Posted tagged ‘Lance Armstrong jokes’

Oh, brother.

April 23, 2013

It appears that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev fatally injured his brother by running over him in an SUV as he escaped. So will Dzohkhar ask for leniency because he killed an enemy of the U.S.?

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The Yankees announced that Derek Jeter, 38, will be in a walking boot at a news conference Thursday. Either that or he will be in a walker. Not sure.

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In 2011, the West Fertilizer company filed a report with the EPA saying there was no risk of fire or explosion at the plant, and “The worst-case release scenario would be the release of the total contents of a storage tank released as a gas over 10 minutes.” In other words, this is Texas, we don’t need no stinkin’ regulations.

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Anthony  Weiner has a new Twitter account. Presumably a condition of activating it was giving his wife the password.

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Apparently the new name of the four-team playoff that starts after the NCAA 2014 football season will be the “College Football Playoff.” Translation. No one’s bid enough for naming rights yet.

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Great quote from Nevada State Senator Kelvin Atkinson, as he came out to his colleagues while they were debating a same-sex marriage bill. “I know this is the first time many of you have heard me say that I am a black, gay male. If this (bill) hurts your marriage, then your marriage was in trouble in the first place.”

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Day two of the NBA playoffs. There is something wrong with a postseason that lasts longer than a Kardashian marriage.

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Nice truism from my friend Jim Barach.  “A report warns that the “cinnamon challenge”, where people try to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon can be dangerous to a person’s health. However, it is still not as dangerous as eating a cinnamon roll from Cinnabon.”

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Senator Max Baucus, 71, announced his retirement. Responded Senator John McCain -”So young?”

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California Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom has decided to endorse Democrat Ro Khanna, 36, who is running for Congress against 7-term incumbent Mike Honda, 72, also a Democrat. Gosh, can’t imagine why Newsom thinks an older politician should step aside for an ambitious younger one..

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The U.S. Department of Justice has joined the suit against Lance Armstrong, saying that by his cheating he defrauded and damaged the post office. Maybe they could settle, however, if Armstrong could get the USPS some performance enhancing drugs.

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Former Senator Bob Dole said in a recent interview that the Republican Party needs to learn that “compromise is not a bad word.” And most of the GOP House members responded, “Bad? More like a profanity.”

Oscar/Daytona Eve

February 24, 2013

It’s apt that the Oscars happen just a few weeks before March madness. Millions of Americans can pretend to care about movies they’ve never seen, right before rooting for college basketball teams they’ve never heard of.

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The Daytona 500 infield… whitest crowd I’ve seen since watching a Mitt Romney rally.

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As far as predictions, forget “Best Picture.” What many people really wonder  – Who is Seth MacFarlane most likely to offend?

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A spectacular crash at the end of the Nationwide race at Daytona injured 28 fans as debris flew into the stands. Forget Danica Patrick. Replayed footage of the whole mess may be what really gets many casual fans to turn into the Daytona 500 tomorrow.

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The U.S. Department of Justice announced they have joined the whistle-blower lawsuit against cyclist Lance Armstrong. Hey, if they win enough maybe we can keep post office delivery on Saturdays.

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Manti T’eo about the media circus surrounding him at the NFL combine “It’s pretty crazy.” Uh, yeah, Manti, that’s exactly America thinks of your story.

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Great sign of impending Spring in the San Francisco Bay Area: Jon Miller doing play-by-play on the radio.

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So now that 2013 Spring Training has started, how long until Cubs fans break out their “Wait until 2014″ t-shirts?

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Los Angeles’s Cardinal Mahony says he has been “scapegoated” in the priest abuse scandal and that “Jesus was painted with the same brush as the two thieves crucified with him.” Next he’ll complain that people aren’t getting the church’s message of personal responsibility.

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My friend Melodi says “At least Pope Benedict can’t claim he’s retiring to spend more time with his family.”

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Steve Nash, Mike D’Antoni and Dwight Howard stood behind Kobe Bryant’s guarantee that the Los Angeles Lakers will make the playoffs. Well, what are they supposed to say, we’ve all booked our Hawaii vacations for the first weekend of the playoffs?

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What would have been a bigger surprise before last season – that Barry Zito  has been announced as starting the Giants home opener? Or that SF fans are actually happy about it?

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Friday night was the 33rd anniversary of the “Miracle on Ice” hockey victory against the Soviet Union. Many hockey fans don’t remember the game. But many more may be asking “What’s the ‘Soviet Union?”

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If you’re unhappy and you know it….

January 26, 2013

New York Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie supported QB Mark Sanchez by saying “When you don’t have a supporting cast, you’re going to get an average or below-average quarterback.” Well, actually the Jets had a great supporting cast, aka “Les Miserables.”

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Lance Armstrong’s lawyer told the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency that the cyclist will help ”clean up cycling.”    Makes as much sense as Bill Clinton signing the “Defense of Marriage Act.”

 

Titus Young, who has been sent home from the Detroit Lions 3 times in 2 years for insubordination, is now saying things on Twitter like “Oh I’m not done, if y’all going to cut me let me go” and threatening to retire if he doesn’t get the football. Even T.O. is thinking “Just STFU.”

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Dwight Howard on the Los Angeles Lakers: “Negativity just got to stop. I’m sick of hearing about it. We got to bring some positivity to the situation.” (And no doubt thinking “Especially because it’s harming my value on the free agent market when I’m out of here next season”)

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UCLA’s compliance department is investigating basketball star Shabazz Muhammad’s Gucci backpack, which the freshman wore it yesterday on television after the Arizona game. Uh, this one’s easy for Muhammad, just say he got the backpack on Canal Street on a trip to New York.

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This may only make sense to frequent fliers, but United Airlines has decided that 30 minutes is enough time at JFK airport to connect from their flight to a Swiss flight. Terminal 7 to Terminal 4. Really?! You’d have a better chance of seeing Tim Tebow lead the Jets to a Super Bowl.

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Sarah Palin, who has been a contributor to Fox News since 2010, is leaving the network, saying that it is her decision. Didn’t know Palin had signed a 6 year contract.

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Carl Pavano will be out for six to eight weeks after rupturing spleen shoveling show at home in Vermont. Hearing this the SF Giants breathed a sigh of relief that Jeremy Affeldt lives in Arizona.

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The California Highway Patrol says a naked woman has been arrested after allegedly driving her car into her fiance. How long until we can expect a made-for-tv movie starring Lindsay Lohan?

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Mark Zuckerberg is having a fundraiser at his home for Chris Christie. But given the New Jersey governor’s penchant for controversial statements, how long until Mark changes this relationship status to “It’s complicated.”

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Four U.S. men have now filed class action suits against Subway for fraud over their 11 inch “footlong” sandwiches. If these clowns don’t want to end up paying court costs for frivolous lawsuits they’d better hope no defense lawyer can find ex-girlfriends who might testify to their own exaggerated inches.

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Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal yesterday ” We’ve got to stop being the stupid party. It’s time for a new Republican Party that talks like adults.” Looks like he’s racing Chris Christie to see who can get thrown out of the GOP first.

 

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Yankees GM Brian Cashman thinks there’s “a chance” Alex Rodriguez could miss the whole season. Which means the third baseman could come as close to leading New York to another World Championship as he did in 2012.

Second time around.

January 22, 2013

Bizarre thing about Monday’s inauguration, President Obama was actually really sworn in again on Sunday. So the entire ceremony is about as real as a Manti T’eo engagement party.

So now that Obama has been inaugurated for his second term, how long until we see the first ads for the 2016 Presidential campaign?

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President Obama stumbled over the word “states” in his inaugural oath. Maybe he was thinking of the ones he wishes would secede?

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So in another generation will the President and Vice President take an oath on a iPad bible?

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Paul Ryan was booed as he left the Capitol this morning to attend President Barack Obama’s second inauguration ceremony. Wonder if the boos were from Democrats, or Republicans who think he lost Romney the election.

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President Obama said in his speech. “Any of us may face a job loss.” And Republican members of Congress on the platform are thinking “Why couldn’t it have been you?

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Phil Mickelson, who lives in Rancho Santa Fe, is saying he may have to make “drastic changes” because of new California tax laws that push his effective tax rate into what he says is 62-63%. Maybe Phil, who earned over $60 million last year, should talk to his near-neighbor, new La Jolla resident Mitt Romney.

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Investigators say that tests showed Lance Armstrong was probably still doping in 2009, so that he lied when he told Oprah he stopped in 2005. So the formerly idolized cyclist was still less than honest, I’m shocked, shocked….

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Atari filed for bankruptcy Monday. Shocking most Americans – “Atari is still in business?”

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Bill Clinton, paying close attention to Kelly Clarkson’s…. lyrics?

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Well, at least he’s consistent.

Life in the fantasy lane.

January 18, 2013

Some are criticizing Manti T’eo for still talking about his girlfriend even after he found out she wasn’t real. But hey, plenty of people live with a fantasy they know doesn’t exist… like Cubs fans and their team in the World Series..

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Lance Armstrong not getting much positive feedback from his Oprah interview. Even O.J. Simpson is thinking “Dude, show some remorse.”

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Lance Armstrong told Oprah in the second part of his interview, that “I think I deserve” another chance. And “do I want to compete again? Hell, yes.”

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Will he ever be allowed to compete again?  IMHO, Hell, no.

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So when can we expect a Pulitzer Prize winning story on Manti T’eo and his girlfriend to be written by Janet Cooke?

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So, as this Lance Armstrong saga just won’t go away, anyone else hoping that the silver lining is that Sheryl Crow writes a really good song out of it?

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The FDA has now also approved Botox for treating patients with overactive bladder. So women who want to pretend they aren’t having work done can walk into the doctor’s office carrying a box of Depends.

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This Manti Te’o story gets weirder and weirder. Many college football fans are already hoping to get back to a more innocent time when the only fakes involving players are their transcripts.

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TSA wants all 535 members of Congress to start use Pre-Check lanes, as they “are known and trusted.” As if we needed more proof that the agency is out of touch -”known” yes, but “trusted?” Really?

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At Miami International Airport no one was injured but an Aerolineas Argentinas Airbus and Air France 777 sustained damage in a collision near their gates. Insert “foreign drivers in Florida” joke here:

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You cannot make this “stuff” up: University of California President Mark Yudof’s, who presided over a reduced pension plan for UC employees, has announced he will retired in August. Because the timing will mean Yudof will have been on the job five years, he will collect a lifetime pension of $230,000…..

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The SF Giants have signed Hunter Pence to a $13.8 million one year contract. Thus making his clubhouse pep talk before the Giants first elimination game the best paid speech in history.

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Ray Nagin, former Mayor of New Orleans, was indicted today on 21 federal corruption charges, including bribery, money laundering, fraud and filing false tax returns. Gosh, this almost qualifies Nagin to run for Governor of Louisiana.

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In Connecticut, a Catholic priest busted for allegedly dealing crystal meth was suspended after church officials discovered he was a cross-dresser who was having sex in the rectory with other. men. The Vatican is relieved, at least his partners were adults.

He’s back….

January 18, 2013

clint

Photo sent to me by a friend of Clint  back  at work. This time  interviewing Manti T’eo’s girlfriend.

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One advantage to those imaginary girlfriend’s. They never ask you “Do these pants make me look fat?”

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Notre Dame is in major damage control mode.  Rumor has it they first tried to prove the girlfriend’s existence, but soon realized that proof of her voting in Chicago wouldn’t count.

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So what was Manti Te’o’s major at Notre Dame? Drama? Or Creative Writing?

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Marc Ragovin wonders if Manti went to Notre Dame or No Dame?

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This just in, as a way to cut down on illegitimate children and embarrassment to the league, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is recommending all players start having fantasy girlfriends.

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A silver lining for having a fantasy girlfriend? Manti T’eo will now forever be the favorite football player of a million Trekkies.

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And just last week we thought the most embarrassing thing to happen to Notre Dame football this year would be their performance against Alabama….

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Not sure if Lance Armstrong has any regrets after this week, but at least he has to be glad he didn’t plan to blame his doping on an imaginary girlfriend.

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Also not sure how much truth was in Lance Armstrong’s interview with Oprah.   But as to these sentences…  “This is too late. It’s too late for probably most people. And that’s my fault…” Yeah, right on all three counts.

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Things are getting contentious again in Washington. Fully expect House Republicans to ask President Obama to cut costs by exchanging Air Force One for a Dreamliner.

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Boeing 787 Dreamliners around the world have been grounded due to potential fire risk with battery failures. United Airlines, the only U.S. carrier to fly the planes, says they will resume flying 787s when it is both deemed safe and they figure out how to charge a battery surcharge.

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In a closed-door meeting Rep. Paul Ryan gave other House Republicans his advice about how to battle President Obama. Well yeah, and that worked so well last November.

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Ah, priorities. Arnold Schwarzenegger introduced himself in an online post, in order as “Former Mr. Olympia, Conan, Terminator, and Governor of California.” Well, to be fair, Arnold had more success with the first three.

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Fast food uproar after an Australia man posted a picture of a Subway foot-long sandwich that he measured at 11 inches. Women are rolling their eyes, figuring clearly it was a man who over-advertised the length in the first place.

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Whole Foods founder and CEO John Mackey says now he regrets recently comparing Obamacare to “fascism.” Mostly because someone probably told him that most Whole Foods customers voted for the President.

(although speaking of feeling like being in  a fascist system, try going into Whole Foods without a reusable bag…oh the horror.  I think in Northern California you’d stand out less with a Romney-Ryan button.)

Fantasy football?

January 17, 2013

A Notre Dame Heisman candidate with a fake dead girlfriend…. As my friend Michael Santos says “Manti Teo, everyone’s favorite fantasy pick…”   -

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A rout MIGHT have been expected, but okay, with this year’s BCS National Championship, who predicted that the Alabama football program could also end up on the higher moral ground?

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And here most people thought the 2013 BCS game was the most embarrassing thing that could happen to Notre Dame football.   -

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November 30, 2013. Notre Dame vs. Stanford football in Palo Alto. Wonder if the the Stanford Band has already been warned “Don’t even DREAM of a dead girlfriend show…”

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American Idol started tonight. Which will be a nice diversion for Americans tired of watching Congress – aka American Idle.

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While a Southern California teacher lost her appeal over being fired for previous acting in porn films, up in Northern California, a police officer arrested when he was caught naked in a Motel 6 with a prostitute still has his job. What a country.

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Alex Rodriguez underwent successful hip surgery today. With an average 6-month recovery time the Yankees slugger expects to be back in plenty of time to do nothing in the playoffs.

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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg:  “The Post Office will sue Lance Armstrong for the $30 million in sponsorship money. That is when you know you’re in trouble when the Post Office is suing you for doing a bad job.”

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I’m thinking maybe Lance can pay them back by sharing some of his stuff. Because if any government agency needs PEDs..

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All this commotion about Lance Armstrong… Think how much better his reputation would be in the long run if years ago he just came out and said “Yeah, I doped, you couldn’t find a cyclist who didn’t. But I was the only one who did it after surviving cancer.”

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This Lance Armstrong circus coming on the heels of the Baseball Hall of Fame vote is making me long for the innocence of pro wrestling.

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Talk show host Michael Savage says you shouldn’t get a flu shot, because the government can’t be trusted. And presumably when you get sick you shouldn’t go to any doctor who went to public school or got his/her MD from a state university?

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ESPN reports that after USC lost to Georgia 21-7 in the Sun Bowl a “flat-out brawl” broke out in the team’s locker room. The brawl probably featured the Trojans hitting hard than they did in the game.

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Chip Kelly is very optimistic about his new job in Philadelphia. The new Eagles coach even figures by his second season he will finally have a team good enough to beat Alabama.

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Philadelphia fans are excited about getting Chip Kelly. Stanford fans are pretty pleased too!

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Kim Kardashian said on the Today Show that her pregnancy was a “pleasant surprise” because of her “fertility issues.” Gosh, so she was struggling to conceive all 72 days of her marriage?

Oh baby.

January 16, 2013

Kim Kardashian says while she’s very happy with her baby daddy Kanye West, she’s not “in a rush” to get married again. Of course not, why try to sell another televised wedding when you can sell baby pictures.

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Kim and Kanye’s baby will likely be born the same month as Prince William and Kate’s baby.  Assume that Buckingham Palace has already responded to a Kardashian request for play dates with “Not bloody likely.”

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Denver Broncos offensive coordinator Mike McCoy has accepted the San Diego Chargers’ head coaching job. Well, this is one way for McCoy to reduce the chances of being criticized for his calls late in future playoff games.

 

Is it too soon for Boeing to rename it the “Nightmare Liner?”

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An Oxnard California teacher lost her appeal after she was fired last spring when students discovered she had appeared in porn films. Wonder how many fathers are signing petitions for THEIR childrens’ schools to give her a second chance.

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Eighteen severed human heads were discovered by customs agents at Chicago’s O’Hare airport. Authorities are trying to discover if the heads are medical specimens. If not, will they be searching topless bars?

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A Florida lawyer is suing the Spurs for sending their stars home from a road trip early, saying that fans attending San Antonio’s game against the Miami Heat “suffered economic damages” because they paid a premium price for a ticket to see a good team. Yikes. If he is successful, bring on the class action suit from Lakers fans.

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Not saying relations are combative between the White House and the GOP.. But at this point expect that if President Obama throws out the first pitch on Opening Day, some Republicans will call it a balk.

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The World Anti-Doping Agency says that Lance Armstrong’s confession to Oprah will not be enough to seek a reduction in his lifetime ban from sports. Have to assume that means Oprah now won’t be getting that additional interview with Pete Rose.

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Wal-Mart says it will commit to hiring every veteran who honorably left the military in the last year, over 100,000 people. Which is a good thing, although have to wonder how much it mattered to Wal-Mart that these new hires will come with their own healthcare benefits.

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The U.S. House just approved an aid package for states affected by Superstorm Sandy by a 241-180 vote. Assuming those 180 votes come from members of Congress who never intend to ask for disaster relief for their own states?

Cry me a river… Seine?

January 15, 2013

Lance Armstrong was reportedly in tears when he talked to his Livestrong staff today. So maybe he confessed, or maybe this is just the first step towards a new goal of becoming Speaker of the House.

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Lance Armstrong apparently confessed his doping to Oprah in an interview taped today at a downtown Austin hotel. Wonder if the 7-time Tour de France winner stopped on the way at a stable to close the door and look for escaped horses.

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Three straight wins for the Washington Wizards?! Quick, someone test for PEDs.

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USC has fired their head coach. Trojan fans were sorry to hear it was for men’s basketball, and not Lane Kiffin.

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Coca Cola is running a new anti-obesity ad. Isn’t that like John Boehner doing an ad on the dangers of tanning booths? Or John Edwards and Mark Sanford doing a bipartisan ad defending marriage

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Ann Romney turned down a chance to be a contestant on “Dancing With the Stars.” Wonder if Ann was afraid she would hurt Mitt’s feelings if she won a national election.

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The San Francisco Police Dept. said there were 92 people ejected from the 49ers playoff game Saturday, and 25 people more arrested for public intoxication. Responded Oakland Raiders fans -”Amateurs.”

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Major League Baseball will allow interpreters on the mound this year to translate managers and coaches for their pitchers. Think maybe next the league will allow interpreters into the broadcast booth to translate Tim McCarver into less pretentious English?

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Gov. Jan Brewer says now Arizona will agree to the Medicaid expansion that is part of Obamacare, saying that if she did not accept the Medicaid funds, other states would. Of course, it’s only wasteful government spending if it doesn’t benefit me.

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A former Mafia underboss is saying that Jimmy Hoffa is buried in Detroit. Presumably somewhere that didn’t get a lot of traffic, like the Lions’ end zone.

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MLB’s rules committee may declare this year that the fake-to-third, throw-to-first pickoff move is a balk. Well, not like it caught anyone but Barry Bonds anyway.

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Since they’ve already cancelled so many NHL games why don’t they just declare the entire season at this point one big playoff and go from there?

Can we handle the truth?

January 12, 2013

USA Today says that Lance Armstrong will admit to doping in his interview with Oprah Winfrey. What’s Oprah’s next scoop…getting Joan Rivers to admit she’s had work done?

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Kobe Bryant and his estranged wife Vanessa have reconciled. Men want the name of Kobe’s lawyer. Women want the name of his jeweler.

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Okay, so he was talking about the struggles of the Lakers vs. those of the Heat.   But Lebron James’ direct quote was “No one will ever be able to compare to what we went through.” Proving that color is no barrier to “white people problems”

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Anyone but me have a problem with the NRA’s plan to arm people that many of their constituency consider union thugs?

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Three juniors from Alabama have announced they will leave school early to enter the NFL Draft. It’s not just the money, the players figure football will be much less stressful without worrying about not going to class.

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.The Dallas Cowboys have hired Monte Kiffin as their defensive coordinator. USC Trojans fans are just hoping Monte will try to bring his son with him.

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In the Ohio House, Rep. Peter Beck faces an ethics investigation due to a civil lawsuit alleging he participated in a fraud that cheated investors out of more than $1 million. But Speaker William Batchelder still appointed King chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee. Guess this translates, “If you have the Means, we will find a Way.”

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You can’t make this stuff up: Airline traveler asks if he can have an exit row seat for his mother as she has a hard time moving around and needs the legroom.

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Georgia Rep. Phil Gingrey, an OB-GYN, said Todd Akin was “partly right” when he said women’s bodies can avoid pregnancy in cases of “legitimate rape,” because adrenaline can cause you not to ovulate. Forget this women’s bodies shutting down stuff, what can we do to get some men’s mouths to shut down?

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After the HOF vote Roger Clemens tweeted that he wasn’t “overly surprised” but thanking his supporters and ending the statement “Muchie Peachie.” “Muchie Peachie?!” OK, steroids don’t just shrink your testicles, they turn you into a 10 yr old girl.

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For $100, Facebook users can send a message to Mark Zuckerberg’s inbox. Wonder how much they charge to have him read it?

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Phil Jackson said the Lakers might have a “come to Jesus moment” to make the playoffs. Maybe, but more like a Jesus moment involving Lazarus.

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Anyone needing a reason to try turning into “Nashville” on Wednesday nights, try this line, when one singer accuses another of hating her -””I only hate sunburns and hangovers, this is just business.”

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Nate Silver is now predicting the Seattle Seahawks will make the Super Bowl. Of course real brilliance would have been to make that prediction in September.

Ringing in the rain?

October 23, 2012

Actually there is a National League championship ring.  Though the SF  Giants have hopes for another one.

I  guess down 3 to 1 the Giants really did have the Cardinals right where they wanted them.

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The ninth inning of Monday’s NLCS game was played in a serious downpour.   Could have been tears from Fox executives thinking about the ratings for a San Francisco-Detroit World Series?

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Why baseball is better than politics: Tonight no spin doctors were  required to say who won.

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But good thing tonight’s debate was not a town hall.  Someone might have asked President Obama about his being born in the foreign country of Hawaii.

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A Brooklyn man has been charged with running brothels in New York’s Financial District and midtown, catering to men on Wall Street, and charging $260 an hour. Guess $260 an hour was a cheaper option in NY than drinks and dinner?

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Lance Armstrong has now vacated so many wins he’s become cycling’s John Calipari.

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The BBC is facing major criticism over a potential coverup on a story about Sir Jimmy Saville, a popular children’s TV entertainer who died last year, but who now allegedly abused over 200 children. Who does the BBC think they are? The Catholic Church? Or Penn State?

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NY Jets fans are upset because they think the clock operator gave the NE Patriots an extra second before the 2 minute warning yesterday, allowing Tom Brady more time to drive for a game-tying field goal. Oakland Raider fans have a brief response: “Tuck rule. STFU.”

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Just a thought about the Lance Armstrong situation. Yes, it’s kind of pathetic at this point. But did we really think, that in a time when almost everyone in cycling was doping, that a cancer survivor was so much better than them all, and still clean?

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Red storm rising?

August 24, 2012

Rush Limbaugh is now accusing President Obama of creating hurricane warnings to disrupt the GOP convention in Tampa next week. Of course, if the warnings were for Charlotte before the Dem. convention Rush would say Obama was creating them as a distraction from his record.

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Tropical storm and potential hurricane Isaac may actually wreak havoc on Tampa and thus the GOP convention. Republicans say, however, that the show will go on. In fact, they’re thinking of offering Todd Akin a special speaking slot – somewhere outdoors.

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Now Ann Coulter is calling Todd Akin a “stupid swine.” Give the guy credit, he’s the first Republican both Coulter and Palin say has gone too far.

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While we get over Prince Harry’s “scandalous” behavior, a Valedictorian of a small Oklahoma school is being denied her diploma because she said the word “Hell” in her speech, and won’t apologize to the school board. Sigh. Well this was a country founded by Puritans.

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The USADA said they will strip all seven of Lance Armstrong’s Tour de France titles after he dropped his fight against drug charges. Uh, can they actually name ANY potentially clean winner those years? It’s enough to make you long for the purity of pro wrestling.

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Yikes. Three Tampa Bay Rays’ minor-leaguers have been suspended 50 games for methamphetamine. Wonder if they were just using, or trying to supplement their single-A salaries?

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A Utah school board overrode a student vote choosing the “Cougars” as their new high school mascot because they said it would be insensitive to women. Really? Waiting for someone to say the board’s choice, “Chargers,” is insensitive to people who overuse their credit cards.

(Curiously enough, the BYU mascot is Cosmo the Cougar.  Uh, isn’t that doubly insensitive.  Not just the reference to older women dating younger men, but also the name of a slutty magazine…. (in Utah anyway.)

Gold medal gymnast Gabby Douglas threw out the first pitch at the Thursday’s NY Mets game. Her throw was close to a strike, prompting many fans to wish the team would sign her to a contract.

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Prince Harry is back home in London after his adventures in Las Vegas.   And once again, many 40 and 50 plus Americans can thank their lucky stars they came of age before the era of camera phones.

Amazing. Barry Zito with 8 scoreless innings for SF Giants against Atlanta Braves Thursday night.  And getting strikeouts with pitches slower than most cars on California freeways.

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If  Zito used PED’s would his pitches break glass?

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This “bus to hell” moment brought to you by T.C. from B.C.   ” The LPGA is in town this week for the Canadian Open. All the local Korean restaurants are booked solid.   One owner said, “It’s a real dog eat dog business.”

Dogging it?

February 17, 2011

Michael Vick has just backed out of a scheduled interview next week with Oprah Winfrey for “personal reasons.” Well, better that than saying he was “dog tired.” 

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Who’d a thunk it – the “cure” for the woeful Cleveland Cavaliers in 2011 might just turn out to be playing a team from Los Angeles?

(The Cavs only broke their 26 game losing streak in overtime last week against the Clippers.  But they beat the Lakers 104-99 in regulation.)

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Lance Armstrong has announced his second retirement, and says this one is final. “Amateur” scoffed Brett Favre.

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Those end of season home football losses to Stanford and Washington really stung Cal last year and knocked the Bears out of a bowl. So does that explain Cal’s decision to fill a hole in their schedule on Sept 17 at AT&T Park with Presbyterian College of Clinton, S.C.?

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A San Francisco student’s research indicates that car thefts and burglaries in the city went down considerably in October 2010 from 2009. She believes this wasbecause of the Giants playoff run. Notonly were people happy. But the streets were less empty,  thus affording less opportunity for thieves to break in without being seen.

Guess this means it was business as usual for car thieves in Chicago.

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Last advice from Randy Jackson to American Idol contestants tonight. “Don’t forget the lyrics.” Indeed, or else you could end up at some football game singing the National Anthem in front of millions of people.

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Herman Cain (I know, “who”?) the first Republican to open a presidential exploratory committee, said in a speech to the CPAC – “Stupid people are ruining America.”

“Ruining America?”  What, so instead we should elect a stupid person to run America? Tried that, didn’t work.

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Actual serious travel rant: So United Airlines had to temporarily ground all their 757s for overlooked maintenance issues.  Now if you have a problem that means you can’t make a flight you pay $150 plus fare difference. How come the airline wasn’t paying ticketed passengers $150 for the flights THEY had to change?.

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Michele Bachman is upset because the IRS says breast pumps (to aid in breast feeding) are tax deductible, saying it’s too much government outreach into our personal lives. Really. Where’s her outrage over being able to deduct a Viagra prescription?


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