Posted tagged ‘Thanksgiving’

Happy Thanksgiving!

November 22, 2012

First of all, besides the usual family and friends stuff,   am very thankful to anyone who reads this blog. Whether it’s regularly or whether you stumbled upon it looking for a joke,  you all are the reason I write.  And I hope I brighten your day.

I also really appreciate everyone who takes the time to comment, whether it’s positive or negative, or to add a line I wish I’d written.
But today is time for a special thanks also to all those who make these jokes possible.

This year,  in no particular order, special thanks to the Chicago Cubs,  the New York Yankees, the Boston Red Sox (especially departed manager Bobby Valentine), the Los Angeles Dodgers (especially their trade with the Red Sox),  and the Miami Marlins.

Thanks to Jamie Moyer too, who alas probably has retired for good. But he was a great competitor, an excellent punchline, and from all I hear, an even better human being.  (Runs a foundation for children in distress.)

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Plus another serious thank you (okay, I get one)  to the San Francisco Giants.  For making us realize that the impossible sometimes is merely the unlikely.   And who somehow managed to win the World Series without being on the brink of elimination to the Detroit Tigers.

Thanks to the replacement refs, and to the NFL for maintaining for so long that there was no problem with them.  Thanks to the Philadelphia Eagles and the NY Jets for imploding so spectacularly.  And the Washington Redskins and Oakland Raiders for not being far behind.

Thanks to the NBA for the shortened season (can we do this every year), and to the Lakers for assuring that even at the beginning of the season we have some drama.

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Thanks to the BCS for being as screwed up as ever,  the NCAA for turning “student-athlete” into a perennial punchline, and the SEC for making the New York Yankees look humble.

Oh, yes, and thanks to the conferences whose inability to grasp the concept of math (10 is 14?) is equaled only by their utter fail at geography.  (San Diego State in the Big East?)

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Thanks to politicians on both sides of the aisle.  With the GOP primaries, they provided far more targets, not to mention the multiple personalities of Mitt Romney but the Dems always have Bill Clinton and Joe Biden.

And President Obama, for being someone we can blame EVERYONE on.  (If he thinks the punchlines are bad, wait until his second term, when the girls hit puberty while Michelle probably goes through menopause.)

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And finally, thanks to all the folks in this world, famous and not so famous,  who continue to act in absurd ways where often punchlines aren’t even necessary.

Thanksgiving day….

November 26, 2009

Since this is the day we in America give thanks, surely this would be the day to thank those without whom this blog could not be written….

In no particular order, from the NFL – Brett Favre, the Detroit Lions, Cleveland Browns and Washington Redskins. (The Oakland Raiders and SF 49ers on occasion too.) And commissioner Roger Goddell, for overseeing a system of fines that no would-be comedy writer could make up.

From college football, the USC Trojans and the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Alas, it looks like we may not have Charlie Weis to kick around anymore. Though Rich Rodriguez looks to be keeping his job at Michigan. Not to mention the ageless Bobby Bowden and Joe Paterno. And of course, the BCS.
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From the NBA, the New Jersey Nets for being on a record pace for awfulness, and as always the New York Knicks, the Clippers, Shaquille O”Neal and Kobe Bryant.

For College Basketball, well, without Bobby Knight there are no sure things. Except March Madness.
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From Major League Baseball, the Yankees, Mets and Dodgers. Along with the Giants offense. And now that Julio Franco has retired, Jamie Moyer. And Bud Selig, one of the most unintentionally funny straight men of all time.

Golf, well, Tiger Woods may be the greatest golfer of all time, but he’s no Lee Trevino.

And perhaps this is jumping the gun, or rather the scores, but the Winter Olympics are coming up in a few months. What would we do without French judges? And curling.

Then there’s the world of politics….and the list is longer than a Joe Biden Speech.

But nonetheless, in rapid-fire progression (and a bi-partisan list) – Sarah Palin, Joe Biden, Mark Sanford, John Edwards, Eliot Spitzer, Larry Craig, Robert Ensign, Hillary and Bill Clinton, Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Rudy Giuliani, Joe Lieberman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, the state of Louisiana, the state of New York, and the state of California. (Hard to believe, Texas may have fallen out of the top three for joke material. Molly Ivins would never believe it.)

And because she has thrown herself into the political arena, Carrie Prejean. And here we thought we’d miss Joe the Plumber.

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On a more serious note, a special thank you to some of my brilliant friends who also make the effort to bring some smiles (we hope) into the world. And who sometimes share ideas and help inspire me to keep at it. Especially when they frequently come up with jokes that I wish I had written –

Again in no particular order, and I am going to leave out somebody….

Alex Kaseberg, Jerry Perisho, Scott Ostler, Will Durst, Neil Berliner, Jim Barach, Hartley Miller, Cam Hutchinson, Bill Littlejohn, Marc Ragovin, Paul Seaburn,….

If any reader doesn’t know any of the above writers, I recommend them all highly.

And finally, thanks to everyone who makes the time to read this blog. (If you’ve found it by accident, that’s okay too.)

Janice Hough

Turkey Eve..

November 26, 2008

Apparently after the President pardons a turkey for Thanksgiving, that turkey, and an alternate, will be flown first class from Washington to Los Angeles, yes, in the first class cabin, where they will be Grand Marshalls in Disney’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.  (Disney pays for the flight .)  The flight is apparently registered with the FAA as United Turkey 1.   

Does this really need a punchline?

(But okay, not to be confused with President Bush’s flight home to Texas January 20, which presumably will be now registered as Turkey 2.)

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Notre Dame’s student fans were apparently so incensed with the the Fighting Irish’s lousy performance in a loss against lowly Syracuse last Saturday that they threw snowballs at their own team.  The university is considering sanctions, although those who hit their targets have been invited to try out for quarterback.

 

The San Francisco Giants, who have already made one of the worst free agent signings of the decade with their long term big money contract to Barry Zito, are apparenlty considering making an offer to C.C. Sabathia.  Maybe they want him to bat fourth?

(note to anyone who doesn’t follow baseball closely, and thus is thinking, “huh?’ about that last joke.  C.C. Sabathia is one of the best hitting pitchers in the major leagues.)

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The NIMF – (National Institute on Media and the Family)  –  has come out with their list of ten  games that are too violent and that parents should not buy for their under-17 children  And coincidentally, those same ten games have jumped to the top of many children and young teenagers’ wish lists.

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tacky joke alert.

When Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey, the camera showed another turkey being slaughtered in the background.  Which has prompted calls from the American public for President Bush to pardon a banker or automaker.

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Lots of birds playing in the NFL’s three Thanksgiving Day games.  The Seahawks, Cardinals and Falcons in the later games. And of course the turkeys from Detroit in the first game.

 

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And finally, ah for the good old days… when toxic assets were simply buildings with abestos.

 

An early Thanksgiving…

November 22, 2008

Many men and teenage boys in America are giving thanks early.  Most weekend shows of “Twilight” are sold out.

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On Thanksgiving Day itself, the NFL’s featured game will be between the now perfect Titans and the perfectly awful Lions.  Guess it’s the league’s way of making sure all their fans get a Thanksgiving Turkey.

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The woeful Washington Wizards fell to 1-8 to open the NBA season.  On a brighter note, they’ve just been declared honorary members of the Bush administration.

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Backup University of Florida quarterback Cameron Newton was arrested and charged with stealing another student’s laptop.   He is the second Gator to be arrested this year.  Who do they think they are, the FSU Seminoles?

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The stock market finished another tumultuous week.  Most Americans haven’t seen numbers fall this fast since President Bush’s approval ratings.

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A woman gave birth earlier this week on a Finnair flight.  Good thing she was flying Finnair and not an American carrier.  Upon landing they would have probably charged her an extra child’s fare.

Or-  from my funny friend  Alex Kaseberg – when her water broke TSA  might have arrested her for bringing on more than three ounces of liquid.


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