Posted tagged ‘Super Bowl humor’

The Shadow Knows?

February 2, 2013

So I’m a bit confused, if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow today, does that mean we’re in for six more weeks of Super Bowl hype?

-

Although really, aren’t the two weeks between the AFC-NFC championship and the Super Bowl just a media version of “Groundhog Day?”

-

-

A terrified and disoriented coyote found wandering San Francisco’s Mission District is apparently recovering at a local wildlife center. City officials are warning people again not to trust ACME products.

-

Get out the hankies and violins: Lebron James, talking about taking only $17.5 million from the Heat to help Miami stay under the cap. “Financially, I’ll sacrifice for the team. It shows for some of the top guys, it isn’t all about money.” Forbes estimates James earns $40 million per year in endorsements and sponsorships.

-

 

Harvard University said that 60 students, including some athletes, were suspended over a cheating scandal involving a take-home exam. In the SEC football players are asking “What’s an exam?”

-

In one of their upcoming Super Bowl Budweiser commercials, Anheuser-Busch plans to use a one week old Clydesdale foal. Even the Chinese say “that’s putting them to work a bit young.”

(open note to readers, dare you to watch that commercial without tearing up, seriously.)

-

A line from one of the speeches made about Hillary Clinton on her last day as Secretary of State: “John Kerry has some very large Manolo Blahniks to fill.” Women responded “Hillary wears Manolo Blahniks?” And men responded “What the heck ARE Manolo Blahniks?”

-

Uh, maybe he could have chosen different words: Tenn. State Senator Stacey Campfield says he wishes the gay community would just leave the straight people alone … saying, “We don’t wanna hear about it every day … quit trying to ram it down everybody’s throats …

 

-

The Dow closed over 14,000 today. And down in La Jolla, Mitt Romney is looking at his portfolio and thinking “Hmm, maybe Ann and I should have voted for Obama.”

-

From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg: “Not sure it was in the best sportsmanship how San Francisco came up with a motto for this Super Bowl” “The Forty Niners. We know nobody on our team killed anybody.”
-
R.I.P. Ed Koch. How can you not love a man who referred to Donald Trump as “piggy?”

Fighting words.

January 24, 2013

Secretary of State Leon Penetta today officially lifted the U.S.  military ban on women in combat.

-

Anyone who doesn’t think women will be able to hold their own in combat has clearly never been to the first day of an after-Christmas sale.

-

Phil Mickelson says his comments over maybe leaving California over taxes were “dumb” and that “it was insensitive to talk about it publicly to those people who are not able to find a job, that are struggling paycheck to paycheck.” Give Phil credit, he’s quicker with a damage control than many politicians.

-

The longest two weeks in football – Super Bowl hype time. ESPN says the Chicago Cubs “did everything they could to talk Colin Kaepernick into playing baseball in 2009.” Uh, they drafted him in the 43rd round….

-

Sacramento basketball fans are hoping against hope that a deal will be struck to keep Seattle from taking their Kings. Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, fans are close to begging anyone to take the Lakers.

-

Regarding Tim Brown’s allegation that coach Bill Callahan “sabotaged” the Raiders in the Super Bowl…. Uh, the Patriots’ offensive coaches have to hope nobody tells this story to Gisele Bundchen.

-

Trader Joe’s is raising the price of “Two-Buck Chuck,” a wine that has been $1.99 a bottle since 2002, to $2.49. I blame Obama.

-

Cheap shots, concussions, DUI’s, isn’t it great to see that the NFL is focusing on what’s truly important ? The league fined 49ers’ RB Frank Gore $10,500 for wearing his socks too low during the NFL Championship Game. To be fair, it was his second offense this season….

-

The NCAA is now apparently facing allegations of improper conduct in its OWN enforcement program for college athletics. In related news, I hear there might still be gambling in Casablanca.

-

Manti Te’o said he only lied about his fake girlfriend briefly, just after he found out she wasn’t real in early December. So, okay, but if Deadspin hadn’t broken the story, how many more years would he have kept the fiction up?.

-

Comedy writers might be feeling a little let down this week, after the Manti T’eo and Lance Armstrong stories last week. But wait, JaMarcus Russell is making a comeback. Thank you, Jesus!

-

Rand Paul today in attacking Hillary Clinton called Benghazi “the worst tragedy since 9/11. And I really mean that.” Uh, really? Benghazi was awful. But the worst? Some parents in Sandy Hook and thousands of military parents might disagree, for starters.

-

From Marc Ragovin:  “The Tampa Bay Rays, formerly the Devil Rays, have signed Juan Oviedo, who used to go by the name of Leo Nunez, just weeks after signnig Roberto Hernandez, who was once known as Fausto Carmona. Their home opener is against …… The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.”

Super question.

February 6, 2012

Super Bowl XLVI is history. So what time this week does the pre-game show for Super Bowl XLVII start?

-

Okay, so this year’s Super Bowl commercials may not have been that memorable. On the brighter side for viewers, especially in Florida and South Carolina, none of them were made by political super PACS.

-
New England WR Wes Welker dropped a pass late in the fourth quarter that resulted in New York getting the ball back with time to drive for the winning touchdown. NBC commentator Cris Collinsworth commented that Welker makes that catch “100 times out of 100.” Uh, make that 99.

-
-

Not a NY Giants or NE Patriots fan, but at least they didn’t get to the championship with a payroll two to four times that of most of the rest of the league. (Yes, Yankees and Red Sox fans, I’m talking to you.)

-

Who says football players don’t need math? For New England being able to count to 12 would have been helpful.

-

A GOP friend posted that President Obama called the NY Giants and told them to share the trophy with other 31 teams. Right, and Mitt Romney called the Patriots and told them how to deduct the loss as a write-off.

(My friend Jeff Klein says “Newt Gingrich told both teams he could build them a training facility on the moon.”

-

Open note to the younger generation: Madonna was the first Lady Gaga.

-

Congratulations to those who bet the first score in the Super Bowl would be a safety. Both of them.

-

Today’s Giants-Patriots Super Bowl game is a Jets fan’s worst nightmare. Well, except for the sight of Joe Namath weaving towards a pretty sideline reporter.

-

-
Confused. Madonna sang “Like a Prayer.”. But where was Tim Tebow.

-

NFL Commissioner Roger Goddell is now saying that eliminating the Pro Bowl is a possibility. “That would be terrible,” said absolutely nobody.

-
-

Only 366 days until Super Bowl 47, Feb 3, 2013 in New Orleans. How much do we think Drew Brees and company will be motivated to make it a home game?

-

There’s an explanation for the latest controversy over Peyton Manning. Apparently he HAS been cleared to play professional football. But based on the 2011 season, that leaves out playing for the Colts.

-

Seattle officials are working on plans to build a new arena ,and according to media reports are looking into acquiring the Sacramento Kings. Some are even more ambitious, and hope they can land an actual professional team.

-


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 223 other followers