Posted tagged ‘Spurs jokes’

Girls, girls, girls…..

July 21, 2015

The San Antonio Spurs, coached by Becky Hammon, just won the NBA Summer League. So, apparently real men don’t have a problem with sexual orientation in the locker room. ‪#‎yougogirl‬

Ashley Madison, the “dating” site for married people, has apparently been hacked and the hackers are threatening to post information on millions of users on line. Who knows, the U.S. political scene could be about to get a lot crazier.

With the Ashley Madison hacking story making headlines, I see a new business model for some enterprising person – A company that will create a credible online to make it seem as if your identity was stolen. “Honest, honey, I have no idea how they got my name and credit card, clearly our personal information has been compromised.”

Anyone who misses watching baseball games at Candlestick Park must have loved watching the final round of the ‪#‎BritishOpen‬.


Curt Schilling tweeted outrage that President Barack Obama failed to issue a proclamation to lower flags around government buildings to half-staff for the Chattanooga victims despite doing so for pop singer Whitney Houston.

Except that Obama didn’t do that. The only government official who ordered flags lowered for the pop star was NJ Gov. Chris Christie.

A gay British man who voluntarily donates sperm says he has fathered 10 children with nine different women in just the last year. So the guy is either really altruistic, or he has delusions of being an NBA player.

The Denver Nuggets have traded Ty Lawson to the Houston Rockets. Hoping it works out, but is it really a great idea to send a guy with 2 DUI’s in a year to a place with Texas’s very relaxed gun laws?

A profile of Karen Hinton, who is New York Mayor DeBlasio’s press secretary, brings up a story from a 1999 book of how in 1984, when she was 24, then Arkansas governor Bill Clinton gave her a napkin with his room number on it. Shocking. Wouldn’t it be more of a story if Clinton in those days was talking to a pretty young blond woman and didn’t give her his room number?

ACC commissioner John Swofford says the conference is “not trying to be Big Brother” in dealing with off-field issues like those at Florida State.

“Our approach $o far, and I don’t really $ee this changing, is that we have a lot of confidence in our in$titution$ to handle those $ituation$ when they occur.”

In Iowa, a former lottery security official was found guilty  of rigging a game so he could win a $14 million jackpot, and then trying to get someone to cash the prize for him. Hmm, anyone but me worried less about him than about the ones who aren’t stupid enough to get caught?

Palo Alto, California, has been sweltering with temperatures in the mid 80s and 61% humidity. Thereby bringing ZERO sympathy from anyone in the Midwest, South and East.

Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert, probably THE reigning royal couple of country music, are getting divorced. No word who gets custody of the material for song lyrics.

Between Blake and Miranda though, Taylor Swift might have some competition for “Best breakup song of the year.”


Just in 2014, the NFL gave each teams each $226.4 million as part of national revenue sharing. But all the the league could afford was a $765 million settlement over concussion-related brain injuries for all its 18,000 retired players. I wish this were a joke.

Stars and no (pin) stripes?

July 7, 2015

All-Star starters are set. In the AL, there are four KC Royals, the leading vote getter is a Toronto Blue Jay, and there are NO players from the NY Yankees or Boston Red Sox. Not sure who those ballot box stuffers were, but they clearly don’t work for ESPN.

Sportswriter Jeff Passan, lamenting the All-Star Game selections, complained about Clayton Kershaw being left off the team when he is the ‘Best Pitcher in the World.”  With all due respect, this year Kershaw might not even be the best pitcher on the Dodgers. #Greinke

David West signs with San Antonio for $1.5 million, turning down $12 million with the Indiana Pacers. Either West really wants a ring, or he’s really bad at math.

Manu Ginoboli tweeted today “Happy to announce that I’m coming back next season. ‪#‎gospursgo‬ ‪#‎TDwouldvemissedmetoomuch‬.” So the Spurs machine will just keep rolling along, albeit probably with its left blinker on.

So are the Spurs done with free agents? One or two more discount deals and their payroll on average may be lower than some SEC football teams.

Lots of discussion in the media today about how the U.S. women’s “long 16 year World Cup drought is over.” And Cubs fans are just weeping.

20 riders are out of the “Tour de France” after a horrific crash. Fortunately all should recover, although the leader fractured vertebrae in his back. But you have to think someone connected with bike racing is musing “so how regularly do we have to have these crashes to increase viewership?”

Greece’s finance minister has resigned. Now there’s a position right now that might be as unenviable as managing the Philadelphia Phillies.

SC State Senator Lee Bright interrupted the Confederate flag debate to argue against gay marriage, saying the “devil is taking control of this land.” And adding “This country was founded on Judeo Christian principles….

Sounds like Senator Bright’s knowledge of history is as great as his empathy for same-sex couples.

Re the release of Cosby’s deposition in his 2005 sexual assault case, looks like his lawyer was right – “It would be terribly embarrassing for this material to come out.”

“I’m shocked” said almost no women. ‪#‎hesaidshesaidshesaidshesaidshesaid‬…..

Many NASCAR drivers are complaining over “pack racing”, because with so many similar cars bunched tightly together in one place during the competition, wrecks are likely. Sort of like the stage for the first GOP Presidential debate?

It’s not easy being green

July 3, 2015

Who knew, one of the few ways to get bipartisan agreement in this country is to suggest putting peas in guacamole? ‪#‎Justsayno‬

Scary news for New Jersey residents – at least 30 toxic Portuguese man o’ wars have washed ashore on a state beach. Scary news for the man-o-wars – ending up somewhere as toxic as New Jersey.”

So regarding this ex-CNN reporter who shot and killed an intruder when he and his ex-Headline News anchor wife were at a Motel 6 in Albuquerque. Motel 6?! Guess CNN doesn’t have much of a pension plan


Tim Duncan announced he is returning to the San Antonio Spurs for a 19th season. What, no drama, no television show, no leaked contract issues, no public hang-wringing….? Can see why the Spurs never capture media attention.


Got to feel sorry for England’s Laura Bassett, whose “own goal” put Japan into the women’s World Cup Finals. On the bright side, ABC’s “Wide World of Sports” is off the air, so Bassett won’t forever be the fact of “The agony of defeat.”

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports the Cardinals have fired their scouting director Chris Correa after he admitted to hacking into the Houston Astros’ database. Wonder how much of a “pension” he will get for falling on his sword and claiming no one else was involved.

Milwaukee bullpen catcher Marcus Hanel set a Citizens Bank Park record yesterday by eating 18 cheesesteaks over a 3-game period. The Red Sox hope no one shows this story to Pablo Sandoval.


David Sweat now insists from his hospital bed that he didn’t have sex with the female prison worker accused of helping him escape, and that it was her idea to kill her husband. Can they sell the movie rights to this to pay for the costs of Sweat’s future incarceration?


SFPD has been arresting people selling illegal fireworks in Chinatown. When they find the buyers, they cite them and confiscate the fireworks. Uh, really want to deal with the problem? Arrest the buyers too. The market is likely to dry up pretty fast if these morons figured they could end up in jail, even for a day, over their purchases.

(I’m against “nanny laws” in general, but in a drought year, fireworks could easily start a fire that ends up killing people.)

Right about now the happiest people in England have to be those who were ridiculed for arguing against the United Kingdom switching to the Euro.

The sounds of silence?

April 28, 2015

Due to the riots in Baltimore, tomorrow’s White Sox-Orioles game is closed to the public. So players on both teams will get a chance to see what it felt like to play in Montreal’s Olympic Stadium.


Hoping things calm down in Baltimore as much as anyone. But anyone but me think it’s a bit ironic that Ray Lewis has a video message out “Get off the streets. Violence is not the answer”?



So Donald Trump is back to attacking Obama, tweeting ‘Our great African American President hasn’t exactly had a positive impact on the thugs who are so happily and openly destroying Baltimore!’ And asking if “US taxpayers are expected to rebuilt it (the city) again?”

Funny that I don’t seem to remember the Donald’s similar outrage when U.S. taxpayers were expected to bail out the banks and Wall Street.

As much of a mess as things are in Baltimore, Maryland does have some very strict gun laws. Wonder how Americans would feel if many of those rioters were armed?

Why should men have all the fun? ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬, female division. A California woman was arrested at her home less than half an hour after allegedly burglarizing a house in Palo Alto. Police were able to track her so quickly because she dropped her driver’s license during the burglary.

A YouTube user “TechRax” tested Apple’s new “Watch Sport” by dropping it from a height of about 3 1/2 feet. When it landed face-down the watch screen shattered. So Apple engineers are too young to remember the goal of “Takes a licking and keeps on ticking.”?

So for those people who want to get rid of “Hack-a-Shaq” because it’s not entertaining to watch, how do they feel about the intentional walk? Although if we really want to talk about breaking up the pace of games, how about TV time outs?

Corporate logic, grocery store division. A local Safeway is under-performing expectations so has few cashiers available at any given time. One reason people I know don’t go to the store – the check-out lines are too long.

Say it ain’t so. Suzanne Crough, 52, aka Tracy Partridge has passed away. It’s bad enough when the people you grew up watching on T.V. die. It’s worse when they are younger than you are.

Google’s head of human resources says the company’s oldest employee is “over 80.” Ah, he must be the one who helped design the driver-less car seen around campus with its left blinker on.

I was semi-joking about the DH and the SF Giants’ Madison Bumgarner, who likes to hit, yesterday. Today Madbum backs me up – and he’s serious. “I guarantee you. Some of the things you’re seeing in the American League wouldn’t happen if pitchers had to hit. They’d be a whole lot more polite.”


Bernie Sanders is running for President. And now Jon Stewart might be REALLY reconsidering retirement. ‪#‎Letthefunbegin‬!


Budweiser says it is removing a new slogan label on Bud Light that says “The perfect beer for removing ‘no’ from your vocabulary for the night.” Okay, the real question here is not who decided to remove the slogan, but who was idiotic enough to approve it in the first place? ‪#‎justsayno‬



The Rockets won their first playoff series since 2009. The Astros are in first place. Are we sure we’re not seeing signs of the apocalypse? ‪#‎Houstonwehaveaproblem‬?

#‎Spurs‬ win a close one at 1am ‪#‎SanAntonio‬ time. At that time of night most men their players’ age only get up to use the toilet. ‪#‎SAvsLA


From Bill Littlejohn: “The NFL is giving up its tax-exempt status.I supposed with all of the scandals coming to light, it can no later be classified as a religion”

And how many hours after the early bird special?

April 23, 2015

Impressive win by the Spurs tonight in OT against the Clippers in Los Angeles. Heck, impressive with the game ending after 10pm PT, midnight CT, that most of the team was up that much past their bedtimes.

Gregg Popovich used the “Hack a Jordan” strategy tonight in the win,  putting DeAndre Jordan at the line repeatedly.  Ugly, yes.  Fun to watch, no, fun for the Clippers, no. But there IS a solution, for Jordan and others – learn to shoot a bleeping free throw.

The Oklahoma City Thunder fired Scott Brooks today, after he had coached the team for seven years. Guess Brooks didn’t do a good enough job of making sure Durant and Westbrook didn’t get hurt?

Jameis Winston now says he didn’t steal the crab legs, but they were given to him by a Publix employee. as was a cake the week before. Uh, illegal benefits? Vacate the Seminoles wins! Or at the very least the NCAA should put USC on probation again.

Your tax dollars at work. Today the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals reversed Barry Bonds’ obstruction of justice conviction . Saying his vague grand jury answer was “not material to the government’s investigation into steroids distribution.” But hey, this decision itself can be appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court. More tax dollars!

Greg Hardy was suspended for 10 games by the NFL after he was found guilty of assaulting and threatening to kill a former girlfriend. If he’d actually killed her would the Cowboys’ new DE have been given 12 games?

Really, former Chicago Bears kicker Jay Feely said Tim Tebow is the worst QB he has even seen in his NFL career? With all due respect, Tebow might not have even been the worst QB Feely saw on the Bears.

A Carnival Cruise ship made it to Sydney Harbor 24 hours late after suffering some damage from 40-foot waves during a major storm. No reported injuries. But stand by anyway for the CNN mini-series.

Revenge for the 21st century:. When a Japanese woman discovered her boyfriend was cheating on her, she put his iMac, iPhone, iPad and accessories into the bath tub. And then sent him a picture. Even in drought-stricken California most women would say that’s a fine use of water.

(Andy D. says,  “The waterproof Android phones need this as their new commercial!”)


Mitt Romney’s son Josh has said, for now, that he won’t run for the Senate in 2016, but thinks he will run for office some day in the future. Isn’t it nice to know that we live in a meritocracy that isn’t led by family dynasties?

During a question and answer session at the White House today for “Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work Day, a little girl asked Michelle Obama how old she was, and when Michelle responded, “51,” the girl made a funny face, and said “You look too young.” Then repeated “You’re too young for a 51 year old!”

Wonder if the House hearing this, immediately called for a special investigation.

Oldies but goodies.

April 14, 2015

The San Antonio Spurs are playing so well down the stretch, the NBA may end up classifying Ensure as a PED.

Wow. Just wow. That mother who dangled her 2 year-old over a cheetah enclosure, and then accidentally dropped him has been placed on leave from her job. Which is, or rather was – assistant director of a Columbus, Ohio “Kindercare” childcare center. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎whythereisnosatire‬ ‪#‎NottheOnion‬


Will someone please tell the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ that the sign on the ATT Park grass is not spelled Opening Weak. ‪#‎OpeningWeek‬


The #‎SFGiants‬ are scoring like folks at an ‪#‎AARP‬ convention with a Viagra shortage.

The Chicago Cubs are offering a new “Mac and Cheetos” hot dog For all those fans who have decided maybe it’s not worth living to wait until next year.

Considering all the injuries this year so far ‪#‎SFGiants‬ home opener could have been worse. ‪#‎Madbum‬ could have fallen off the horse.

Billy Joel, 65, and his 33 year old girlfriend are apparently expecting a baby daughter. Stand by for a change from “Uptown Girl” to “Up-all-night Girl.” “And when she wakes up And makes up her mind…..”

Some educators in Atlanta are going to prison over illegally inflating test scores for students from struggling schools.  Idiots. If only they had just done it for athletes….

Bus to hell time. Can they transfer Lawrence Phillips to the same prison as Jerry Sandusky?

Carly Fiorina said in an interview on “Morning Joe” that Hillary Clinton, while an “inspiration to women”, doesn’t have a record of “accomplishments.” I guess Carly figures she knows accomplishment. How many women have gotten their companies to pay them $20 million to leave?


The top Republican and Democrat on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee said they have reached a bipartisan agreement on legislation that would allow Congress to review a final nuclear deal with Iran. What? Must be a joke. This sounds too rational


The San Antonio Express-News reports that Joan Cheever, a chef who has been feeding the city’s homeless for the past decade, was cited last night by police with a $2,000 ticket for serving food without a permit. She plans to argue in court that under the 1999 Texas Religious Freedom Restoration Act, she has a right to serve food to the homeless because she considers it a free exercise of her religion.

Okay, where are the defenders of Indiana and Religious Freedom on this one??!!

If President Obama wants to do something with that “sponsor of terrorism” label he took off Cuba a lot of women would have no problem if he put it on Saudi Arabia.


Jeremy Lin on the Lakers “I do think we’re headed in the right direction.” Well, if the goal is a lottery pick, yes indeed


The makers of “Kind” bars have been warned by the FDA because “the products do not meet the requirements” to say the bars are a “good source of fiber” with “low sodium” and “no trans fat.” Well, as if anyone expected to find wood chips in “cottage” cheese.

Here we go again. John Boehner today said Obama should re-engage U.S. combat troops in Iraq to fight ISIS. Is the Speaker volunteering to go over and lead them?

Hint to drivers: When a sign under a stop sign says “Cross traffic does not stop” it refers to the street your street is crossing.  All cars. Not a comment on cross i.e. angry drivers     ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬   #nearmiss #didnthavetimetobeawitnesss


From Marc Ragovin:   “Upon kicking off his presidential run, Marco Rubio said “Yesterday is over, and we are never going back.” He then unveiled a five minute commercial featuring him and a superimposed Ronald Reagan.”

Weekend dreaming?

August 2, 2014

A Michigan woman says a lion at a small private zoo bit off the tip of her finger when she tried to pet it. She is upset. But perhaps not as upset as the lion who thought it was getting some serious human sushi.

Life’s different in Colorado with legalized marijuana. Assume the Rockies are still hard at work trying to take advantage of this weekend’s trade deadline.

Not only did the Dallas Cowboys send season-ticket holders their regular tickets this week, but they also included playoff tickets, including one for the NFC championship game. Well, to be fair, maybe the team figured it was the only way their fans would ever see playoff tickets.

Bummer. That Mideast cease-fire lasted only about as long as the Cubs’ yearly pennant hopes.

Roger Goodell today said that what while domestic violence is “not acceptable” the NFL’s two-game suspension of Ray Rice, is “consistent” with other punishments issued by the league, partly due to it being Rice’s 1st offense. Wonder how many games Goodell would have given O.J. Simpson if his acquittal on murder charges had happened while “the Juice” was active.

SFGiants promoted Jarrett Parker & Matt Duffy from Double A to majors. Should fit right in, line-up has been hitting like Double-A team.

Matt Duffy has already had a more productive #SFGiants career than Dan Uggla. (A hit, a HBP, an RBI, and no errors.)-

Why the San Antonio Spurs will never be America’s Team. They just signed Tony Parker to a contract extension through 2017-18. Where’s the drama? Where’s the angst? Where’s the nonstop ESPN speculation? reports that the PGA Tour has suspended Dustin Johnson for six months for cocaine use. Who says there’s no way to get golf headlines from Tiger Woods?

The KC Royals’ Jeremy Guthrie had an ERA over 10 in his last four starts. Today he was masterful against Oakland in a 1 to 0 shutout. It’s as if the the As temporarily became the SF Giants.


Obama today said Putin is ‘ignoring’ Russia’s long-term interests. Maybe the Russian President is trying to be declared an honorary GOP member of Congress.

Two American humanitarian workers who caught Ebola while caring for patients in Liberia are being brought to Atlanta for treatment. And although the disease can only be passed by direct contact with bodily fluids, apparently many other Americans are freaking out on social media. Including Donald Trump, tweeting “KEEP THEM OUT OF HERE.” Ah, for the days that he was just ignorant about birth certificates.

Six people were injured in Palo Alto yesterday when a driver in his 90s hit the gas instead of the brake and accelerated into a local cafe. I wonder how many of those calling for tighter regulations for elderly drivers also believe the government has no business tightening regulations for gun owners.


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