Posted tagged ‘Russell Wilson jokes’

Get in the game?

July 7, 2015

At the Minnesota Zoo, a grizzly bear threw a rock into a five-layer barrier hard enough to shatter the glass. Fortunately, there were no injuries. And the bear has been offered a tryout to pitch for the Red Sox.

 

Seahawks QB Russell Wilson says he and his singer girlfriend Ciara are following “Jesus’s playbook” and not having pre-martial sex. So even God is telling Wilson not to attempt a pass?

 

 

Coral Springs, Florida police say they have dropped an investigation into the NY Giants’ Jason Pierre-Paulafter, who badly injured his hands with illegal fireworks, because it was “outside their jurisdiction.”
Possible translation. “With all the crap going in this state, you think we have time to worry about some idiot who’s already punished himself more than our judicial system ever could?”

 

The PGA said today that this year’s PGA Grand Slam tournament will be moved from Los Angeles’s Trump National Golf Club. Amazing. Who knew it was possible to be un-PC enough to upset an organization run primarily by and for rich white men?

Paula Deen is back in the headlines, this time for tweeting an four-year-old picture with her son Bobby in “brownface”, dressed up as Ricky Ricardo. Well, it’s not as if Deen has had any experience with social media before… ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

Donovan McNabb, 38, was arrested last night for his 2nd DUI in 2 years. Sounds like the former Eagles, Redskins and Vikings’ QB is trying just a bit too hard to act like he still belongs in the NFL

 

From Marc Ragovin  “One of the Mets’ upcoming promotions is “Emoji Tee Shirt Night.”  With their offense I assume all the emojis will be frowny faces

Rant time. Okay, again, the random shooting of a young woman on a San Francisco pier was awful. No question. But one woman is killed by a disturbed man who should have been deported and the GOP calls for a massive overhaul of immigration procedures.

Whereas nine people are killed in church by a disturbed man who should never have had a firearm, and the GOP sees no need to revisit gun control laws….

Not their Luck-y day.

January 6, 2013

Some thought the Colts’ fairytale story could continue deep into the postseason. Quoth the Ravens, “Nevermore.”

Russell Wilson gave up a promising baseball career to play football.  Not sure who’s more upset about that now, MLB fans or the Washington Redskins.

And okay, it’s the year of the rookie QB, but as to “last man standing,” who had Wilson?

Not saying Russell Wilson is short, but he looks up to Doug Flutie. Literally.

The AP has published their final election 2012 totals, and Mitt Romney got 47 percent of the vote. You’re a mean bitch, Karma.

“Catmoji” has just launched. The first social network for cats. Presumably instead of “like” there will be an “ignore” button.

Mamie Rearden, 114, just died, only 16 days after she became America’s oldest person. And her predecessor, Dina Manfredini, 115, died after being the oldest for less than two weeks. We’ve finally found a title that is more dangerous than being #3 with Al Qaeda.

Syracuse coach Doug Marrone is leaving to coach the Buffalo Bills. Well, not sure what motivates Marrone, but it sure isn’t weather.

Good that they usually end up getting it right. But how many of football’s most famous plays (Flutie’s Hail Mary, the Immaculate Reception, etc.. ) would have been a little different if they needed a 2-minute pause and then “After further review, the ruling on the field stands…”

Always hated those TV bits early in football games where some starters introduce themselves and the universities they may or may not have graduated from. But got to love the Vikings DE last night – “Jared Allen, Culinary Academy.”

The Bengals’ Andy Dalton on Saturday had one of the worst NFL playoff passing games in history. But Rex Ryan would still probably keep him in over Tim Tebow.

Coach Brian Kelly says that leaving the Fighting Irish for the NFL “isn’t an option.” Right, like he told his Bearcats players in Dec. 2009 about Notre Dame: “It’s not an issue; I’m not going there. I love Cincinnati, and I’m staying here.”‘

Nick Saban has sent two backup Alabama players home from the BCS championship game for violating curfew. So wonder if they were the only players who missed their bed check, or the only non-starters who missed their bed check.

Thirty second Super Bowl ads going for $3.8M are almost sold out.   The New York Jets are rumored to have purchased a spot trying to sell a couple of QBs.

So the same “sources” that had Oregon coach Chip Kelly gone to the NFL yesterday now have him returning to the Ducks. Hmm, maybe those NCAA sanctions against Oregon aren’t as imminent as we thought.

From my funny friend Jim Barach:   “A battery powered toothbrush that was ticking set off a bomb scare at Atlanta’s airport. Apparently the TSA agents in Georgia had never actually encountered a toothbrush before.”

(my follow up thought.  No report on who the traveler in question was, but guess we can assume he or she was not from England.)

 

Japanese automaker Toyota announced plans to unveil their self-driving car research. Okay, there is no way to make a P.C. Asian driver joke here…


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