Posted tagged ‘pilot jokes’

Oh say can you almost see Opening Day…

January 5, 2013

Opening night for Major League Baseball will be on ESPN Sunday, March 31, with the Astros against the Rangers. Might be the only night of the year the Houston Astros are nationally televised.

-

Turns out Rex Ryan has a tattoo on his arm of his wife wearing a Mark Sanchez jersey and nothing else. Well, this is an twist on the usual joke that a lousy player who’s still getting game time must have hidden pictures of the coach naked or something.

-

Nancy Pelosi posted a picture of all the House Democratic women posing on the Capitol steps. But the picture included photo-shopped images of four women who actually hadn’t made it to the photo shoot. Shocking, Pelosi might try to doctor an appearance?

-

 

These are not your father’s Republicans: Former GOP senator Chuck Hagel is reported to be Obama’s nominee for Secretary of Defense. And Sen. Lindsey Graham said on Dec. 30 there would be “very little Republican support” for his nomination.

-

The Chicago Bears are now apparently interviewing Montreal Alouettes coach Marc Trestman for their head coaching job. So if he fails at getting the team to the post season will Bears fans blame Canada?

-

Lance Armstrong is reportedly considering admitting that he used PEDs. What? Does he think it will help him get into the Baseball Hall of Fame?

-

Chip Kelly is apparently close to a deal with the Cleveland Browns. Anyone want to start the pool on when the NCAA will announce sanctions on the Oregon Ducks?

-

Although the Lakers made it close in the end,  watching Los Angeles Clippers turn “Showtime” into “Slowtime.” Or maybe the “Too-Late-Showtime.”

-

A pilot for American Airlines subsidiary American Eagle was arrested before a flight from Minneapolis to La Guardia after witnesses smelled alcohol on his breath and he failed a Breathlyzer test. What next, a pilot sobriety surcharge?

(added my friend Walt Rau,  “He would have been sober in time for the landing at La Guardia. What’s the problem?”

Plane insanity?

July 30, 2011

Two Delta planes sustained minor damage when when they ran into each other at Chicago O’Hare airport Friday night. This only two weeks after two Delta planes collided at Boston Logan Airport. Think this could be the end of those cockpit happy hours.

-

A woman was kicked off a Southwest flight because she was crying too much. Wow. If this becomes a trend John Boehner is grounded.

-

Edwin Edwards, 83-year-old ex-governor of Louisiana has married a 32-year-old woman. They met as penpals while he was serving a federal prison sentence for bribery and extortion. This is the sort of marriage the California Proposition 8 people are defending?

-
Cam Newton’s agent texted today that the Heisman winner signed a deal with the Carolina Panthers for four years and “$22 million-plus.”

Wonder how much the Panthers’ paid Cam’s father?
-

-

-

The Oakland Raiders have just hired a grandmother as one of their cheerleaders. In related news, Al Davis just got a QB resume from Brett Favre.

-

The Physician Committee for Responsible Medicine, a nonprofit pro-vegan group, has erected a billboard with a cigarette pack full of hot dogs -and says they are as unhealthy as cigarettes. Uh, maybe, but who ever said it was a good idea to smoke hot dogs?

-

Trying to keep support for “Cut, Cap and Balance,” Sarah Palin reminded GOP freshmen in Congress of the promises they made during their 2010 campaigns. Uh, Sarah, wasn’t an implicit part of those promises actually serving out their terms?

-

Former astronaut Lisa Novak, the one who made that drive from Houston to Orlando to confront a romantic rival, was banished from NASA with an “other than honorable discharge.” On a brighter note, she’s allegedly already received an endorsement offer from Depends.

-

Reading stories about former joint Dodgers’ owners Jamie and Frank McCourt: Millions spent on attorney fees, and constant bickering about how many more millions they need to sustain their lifestyles. It’s a wonder this couple ever got divorced. The two seem perfect for each other.

-

A two-week operation in Mendocino National Forest destroyed 460,000 marijuana plants, and U.S. agents also seized 3/4 ton of processed pot. In related news, Krispy Kreme cut profit forecasts 20 percent.

-

GOP Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman, running as the “sane” and “civil” choice spoke to a small group of less than 300 college Republicans Friday. Reminds me of when a woman said to then presidential candidate Adlai Stevenson that he had the “vote of every thinking man” in the U.S. Adlai’s reply: “Thank you, but I need a majority to win.”


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 216 other followers