Posted tagged ‘PED jokes’

Hall of Fame and Shame?

July 28, 2014

Greg Maddux once threw a complete game in an 1 hour and 46 minutes, and threw another complete game in 76 pitches. (63 strikes.) Both records equaled in about two innings of an average Red Sox-Yankees game

-

Another thought about the baseball Hall of Fame, and the steroid-era players. Have been hearing a lot about how the Veterans’ committee won’t put them in because so many of them are anti-PEDs. But of course, players from other eras don’t consider what THEY took to be PED’s. #greenies

-

Two young men kayaking in Jamaica Bay, NY lost their paddles, and ended up washing up near a runway at JFK Airport, without being detected by the airport’s $100 million security system. But on the other hand, this weekend at JFK, TSA did confiscate probably 1,000 bottles of water.

-

So did you hear who won the #tourdefrance ? Me neither

-

 

Have heard some say if sanctions are lifted against Cuba that MLB will be full of Cuban players. On the other hand, thinking right now that many Cuban kids grow up completely focused on baseball without distractions. Give them fast food, U.S. television, smartphones and other tech toys…and who knows. Their fundamentals may end up as sloppy as those of many U.S. kids.

-

Lebron James is going to go back to #23 with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Stand by for the ESPN miniseries on how he arrived at that decision.

-

Byron Scott, 53, has signed a 4 year deal to become the Lakers new head coach.  With all the  LA “veterans” Scott would fit right in as a player coach.

-

Will Clark is 50 years old. And were he in uniform he had a better chance of getting a hit Sunday night than #22 Dan Uggla #retire22 #SFGiants

 

 

Sarah Palin has a new subscription-based Internet network, #SarahPalinChannel, which will feature her commentary and the ability for subscribers to ask questions. Monthly subscriptions will cost $9.95, but the show will presumably suddenly stop halfway through each month.

-

 

Former Florida Governor Charlie Crist, who’s running again against Rick Scott, about Scott’s and Marco Rubio’s “I’m not a scientist” dodge of the global warming question. ““I’m not a scientist either, but I can use my brain, and I can talk to one.

(Alas, in Florida sometimes it seems like open minds are more discouraged than open carry.)

-

 

 

Carolina DE Greg Hardy was convicted this month of assaulting a female – his ex-girlfriend – and communicating threats. He was sentenced to 60-day suspended jail sentence and 18 months’ probation, and will not talk about the incident except to say “I hate that I have distracted my team.”

The Panthers said they will wait to see what the NFL does, and not suspend Hardy pending the outcome of his appeal in a jury trial. (Which will be after the season) I’m sure the fact that he’s a Pro Bowler has nothing to do with it….

-

.

I’ll be watching you…maybe.

July 23, 2014

So there were NYPD officers working graveyard shifts in four marked cars at the Brooklyn Bridge while the lights were dimmed and white flags were raised Monday night. None of them noticed anything. And the NY Daily news quotes a police source as saying none of them will be disciplined. Well, not like anything really bad could have happened…

 

 

A man claims he was kicked off a Southwest flight in Denver after he tweeted a complaint over a gate agent not allowing his daughters to board early with him. He claims he won’t fly the airline again. Well, and hey, why not, when he can take advantage of the great customer service at Denver from United….

-

Mark McGwire says of Jose Canseco. “I don’t care to ever speak to him again.” Well, of course not, Canseco’s in the past.

 

St. Louis CF John Jay tonight struck out on a 4-2 count. That’s bad. What’s worse, no one in the Cardinals dugout, including the manager, noticed it. #whoneedsmath?

-

18 runs given up in two days?  All of a sudden #Dodgers pitching is looking like maybe Josh Beckett’s been bringing beer and chicken back into the Clubhouse #sfgiants

-

Cameron Maybin has been suspended for 25 games for testing positive for amphetamines. But come on, it’s the San Diego Padres. Couldn’t Maybin have used the excuse he needed the drugs to stay awake?

-

Wednesday Alabama coach Nick Saban talked about his team’s loss to Oklahoma in the Sugar Bowl and said it was a challenge to “try to play in a consolation game.” Well, that ought to do wonders for the image of college football players as egotistical babies.

(Also, for the uninitiated, please note. The Sugar Bowl, with a $17 million per team payout, is not a consolation game. Now, the “AdvoCare V100 Bowl” just might be a consolation game….)

-

Eagles tackle Lane Johnson is the latest NFL player suspended four games for PED’s. Johnson said in a statement he “mistakenly and foolishly” took a prescription drug in April and failed to clear it with the Eagles’ athletic trainers or check the banned substance list. Just once would be nice to hear someone say, “Yeah, I was cheating and got busted.”

 

Another thought about all these NFL players who plead ignorance when they get caught for PED’s. Wouldn’t you think if they were smart enough to read their playbooks, they’d be smart enough to read the the rules and their drug labels?

-

‘What if I decide to run?': Michele Bachmann saying she might try for Presidency again in 2016. Comedy writers: “Thank you Jesus.”

-

You have been warned.  From Alex Kaseberg.  “‘Comic Con’ begins in San Diego on Thursday, so get your computers and internet servers fixed now.”

-

So what does Rick Perry have against all these kids? The Texas governor doesn’t want more people in America who can embarrass him by counting to three?

-

California’s teen birthrate has fallen 63% since 1990, the biggest drop of any state in the country. Instead of “Abstinence Only” education, California has chosen comprehensive sex education, and increased access for teens to contraceptives. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

-

From T.C.  ” The #1 selling NFL jersey today is Johnny Manziel. Sitting at #5 is Michael Sam. Neither one of them has yet to play a down in the league. That should be enough to bring Brett Favre out of retirement again.”

Jolly good show.

July 6, 2014

That Djokovic Federer #Wimbledon2014 final lasted longer than many celebrity marriages.

-

Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic both spoke during the awards ceremony after Wimbledon final. Nothing but class. Maybe they should record the ceremony and commentary as a training video for athletes in some other sports.

-

And Wimbledon always brings to mind some of my favorite bathroom graffiti, seen years ago in London, on the side of the stall  – “Wimbledon spectator practice, see other wall.”  And of course on the other side-.  “Wimbledon spectator practice, see other wall.”

 

-

Boris Diaw announced via Twitter that he is returning to the Spurs. After no rumors or public discussions with other teams. Once again, San Antonio falls down in the drama department.

-

In two separate July 4 incidents in Northern California,  three people had part or all of their hands blown off while handling personal fireworks. Isn’t it redundant for the media to report all three people were men?

-

 

Oops. the Houston Astros single-A affliliate Lancaster JetHawks had fireworks night Saturday, and ended up lighting the outfield wall on fire. (This after another fireworks accident in 2013.) Guess it’s not just their players who aren’t quite ready for the big leagues.

-

Nelson Cruz was voted to start the All-Star Game a year after his 50-game PED suspension. If Cruz wins the game’s MVP award will Bud Selig smile and shake his hand by invoking the ABB “Anyone But Bonds” clause?.

-

Buck Showalter, responding to Red Sox pitcher John Lackey’s insinuations about Nelson Cruz and PED’s, said that Lackey should be “careful” and look at his own team. Wonder which “Big” hitter the Orioles manager was referring to?

-

Most amazing thing about the Brandon McCarthy to the Yankees trade? The Diamondbacks will still pay most of McCarthy’s 2014 salary. #Richgetricher

 

From T.C.. “Most of the Italian, Spanish and Portuguese players promised they’d be back for the 2016 Summer Olympics.  Of course then they’ll be competing in men’s diving.”

Most of the World Cup Italian, Spanish and Portuguese players promised they’ll be back in 2016 for the Summer Olympics. Of course, they will then be representing their countries in Men’s Diving.

Comedy writer TC Chong of Vancouver (http://alwaysfunny.co

- See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/hartley-millers-hart-attack-july-4-2014-edition-478/#sthash.XbeHZGZK.dpuf

Most of the World Cup Italian, Spanish and Portuguese players promised they’ll be back in 2016 for the Summer Olympics. Of course, they will then be representing their countries in Men’s Diving.

Comedy writer TC Chong of Vancouver (http://alwaysfunny.co

- See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/hartley-millers-hart-attack-july-4-2014-edition-478/#sthash.XbeHZGZK.dpuf

Most of the World Cup Italian, Spanish and Portuguese players promised they’ll be back in 2016 for the Summer Olympics. Of course, they will then be representing their countries in Men’s Diving.

Comedy writer TC Chong of Vancouver (http://alwaysfunny.co

- See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/hartley-millers-hart-attack-july-4-2014-edition-478/#sthash.XbeHZGZK.dpuf

To close a bridge or not to close a bridge.

January 9, 2014

Silver lining for those who Chris Christie threw under the bus this morning? Have heard the Governor has also arranged for that bus to be stopped in traffic.

-

-Wonder how long it will take others in GOP to turn on Christie over #Bridgegate. Expect to hear Mitt Romney express sympathy for all those families caught on the #GWB with their dogs on the roof.

-

Okay, if Governor Chris Christie’s office closed a bridge over a meaningless endorsement from a small town N.J. mayor, got to wonder, what don’t we know about that they did to people who REALLY p*ssed them off?

-

Okay, over-under on how long it will take someone to offer fired Chris Christie aide Bridget Kelly real money for a tell-all book?
-

Chris Christie defenders say the NJ Governor is telling the truth and who has time to micro-manage a bunch of potentially over-zealous staffers when you are running a state. Of course the same folks would say of Obama that he was either lying or painfully isolated and/or disconnected from his job.

-

Chris Christie in his press conference today “I am who I am, but I am not a bully.” Might have been better to say, “Actually, I CAN be a bully and anyone who doesn’t think we need a bully sometimes in Washington hasn’t been paying attention.”

-

Legalized marijuana is apparently so popular in Colorado that stores can’t keep it in stock. Who says there’s no demand for “Made-in-America” products?

-

This New Jersey “bridgegate” would never happen in California. Not saying Gov. Jerry Brown couldn’t be vindictive. But if he did something to cause traffic problems in say, Los Angeles, who would notice? #247gridlock

-

There’s always room for bipartisan humor on the bus to hell.  Passed along by my friend Laura  –  “Best comment on the Christie bridge scandal: “Well he certainly wouldn’t be the first politician in that part of the country in a scandal involving a bridge and a dead woman.”

-

After being stopped twice for going over MPH, Yasiel Puig says he has now hired a cousin to drive him around. Which is good news. As long as the cousin isn’t the one who taught Puig how to drive in the first place.

-

LeBron James says he has been mentoring Johnny Manziel for months. Maybe it’s been working – at least when Johnny Football chose to leave Texas A & M he didn’t schedule an ESPN special to announce his decision.

-

The Washington Nationals Adam LaRoche posted a picture of himself with a dead mountain lion around his shoulders that he had just shot. Guessing this man is pretty sure he never wants another free agent offer from San Francisco.

-

From Marc Ragovin ” ome politicians have called Dennis Rodman’s embrace of North Korean dictator Kim Jung-on to be treasonous.  Hmmm.  Looks like The Worm has turned.”

-

Scarlett Johansson on “The Daily Show” talking about her role in “Her” (where she plays a Siri-like phone voice a man falls in love with) said: “There’s a lot of advantages to not having a body, actually.” And millions of women hearing her say that are just thinking “Oh, STFU!'”

-

Am tired of all the baseball writers who have turned HOF voting into a morality play. But if it’s REALLY about steroids, how do you justify a vote for Tom Glavine, who was the NL player union rep. during much of the steroid era, and fought hard against PED testing. -

-

Tough baseball question of the night, and answering publicly is optional. Imagine it was up to you. Your team could win a World Series, but it would require that you picked up a player using a new, illegal but undetectable, PED. He would carry the team all season and become the Series MVP. Do you say yes, or take the high road and turn the player down.

Getting stoned?

November 26, 2013

Afghanistan may again make it the law to stone convicted adulterers. Which means if Hillary is elected in 2016, she’ll be making visits to Kabul solo.

-

Ann Betar, 98, and John Betar, 102, are celebrating their 81th wedding anniversary today, making them the longest married couple in America. After this long guess the marriage stands a good chance of surviving that 87 year itch.

-

STL GM John Mozeliak, defending the team’s 4-year $50 million contract for Jhonny Peralta, said the Cardinals were confident Peralta’s drug suspension was an “isolated circumstance.” Translation, at least they’re sure Jhonny won’t get caught again.

-

Brian Wilson is apparently close to signing with… the Detroit Tigers?! Maybe the Beard is fonder than he admitted of wearing Orange and Black.

-

After George Zimmerman was arrested for allegedly assaulting his girlfriend, a search of their home found three handguns, a 12-gauge shotgun, a rifle and 106 rounds of ammunition. And aren’t residents of 49 states sorry that a condition of his bail is that Zimmerman not leave Florida?

-

Over 500 flights have been cancelled out of Dallas-Ft Worth International Airport in two days. Wonder how many good Samaritans planning to visit in-laws will offer up their confirmed seats Tues. or Wed. so poor stranded folks can get to see THEIR families. (“Really, honey, you know I want to see your mom, but this woman and baby need the seat more than I do.. So go on without me, it’s okay, Really”)

-

Country singer Wayne Mills was fatally shot in a Nashville bar this weekend. Allegedly by his best friend during an argument. The true tragedy, Mills won’t be around to use the incident as a basis for a great hit song.

-

College basketball counts strength of schedule for tournament seeding. Not that it will happen, but when college football starts their playoff system, would be nice to see late season games like Alabama vs. Chattanooga and FSU vs. Idaho considered to be the equivalents of bye-weeks.

-

49ers coach Jim Harbaugh, talking about tonight’s game says how his team “rose up to the challenge.” Of playing the Redskins. And he said it with a straight face.

-

RGIII against Colin Kaepernick on MNF football.  Also known as the “Two-preseason-favorites-who-are-not-going-to-win-the-MVP-this-year” bowl.

-

Yahoo has named Katie Couric as the new “face” of its global news operations. Shocking. Yahoo HAS “global news operations?”

-

Derrick Rose is out for the season. And Bulls fans are asking Cubs fans friends about borrowing their ‘Wait until next year” t-shirts.

-

From T.C.  About my post on  Georgia Southern beating  Florida Saturday without completing a pass.  “Finally, a team I could play for, says Tim Tebow.”

Testing, one, two, three….

August 22, 2013

Ryan Braun issued a statement acknowledging that he took PED’s in 2011, the year he won the NL MVP. “I’m shocked,” said at this point absolutely nobody.

Re #RyanBraun‘s apology for using steroids. Think I’ll actually believe the first guy who apologizes for using #PEDS BEFORE he gets caught.

-

Really? Apparently in regards to an HGH testing agreement, Congress is threatening to get involved because the NFL and the NFL Players Association have gotten so little done. Pot meet kettle. Kettle, pot.

-

80 GOP members of Congress urged Boehner to trigger a government shutdown rather than fund the implementation of “Obamacare.” Since they feel this way, I do hope the members are also voluntarily cancelling their own expensive government funded healthcare.

-

Some Roman tourists were charged $130 for four coffees with liqueurs at a Venice cafe. Upon hearing the news, Starbucks instructed their lawyers to look into the costs of liquor licenses.

-

You can’t make this “stuff” up: On Family Feud the question was “Name a state that ends with the letter “A.”  One contestant’s response:  “Arkansas.”

-

FOX is going to charge $4 million for 30-second Super Bowl ads. Wow. That kind of $$ for a pay-to-play ratio is almost on the level of Simon Cowell’s future child support.

-

Not saying the 2013 SF Giants are playing like they’ve checked out, but they’ve just been voted the favorite team of the National Librarians Association.

-

#AaronHernandez was expected to be indicted for murder today. Quick, time for the #Patriots to release another #Tebow story.

-

This item passed along by Ryan Duca. Apparently when Nationals manager Davey Johnson showed for a Washington radio show. the story came up about Boston Red Sox catcher Mike Napoli’s apparently dating an “adult film actress”/porn star. Johnson’s reply: “Well none of my guys could, ’cause we can’t score.”

-

Bradley Manning is now referring to himself as Chelsea, and wants to begin hormone therapy right away in prison. Given the way he feels about the U.S. Government, however, I assume he is looking for private donations to pay for it?

-

 

David Ortiz told a reporter than he disapproved of Ryan Dempster throwing at Alex Rodriguez. I’m sure the fact that Big Papi was named in the Mitchell Report as allegedly testing positive for steroids in 2003 had nothing to do with it….

-

From T.C.  “Tiger Woods, complaining of a sore neck and back, did not play the back nine of his pro-am Wednesday in New Jersey because he said his mistress, I mean mattress, at the hotel was too soft.”

-

And okay, for a serious end to this post, we’ve heard enough about the young black/biracial thugs in Oklahoma. How about these two black women? You go girls.

http://www.cnn.com/2013/08/22/us/georgia-school-shooting-911-reunion/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

-

And the hits just keep on coming?

August 18, 2013

 

 

Ryan Dempster appeared to have hit Alex Rodriguez deliberately in the ribs with a pitch tonight. A-Rod, however, has to count himself lucky that Bob Gibson is not still playing.

-

Red Sox manager John Farrell talking about Dempster hitting A-Rod, “he had to establish his fastball in… I don’t know that he hit him on purpose, I don’t think he did…” He’d have done better defending Dempster by saying “My pitchers are good enough to hit someone intentionally on the first pitch.”

-

Although at this point it’s hard to imagine the Red Sox dislike A-Rod anymore than the Yankees GM.  Brian Cashman’s relationship with Rodriguez makes George Steinbrenner’s with Billy Martin look positively cuddly.

 

Wonder how long it will take before the next intentional beaning to A-Rod comes in batting practice.

 

-

The Obama family returned to the White House tonight after a 9 day vacation in Martha’s Vineyard. Many in Congress were critical of the trip, and no doubt more will criticize the President when when they return from their summer recess on Sept 9.

 

From T.C.   Ryan Dempster beaned A-Rod on a 3-0 pitch tonight. Yanks GM Brian Cashman sent Manager Joe Girardi out to argue the call.  Maybe to bring Alex back to the plate so Dempster could bean him again.

-

Looks like the new Jobs movie is making about as much money as a sale on two-year old iPhones.

-

Crooks are stupid item of the day: Police in Huntington Beach arrested a man and charged him with vandalism for allegedly scrawling obscenities on the side of patrol cars. They were tipped off when he “liked” photos of those damaged patrol cars on the department’s Facebook page.

-

In three games against the Marlins in Miami, the SF Giants have scored 25 runs. Wonder if the team flew in a nearby Haitian witch doctor for the weekend?

-

How the NFL preseason has changed. Teams used to worry about how many players would be injured. Now they also worry about how many will be arrested.

-

All the talk now is about the Los Angeles Dodgers…. what about the Detroit Tigers? Running away with their division, and doing it without much of a year from Justin Verlander. If he gets hot in the postseason….”


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 232 other followers