Posted tagged ‘New Orleans jokes’

When the lights go down, in the city….

February 3, 2013

If San Francisco 49ers came back to win this Super Bowl would players have voted a game share to the Superdome electricians?

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They may have lost in the end but San Francisco 49ers came close enough to taking the lead in the fourth quarter that  the Baltimore Ravens almost sent a coach to see if they could pull the plug on the Superdome lights again.

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Meanwhile on Fox News wonder how long it took them to blame the power outage on Obama?

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Super Bowl XLVII is over. The Super Bowl XLVIII pregame show starts tomorrow.

 

And across America how many dads are telling their daughters, “No, you are NOT dressing as Beyonce next Halloween”?

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Jim Harbaugh’s oldest child is an assistant coach for the Baltimore Ravens. Thinking Jay is not in line this year for a warm fuzzy Valentine’s Day card from father to son..

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The 49ers were called for an illegal formation on the first play of the Super Bowl. If anyone needed proof that you can over think sports…

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Roger Goodell said this morning he would “absolutely” let his son play football. Brave words from a man with two daughters.

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On “Face the Nation”, Goodell declined to confirm that there is a proven connection between the football and medical problems in retired players. Even Bud Selig is thinking “How deliberately oblivious can you be?”

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Hearing about Wayne LaPierre getting attacked on Fox News for his extreme views on guns… It’s enough to make you wonder if there should be a mental health requirement to be an NRA executive.

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John Harbaugh, taking a safety and running the clock down to 4 seconds at the end of the Super Bowl – basically telling his younger brother “Age and treachery can overcome youth and skill.”

 

At the end, all SF 49ers needed to win Super Bowl was the Stanford Band.

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New Orleans City Council Pres. Stacy Head said tonight she hoped power outage wouldn’t hurt the city’s 2018 Super Bowl bid, adding she would rather sit through a temporary power outage than watch a 3 hour game in sub-freezing temperature. Your move, Chris Christie.

 

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The logic that says you do or don’t make a call based on where you are in an NFL game makes the balk call in baseball look reasonable.

 

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All this controversy over Chuck Hagel as potential Defense secretary. Well, suppose it’s what President Obama gets for nominating a Democrat with no military experience. Uh, wait… never mind.

End of the weak jokes.

September 1, 2012

So the GOP is done with their convention,  and next week it’s the Democrats’ turn.   Former President Bill Clinton is expected to play a large role this time around.  Rumor has it he’s already volunteered to help the Secret Service with their advance scouting.

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Quote of the week?. “We should sink Todd Akin. If he’s found mysteriously murdered, don’t look for my whereabouts,” Some crazy Democrat? No, Karl Rove.

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In Texas, Allen High School has just opened $60 million double-decked stadium that seats 18,000 and features a 38 ft HD video screen. Wonder if it’s part of the school’s grand plan to apply to join the SEC?

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Meanwhile,  not saying that #21 Stanford looked underwhelming in beating San Jose State 20-17.  But the chair looked better against Clint Eastwood.

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Clint Eastwood was supposed to talk for five minutes.   He talked for 11.  Maybe the man Clint really should have been endorsing was Joe Biden.

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The happiest sentence at BCS headquarters this week – “Boise State is 0-1.”

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That “old retread” California Governor Jerry Brown, 74, said he ran 3 miles in 29 minutes this week. And challenged Chris Christie to a footrace. Now there’s a political contest I’d pay to see.

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Michigan star RB Fitzgerald Toussaint, arrested for DUI in July with .12 BAL, has been suspended for just 1 game after pleading guilty to a lesser charge. The charge – “operating a vehicle while visually impaired.” “While visually impaired?” And we thought some steroid excuses were creative.

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Mitt Romney was in Louisiana today, where the New Orleans levees so far have held. Wonder if someone  warned Mitt it might not be best time or place to rail against what Government has built.

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Marco Rubio last night said that the GOP “chose more government instead of more freedom.” He apologized for the flub. But actually Rubio was being honest if you talk about marriage and women’s reproductive health….

 

From T.C.  On 84 year-old Vin Scully, the voice of the Los Angeles Dodgers for the past 63 years,  signing up for 2013. “That said, the Dodgers have listed him as day-to-day.”

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Despite just adding $262 million to their payroll, the Dodgers are 3-7 in their last ten games.  l Not sure who first said money can’t buy happiness.  But for right now Boston Red Sox and and SF Giants fans would beg to differ.

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A relationship with sharks…

April 28, 2009

Now that their team couldn’t move forward out of the first round, hockey fans  might or might not think Woody Allen was anticipating San Jose’s playoff struggles  in 1977:

 

“A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.”

 

 

So what’s the difference between Sharks coach Todd McLellan and former Sharks coach  Ron Wilson?.    In the end,  about one round in the playoffs..

 

Georgia quarterback Matt Stafford was chosen as the first pick in the draft.  His mission, to turn the team around after eight of the worst years in history.  “Tell me about it” said President Obama.

 

 

On Monday night, the New Orleans Hornets lost by 58 points to the Denver Nuggets.  58 points!!?   Former President Bush called coach Byron Scott afterwards to tell him “Scottie, you’re doing a helluva job.”

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John Daly turned 43 today.  As much as many Americans and golfers would like to see their favorite “everyman” succeed, they can take solace in the fact that had he won as many tournaments as his potential indicated,  the PGA might have declared beer a performance enchancing drug.

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So former Michigan quarterback Steven Threet will transfer to Arizona State,  After he transferred from Georgia Tech to Michigan.

Which makes him perhaps the heir-apparent to Jeff  Garcia?

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President Obama, while he filled out an NCAA basketball bracket, chose not to enter an NFL fantasy draft contest.   And then there’s former President George W. Bush, who when asked about the draft, pleaded a prior engagement with the Texas National Air Guard.


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