Posted tagged ‘SF Giants jokes’

All they do is win

October 17, 2014

goingtokc

 

SF Giants chicks are back to digging the long ball.

 

Congrats to Travis Ishikawa. Most Americans had no clue who he was yesterday, and now he’s trending on Twitter.

 

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No Cain, no Pagan, no Scutaro. Effectively no Lincecum. And no Belt or Morse for much of the year. ‪#‎cockroaches‬ ‪#‎sfgiants‬. ‪#‎worldseries‬

 

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Somewhere Bob Brenly is smiling. ‪#‎redemption‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎WorldSeries‬

 

But the lead column on Fox Sports tonight.  “If you think Matheny deserves to be ripped, you’re right.”  Because of course Joe Buck’s network couldn’t say the SF Giants actually might have deserved to win this one.

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Back in June heard SFGiants GM Brian Sabean say how Joe Panik wasn’t ready for the big leagues yet.   Hard to imagine how good the kid might be when he IS ready.

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A new study finds that four areas of the San Andreas Fault in Northern California are now “overdue” for a significant quake. So why should Ebola have all the fear fun?

 

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Apparently Florida Gov. Rick Scott refused to start his debate against Charlie Crist when Crist had a fan under the podium, because of a ban against electronic devices. ( Which was intended to keep them from using computers-laptops-phones….)

 

Got it. So Scott would have been okay with Crist waving a big paper fan while he talked?

 

How amazing was the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ win tonight to get to the ‪#‎WorldSeries‬? They knocked the ‪#‎NYJets‬ latest loss right off ‪#‎ESPN‬ front page.

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Ann Romney said today she is still “done” with the idea of Mitt running again, but added “you know, you never do say never.” “Atta girl,” said Brett Favre.

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A judge found Donald Trump “personally liable” for knowingly operating his former Trump University without a license. So the Donald is in trouble because HE didn’t have a valid certificate.

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Seems like many of the same people whose retirement plan is to win the lottery are also convinced they’re going to get Ebola.

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Both LeBron James and Dirk Nowitzski are saying the NBA season should be shortened from 82 games. Good thing they are stars, otherwise the two might be fined for making too much sense.

 

 

From T.C. “The NBA is considering shortening their games from 48 to 44 minutes. I’d go with 46, as it’s the last two minutes that take forever.”

Swan song for the Orioles.

October 15, 2014

KC Royals pitcher Jeremy Guthrie apologized for wearing a T-shirt  saying “These O’s aint’ Royal” — a pun on a Chris Brown song. Yeah, really unfair this week to compare Baltimore to Chris Brown, the O’s weren’t hitting anything.

 

Congrats to Kansas City.  Now FOX has a whole week to convince potential viewers that Royals really are America’s Team

 

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The Royals scored their two runs to win today in the first inning without a hit out of the infield. Who do they think they are, the ‪#‎SFGiants‬?

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SF Giants have scored 22 runs in their last 6 post season games.  Of those, 10 runs were scored by way of a hit.  #smokeandmirrors

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So wonder what Andrew Friedman’s first act running the Dodgers will be. Other than trying just to buy the Royals

 

-On “The Jim Rome Show,” Bo Jackson said Jameis Winston is ignoring his advice. “I have communicated with him, and I just talked to him like I was his dad.” Yeah, and Winston is probably listening to Jackson about as much as many cocky 20 year olds listen to their dads

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Florida State coach Jimbo Fisher said they are confident Jameis Winston wasn’t paid for autographing memorabilia. And F$U has million$ of rea$on$ to believe that.

 

 

Actual items in a grocery ad today. Pumpkin Spice Salsa, Pumpkin Pasta Sauce, Pumpkin BBQ Sauce and, no joke, Organic Pumpkin Pet Food…. Anyone but me counting the days until Halloween and this pumpkin craziness is over?

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Dallas Cowboys coach Jason Garrett said RB Joseph Randle will be fined significantly for his shoplifting arrest. Wonder if the exact amount of the fine will depend on whether or not Garrett shoplifted NFL approved merchandise.

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Ebola is not contagious through the air. But after a second nurse with the virus was found to have flown on Frontier Airlines from Cleveland to Dallas, Frontier issued a statement saying “the aircraft received a thorough cleaning per our normal procedures.” “Normal procedures.” Yeah, that’s what Americans are afraid of…..

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Wonder how many Americans are getting so stressed out about ‪#‎Ebola‬ that they are taking up smoking?

 

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Meanwhile,  many in the GOP are calling for President Obama to appoint an Ebola “czar.”  So they can then turn around and say how bad a job that czar is doing.

 

 

Messing with Texas.

October 14, 2014

Texas Gov. Rick Perry, speaking in London, telling his English audience  “You always sound so darn smart and refined no matter what you’re saying.” And no doubt many in the crowd are thinking “It’s not just the accent that makes you sound so dumb.”

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But also let me get this straight, in Texas, they are upset that the CDC and President Obama haven’t done more against Ebola. Mark this down, Texans are  Cocomplaining that the Federal Government hasn’t done enough to interfere in their state.

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Really? Cowboys RB Joseph Randle was arrested last night for shoplifting underwear and cologne in at a local Dillard’s. Wonder if the reaction in Dallas front office was, well at least he didn’t hit anybody.

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Apple and Facebook will now cover the costs for women employees who want to freeze their eggs and delay having children. Makes sense, why use those young and energetic years for motherhood when you can work 80 hour weeks for your company?

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We’re coming up on the 25th anniversary of the Oct 17, 1989 “World Series” earthquake. Wow. They actually used to play the World Series during mid-October?

 

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Alabama TE Kurt Freitag’s status is probably in jeopardy after police searched his dorm room last week and allegedly found 112 grams of marijuana and $4,661 in cash. Thinking this sort of thing presents a major recruiting opportunity for Colorado and the University of Washington.

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Dodgers have now hired Andrew Friedman from the Tampa Bay Rays as their new president of baseball operations. Well, money can’t buy happiness. But Friedman may be about to see it also can’t buy chemistry.

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Tickets for the Cal vs Oregon football game next Friday at Levi’s Stadium are now 2/3 off at Groupon. Might be a good time to check the place out.  With Cal’s defense and Oregon’s offense there probably shouldn’t be too much traffic leaving late in the 4th quarter.

 

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The SF Giants are doing their best to give all baseball fans in the Bay Area a free cardiac stress test. ‪#‎NLCS‬

 

 

#‎SFGiants‬ won at 4 20. Anyone see what Lincecum might have been doing to start a rally in the dugout?

 

 

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Anyone know how many ways there are to score without a base hit in baseball? ‪#‎SFGiants‬ seem bound and determined to show us ALL of them.

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The Royals were almost never on ESPN or FOX during the season, and they still aren’t. But watching them the last couple weeks I find it hard to believe that this team ever lost.

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Meanwhile for SF Giants (and St. Louis Cardinals) fans who were watching tonight’s KC Royals and Orioles game – – Amazing how much fun close game is when your heart isn’t set on one outcome. ‪#‎NLCS‬ ‪#‎ALCS‬

 

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The NHL Florida Panthers announced attendance of 7,311 last night. Or as the Montreal Expos used to call that, a packed house.

All Bucked Up

October 13, 2014

Since NLCS games 1 and 2 weres basically being called by St. Louis home town announcers can the SF Giants Mike Krukow and Duane Kuiper call game 3 for Fox Tuesday?

 

The advantage of watching ‪#‎SFGiants‬ on FOX. All game stress is mitigated by ability to scream at TV regularly due to idiocy of Joe Buck

 

(and the above two are not sour grapes, I wrote both lines when the Giants were tied or winning.)

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But okay, if anyone had told ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans that their team would have given up four home runs on mistake pitches while hitting ZERO home runs themselves, and the team would be returning to AT&T tied 1-1, (with Yadier Molina probably out for the series), they would have been ecstatic.

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Taylor Swift quoted on the cover of People Magazine. “It would take an astonishing human being for me to even consider getting back in a relationship.” Well, either that or a bad case of writer’s block.

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As bad as day as the Jets had, this week they didn’t even look like the worst team in New York. Or rather, New Jersey.

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MSU #1 in the new coaches poll.  Ole Miss #3.  So a lot of sportswriters and copy editors are finally finding a use for that old M-I-S-S, I-S-S, I-P-P-I spelling chant from grade school.

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USC escaped with a 28-26 win Saturday night despite 13 fourth quarter points from Arizona when the Wildcats’ kicker missed his third FG of the game, a 36 yarder with 12 seconds left. Trojan coach Steve Sarkisian said “God’s got a plan, but we’re not exactly what his plan is for us yet.” And God said, “don’t blame me for all these lousy Pac12 placekickers.”

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Raiders fans egged the Chargers’ team bus as it arrived at O.co Stadium for today’s game. Fortunately, since this was Oakland, most of the eggs were intercepted.

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After last night’s NASCAR race in Charlotte, Matt Kenseth and Brad Keselowski ended up fighting in the garage. If this sort of thing starts happening near the track it could double ratings.

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Wonder how many Americans are so worried about ‪#‎Ebola‬ that they are now reading updates on their phones while driving?

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John McCain now wants a “health care czar.” And hey, the post of Surgeon General is vacant. Why? Because Dr. Vivek Murthy, President Obama’s November 2013 nomination, hasn’t been confirmed by the Senate. Murthy’s crime, upsetting the NRA by calling guns “a health care issue” in a 2012 tweet…. ‪#‎haveyounoshame‬

 

 

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving.  A day where Canadian residents with national healthcare and reasonable gun laws look at the U.S. and feel thankful they live where they do. Of course, there’s a reason this day is in October, well before Canada deals with actual winter.

 

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Truthiness in advertising.

October 9, 2014

Red Bull settled a $13 million class action lawsuit over customers being deceived by the slogan “Red Bull Gives You Wings..” Darn, and here I was thinking of going as a bird for Halloween and counting on the drink to give me feathers. -

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Katy Perry will reportedly perform during the Super Bowl halftime show. Well, for many men that’s two reasons to watch.

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49ers QB Colin Kaepernick was fined $10,000 for wearing pink Beats by Dre headphones around his neck Sunday, instead of the NFL-approved Bose.  Hey, for that amount of money he could have chop-blocked somebody.

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So Jameis Winston is probably out of the Heisman conversation, now another hopeful, Georgia’s TB Todd Gurley, who was leading the SEC in rushing, has been suspended from the team indefinitely pending an “investigation into an alleged violation of NCAA rules.” This year’s award may end up like the Tour de France – last candidate not suspended wins.

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Now Adrian Peterson’s bail may be revoked he told a drug tester that he had “smoked a little weed” before taking a urinalysis test this week. Sigh. Maybe if Peterson had been smoking MORE marijuana he might not have hit his kid as hard.

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 Amazon‬ announced they will open their first store. Response from young adults who have grown up with Amazon Prime – “what’s a store?
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Apparently the iPhone 6 has been catching and painfully plucking loose hairs when held to a user’s face. Well, that’s what people get for using the device for something radical like actually making a phone call.

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Combined ages of Hudson, Peavy & Vogelsong, the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ starting pitchers in 3 ‪#‎NLDS‬ games the Giants won, is 109. ‪#‎ageandtreachery (If the Giants can coax Jamie Moyer out of retirement, maybe they’d be favored to win the World Series.)

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From T.C.  “Their “Murder’s row of bats” are Panik, Posey, Pence, Panda,  Perez, Pray and then Pray some more.

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Okay, it’s a convoluted story, but as I understand it, in 2012. a 25 year old single male volunteer for the President’s advance team in Colombia is accused of legally bringing a prostitute to his room in 2012 and denying it later.. And the administration may have delayed the investigation. Wow. Good thing we don’t have any serious issues to worry about.

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Sigh. A new survey finds that 58% of Americans want to ban all flights to the United States from West African countries hit hardest by the Ebola outbreak – Liberia, Guinea and Sierra Leone. Uh, number of direct flights to the US from those countries? Zero. Mission accomplished.

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Another Ebola thought: Lots of folks, especially in the GOP, screaming about closing borders and all kinds of other measures to stop the spread of the disease. When we get this epidemic under control and since AIDS is still an issue, will those same people also start telling all Americans to start using condoms?

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Something stronger.

October 8, 2014

Brian Wilson will apparently be exercising his player option so LA will have to pay him $9.5 million in 2015. SF Giants fans, in the spirit of camaraderie, are offering to give Dodger fans their best cocktail recipes.

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Giants got 9 runs in 4 games. 1 home run. A lot of runs that weren’t even scored by hits. And they won the series 3 games to 1. ‪#‎SFchicksdigthesmallball‬

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All of these experts predicting the ‪#‎ALCS‬ and ‪#‎NLCS‬ winners. Because they’ve done so well so far……‪#‎Giants‬ ‪#‎Cardinals‬ ‪#‎Royals‬ ‪#‎Orioles

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No baseball Tuesday night since the ‪#‎ALDS‬ and ‪#‎NLDS‬ series are all over. And no football as it’s Wednesday. So it was time for most Americans to start ignoring hockey.

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For hockey fans, the San Jose Sharks did start defending their unofficial title of of being “The Best Regular Season Team in the NHL.”

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Okay, it worked out if you are an ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fan. But Matt Williams is being lambasted for putting rookie Aaron Barrett into the game late last night with veteran pitchers in the bullpen. But Bruce Bochy put September call-up Hunter Strickland into the game late too. And Strickland did get through an inning, albeit with a home run bomb to Bryce Harper. ‪#‎geniusifitworksidiocyifitdoesnt‬ ‪#‎NLDS‬

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So what’s the difference between the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and the Los Angeles Dodgers? About 48 hours.

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The FTC just announced that AT&T will pay $105 million in fines for placing unauthorized charges for third-party services on customers’ cell phone bills. So now wonder what surcharge the phone company will add to cover the fines

 

Roger Goodell, talking to owners and defending the NFL’s player conduct policy. “I believe the vast majority of our players are great people.” Right, because in the US we’ve never needed criminal laws because the vast majority of Americans are law-abiding people.

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An American Airlines plane made an emergency landing in Midland, TX last night because a passenger was vomiting and there were Ebola fears. Despite the fact she had come from TURKEY, not Africa (She has already been released from the hospital). Here we go again…. Let’s hope no one gets the bright idea to put TSA in charge of taking temperatures and asking medical questions:

 

 

Open note to ANYONE who is anti-vaccine. Please just STFU about Ebola

Issue oriented.

October 7, 2014

The NFL now has a sponsorship deal with Bose which will ban players from wearing “Beats by Dre” headphones during interviews and games. Violators will be fined. Good to know Roger Goodell and the league are taking on the tough issues.

 

Michael Phelps was suspended from USA swimming events for six months following his DUI. Many Americans were shocked. In non-Olympic years there are swimming events?

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The conservative leaning Supreme Court Monday decided to reject requests from five states to immediately review their gay marriage bans. Maybe because now even GOP candidates told them it was a losing issue?

Michigan State’s AD is upset with the 13,000 students who bought season tickets but mostly left early when the Spartans had a 27-3 lead in a cold wet fourth quarter against Nebraska. He said changes will be made. Right. Like selling the same tickets for a lot more money to alums who will also leave early in such conditions.

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The Jaguars apologized for their mascot mocking the Steelers’ “Terrible Towels” during yesterday’s game with a sign that said “Towels carry Ebola.” Of course the Steelers could have responded that Jacksonville was safe because the team couldn’t catch anything.

 

A nurse in Spain has contracted Ebola from two patients who returned from Africa. So will Rick Perry demand now that the U.S. stop all airline flights from Europe?

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Madison Bumgarner inexplicably tried to a bunt to third with runners on first and second Monday, and when the throw went wide two runs scored.  Although later catcher and former high school valedictorian Buster Posey said he told him to do it.  #smartmenfoolishchoices

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Monday was a painful day for ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans. Although nice now to watch   ‪#‎BrianWilson‬ and think “no longer our circus, not our monkey.” ‪#‎Dodgers‬

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If misery loves company ‪#‎SFGiants‬ and ‪#‎Dodgers‬ are having a bromance over their 7th innings today. ‪#‎NLDS‬

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According to the SF Chronicle, the principal of a private Marin County high school was arrested last weekend “after he was found in a Sacramento County motel room with large quantities of drugs and a passed-out woman roughly 30 years younger than him” Wonder how long it will take for the made-for-TV movie.

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So I know about the Rolaids reliever award. Are the Dodgers trying to challenge the Tigers for the Arson Squad award? ‪#‎bullpenwhatbullpen‬?

 

Two men were arrested and charged with felony assault after a fight in the men’s bathroom at Levi’s Stadium before the 49ers game Sunday. Allegedly over ‘impatience for an open stall’ . Sounds like the worries over the new stadium just being filled with chardonnay swilling techies might be unfounded.

 

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So anyone who was surprised that Buck Showalter intentionally walked the potential winning run on base in the bottom of the 9th Sunday in Detroit clearly doesn’t remember 1998, when Buck intentionally walked Barry Bonds. With the bases loaded. (He won that game too.)


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