Posted tagged ‘SF Giants jokes’

Rainbow warriors

June 27, 2015

The SF Giants posted this temporary change in their logo today.  Clearly not aiming to have more games televised this season on Fox.

 

 

rainbow

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Think some of these GOP Presidential candidates might be thinking carefully about going off on the Supreme Court today. They never know when they might need ‪#‎SCOTUS‬ to deliver them an election.

Scott Walker is upset about today’s Supreme Court gay marriage decision, lambasting “five unelected judges.” Right, it’s “five unelected judges,” when he doesn’t like the decision, and “defenders of our freedom” for things like Citizens United and Hobby Lobby.

 

Mike Huckabee “The Supreme Court can no more repeal the laws of nature and nature’s God on marriage than it can the law of gravity.” – Wait a minute, Huckabee believes in gravity?

 

So trying to think how this gay marriage decision really can hurt any heterosexual couples. Well, except for those procrastinators who were interested in planning last minute summer weddings at popular venues. ‪#‎competition‬

The latest public figure comment on the Confederate flag “I think it’s offensive to an entire race. It does nothing for anybody to be there flying, so I don’t see any reason. It belongs in the history books and that’s about it.”- Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Forget governors and senators, now we’re talking a man Southerners really respect.

Anheuser-Busch lost a class-action lawsuit over Beck’s beer, and will have to pay customers up to $50 each. The company allegedly tricked customers into paying more for an actual import beer, because the Beck’s label says “originated in Bremen, Germany,” and only in the small print does it say brewed in the US.

Wonder how much Anheuser-Busch will have to pay when some one sues them for selling Bud Light as actual beer.

Donald Trump will finally report for jury duty in August, after being fined for ignoring five summonses in nine years. Only the little people serve on juries?

A a news conference, Philadelphia Phillies’ manager, Ryne Sandberg announced he is resigning and leaving the team. And Phillies’ season ticket holders are thinking “you can do that?”

 

From T.C.  Ballot stuffing has resulted in 8 Kansas City starters voted onto the AL All Star team. As the winner of the event gets World Series home games advantage, wouldn’t it be wiser for KC fans to vote in the entire Phillies team instead?

 

Scott Walker on Wednesday signed two bills, one eliminating a 48 hour waiting period for buying a gun, allowing off-duty or retired police officers to carry concealed weapons at public schools.

Alas, while Google now allows you “un-send” an email sent in anger, they haven’t figured out how to “un-fire” a bullet.

And guess Walker never heard, for one example, of the retired officer in Florida who shot and killed a man for texting in the theater?

Going down

June 24, 2015

And so in Alabama, Gov. Robert Bentley just simply ordered the Confederate flag taken down from the Capitol. The most stunning thing about this, no fuss, no muss, no drama – he just had it taken down. What a concept! .

Who says there’s no hope for our country? The Confederate flag is coming down everywhere, and FOX News has declined to renew Sarah Palin’s $1 million-a-year contract as a contributor.

Just in case anyone thought we were having too much of a epidemic of sanity on the Confederate flag issue, I give you Ann Coulter, who is upset with Nikki Haley: “I’m appalled…though on the other hand, she is an immigrant and does not understand America’s history.” (Haley was born in Bamberg, South Carolina.)

Although suppose Coulter might be tangentially onto something. As an alien Ann herself doesn’t really understand humans.

Apparently since no other candidate has broken out of the pack, Bobby Jindal thinks he has a chance and is going to join the 2016 Presidential race. You know, I can watch a tight cluster of people atop say, the U.S. Open leaderboard, without suddenly thinking I could win at golf.

Regarding that Whole Foods overcharging story, where NYC inspectors found EVERY label was inaccurate as to weight. So the store couldn’t have just raised prices a dollar or so a pound? Seems like their basic pricing policy already was ‪#‎ifyouhavetoaskyoucantaffordit‬

Before tonight, the SF Giants are averaging 2.91 runs a game at AT&T Park and over 5 runs a game during away games. This is as skewed a road to home scoring ratio as we have seen since Bill Clinton first hit the campaign trail.

So since the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ don’t seem to be able to hit at home these days, maybe they should get a certain former left fielder in for a little batting practice coaching. #25 always seemed to manage it pretty well.

Though to be fair, the Giants now haves Nori Aoki on the DL due to a fractured fibula after being hit by a pitch, joining Hunter Pence who is on the DL due to a wrist injury resulting from HIS forearm being broken by a pitch in spring training. So is this the league’s plan to dethrone the World Champions,, take them out one player at a time?

Amtrak apparently stranded passengers on a New York City bound train Tuesday for about five hours without food, air conditioning or working bathrooms. Are they really trying to compete with the airlines?”

Chicago Bears QB Jay Cutler’s wife, Kristin Cavallari, apparently told ELLE Magazine earlier that the family wants to leave Chicago and move to Nashville once her husband retires. And many Bears fans are thinking, “Could this be arranged by Christmas?”

In a Fox News poll, 18% of respondents said Donald Trump is a serious candidate; 77% said he is “a side show.” Presumably the other 5% were laughing so hard they couldn’t speak.

This ought to be entertaining. The Grateful Dead concerts this weekend at Levi’s Stadium follow NFL rules. Meaning you can bring a small clutch or wallet, but the ONLY bags you can bring in are limited-size clear plastic bags, period. Well, at least most Deadheads have years of experience going to concerts with small plastic bags.

Hawk-ey nigt.

June 15, 2015

The Stanley Cup was late in arriving after the Blackhawks win tonight due to “weather issues.”. Rather appropriate for a team that plays in Chicago’s United Center.

But yeah, nothing says it’s time for the NHL’s Stanley Cup Final like summer thunderstorms.

 

 

You know you’re in San Francisco when…the best part of a really bad ‪#‎SFGiants‬ game is the gay marriage proposal. ‪#‎hesaidyes‬

 

As the last sections of ‪#Candlestickpark‬ come down, the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are in the midst of one of their worst home losing streaks. Coincidence?

 

One of Aaron Hernandez’s lawyers says he has evidence that one of the jurors was “untruthful” during jury selection. Translation, Hernandez isn’t out of money yet.

It’s June 15. And if it seems like you can’t remember the NBA regular season…..well, that might be because it ended TWO MONTHS AGO today. ‪#‎stillnosignoflandhowlongisit‬

Considering how competitive Lebron James is making the NBA finals almost all by himself, it does make the Spurs’ 2014 performance all the more amazing since they beat James when he actually had a team, and two other stars, playing with him.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled not to see an AL All-Star team full of Yankees and Red Sox Players. But seven Royals starting? And fans can vote a maximum of 35 times per email address. Great to have World Series home advantage decided in part by a process with all the integrity of American Idol.

Pope Francis apparently will be issuing an encyclical on the environment saying that climate change is the Earth’s way of protesting “irresponsible use and abuse of the goods that God placed in her.” Waiting for some religious conservatives to respond “Yeah, well what does HE know?”

Jeb Bush’s campaign logo is going to read simply “Jeb!” Amazing, politicians come to power mostly because of their last names, and then do everything they can to hope we forget it.

So how long until Jeb Bush starts campaigning on avoiding a return to what he says are the failed policies of the Clinton era?

 

So regarding that Waldorf-Astoria wedding, apparently after the shooting hotel security cancelled the “million dollar” reception because the gun had not been found, and because two of their employees had been injured. And the bride was livid. Okay, so maybe the NYPD can save money by not charging this idiot with a crime: Just put him -unarmed – and the bride in a locked room for about an hour.

San Diego has fired manager Bud Black. Maybe a new manager will make a difference. Or maybe the Padres are just a newer Southern California version of the Cubs.

Gap is going to close 25% of their stores, 175 in total, which will leave the company with operate about 500 specialty locations and 300 outlet stores. Uh, not that I really know retail, but maybe if you have 60% as many “outlets” as you have regular retail, you just MIGHT be diluting and damaging your brand

D’oh

June 10, 2015

Rumor has it that Homer and Marge Simpson will “legally separate” in this season’s premier of the long running cartoon show. Wow. The damage that legalizing gay marriage does to traditional marriage knows no bounds.

The South’s Royal palace. Home of “the King.”. (No, it’s not Lebron.)

 

graceland

 

Elvis Presley was 25 when he met and started hanging out with his future wife. She was 14. ‪#‎differenttimes‬

So the way the Cleveland Cavaliers are dropping like flies how long until Lebron James puts an ad on Craigslist for potential game 6 or 7 teammates?

Elon Musk says that Tesla will have self-driving cars within 3 years. Wonder if the more you pay for the model the more the car will act like it’s being driven by an a**hole?

Torii Hunter, who was thrown out of the Twins-Royals game for arguing a called third, apparently threw his batting gloves, elbow pad, shin guard AND jersey on the field after his ejection.   And here some tantrum fans worried instant replay would do away with such exhibitions.

 

R.I.P Vincent Musetto, 74.   Who?   Musetto was a retired NY Post editor. Who might have written  the best headline of all time – “Headless body in topless bar.”

Four tourists, including a brother and sister from Canada, have been arrested for stripping naked on a Malaysian mountain. Locals they say they angered the tribal spirits and caused a recent deadly earthquake, Wow. How often do you hear “Ah those ugly Canadians!”?”

 

 

Pat Robertson, when asked why God would allow a baby to die in the hospital responded. “As far as God’s concerned, he knows the answer from the beginning. And he sees the little baby, and that little baby could grow up to be Adolf Hitler… . He could grow up to be some serial killer. Or he could grow up to die of a hideous disease. God sees all that. And for that life to be terminated when he’s still a baby, he’s going to be with God forever in heaven. And that isn’t a bad thing.”

How come people like Robertson never use that line of reasoning with abortions?

 

 

No Panda, no Morse. No power free agent signing. Did someone forget to tell the SF Giants that they were supposed to play small ball?

Moving on.

June 5, 2015

Anthony Davis, 25, retired today, the fourth SF 49er to quit football this offseason. And 49ers season ticket holders are thinking – you can do that?

One of the Republicans supporting President Obama’s efforts to normalize relations with Cuba is South Carolina Rep. Mark Sanford, who has filed a bill to remove all travel restrictions to the island for Americans. Hmm…. because maybe Sanford thinks some day he might to need to hike there?

 

Brittney Griner filed for an annulment after only being married for 28 days to fellow WNBA star Glory Johnson. As if anyone had any doubt that gay celebrity marriages weren’t really that different from straight ones.

God Bless Texas. As Hillary Clinton pointed out, a student ID is not sufficient proof of identity to vote…. but a gun permit qualifies.

Meanwhile, U.S. officials are saying that Chinese hackers have hacked into the computer networks of the U.S. government personnel office and may have personal information on over 4 million people. Maybe Hillary Clinton’s use of private email server was a lot smarter than we gave her credit for.

Rick Perry in his Presidential race announcement “We must do right, and risk the consequences.” Anyone but me hear “do right” in connection with Rick Perry and think of “Dudley?”

And we thought he had crazy talk about Cuba: Here’s Marco Rubio on Fox News, talking about Iraq, and insisting he doesn’t advocate “nation-building.” “It’s not nation-building. We are assisting them in building their nation.”

Yahoo says it is shutting down Yahoo maps. Shocking. Yahoo still had maps?

 

This might be my favorite story of the week. With all the millions we are spending on trying to track ISIS, the US was able to destroy one of their buildings after Florida airmen noticed one of the terrorists had posted a selfie from a recognizable location. Even those 72 virgins will be telling this guy he’s an idiot.

Hunter Pence was out for tonight’s SF Giants game with tendinitis in his wrist. Let’s hope he didn’t hurt it trying to figure out how to put on a suit for the White House. ‪#‎IblameObama‬

But really, anyone but me kind of hope the Secret Service doesn’t notice this picture of Hunter Pence before the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ play in Washington, D.C. on July 4th weekend? ‪#‎stillcrazyafteralltheseyears‬

hunter

With all the hype over Caitlyn Jenner, who looks like a beautiful movie star, have to wonder, what would be the reaction if the star she looked like was say, the late Phyllis Diller?

Jessa Duggar, now married, defended her brother’s alleged sexual abuse as “mild, inappropriate touching.” Uh, if you were allowed only side-hugs and no kisses until marriage, how the heck would you know what “mild. inappropriate touching” was?

Counting crows?

June 4, 2015

So if it’s a pack of wolves, a murder of crows, what do you call all these wealthy people running for President in 2016? I’m thinking “an embarrassment of riches.”

Okay, giving the Duggars every benefit of the doubt and then some…. As Jim Bob excuses his son by saying it was a (14-15 year old) “child preying on a child.” And “there were a couple of instances where he touched them under their clothes, but it was like a few seconds.” Just trying to imagine their reaction if this “child” was a boy dating one of their “side-hug” only daughters.

A lot of conservatives are having problems with this whole Caitlyn Jenner thing. On one hand, they have issues with the idea of transgender people. On the other hand, the fact that Caitlyn will make more $$$ than Bruce ever did is ammunition for their belief that we don’t need laws requiring equal pay for women.

Sarah Palin has weighed in and blamed the Duggar family uproar on the “liberal media.” So congrats to all those who had June 4 in the pool.

The SF Giants went back to the White House Thursday to meet the President. Their first visit was in 2011. Wonder after that first meeting if the Giants or Obama were more surprised that the other was back there in 2015.

Apparently Lincecum missed the SF Giants’ White House visit today because he had gone ahead to Philadelphia to get ready to face the Phillies tomorrow. What a shame, Timmy was the one Giant who could have done some serious lobbying with Obama for marijuana legalization. ‪#‎letTimmysmoke‬

 

President Obama today as the SF Giants visited the White House for the third time in five years, “I mean, the truth is, it seems like if they get in, they’ll probably win it.” Clearly the same mantra dozens of candidates are using for the 2016 Presidential election.

At this point wouldn’t it be simpler and faster for all Republicans who AREN’T running for President to announce it?

Airline delay excuse of the day. On United a client reports lead flight attendant sliced his finger, had to get stitches so they had to get another attendant. Uh, wasn’t one of the points of TSA to take care of all the sharp objects?

Rick Perry is running for President again. And he’s smarter this time, because he has glasses. No doubt he’ll tell us three, or at least two reasons why….

John Bowlen, son of Denver Broncos owner Pat Bowlen, was arrested last night on domestic violence charges, following on John Elway’s son Jack’s arrest for domestic violence last year. Sounds like these guys are trying a little too hard to act like they fit in with NFL players.

The NCAA has charged UNC with five major violations connected to the school’s long-running academic fraud scandal. Now let’s see how they come up with “severe” punishments that don’t keep the men’s basketball team out of March Madness.

There’s corruption at FIFA, I’m shocked, shocked…

May 28, 2015

The U.S. case against FIFA apparently involves bribes “totaling more than $100 million” linked to commercial deals dating back to the 1990s for soccer tournaments in the United States and Latin America. $100 million is a lot of money to affect competition. Of course, for comparison ESPN is paying $470 million a year for the college football playoffs….

FIFA President Sepp Blatter on the arrests “Let me be clear: such misconduct has no place in football and we will ensure that those who engage in it are put out of the game.” So is Blatter resigning?

 

Have to share this from Ryan Duca. “Breaking news. Swiss Police confirm that, when arrested, all seven FIFA officials threw themselves on the ground and pretended to be injured.”

 

 

The ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are 10-2 since their right fielder has returned to the lineup field. Let’s hope MLB doesn’t classify Hunter Pence as a PED.

The team with the highest batting average in the National League is…. the SF Giants?! ‪#‎whoaretheseguys‬

ESPN reports NY Mets pitcher Noah Syndergaard “is the 4th pitcher in the last 50 years to throw 7 scoreless innings in a game, while collecting 3 hits, including a HR.” Is this throwing down the gauntlet to Madison Bumgarner?

 

 

The worst division in MLB is unquestionably now the AL East, with even the division  leading Yankees at .532, no better than 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th place in most other divisions, and no one else over .500. But the division does have 3 of the top 10 ten payrolls in baseball. (NY, Boston,Toronto.)  #moneycantbuyhappiness  #orwins

If the Warriors clinch tonight it will be seven days between the end of the Conference Finals and the beginning of the NBA Finals, the longest layoff ever. Well, I guess the league doesn’t want to give up on the moniker “The Boys of Summer.”

 

Wow. Just wow. Less than 48 hours after he was cut by the Chicago Bears for a third arrest, which he denied was his fault, Ray McDonald was arrested tonight by the Santa Clara Police for violating a restraining order. ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬

An Australian man made the news for spending $37K on a birthday party at a private estate for their daughter. The girl just turned 3. Well, if dad has that kind of money, presumably he can set aside as much or more for future therapy.

Marco Rubio says of the push to legalize same-sex marriage that “we’ve reached the point in our society where if you do not support same-sex marriage you are labeled a homophobe and a hater.”,… After they are done going after individuals, the next step is to argue that the teachings of mainstream Christianity, the catechism of the Catholic Church is hate speech. And there’s a real and present danger.”

Thinking a bigger “real and present danger” to Christianity these days is people like Marco Rubio…

 

No NBA games to watch now for about a week. And a large number of Americans are going “no what?”

 

Rand Paul today, on GOP Hawks. “ISIS exists and grew stronger because of the hawks in our party who gave arms indiscriminately. And most of those arms were snatched up by ISIS. … Everything that they have talked about in foreign policy, they have been wrong about for 20 years, and yet they have somehow the gall to keep saying and pointing fingers otherwise.” Well, not sure what job Paul is really angling for, but it sure doesn’t appear to be the Republican VP nominee.


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