Posted tagged ‘NBA jokes’

Tax dollars at work.

July 22, 2015

In April, a federal appeals court overturned Barry Bonds’ obstruction of justice conviction. Today, ending an almost 10 year battle, the U.S. Department of Justice announced they will not ask for a review with the U.S. Supreme Court and are ending the case.

What? Reluctance to spend more taxpayer dollars on this vital issue? ‪#‎IblameObama‬

As we await the potential release of client names from Ashley Madison is it wrong to wonder how many of these spouses met on

Mississippi State suspended CB Justin Cox for the last three games in 2014 after he was arrested for alleged aggravated domestic violence and burglary. The charges were dropped, and Cox signed with the KC Chiefs.

Yesterday he was arrested again on charges of burglary of a residence, aggravated domestic assault and trespassing. ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬

Now that Becky Hammon has coached the Spurs to an Summer League Championship, wonder if some NBA team might make an offer to a proven winner like Tara Vanderveer. ‪#‎GoStanford‬

But hey, it was summer league…. what does that show?   Well, in 2013 Jason Kidd had his first head coaching gig in Las Vegas and his Nets made the playoffs.  Then last year another guy made his coaching debut … name of Steve Kerr.   Turned out to be ok.

Today at a campaign event Donald Trump attacked Lindsey Graham and then gave out the Graham’s personal cell phone number. Not sure if Trump really wants to be President, but he’s doing well in his question to become the Republican party’s most hated person not named Clinton.

Roger Goodell says there is no timeline on Tom Brady’s suspension appeal, and that they are “being very thorough.” Does the NFL commission have one of Bud Selig’s “Blue Ribbon” committees working on it?


The SF Giants’ Tim Lincecum has been diagnosed with a degenerative hip condition. No doubt after he got the diagnosis Timmy had one question – “Medical marijuana?”


For anyone watching the SF Giants game,  Padres pitcher Dale Thayer threw that gum better than he threw that bases-loaded pitch to Hector Sanchez.

Giants catcher Hector Sanchez, just recalled from AAA, hit a grand slam for the SFGiants.  Just guessing  that that he was really really tired of playing in Sacramento. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

A Florida gun shop owner has declared his store a “Muslim-free zone” after the latest mass murders in Tennessee, to ensure “the safety of his fellow patriots” And he announced the decision in front of a Confederate flag. So I guess he would have had no problem selling a gun to the Charleston killer?

Would love to see what would happen if a very large African American man with a lot of tattoos walked into his store looking to buy guns. Especially if one of those tattoos was of a bible verse.


Girls, girls, girls…..

July 21, 2015

The San Antonio Spurs, coached by Becky Hammon, just won the NBA Summer League. So, apparently real men don’t have a problem with sexual orientation in the locker room. ‪#‎yougogirl‬

Ashley Madison, the “dating” site for married people, has apparently been hacked and the hackers are threatening to post information on millions of users on line. Who knows, the U.S. political scene could be about to get a lot crazier.

With the Ashley Madison hacking story making headlines, I see a new business model for some enterprising person – A company that will create a credible online to make it seem as if your identity was stolen. “Honest, honey, I have no idea how they got my name and credit card, clearly our personal information has been compromised.”

Anyone who misses watching baseball games at Candlestick Park must have loved watching the final round of the ‪#‎BritishOpen‬.


Curt Schilling tweeted outrage that President Barack Obama failed to issue a proclamation to lower flags around government buildings to half-staff for the Chattanooga victims despite doing so for pop singer Whitney Houston.

Except that Obama didn’t do that. The only government official who ordered flags lowered for the pop star was NJ Gov. Chris Christie.

A gay British man who voluntarily donates sperm says he has fathered 10 children with nine different women in just the last year. So the guy is either really altruistic, or he has delusions of being an NBA player.

The Denver Nuggets have traded Ty Lawson to the Houston Rockets. Hoping it works out, but is it really a great idea to send a guy with 2 DUI’s in a year to a place with Texas’s very relaxed gun laws?

A profile of Karen Hinton, who is New York Mayor DeBlasio’s press secretary, brings up a story from a 1999 book of how in 1984, when she was 24, then Arkansas governor Bill Clinton gave her a napkin with his room number on it. Shocking. Wouldn’t it be more of a story if Clinton in those days was talking to a pretty young blond woman and didn’t give her his room number?

ACC commissioner John Swofford says the conference is “not trying to be Big Brother” in dealing with off-field issues like those at Florida State.

“Our approach $o far, and I don’t really $ee this changing, is that we have a lot of confidence in our in$titution$ to handle those $ituation$ when they occur.”

In Iowa, a former lottery security official was found guilty  of rigging a game so he could win a $14 million jackpot, and then trying to get someone to cash the prize for him. Hmm, anyone but me worried less about him than about the ones who aren’t stupid enough to get caught?

Palo Alto, California, has been sweltering with temperatures in the mid 80s and 61% humidity. Thereby bringing ZERO sympathy from anyone in the Midwest, South and East.

Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert, probably THE reigning royal couple of country music, are getting divorced. No word who gets custody of the material for song lyrics.

Between Blake and Miranda though, Taylor Swift might have some competition for “Best breakup song of the year.”


Just in 2014, the NFL gave each teams each $226.4 million as part of national revenue sharing. But all the the league could afford was a $765 million settlement over concussion-related brain injuries for all its 18,000 retired players. I wish this were a joke.


July 16, 2015

President Obama will be in New York City Friday night, and the FAA has issued a no fly zone over Manhattan. Which won’t affect commercial flights, but will force wealthy folks heading to the Hamptons to take ground transportation instead of private helicopters. “I feel so sorry for them,” said no one in 99.9% of the population.

Interesting, all the talk about Caitlyn Jenner. But if we’re talking LGBT acceptance, the U.S. women’s soccer team has both gay and straight players, and it doesn’t seem to affect their chemistry OR performance.

Apparently this season has seen a big increase in the number of NL managers who are batting their pitcher 8th in the lineup. The SF Giants’ Madison Bumgarner is not pleased with this trend. He thinks he should bat at least 6th.

Here’s a serious idea for a change. Let’s change the MLB trade deadline to during the All-Star break. Would make it easier for players to get to their new teams. And would give sports fans something more interesting to follow during the break than NBA summer league scores.


Mark Cuban is now proposing that the NBA playoffs be expanded to 10 teams per conference. Right, so teams like the Indiana Pacers would be spared the heartache of just missing the playoffs with a 38-44 record.


Josh Smith has left the Rockets for the Clippers, signing for $1.5 million, the veteran minimum, and reportedly told a source he chose “winning over money?” So Smith is bad at history, statistics AND math?

The Tennessee Highway Safety Office is pulling the “100 Days of Summer Heat Booze It and Lose It Campaign” which was intended to keep young men from drinking too much, with had posters and coasters with messages like this
“After a few drinks the girls look hotter and the music sounds better. Just remember: If your judgment is impaired, so is your driving.”
“Buy a drink for a marginally good looking girl only to find out she’s chatty, clingy and your boss’s daughter. If this sounds like something you would do, your judgment is impaired and so is your driving.”
The only question. Who thought this was a good idea in the first place?

New Jersey is considering a lottery, open only to state college students and alumni, where the winner would get all their student loan debt paid off. Great, so if they don’t know enough already, students can go further into debt buying lottery tickets.

As we approach the 2nd half of the MLB season, Vegas has updated their odds for this years World Series winner- with the favorites being the Royals, Cardinals, Nationals and Dodgers. The Phillies are last 5000-1.

Note to anything thinking of betting on the Phillies. try something with better odds. Like buying a Powerball lottery ticket.

But really, a 5,000 to 1 bet on the Phillies now to win the World Series?   Or for that matter 250 to 1 on the Brewers,  or even 50-1 on the Red Sox?    In all of these and more case, when they’re saying “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” clearly they’re talking about your money.


Apparently Vegas sports books are quite worried about the Royals and Astros, as they stand to pay out big bucks if either team, lightly regarded in the preseason, wins the World Series. But on the other hand, MGM properties report 4,000 bets placed on the Cubs, more than double that on any other team. ‪#‎youlosesomeyouwinsome‬

TLC has officially cancelled “19 kids and counting.” Anybody here actually watch the show in the first place?



From T.C.  Russell Wilson’s new sweetie, Ciara, sang the anthem at All Star game. It was suggested that he could hand off the microphone to her.

It’s about time?

June 21, 2015

Goldman Sachs has announced that they will tell banking interns to leave the office by midnight and not return before 7 a.m., and to take Saturdays off.  By high-tech startup standards that’s practically turning them into slackers.

Dr. John Hagee, a San Antonio pastor, said there ‘there is no greater sin in terms of wrongly using God’s name than women who use it during sex. .That is one of the filthiest, most derogatory and sinful uses of the Lord’s name I can think of. If it were up to me, I would put every single woman or girl who does that in jail,’ Leaving aside the fact that he didn’t mention men, just guessing Hagee has no personal experience of a woman crying out anything while having sex with him.

Finally, a weekend without professional basketball. Makes sense though, the NBA had to finish before Father’s Day. ‪#‎somanychildrensolittletime‬

Greg Oden is attempting another NBA comeback.  Might be worth the risk for more than a few teams.   And, hey, his health insurance will be covered by Medicare.


Have to think that non-golf fans who turned into the ‪#‎USOpen2015‬ & heard comments about “greens” were thinking  “what exactly was “green” about them?”

Is there any stupider thing in sports for spectators to yell than “Get in the hole?” ‪#‎USOpen2015‬

Hard to believe, but Jordan Spieth is young enough that actually he could be Tiger Woods’ son.  (He’s 21 to Tiger’s 39.) #theygrowupsofast


From T.C.  “Somebody hired a plane that sported a banner “CHEATER” to follow Tiger’s group at the US Open. A fan thought he saw two blond women flying the aircraft. ”

Judy Shalom Nir-Mozas, the of Israel’s Interior Minister tweeted an “inappropriate joke” Sunday about Barack Obama, then deleted it and apologized. One thing about social media, if you’re an idiot, instead of that knowledge being confined to your family and friends, you can tell the whole world in a matter of minutes.

Just making it clear. I have and will continue to make posts referring to the “Charleston terrorist.” I am not going to give the SOB any more of the notoriety he clearly sought by using his given name. If we’re going to use names at all it should be the names of the victims.

Lastly, Happy Father’s Day to my dad, Jerry Hough. He once gave me a lecture because my 2nd grade teacher said I was too quiet and never spoke up in class. Who said kids never learn from their parents?

Ain’t seen nothing yet?

June 7, 2015

Apparently many politicians in Morocco are upset after Jennifer Lopez’s televised concert from Rabat, because of her skimpy clothing and “suggestive poses” on stage. And an education group is suing the singer for “‘disturbing public order and tarnishing women’s honor and respect.” Uh, did anyone in the country ever watch J Lo before they invited her to perform?

New 49ers’ DT Darnell Dockett, indicating he is not worried about all the SF retirements and coaching changes, tweeted “Don’t ask me about who’s retired and what’s going on with football this and that…. We will still WIN! Just watch! ‪#‎savage‬ ‪#‎adversity‬” The 49ers will still win!? Yeah, probably at least one or two games.

Some think we now need netting all the way around the baseball diamonds to prevent incidents like that woman being badly hurt by a broken bat at Fenway Park. But fans are injured in traffic and pedestrian accidents going to and from games all the time. And while we’re at it, what about the health risks from some of those insane ballpark foods?

Two convicted killers escaped from a maximum security prison in upstate New York that hadn’t been breached in 150 years. So what will come first, their capture, or the made-for-TV movie?


Lindsey Graham just said “If Caitlyn Jenner wants to be a Republican, she is welcome in my party.” Some statements really don’t need a punchline.


#‎HopeSolo‬ is not exactly giving women athletes the kind of equality with male athletes they had hoped to achieve….

SF Giants have finally been tabbed for June 21 for their first nationally televised Sunday Night Baseball game of the year on ESPN. Well, based on last year’s performance, not like the network figured fans across the U.S. would have any interest in seeing the team… ‪#‎whatEastCoastbias‬?


Texas just legalized carrying firearms on public university campus. As if drunken frat parties weren’t exciting enough already.


You sort of wonder, watching Lebron James playing the Warriors pretty even so far all by himself, how did the San Antonio Spurs ever beat the Heat last year?

Something missing?

May 26, 2015

The parent company of Pizza Hut and Taco Bell says they will remove all artificial flavors and coloring from their food. What will be left?


Texas Governor Greg Abbott last month ordered the State Guard to monitor US military games In the state. So now with the horrific floods will Abbott call President Obama for FEMA, or for foreign aid?

Apparently tickets were available for game four of the NBA Eastern Conference finals at a reasonable price since Cleveland fans didn’t seem that interested in showing up. Neither apparently did the Atlanta Hawks.

That video of Stephen Curry’s scary fall Monday night seemed to be on an endless loop on sports shows. And watching, it’s amazing he didn’t break a wrist at least in the tumble. If he hadn’t gone into basketball Curry might have had a real future in men’s gymnastics.

Three children were injured after a waterspout made landfall at a Fort Lauderdale beach and sent an inflatable bounce house soaring into the air.

It being Florida have to wonder how many people will try to figure out how to put bounce houses in the path of future waterspouts so they can experience flying.

In his 2002 campaign for Senate, Jim Bob Duggar stated on his website that “rape and incest represent heinous crimes and as such should be treated as capital crimes.” Capital crimes huh? Capital punishment might result in a whole new viewing audience for their show.

A clip has surfaced from 2008 with Josh Duggar talking about his siblings Jana and John David joining him with his girlfriend on a “double date” and laughingly adding “We are from Arkansas, no?” Once again, where are the religious small business owners refusing to bake cakes for Duggar weddings?


Phillies GM Ruben Amaro, on fans who are unhappy with the team. “They don’t understand the game….. And then they b—- and complain because we don’t have a plan. There’s a plan in place and we’re sticking with the plan. We can’t do what’s best for the fan. We have to do what’s best for the organization so the fan can reap the benefit of it later on.”

So what part of the plan involves getting a GM who understands the game?

Two pitchers have been ejected and suspended over foreign substance on their arms in the last week. Wouldn’t it be simpler for these would-be greasers just to adopt a Brandon Crawford type hairdo? ‪#‎SFGiants‬

A retired Catholic bishop warned women against practicing yoga, which he said is a “pagan” exercise, and said could be “an occasion of serious sin”  So maybe they should take up a wholesome exercise like pole dancing instead?

A last post-Memorial Day thought. So many politicians, mostly non-veterans, like to talk about honoring those who made the ultimate sacrifice in war. Would take them more seriously if they honored those brave men and women by only sending more of them into combat as a last resort. ‪#‎YesIamtalkingaboutyouchickenhawks‬

The IRS says that hackers have accessed over 100,000 taxpayers’ old returns. But IRS Commissioner John Koskinen says “This is not a security breach. Our basic information is secure. These are criminals who had enough data to try and impersonate the taxpayer.” Orwell would be proud.


About a five hour drive from Milwaukee, where the Giants were playing tonight, to Minneapolis, where the Red Sox were playing. So did Pablo Sandoval see any of the highlight shows and wonder if he just MIGHT have been having more fun had he stayed put….?

No sharks needed.

May 25, 2015

Despite warnings of dangerous and potentially life-threatening rip currents, 2 swimmers have died and several hundred more have needed to be rescued from Florida beaches this weekend, more than 400 in Volusia County (Daytona Beach area) alone, Darwin would be so proud.

Just heard Mike Krukow on TV today refer to Bud Selig as a great commissioner of baseball.  So guess Kruk picked up some brownies during ‪#‎SFGiants‬’  Colorado visit?


San Jose police arrested DE Ray McDonald, at the time a member of the Chicago Bears, on a domestic violence charge. This is turning into a twisted version of “Groundhog Day.”

The Ray McDonald era in Chicago is over. The Bears cut him later Monday. So now the question…. which team will give him a 4th chance?

With the most recent arrest of Ray MacDonald, former Gators’ coach Urban Meyer is really solidifying his position as leader of the all-time trouble team. ‪#‎Hernandez‬ ‪#‎MacDonald‬ ‪#‎Harvin‬



Horrible flooding in both Texas and Oklahoma. Forget oil.. Shouldn’t someone be able to figure out a way to build a pipeline for water to California?

Baltimore Orioles reliever Brian Matusz was suspended 8 games today, after being caught Saturday with a sticky substance on his arm. Considering he was the 2nd pitcher caught in a week, thinking MLB should have tacked on more games for stupidity. ‪#‎maybeheshouldhavetriedsomethingdifferent‬?



Apparently a lot of mall shoppers were upset by a black and white PacSun t-shirt displayed Monday with an upside-down U.S.flag, saying it was “disrespectful” etc. Although if you really want to honor fallen soldiers on Memorial Day, is going to the mall the best way to do it?


Basketball fans across the US hoping Stephen Curry is okay. Even in Cleveland, where they’re thinking Steph should think of his long term health, and just take about a month off. ‪#‎WarriorsvsRockets‬

After the first quarter ‪#‎HoustonRockets‬ were on pace for 180 in regulation tonight.

Have to wonder how different things might be in the Western Conference NBA finals if the Houston Rockets had only called a time out at the end of game 2?

Anyone who says baseball is slow has clearly never watched last minutes of ‪#‎NBA‬ game when fouling is a viable option. ‪#‎warriorsvsrockets‬



Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 297 other followers