Posted tagged ‘NBA draft jokes’

Cold comfort?

May 20, 2014

The NFL has awarded the 2018 Super Bowl to… Minneapolis. For all those who thought spending the first week in February in New York wasn’t cold enough.

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Jon Bon Jovi is apparently part of a group that wants to buy the Buffalo Bills. Well, if any franchise knows about “Livin’ on a Prayer.”

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California golfer Lucy Li, 11, has qualified for the U.S. Women’s Open. Quite an achievement. It gives all those Chinese women gymnasts a goal to shoot for when they grow up.

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Swiss bank Credit Suisse has pleaded guilty to running “an illegal cross-border banking business” to help thousands of Americans conceal their income from the IRS. The bank will pay a $2.6 billion fine, but will not have to provide names of their U.S. clients who they helped cheat on taxes. So wonder how many of those clients will be subsidizing the “settlement” with a silence fee?

 

Halle Berry on “Ellen” today talking about getting pregnant at 47, which is considered a “geriatric pregnancy.” If Berry thinks it was a “geriatric” pregnancy, wait until she gets to applying for Medicare at the same time her son is applying to college.

 

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Judge just declared PA’s #gaymarriage ban unconstitutional. Will last state to keep gay marriage banned please keep the lights turned off?

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Cleveland has the top NBA lottery pick for the second straight years. Who says the Cavaliers will never win anything?

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As far as Cleveland getting the top pick in 2015?  Probably at least as good a chance as a Miami Heat “three-peat”

 

NBA playoffs are down to San Antonio, Indianapolis, Oklahoma City and Miami. Three team from cities most Americans can’t find on a map and one they can’t stand.

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A 19 year old Texas man in facing five years to life in prison for allegedly baking and selling pot brownies made with hash oil. If he’d only shot and killed someone he’d be facing 10 years max.

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At Allen High School, near Dallas, they will have to close their new $60 million new football stadium this fall due to cracking concrete. This is the biggest disappointment in North Texas since the Cowboys.

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On a brighter note, the stadium is a $48 million cheaper disappointment than Tony Romo.

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The NY Racing Stewards have approved California Chrome to race with a nasal strip. If he wins will Roger Goodell add nasal strips to the NFL’s list of banned performance enhancers?

 

Congrats to Meryl Davis, who with her partner won Dancing with the Stars tonight. With that kind of dancing talent maybe she could do something big on an international stage…. .Oops, never mind.

Who does it hurt?

June 27, 2013

When they say the gay marriage ruling doesn’t hurt ANYONE in a straight relationship suppose this is not strictly speaking true. Think of those guys who have said “Of course I’d marry you, honey, but we have to show solidarity with our LGBT friends…”

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AMA is going to have a knitting-themed river cruise next December, featuring a man named Barry Klein, considered “one of the top 10 most influential men in the world of knitting.” Wow. There ARE 10 men in the world of knitting?

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So at Wimbledon, Nadal is out, Federer is out, and Sharapova is out. Television executives must feel like they do about major golf tournaments when Tiger misses the cut.

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Understated opening line of the week from Wikipedia “Aaron Michael Hernandez (born November 6, 1989) is an American football tight end who is currently a free agent. He most recently played for the New England Patriots.”

 

Matt Krook, the Miami Marlins’ 1st round pick, will instead attend the University of Oregon. Maybe Krook wants to play in front of bigger crowds?

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Now the police may charge Aaron Hernandez with more murders. Scary. While the NFL is limiting purses and backpacks after the Boston bombings, it might be that the guys on the field are more dangerous than the terrorists.

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From Marc Ragovin:  ” Cleveland Browns rookie Ausar Walcott has been charged with attempted murder and has been cut by the team. I think I know where he’s gonna end up next. The Patriots’ practice squad.”

 

What if they had an #NBA draft and nobody cared? #Whoaretheseguys

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Former Warriors and Wizards star Gilbert Arenas was arrested in Los Angeles after officers stopped him for speeding, and allegedly found 20 boxes of illegal fireworks. And NBA officials are just relieved he didn’t shoot somebody.

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Wow. Now Rick Perry is going after Wendy Davis by saying he is glad her single mother didn’t choose an abortion: “What if her mom had said, “I just can’t do this. I don’t want to do this. At that particular point in time I think it becomes very personal.” Yes, Governor, these choices are always VERY personal. Would call him a douchebag but that is an insult to douchebags.

 

35 NFL players arrested so far this year . How long until NFL playbooks start including Miranda rights?

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Prosecutors may allege Aaron Hernandez killed a man who knew too much about two other men the former Patriots TE may have killed next year. Does this mean it wouldn’t have been long until he shot his alleged accomplices for knowing too much about the latest murder?

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Tweet from Chick-Fil A President on DOMA decision “Sad day for our nation; founding fathers would be ashamed of our gen. to abandon wisdom of the ages re: cornerstone of strong societies.” Right, founding fathers like Jefferson with Sally Hemmings and Franklin who had common-law wife raise his illegitimate son by another woman..

 

Not a bad day for #NFL, okay, so #NBAdraft got headlines, but no additional players arrested.


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