re supposed to wonder why we don’t have the women’s vote in this country when we have a candidate suggesting that a child born as a result of rape is a gift from God?” And “If we ever want to be a national party, then we have to look like America. Today we look like a bunch of white guys below the Mason-Dixon line.”
Confused here, so when the Bachelor finally makes his choice do they send up a plume of rose-colored smoke?
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So the Vatican wants the Church to be more relevant in a modern age. Maybe they could increase interest in this whole Papal selection process by publishing brackets? (And warning those brackets are not for betting purposes.)
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Yesterday on “Meet the Press,” Jeb Bush referred to political reporters as “crack addict” or “heroin addicts.” Well, this ought to get media relations for his probable 2016 run off to a good start.
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Jeb Bush, when asked about the effect his family history might have on a run for the Presidency, replied “I don’t think there’s any Bush baggage at all.” And Sarah Palin commented “And they call ME stupid?!”
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A 25-year-old Seattle high school softball coach has resigned after he was caught allegedly sending female students out to get photographs and phone numbers of “cute girls” for him. Well, on the bright side, at least he wasn’t sleeping with his players.
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Not a boxing fan, but kudos to former UFC light heavyweight champion Rashad Evans: “I am a heterosexual guy in a tough macho sport, which is exactly the reason I feel a duty to say I support gay marriage and gay rights. What people overlook is that is isn’t a sex issue, its a love issue. There’s no justifiable reason for trying to get in the way of two people who love each other.”
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A bipartisan group of eight Senators has apparently come to an agreement on a path to legal status for illegal immigrants Meanwhile, a bipartisan group of eight members of the House is close to agreeing that the sun sets in the west.
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The Yankees are so desperate for temporary help due to all their injuries that they’ve reportedly talked to retired players Derrek Lee and Scott Rolen, and they’re even interested in Chipper Jones. “Hey, I’m available” chimed in Brett Favre.
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Some are comparing Mayor Bloomberg to a Nanny. But really, is that the best analogy? Remember Mary Poppins and her “spoonful of sugar?”
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A judge just tossed out New York City’s large sugary soda ban, a day before it was to take effect. Here we go through the appeals process … your tax dollars at work.
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Wonder if the court’s decision on the large sugary soda ban will last through Opening Day. Does alas wreck the excuse of “Really, honey, I didn’t want all those beers, but they were the only large cold drinks I could get.”
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New York Mayor Bloomberg said the people who will be helped by the city’s soda restrictions will be poor people who “don’t have the ability to take care of themselves as well” as the wealthy. Can’t wait to see the next time Bloomberg meets up with Chris Christie.
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Donald Trump said today he’ll cover the costs to keep White House tours open for rest of the year. Makes sense, presume the Donald would want a sponsorship banner or sign: it’s the only way he’ll get his name on a door in the White House.
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How the other half travels: The Four Seasons in Hong Kong has a Club Level package for three night that covers garment pressing – with the note “up to six garments per day.”
Mitt Romney is returning to work, joining his son Tagg’s investment firm. Well, does President Obama get credit for creating at least this one job?
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The cardinals will start voting in Rome Tuesday to elect a new Pope. The Vatican has announced that no Cardinal over the age of 80 will be allowed to vote. Guess this is the Church’s idea of a youth movement?
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The answer to “Have you no shame?” is sometimes “Yes.”: After President Obama signed the Violence Against Women Act.”. Sen. John Cornyn of Texas released a statement titled, “Cornyn Bill to Eliminate Nationwide Rape Kit Backlog Signed Into Law.” Now Cornyn’s Sexual Assault Forensic Evidence Reporting (SAFER) Act WAS rolled into the VAWA bill. Except Cornyn voted AGAINST it.
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A news report yesterday on Venezuelans filing past to pay their respects to Hugo Chavez said the leader looked “pale and gaunt.” Gosh, so this cancer thing could be serious.
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In talking about all the Yankees injuries, Derek Jeter said “it’s as if someone had voodoo dolls or something.” And in Boston they’re thinking “Who snitched?”
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From an Feb 2013 op-ed in the Washington Times about “my plan for comprehensive reform.” : “Border security, including drones, satellite and physical barriers, vigilant deportation of criminals and increased patrols would begin immediately.” The author? Rand Paul.
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An TSA undercover agent with a fake explosive device in his pants made it through two security checkpoints, including a pat-down, at Newark airport last month. On the other hand, security did find hundreds of four ounce shampoo bottles.
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Hooters is apparently trying to attract women customers by upgrading their food. Here’s another idea, add good looking scantily-clad MALE waiters.
New Math? Got to love it, on the nutritional information label of a “Safeway Select” package of appetizers, it says “Serving size – 5, Servings per container – About 2.” Number of appetizers listed on the package, and actually in the container – 8.
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The U.K. Daily Mail reports that that in Montana, Gregory C. Rodriguez, the television host of “Rifleman’s Journal” and editor of “Shooting Times Magazine,” was allegedly shot dead by the husband of woman he was visiting…. Gosh, if Rodriguez only had a gun to defend himself.
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So the same week Joy Behar announced she was leaving “the View,” Elisabeth Hasselbeck was fired. Women are thinking, “Wow, wonder what happened.” Men are thinking “Who are these women and what view are we talking about?”
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From T.C. “
Queen Elizabeth spent the weekend in the hospital being treated for gastroenteritis, a stomach infection. Her Majesty still did what she gets paid for, sitting on the throne.
If President Obama wants bipartisan agreement maybe he could just send a drone to at least temporarily silence Nicki Minaj?
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Could we declare this sequester part of the New York Yankees starting lineup?. Seems to be the best way to guarantee it will be shelved in no time.
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Leaving aside our potential differences on Rand Paul’s politics, can we at least agree that the man knows the right way to do a filibuster?
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This week’s blizzard, projected to be one of the most powerful of the year, has kind of turned into a big “meh.” Which means the storm could end up being renamed from “Saturn” to “Lakers.”
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The Yankees’ Mark Teixeira injured his right wrist and will be out about 2 months. “That’s really a shame”, said no one outside New York.
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Taco Bell is coming out with a new Cool Ranch Doritos Loco Taco, which uses a shell that is basically just a giant Cool Ranch Dorito. For all those who think the chain’s regular offerings just don’t have enough artificial flavorings and salt.
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Mayor Bloomberg’s next campaign is to warn young people that listening to loud music on their iPods with earbuds could result in hearing loss. On the other hand, if kids use the earbuds in traffic, it does increase the chance of a Darwin award to remove them from the gene pool.
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Rory McIlroy about leaving the course during the Honda Classic last week “I realized pretty quickly it wasn’t the right thing to do…. my tooth was bothering me, but it wasn’t bothering me enough to quit.” What? No blaming bad advice, the crowd, his medications…..
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President Obama had dinner tonight with 12 GOP Senators. I wonder how many food tasters will be involved.
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Rand Paul decided to have a real filibuster against President Obama’s nominee for head of the CIA. So far he’s been speaking about twelve hours….. Let’s hope Joe Biden doesn’t take this as a challenge.
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Members of Congress left for early weekends today starting at 1pm, despite the much vaunted storm only bringing an inch of snow. So for the remainder of the week, sounds like as much will be accomplished in Washington as usual.
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So now Jeb Bush is making noises about running for President in 2016, which means he may well face off against Hillary.. Isn’t it great we Americans don’t live in a banana republic where power is concentrated in the hands of a few families?
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And all joking aside, my friend Alex B sent along this link from West Wing, “Ten Word Ansswers.” Kind of makes you wish we could draft Jed Bartlett for President in 2016.
TSA announced that passengers will be able to carry sporting equipment including golf clubs and souvenir baseball bats onto planes next month. Members of the the 2013 NY Yankees will even be able to carry full-sized bats, because TSA doesn’t think they will hit anything.
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As of midnight, Generalissimo Francisco Franco and Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez are still dead.
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Just read that Americans waste 1/3 of the food they buy. But bet none of that waste includes chocolate.
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Okay, President Obama can’t lock all of Congress away until they come up with a deal. But it’s a shame he couldn’t have called an emergency session tonight in advance of the big storm about to hit D.C. And then immediately furloughed all the snowplowers….
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Jeb Bush said Monday, and in his new book, that he opposes a pathway to citizenship for undocumented immigrants. Tuesday Jeb said he would endorse such a pathway if it did not incentivize illegal immigration. Adding “We wrote this book last year, not this year.” Even Mitt Romney said “That was fast.”
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After Serge Ibaka hit Blake Griffin in the groin during a game Sunday, the NBA decided to fine the Oklahoma City star $25,000 but not suspend him. And I’m sure this decision would have been the same had the Thunder been playing, say, the Sacramento Kings tonight instead of the Lakers on national television.
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George Shultz will be speaking in Washington this Friday urging action on climate change, including a carbon tax. Waiting for the first GOP member of Congress to accuse Shultz of being a “commie pinko Californian.”
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Justin Bieber is taking a lot of heat in England for a show in London where he didn’t appear on stage until almost 1030p. Does Bieber not realize that if you’re old enough to stay up that late, you’re too old to be one of his fans?
Denied the use of a $1 internet coupon, a woman at a Walmart allegedly pulled out a handgun and threatened employees. Then she fought with arresting officers. She is now in jail. The state? Of course. Flori-duh.
(If Walmart employees decide to arm themselves do they get an employee discount on their personal guns? Just wondering?)
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Jon Stewart says starting in June he will take an eight week break from “The Daily Show” to produce and direct a feature film. Yikes. What will we do without the Walter Cronkite of our generation?
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The Chicago Blackhawks won their 10th consecutive game tonight. Said Chicago Cubs fans – “You can do that?”
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Regarding this pissing match about hypothetical drones between Eric Holder and Rand Paul, here’s a hypothetical question:. If an American citizen stole an 757 jet, and announced in midair he was flying it to recreate 9-11 with another U.S. skyscraper, does the President have the authority to order the military to use a drone to shoot him down?
Johnny Damon, 39, apparently would love a chance to play for the Yankees again in the wake of the injury to Curtis Granderson. To fit in with the rest of their team, New York, however, is presumably looking for someone with more experience.
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Not sure about all the music at this year’s Oscars. But that Jaws music cue has potential for political speeches.
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Is “the Bachelor” contractually obligated to say “this is the hardest decision I’ve ever made in my life” a certain number of times per show?
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The Bachelor talks about falling in love with two women who he can both see becoming his wife. Wonder how many calls Sean will get from people offering to convert him to Mormonism.
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Oops, John Kerry said today in a speech about the State Dept that they support democratic institutions in Kyrzakhstan…” Wonder who in the GOP will be the first to say “More party politics, what about Republican institutions in Kyrzakhstan?”
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A “crippling, historic blizzard” has the National Weather Service in Amarillo, Texas posting “DO NOT TRAVEL” on its website. Maybe Mother Nature isn’t too pleased about Governor Perry’s trying to talk businesses into leaving California for Texas.
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Manti Te’o's 40-yd dash time today at the NFL combine was 4.82 seconds, 20th out of 26 linebackers. At this point, forget the imaginary girlfriend, Teo’s looking like an imaginary first-round pick.
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The government of Iceland is planning to ban print and online pornography. Some citizens are upset – they’re called “men.”
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Sorry, when a company has you on hold for over half an hour and they are telling you “your business is EXTREMELY important to us,” what they should be saying “your business is not nearly as important to us as keeping costs down by not hiring enough people to answer our phones.”
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Rough month for the Vatican. Scottish Cardinal Keith O’Brien has resigned before the papal conclave, after 3 priests and a former priest alleged he tried to seduce them. Could be worse. At least the allegations involve adults.
Silver lining department: Never have so many people been so happy to arrive in Mobile, Alabama.
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The Carnival Triumph cruise turned into days of some booze, limited food, overflowing toilets and foul odors. In other words, a floating frat house.
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Understatement of the year award to Gerald R. Cahill, CEO of Carnival: “We pride ourselves on providing our guests a great vacation experience. Clearly, we failed in this particular case.”
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Kevin Youkilis, who yesterday said “I’ll always be a Red Sock”, today came out with “I’m a Yankee today, and I’m excited.” Wow! Youkilis changed positions so fast you have to wonder if he has future plans to run for office.
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Rabbits have been eating the wiring of cars parked at Denver International Airport by eating spark plug cables. Parking companies are building “better” fences and adding perches for predators like hawks and eagles. Large numbers of large birds near an airport, what could possibly go wrong?
All this hullabaloo about Chuck Hagel, a combat veteran. Can you imagine if President Obama had nominated a draft-dodger for Secretary of Defense, you know, someone like Dick Cheney?
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Rough weekend decisions coming up for Congressional Republicans. Do they blame Obama for the Carnival Triumph fiasco or the meteorite hitting Russia?
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Back aboard the bus, or rather, the ship to hell- How about songs to play in honor of the Carnival Triumph? My starter suggestions: “Slip sliding away.” “Stuck in the middle with you.” “The Night the Lights Went out in Georgia,” “Where do we go from here?” “Stuck on you,” “Smoke on the water….”
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Reports are that Harrison Ford will once again play Han Solo in an upcoming Star Wars movie. Only this time the quote would be “I’ve got a bad feeling about this, if I could remember what it is.”
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In his new book, “Long Shot,” Mike Piazza is now blaming Vin Scully, (Vin Scully?!) for causing Dodgers fans to boo him in his final weeks with the team. Forget steroids, the “S” that will keep Piazza from ending up a beloved Los Angeles icon is “stupid.”
From T.C. “American Airlines and US Airways have formally announced they plan to merge. This deal was supposed to finalize sometime in 2009, but it’s been delay after delay after delay……”
First Manny Ramirez, now Mark McGwire is wearing Dodger Blue as a hitting coach…. SF Giants fans are accepting apologies for all those steroid remarks Los Angeles fans made about Barry Bonds.
NY Jets coach Rex Ryan says he is undecided on next week’s starting QB, but insists he has confidence in McElroy, Tebow and Sanchez. Yikes. Has someone checked Ryan for concussions?
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Only bright spot for NY sports fans Monday? The Giants’ lackluster performance temporarily knocked the Jets off the front page.
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Five BCS games. Only five teams in those games ranked in the top ten. And only one game with a spread under 8. Guess that mean bitch karma isn’t a fan of television networks.
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The Mets are reportedly interested in trying to trade R.A. Dickey. But GM Sandy Alderson says fans should not take it as a sign that the team is pessimistic about their 2013 chances. Longtime fans are thinking. “The Mets had 2013 chances?”
Apparently Mitt Romney has gone back to work, rejoining Marriott’s board of directors. So President Obama’s job creation program is already working.
Kentucky’s men’s basketball team (4-3) fell out of the top 25 since John Calipari became coach in 2009. Calipari is so reportedly so upset with the team he might threaten the players with drastic punishment – like having to go to class.
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Really? SI’s Sportsman of the Year is Lebron James?! Are they going to have a one-hour television special about how they came to that decision?
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Derek Jeter has a broken ankle, A-Rod now needs hip surgery and will probably miss some of the 2013 season. Not saying the team is old but Yankees could end up wasting more money than a bad Medicare program.
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A recent poll showed that Americans ranked Congress as second lowest out of 22 professions for honesty and ethical standards, higher only than car sellers. On the bright side, lawyers are happy to look good by comparison.
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A New Jersey man will be arraigned today on the charge of “destruction of an aircraft” after he punched and broke a window on a JetBlue plane when he was unhappy with his seat assignment. So coming next, does this mean an airline “window security” fee?
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Serious thought for a change: An aside to the gun control debate with the Chiefs player who murdered his girlfriend, maybe this is also time to both renew the NFL’s focus on concussions? And it is DEFINITELY time to do everything possible to destigmatize professional athletes going to mental health professionals.
Immovable force meeting irresistible object? The SF Giants have won 5 straight games facing elimination this postseason, the Cardinals have won their last 6 dating back to 2011.
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Hmm, maybe too much time in water really does soak your brain dept: On College Game Day today, Olympic gold-medal winning swimmer Ryan Lochte was asked who would win the LSU-Texas A&M game: “I think they’re gonna end their six-game losing streak in the SEC — gonna have to go with Auburn.”
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Once again, as we approach game seven of NLCS interesting to remember that an ESPN poll said 68 percent of Americans figured the SF Giants wouldn’t make the playoffs after Melky Cabrera was suspended.
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GOP strategist Marc Rotterman complained that the “presidential election unofficially started back in the fall of 2011, a schedule that is absurd.” Is he crazy? The election didn’t start in the fall of 2011. It started the day after Obama was elected.
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So who’d a think that right this minute, Barry Zito’s contract would look better than A-Rod’s?
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Big Game between Stanford and Cal was played on. October 20. Because nothing says a big rivalry game like playing it when it’s convenient for the Pac 12 Network.
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Post Big-Game thought: Cal is apparently so bad this year that Stanford can win without a quarterback.
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Residents of South New Jersey apparently felt the ground shaking Saturday morning, but no earthquakes or military training exercises were reported in the region. Maybe Chris Christie has taken up jogging?
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The NFL is investigating the San Diego Chargers for possibly using an illegal “Stick ‘em” substance on their hands. I guess I understand the idea of cheating to be great, but cheating to be mediocre?
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“It does not take any courage at all for a congressman, or a senator, or a president to wrap himself in the flag… because it is not our blood that is being shed.” George McGovern, 1970.
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Some in GOP are trying to make political hay out of the fact that a man who lives near London was able to make two $5 donations to President Obama’s campaign, by using his English address but a NY zip code. Right, where was this outrage when Romney had an expensive fundraiser in Tel Aviv?
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Former Red Sox pitching coach John Farrell is returning to the team as their new manager. To accomplish this, Boston had to trade infielder Mike Aviles to the Blue Jays, and presumably promise Farrell they were never bringing back Josh Beckett.
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Yankees GM manager Brian Cashman today called a trade of Alex Rodriguez “unrealistic.” Translation, we don’t think even the Dodgers are crazy enough to take him.
If the Giants keep winning the Yankees may try to extradite them back to New York and take the team over.
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Finally, if you have three minutes check out this link sent to me by my friend Andy Dwan. Watch it until the end.
Who said money can’t buy happiness? I think a lot of Americans were very happy to see the Yankees’ ALCS performance.
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At least the New York Yankees won’t be embarrassed anymore by only partially filling their ballpark this postseason.
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So now there’s talk of A-Rod to the Marlins? Will he have an ESPN show to say he’s taking his current lack of talent to South Beach?
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From T.C. “One guy breaks the speed of sound last week plummeting back to earth. So an entire team does it a week later.”
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An Air Canada flight arriving into Sydney took a short detour and flew low to find a stranded Australian yacht. Wonder how much a U.S. airline would have billed the Aussies as a service fee for that?
(My father adds that “they flew down to 4000 feet and told the passengers to keep their eyes open as they circle. There was ecstasy among the passengers when they spotted it. The US airlines would have charged the passengers an entertainment fee.”)
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Love it. United Airlines sent me an email suggesting using their website to “find top Los Angeles hotels for your upcoming trip.” Uh, except the trip is down and back the same day.
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Woo hoo. I am now so important to Mitt Romney he sent me a letter saying “with your gift of at least $5,000 you will be offered a dedicated Romney Victory Staff member who will stand ready to assist you with up-to-the-minute election information.” Cool, wonder if he’ll put me in a binder?
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Scary. Honey Boo Boo has endorsed President Obama. Even scarier. With some voters this might help him.
Jerry Sandusky wants a new trial. The only new trial involving this case should be that of his wife.
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Google’s stock plunged today after an earnings report they wanted to keep under wraps until after the market closed was released early. “Bummer of a privacy invasion” said absolutely nobody.
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Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney’s wife says her husband will not run again if he doesn’t win. Promise?
Whatever you think about tonight’s Presidential debate, there’s probably bi-partisan agreement that both candidates did much better than the New York Yankees.
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Do they have a conference call in advance of these debates to coordinate clothes like mothers of the bride and groom? (Tuesday night Obama had a red tie, Romney had a blue tie.)
Wonder how many casual New York fans though things were looking up for the Yankees because in game three tonight they were facing the Tigers’ #3 starter?
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A-Rod and Nick Swisher were not in the Yankees lineup for the ALCS game 3. Which meant $40 million alone in two players riding the bench. Who knew Aubrey Huff and Barry Zito would ever seem like bargains.
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Columbia student Stephan Perez, arrested in 2010 for selling Adderall, described the drug today on NBC’s “Rock Center” as an “academic steroid.” Well, that’s at least one PED that no SEC football players will be accused of using.
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Admittedly I’m biased, but think Obama supporters were both thrilled to see the real Barack show up tonight…and to see the real Mitt show up tonight.
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So Mitt Romney has had “binders full of women.” Is that a Mormon thing?
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Thieves stole hundreds of mllions of dollars of Picassos, Monets and other works from the Kunsthal museum early Tuesday morning in Rotterdam. The museum said the security was “state of the art,” and that their insurance was “adequate” for the exhibition. Uh, well, at best that’s one out of two.
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“No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public” (P.T. Barnum) example for the day:
A Chicago man apparently spent $9,995.00 on Ebay to purchase a gallon of barbecue sauce intended for use on McDonald’s McJordan sandwich in 1992.
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Apparently Beyonce will be the half-time entertainment for Super Bowl 2013. Isn’t she too young?
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From Marc Ragovin: “At a recent Jay-Z concert to open the Barclay Center, all attendees were subjected to a metal detector scan, while two days later, at the Barbra Streisand concert, all attendees were subjected to a bone density scan.
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The Colorado Rockies are apparently talking to Jason Giambi, who hasn’t even retired yet, about managing their team. Gosh, putting someone so inexperienced in charge could result in the team losing almost 100 games. Oops, never mind.
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I’m against politicizing either event, but have to wonder why none of these people who insist on blaming Obama for Ambassador Steven’s death in Benghazi ever thought Bush should be blamed at all for 9-11?
The worst things for Yankee fans about Jeter’s injury: 1. It was him and not A-Rod. 2. It’s too late in the year to go out and buy a replacement player.
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Detroit Tigers manager Jim Leyland said early Sunday that Jose Valerde wouldn’t close tonight’s game. Well, not like he closed last night’s game either.
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Felix Baumgartner landed safely today after a record-breaking jump from the stratosphere – 24 miles high. And somewhere Darwin is saying, “Missed it by that much…”
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Arlen Specter died today at the age of 82. He had been well-known for years as a moderate Republican. Many younger people don’t remember Specter. Still others don’t remember moderate Republicans.
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Angry Stanford fans got some vindication today when former NFL vice president of officiating Mike Pereira said today of the play where Stefan Taylor was supposedly stopped to end the game: “I’ve looked at the play from every angle, and I think the call should have been reversed to a touchdown. “ (He also questioned a late personal foul call on Stanford.)
Can we say it’s not whining if the grapes really are sour?
Washington Nationals fans are still furious at the team for shutting down Stephen Strasburg in September. But SF Giants fans are beginning to wonder if their team shouldn’t have done the same with Madison Bumgarner.
Ah creative capitalism at its finest: An Orlando radio station is putting up big billboards promising “No political ads.”
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Giving Jim Harbaugh control of the challenge flags is like giving a 16 year old boy the keys to your Ferrari.
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David Axelrod suggested today that in the next debate President Obama would be “more aggressive.” Uh, while I didn’t think Barack did THAT badly, would it be possible to be less aggressive without being clinically dead?
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The Space Shuttle Endeavour ended up taking 17 hours longer than scheduled to make it to its final home in at the California Science Center. Are we sure American Airlines wasn’t somehow involved?
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Tampa’s Aqib Talib was suspended 4 games without pay for taking an Adderall pill without a prescription. So was he suspended because it was a PED, or because he was too stupid to get a prescription. “Oh look, a puppy…”
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From Marc Ragovin: Now that Lance Armsrtong is retired, he doesn’t take PEDs. But it woudn’t be too difficult for him to start doping again. I mean, its like riding a bicycle.
This might be the one and ONLY time in my life I show some sympathy for the NY Yankees. Because I remember a May 2011 game when the SF Giants were down 4 runs, came back to tie it up, and lost the heart and soul of their team to an extra-innings injury. OK, I am done with the sympathy now.
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Yankees fans are particularly upset by the injury. ..more than a few wishing it could have been A-Rod?
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Okay, SF Giants fans didn’t hate TBS/Fox before…. they just said that the Yankees are the best team in the American League. and the CARDINALS are the best team in the National League. Put this quote up over the entrance to A T and T Park.
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But an open note to all SF Giants fans who have bitched about the team’s lack of a genuine closer…… in Detroit now as in Washington, D.C., fans are saying “Oh STFU.”
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Although if Friday night wasn’t bad enough, some Nationals fans got an email Saturday with an exclusive offer to buy World Series tickets.
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Clearly President Obama should have issued an executive order barring the Nationals from shutting down Stephen Strasburg.
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So which enterprising Stanford student will come up with the t-shirt saying “Stanford 25, ND 20 in overtime?” (Including those two touchdowns the refs missed.)
Did they ship the replacement refs to South Bend?
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Considering how that NLDS went against the Reds, wonder if the SF Giants asked MLB if they could decline home field advantage for the NLCS against the Cardinals?
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At Rupp Arena last night, Kentucky raised their 2012 national championship banner. With coach John Calipari they have to raise those things fast in case they get vacated.
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Was Derek Jeter’s injury Saturday night God’s way of saying Nate McLouth’s ball just might have hit the foul pole Friday?
