Posted tagged ‘T’eo jokes’

Love Story for our time?

January 19, 2013

Having a fake girlfriend means never having to say you’re sorry.

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How quickly things can change. Was it only last week that the most talked about story involving a college football player and his girlfriend involved Brent Musberger?

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So someday will they make a documentary about this Subway Footlong controversy, and name it “Jared and the Angry Inch?”

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Cincinnati lineman Andre Smith was arrested Friday and charged with carrying a loaded gun at Atlanta’s airport. Well even though they are out of the playoffs, good to see that the Bengals are keeping in mid-season form.

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Regarding this latest NFL player caught with a loaded handgun at the airport: women may carry purses and have no idea of everything that’s inside them… but we don’t tend to forget things like a loaded .380 pistol.

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Private gun sales are being banned at a North Carolina gun show after three people were injured in an accidental shooting involving a 12-gauge shotgun. Waiting for the NRA to demand armed guards at gun shows

 

 

As we head into Inaugural weekend, the Dow and S&P 500 finished the week at their highest levels since December 2007. I blame Obama.

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The NHL opens their strike-shortened season tonight. Responded most Americans – “did we miss something?” -

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In a recent Gallup poll, 75% of Americans said they would vote for term limits for the House and Senate. About the same percentage who vote to re-elect their own members of Congress.

 

The SF 49ers’ Michael Crabtree is being questioned in a sexual assault case. Where’s a fantasy girlfriend when you need one?

 

With all these hoaxes going around has anyone checked to make sure if the Washington Wizards really won that road game against the Denver Nuggets Thursday?

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Earl Weaver passed away Saturday morning at the age of 82. Wonder who he’ll be kicking dirt on in heaven tonight?

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Hard as it might be for the younger generation to understand, Stan Musial became an icon without ever appearing on SportsCenter.

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from my funny friend Alex Kaseberg:  ” How annoying was Nicki Minaj on “American Idol”? If Nicki Minaj was Manti Te’o’s imaginary girlfriend, he would have broken up with her before she died.”

 

Life in the fantasy lane.

January 18, 2013

Some are criticizing Manti T’eo for still talking about his girlfriend even after he found out she wasn’t real. But hey, plenty of people live with a fantasy they know doesn’t exist… like Cubs fans and their team in the World Series..

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Lance Armstrong not getting much positive feedback from his Oprah interview. Even O.J. Simpson is thinking “Dude, show some remorse.”

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Lance Armstrong told Oprah in the second part of his interview, that “I think I deserve” another chance. And “do I want to compete again? Hell, yes.”

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Will he ever be allowed to compete again?  IMHO, Hell, no.

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So when can we expect a Pulitzer Prize winning story on Manti T’eo and his girlfriend to be written by Janet Cooke?

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So, as this Lance Armstrong saga just won’t go away, anyone else hoping that the silver lining is that Sheryl Crow writes a really good song out of it?

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The FDA has now also approved Botox for treating patients with overactive bladder. So women who want to pretend they aren’t having work done can walk into the doctor’s office carrying a box of Depends.

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This Manti Te’o story gets weirder and weirder. Many college football fans are already hoping to get back to a more innocent time when the only fakes involving players are their transcripts.

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TSA wants all 535 members of Congress to start use Pre-Check lanes, as they “are known and trusted.” As if we needed more proof that the agency is out of touch -“known” yes, but “trusted?” Really?

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At Miami International Airport no one was injured but an Aerolineas Argentinas Airbus and Air France 777 sustained damage in a collision near their gates. Insert “foreign drivers in Florida” joke here:

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You cannot make this “stuff” up: University of California President Mark Yudof’s, who presided over a reduced pension plan for UC employees, has announced he will retired in August. Because the timing will mean Yudof will have been on the job five years, he will collect a lifetime pension of $230,000…..

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The SF Giants have signed Hunter Pence to a $13.8 million one year contract. Thus making his clubhouse pep talk before the Giants first elimination game the best paid speech in history.

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Ray Nagin, former Mayor of New Orleans, was indicted today on 21 federal corruption charges, including bribery, money laundering, fraud and filing false tax returns. Gosh, this almost qualifies Nagin to run for Governor of Louisiana.

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In Connecticut, a Catholic priest busted for allegedly dealing crystal meth was suspended after church officials discovered he was a cross-dresser who was having sex in the rectory with other. men. The Vatican is relieved, at least his partners were adults.

He’s back….

January 18, 2013

clint

Photo sent to me by a friend of Clint  back  at work. This time  interviewing Manti T’eo’s girlfriend.

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One advantage to those imaginary girlfriend’s. They never ask you “Do these pants make me look fat?”

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Notre Dame is in major damage control mode.  Rumor has it they first tried to prove the girlfriend’s existence, but soon realized that proof of her voting in Chicago wouldn’t count.

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So what was Manti Te’o’s major at Notre Dame? Drama? Or Creative Writing?

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Marc Ragovin wonders if Manti went to Notre Dame or No Dame?

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This just in, as a way to cut down on illegitimate children and embarrassment to the league, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is recommending all players start having fantasy girlfriends.

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A silver lining for having a fantasy girlfriend? Manti T’eo will now forever be the favorite football player of a million Trekkies.

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And just last week we thought the most embarrassing thing to happen to Notre Dame football this year would be their performance against Alabama….

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Not sure if Lance Armstrong has any regrets after this week, but at least he has to be glad he didn’t plan to blame his doping on an imaginary girlfriend.

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Also not sure how much truth was in Lance Armstrong’s interview with Oprah.   But as to these sentences…  “This is too late. It’s too late for probably most people. And that’s my fault…” Yeah, right on all three counts.

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Things are getting contentious again in Washington. Fully expect House Republicans to ask President Obama to cut costs by exchanging Air Force One for a Dreamliner.

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Boeing 787 Dreamliners around the world have been grounded due to potential fire risk with battery failures. United Airlines, the only U.S. carrier to fly the planes, says they will resume flying 787s when it is both deemed safe and they figure out how to charge a battery surcharge.

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In a closed-door meeting Rep. Paul Ryan gave other House Republicans his advice about how to battle President Obama. Well yeah, and that worked so well last November.

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Ah, priorities. Arnold Schwarzenegger introduced himself in an online post, in order as “Former Mr. Olympia, Conan, Terminator, and Governor of California.” Well, to be fair, Arnold had more success with the first three.

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Fast food uproar after an Australia man posted a picture of a Subway foot-long sandwich that he measured at 11 inches. Women are rolling their eyes, figuring clearly it was a man who over-advertised the length in the first place.

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Whole Foods founder and CEO John Mackey says now he regrets recently comparing Obamacare to “fascism.” Mostly because someone probably told him that most Whole Foods customers voted for the President.

(although speaking of feeling like being in  a fascist system, try going into Whole Foods without a reusable bag…oh the horror.  I think in Northern California you’d stand out less with a Romney-Ryan button.)

Fantasy football?

January 17, 2013

A Notre Dame Heisman candidate with a fake dead girlfriend…. As my friend Michael Santos says “Manti Teo, everyone’s favorite fantasy pick…”   -

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A rout MIGHT have been expected, but okay, with this year’s BCS National Championship, who predicted that the Alabama football program could also end up on the higher moral ground?

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And here most people thought the 2013 BCS game was the most embarrassing thing that could happen to Notre Dame football.   -

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November 30, 2013. Notre Dame vs. Stanford football in Palo Alto. Wonder if the the Stanford Band has already been warned “Don’t even DREAM of a dead girlfriend show…”

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American Idol started tonight. Which will be a nice diversion for Americans tired of watching Congress – aka American Idle.

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While a Southern California teacher lost her appeal over being fired for previous acting in porn films, up in Northern California, a police officer arrested when he was caught naked in a Motel 6 with a prostitute still has his job. What a country.

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Alex Rodriguez underwent successful hip surgery today. With an average 6-month recovery time the Yankees slugger expects to be back in plenty of time to do nothing in the playoffs.

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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg:  “The Post Office will sue Lance Armstrong for the $30 million in sponsorship money. That is when you know you’re in trouble when the Post Office is suing you for doing a bad job.”

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I’m thinking maybe Lance can pay them back by sharing some of his stuff. Because if any government agency needs PEDs..

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All this commotion about Lance Armstrong… Think how much better his reputation would be in the long run if years ago he just came out and said “Yeah, I doped, you couldn’t find a cyclist who didn’t. But I was the only one who did it after surviving cancer.”

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This Lance Armstrong circus coming on the heels of the Baseball Hall of Fame vote is making me long for the innocence of pro wrestling.

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Talk show host Michael Savage says you shouldn’t get a flu shot, because the government can’t be trusted. And presumably when you get sick you shouldn’t go to any doctor who went to public school or got his/her MD from a state university?

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ESPN reports that after USC lost to Georgia 21-7 in the Sun Bowl a “flat-out brawl” broke out in the team’s locker room. The brawl probably featured the Trojans hitting hard than they did in the game.

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Chip Kelly is very optimistic about his new job in Philadelphia. The new Eagles coach even figures by his second season he will finally have a team good enough to beat Alabama.

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Philadelphia fans are excited about getting Chip Kelly. Stanford fans are pretty pleased too!

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Kim Kardashian said on the Today Show that her pregnancy was a “pleasant surprise” because of her “fertility issues.” Gosh, so she was struggling to conceive all 72 days of her marriage?


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