Posted tagged ‘New York Jets jokes’

Insta-mess.

December 19, 2012

One way not to be stressed about this new Instagram policy – have absolutely no idea how to use Instagram.

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Somewhere, the Apple maps developer is giggling.

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49ers tight end Vernon Davis says that chemistry is “something that me and Kap (Colin Kaepernick) don’t have right now, but we’re working on it.” And he indicated the new SF QB is “kind of scared of my speed a little bit.” Who does Davis think he is? Terrell Owens?

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Someone called in an undisclosed threat in Newtown, CT, forcing district officials to keep an elementary school closed today. If police catch this guy can they sentence him to spent a week locked in a cage in the local cemetery near some of the children’s tombstones?

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Suri Cruise is apparently getting a $24,000 Grand Victorian Playhouse, complete with running water and electricity, for Christmas along with a $10,000 children’s toy Mercedes. Wonder how much Tom and Katie are setting aside for future counseling?

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The Jets are out, the Giants are now in a very tenuous position. Who’d a thunk the only football team in the New York-New Jersey area that ends up in the postseason might be Rutgers?

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How the mighty have fallen. ESPN all excited about a 101-100 home comeback win by the Los Angeles Lakers – against the Charlotte Bobcats?

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From Marc Ragovin:   Commenting on the Lakers poor record this year, Kobe Bryant recently said “At this point I wish we had the Washington Generals on our schedule.” “Right back at ya,” said the coach of the  Generals.

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The Atlanta Hawks needed overtime to top the Washington Wizards 100-95. Overtime to beat the Wizards? Shouldn’t that count in the standings for at best half a win?

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So on Saturday which retailer will start the first “After the end of the world sale?

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A Utah State football player was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery and trespassing after his team’s bowl win last Saturday. So who says the “Famous Idaho Potato Bowl” hasn’t made the big time?

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NY Jets Rex Ryan is apparently frustrated enough with Mark Sanchez that he is thinking of starting Greg McElroy next week against San Diego. Gosh, if only the team had access to a QB with a history of winning.

From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg:  “Times Square hookers offering a Holiday Mark Sanchez special; for an extra $50, they’ll really really suck.”

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In the wake of Sandy Hook, some gun advocates now want to arm teachers. Right, let’s put guns in the hands of them all…including those without enough common sense to know it’s not a good idea to sleep with their students…

Low-flying Jets.

December 8, 2012

Except for the Army-Navy game, there were no college matchups games this weekend. So fans of high-level amateur football will just have to wait for the Jets-Jaguars game on Sunday.

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NY coach Rex Ryan says Tim Tebow, who has been sidelined with broken ribs, may play this week as in practice he “did a lot more on the field than he had in previous weeks.” Well, looking at the Jets recently “doing a lot more on the field” on Sunday is setting the bar pretty low.

 

Yeah, the NBA season is pretty meaningless in many ways, but over one week into December how many people had the Golden State Warriors significantly ahead of the Los Angeles Lakers?

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Not a joke, Pizza Hut has actually responded to requests with a limited edition “Eau de Pizza Hut” perfume, which smells of baked pizza dough and herbs.  But it’s already sold out.  Bad news for women who REALLY want a scent a man can’t resist.

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Many Americans probably weren’t even aware that Friday was Pearl Harbor Day, I suppose we should be glad at least that no one was using it as an excuse for a sale.

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So the U.S. Supreme Court is going to hear a case on gay marriage. After the Court’s Citizens United ruling maybe it’s time for a new tactic – i.e. if people and corporations are legally equivalent, well, then, corporate mergers have always been gender-neutral….

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According to his lawyer, Jerry Sandusky is unhappy with his solitary confinement and wants a change, believing he would be safe in the prison’s general population. Okay by me!

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Florida socialite Jill Kelley, whose complaints about threatening emails from Paula Broadwell helped break the General Petraeus scandal, reportedly is shopping a tell-all book as “payback” for the “humiliation” she has suffered. “I’d be really excited to read that” said absolutely no one.

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A worker at a New Mexico Albertson’s found a handgun and ammunition packed in a carton of frozen ribs. According to police, the meat came from the Swift Packing Plant in Greeley, Colo, marked June 8, 2011. What’s scarier – , a gun with the ribs, or the fact the meat was packed a year and a half ago?

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South Carolina governor Nikki Haley is apparently not amused by a Twitter campaign pushing her to appoint Stephen Colbert as Senator to replace Jim DeMint. But seriously, looking at some of these unfunny clowns…could Colbert do any worse?

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Serious thought   -when is the NFL going to make “cars and drivers,” or at least taxis, mandatory for players? Heck, the cost for a season would be less than one fine for a late hit, or wearing a baseball cap.


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