Posted tagged ‘Jay Cutler jokes’

Da (Bad News) Bears?

September 13, 2012

Wow. Jay Cutler’s performance tonight was enough to get Bears fans on their feet screaming for Rex Grossman.

-

Not to say Chicago looked bad tonight, but Cubs fans sent sympathy notes.

-

-

For the first time ever, visitors to Disney World’s Magic Kingdom will be able to have a beer or glass of wine with dinner at the new “Be Our Guest” restaurant opening in November. For a lot of tired parents, this really will make it Fantasyland.

-

With today’s win, #81, the Orioles have guaranteed they will finish no lower than .500 for first time since 1997. The New York Yankees send their congratulations and suggest to keep the team healthy that Baltimore just shut everyone down for the rest of the season.

-

The Wall Street Journal said that the new Nike Lebron Signature she would retail for $315. But they were wrong, it will only be $270. Well, heck, guess that means Nike thinks the average American can buy two pairs?

-

Orioles beat Rays 3-2 in 14 innings. The game lasted almost 5 1/2 hours. Wow! That’s almost as long as an average Yankees-Red Sox game.

-

Moving the Houston Astros to the AL was supposed to result in more reasonable travel schedules. So let’s see, the SF Giants’ longest 2013 roadtrips? LA-Colorado-Cincinnati, and LA-NY Mets and NY Yankees? Anyone in MLB offices look at a map?

-

San Francisco Intl Airport (SFO) will close a main runway between 1000p Friday and 800a Monday for three weekends in September. Which will cause at least half the flights to be delayed, and the other half to be blamed on the closure.

-

SI.com headline: “Reigning MLS MVP likely to miss rest of season.” “Bummer”, said most U.S. sports fans “Who is he, anyway?”

-

You cannot make this “stuff” up: Apparently potential Romney V.P. candidates had to give Mitt’s campaign 10 years of tax returns.

-

The N.Y. Board of Health voted today to ban large sugary sodas in the city. Many read the news on the electronic ticker tape over the Times Square Hershey’s store.

-

Dueling fundraising drives: Obama campaign offers donors a chance to spend an evening with Beyonce and Jay Z. Romney campaign counters with a chance to join “Mitt on board the campaign plane for an exciting day on the campaign trail — at 30,000 feet!

-

Apparently a seagull swooped down and stole a camera right out of the hands of a tourist on a San Francisco beach. Hmm, wonder if the bird can be trained to go for cellphones in outdoor restaurants?

-

A new report from the Global Commission on Elections, Democracy and Security, headed by Kofi Annan, says that US campaign rules, with “uncontrolled, undisclosed, illegal and opague” finance, have shaken public confidence in politics. How long until our elections get UN observers?

Rainbow falls.

July 25, 2011

Apparently Niagara Falls was lit up with rainbow colors today, for all the marriages.

But meanwhile, in New York City, the first couple married under the state’s new same-sex marriage laws were Phyllis Siegal, 77, and Connie Kopelov, 85, two women who have been together for 23 years. So can any conservative say with a straight face how that ceremony threatens any heterosexual marriage?

-

So let’s see, the GOP wants to reduce unwanted pregnancies and abortions, and also cut the number of familes with children on welfare. Hmm…maybe the best way to do this is to encourage poor people to enter into gay marriages.

-

Jay Cutler has called off his engagement to Kristin Cavallari. Apparently blindsiding his ex-fiancee, but not Bears fans. Who already that knew that you couldn’t count on Cutler to go all the way when it mattered.

-

-

The latest rumor is that as a backup to Michael Vick, the Philadelphia Eagles might sign Brett Favre? Is this the only way Favre can assure that for at least some fans he’ll won’t be the number one target of boos on the field?

(And of course the same might be said for Michael Vick approving Favre as his backup.)

-

If you crossed Brett Favre with Sarah Palin would you end up with someone who actually knew when to quit?

-

Qatarian Mohamed bin Hammam vowed to overturn his bribery conviction and lifetime ban from soccer on Sunday. He said he will go to the FIFA appeals court, or to CAS (Court of Arbiration for Sport) or even the civil courts in Switzerland. Just as soon as he figures out which of those will overturn his conviction for the lowest price.

-

Knuckleballer Tim Wakefield Sunday joined Roger Clemens as the only pitchers to strike out 2,000 batters with Boston. Very impressive. And can you imagine if Wakefield had only taken steroids? His fastball might have broken 70.

-

Sunday night in the San Francisco Bay Area there were competing concerts between the Indigo Girls and Dolly Parton. Fans were divided over which is the best duet.

-

-

Glee co-creator Ryan Murphy had said that Rachel, Kurt and Finn would graduate at the end of season three. But apparently at Comic-con this weekend in San Diego, the series’ other co-creator Brad Fulchuk said  stars Lea Michele, Chris Colfer, and Cory Monteith will return for season 4.

Which means one of two things. Either the three will indeed graduate, and come back as visitors from their colleges, or the writers will figure out ways to turn them into honorary football players.

-

Quote of the day – but from a facebook friend, but from a  Thomas Love Peacock, friend of the 19th century poet Percy Shelley: “There are two reasons for drinking wine…when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it… prevention is better than cure.”

-

And shocking quote of the week on an Irish report on clerical sex child sex abuse: -it exposed “the dysfunction, disconnection, elitism and narcissism that dominate the culture of the Vatican to this day. The rape and torture of children were downplayed or ‘managed’ to uphold instead, the primacy of the institution, its power, standing and ‘reputation.'” The real shocker- the quote is from Irish PM Enda Kinney.

The State of the Union.

January 26, 2011

Or as Sarah Palin remarked ‘State of the Union,”  As if.  Everyone knows there are 50 of them.

-

And to anyone who by some chance had never seen a color picture of the Speaker of the House before, yes, he IS that orange. Please do not adjust your set.

-

One question about all these bi-partisan “dates” Tuesday night at the State of the Union speech – who was supposed to buy who a corsage?

-

The President said that we don’t just need to celebrate the winner of the Super Bowl, but also celebrate the winner of the Science Fair. Yeah, easy to say this week for a Bears fan.

-

President Obama went out of his way to be inclusive with positive words for all. Fortunately no one spoiled it by asking him about Jay Cutler.

-

From Bill Littlejohn:  “Among current and former NFL players that called out Jay Cutler’s toughness in Sunday’s NFC Championship Game was Deion Sanders.That’s like having your country’s toughness questioned by France.”
 

And btw, how come this “individual” liberty that Paul Ryan talked about in the Republican response somehow stops behind the bedroom door and for women in their doctor’s office?

-

At a Tea Party event in Iowa, Michele Bachmann said, amongst other things, that our Founding Fathers “worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.” It’s enough to make you long for the intellectual depth of Sarah Palin.

-



A Chicago car salesman wore a Green Bay Packers tie on Monday and was fired. Good thing he didn’t wear a Jay Cutler jersey, the guy might have been fired, tarred and feathered.

(Added Alex Kaseberg, he was thinking of wearing a Cutler jersey, but the jersey took itself out.)

-

-

President Obama talked about the need to improve our country’s educational system, especially in the areas of science and technology. He also said that this was our “Sputnik” moment. Said most Americans “What’s Sputnik?”

-

Former Wolverine quarterback Tate Forcier, who was academically ineligible for the Gator Bowl, said that he is considering transfering to Miami, Washington, Baylor, San Diego State, Middle Tennessee State and New Mexico.

Well, we now know the answer to the question “Name at least six schools with lower academic standards for athletes than Michigan”

Grin and Bear it?

January 25, 2011

Chicago fans are still getting over their team’s loss to underdog Green Bay Sunday, and many of them are blaming the loss on the alleged fragility of Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, because they felt he should have played through whatever pain he was feeling.

In fact, some Chicagoans were so upset by the game, they had to take Monday off from work to recover.

-

But hey, maybe Bears fans really should lay off Jay Cutler on this “whether or not he was injured” issue. Even if he wasn’t hurt that badly he actually helped out the team by having them end up with Caleb Hanie!

So if Jay Cutler ends up temporarily using a walker with his knee, will he be doing the “No Super Bowl Shuffle?”

If we didn’t already know that NFL football was a different world…. can you imagine the hype, or rather lack thereof, if the World Series was going to be between the Milwaukee Brewers and the Pittsburgh Pirates?

 -

Two Northern California counselors have founded “Men of Tears” workshops, based the idea that suppressing tears is detrimental to men’s individual physical and emotional health. Scary. If this is true, John Boehner may be the healthiest man on the planet.

-

An Illinois court has rule Rahm Emanuel ineligible to run for Mayor of Chicago because he hasn’t been living in the city regularly since he started work at the White House.  I don’t get it. Since actually “living” in Chicago is not a requirement for voting, why should they be so picky about running for office there?

-

Joe Biden was called for jury duty. Well, it’s not like he was doing anything anyway.

-

Facebook informs me that I have ten friends who “like” Sarah Palin. But they don’t tell me if those friends are Republicans or comedy writers.

-

from T.C.

Jhonattan Vegas won the PGA Bob Hope Classic this week. Microsoft execs are trying to sign him up to endorse their new Office 2011 software featuring the latest up to date “Spellcheck”. Of course this is due to The Open Winner Louis Oosthuizen rejected their offer.

-

The Advocate named San Francisco only the 11th gayest city in the United States. San Francisco immediately issued an open challenge to you “ten over-rated bitches.”

-

Today a University of  Tennessee spokesman said their athletics department is looking into whether a Volunteers basketball player received free use of a Knoxville bar to film a music video, which may be an NCAA violation.

Standby tomorrow for news that the investigation is over because it turns out the bar owner only talked to the kid’s dad.


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 246 other followers