Posted tagged ‘Sugar Bowl jokes’

What’s in a name?

January 2, 2014

Kate Winslet will not give her baby son “Bear” her husband’s last name, which is (legally) “RocknRoll. He will be known as Bear Winslet “Of course we’re not going to call (him) RocknRoll. People might judge all they like, but I’m a (bleeping) grown-up.” And she said it with a (bearly?) straight face

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“Gosh it’s so sad seeing Nick Saban lose” said no one in 49 states. (And in Alabama, no one in Auburn.).

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ESPN headline “Jadeveon Clowney ready to make impact in the NFL.”. Considering his being caught twice over 100 mph let’s hope that impact isn’t in a vehicle.

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Can’t imagine how airlines get the reputation for unfriendly pricing. United Airlines has started offering “Premium Wines” by the glass in their United Club at the airport. Like Mark West Pinot Noir at $13. Average retail price for a BOTTLE of the wine as of today – $10, discounted as low as $6.99.

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On Monday, Vikings LB Erin Henderson talked about his DUI arrest Nov. 19 and said “You start to learn a lot about yourself when things can go wrong or bad, if you’re willing to try to learn, if you’re willing to look in the mirror and figure things out. And I think I was able to do that.” On Wednesday, Henderson was arrested again for DUI. Even Lindsay Lohan is thinking that’s a slow learning curve.

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Disappointing to fly back from the Rose Bowl after a Stanford loss. On the other hand, Palo Alto, sunny today with a high of 70. East Lansing, snowy today with a high of 14.

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Maybe just maybe David Shaw kept running up the middle in yesterday’s Rose Bowl because he figured MSU would think Stanford couldn’t possibly be crazy enough to keep doing it and would guess “pass”?

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Over 90,000 attendees at the 2014 Rose Bowl. And only one of them thought Stanford would eventually succeed running up the middle. Unfortunately for Cardinal fans, that one was their coach.

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Mayor Rob Ford has filed papers to run for re-election. Not sure about the citizens of Toronto, but this is excellent news for comedy writers.

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Why there is no satire: A man who won a contest last year to meet the cast of “Breaking Bad” back in September has been arrested on drug charges. (Yeah, you guessed the state. And no, not New Mexico.)

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The next GOP strategy to overturn Obamacare will apparently be to focus on potential security issues with the website. Eric Cantor is saying that Americans shouldn’t have to worry “if they can trust the government to inform them when their personal information — entered into a government mandated website — has been compromised.” Right, on the other hand if banks, stores or social media compromise personal data, well, that’s just a risk of capitalism.

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And in the comedy comes from pain department, Dwight Perry liked one of yesterday’s Rose Bowl jokes.  It’s a great Seattle Times sports humor column.  http://seattletimes.com/html/sidelinechatter/2022586190_chatter03xml.html

Tone deaf and dumb.

January 3, 2013

Wow, just wow. Pennsylvania Gov. Corbett says he waited until now to sue the NCAA for their sanctions against Penn State because he wanted time to research, and he “did not want the case to interfere with the football season.” Sounds like the same priorities that got the university in trouble in the first place.

 

 

The Dow rose 308 points today. I blame Obama.

 

Can only what imagine what she expects of parenthood: Kim Kardashian says about being pregnant “it’s not as easy as people think.” Really?! Isn’t there some nice staple gay couple that might want to adopt her baby?

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ESPN reports that Oregon coach Chip Kelly may be interviewing with the Bills, Browns and Eagles. What, Kelly wants to prove he can be successful with a team with a salary cap?

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Just maybe those SEC supremacists might want to tone down their gloating about other conferences?

 

Wonder after the Gators’  Sugar Bowl performance if the Big East will now extend an invitation to Florida?

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Another Sugar Bowl thought  -once again we saw a team that isn’t benefiting by having Tim Tebow on the sidelines.

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On a positive note,

Thanks to Mark and Gary who pointed out that Stanford’s David Shaw was the first African-American coach to win a BCS bowl game.  Well, now we have two.  Congrats to Charlie Strong.

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You have to wonder about Americans’ cooking skills when a package of frozen plastic wrapped fish fillets starts with the directions “Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Remove all packaging…”

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Many are commenting on how Hugh Hefner, 86, apparently forgave his new bride Crystal Harris, 26, for leaving him at the altar in 2011. Although isn’t it just as likely that Hef didn’t remember?

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Seven coaches fired Monday. And wonder how many of the NFL teams who decided they needed a fresh start will go about it by recycling one of those fired coaches?

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A report out of DC indicates that John Boehner at one point during fiscal cliff negotiations told Harry Reid to “go f*ck himself.” Who knew Boehner has aspirations to be Vice President?

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Ray Lewis says he will retire after this season. “The first time is the hardest,” responded Brett Favre.

 

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Starbucks will start selling a reusable plastic cup for $1 that will provide a 10 cent discount on any coffee drink. Wonder how long it will take until that discount becomes a surcharge on anyone who doesn’t bring the cup?

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A paparazzo was struck and killed by a car after taking pictures of Justin Bieber’s Ferrari in Los Angeles. And the singer wasn’t even driving it. Darwin would be so proud.


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