Posted tagged ‘Inauguration jokes’

Second time around.

January 22, 2013

Bizarre thing about Monday’s inauguration, President Obama was actually really sworn in again on Sunday. So the entire ceremony is about as real as a Manti T’eo engagement party.

So now that Obama has been inaugurated for his second term, how long until we see the first ads for the 2016 Presidential campaign?

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President Obama stumbled over the word “states” in his inaugural oath. Maybe he was thinking of the ones he wishes would secede?

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So in another generation will the President and Vice President take an oath on a iPad bible?

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Paul Ryan was booed as he left the Capitol this morning to attend President Barack Obama’s second inauguration ceremony. Wonder if the boos were from Democrats, or Republicans who think he lost Romney the election.

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President Obama said in his speech. “Any of us may face a job loss.” And Republican members of Congress on the platform are thinking “Why couldn’t it have been you?

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Phil Mickelson, who lives in Rancho Santa Fe, is saying he may have to make “drastic changes” because of new California tax laws that push his effective tax rate into what he says is 62-63%. Maybe Phil, who earned over $60 million last year, should talk to his near-neighbor, new La Jolla resident Mitt Romney.

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Investigators say that tests showed Lance Armstrong was probably still doping in 2009, so that he lied when he told Oprah he stopped in 2005. So the formerly idolized cyclist was still less than honest, I’m shocked, shocked….

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Atari filed for bankruptcy Monday. Shocking most Americans – “Atari is still in business?”

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Bill Clinton, paying close attention to Kelly Clarkson’s…. lyrics?

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Well, at least he’s consistent.

The Terrell Owens show…

January 27, 2009

Terrell Owens has announced he will be hosting his own reality show on VH1 this summer. This marks the first time the words “T.O” and “reality” have been used in the same sentence.

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Washington D.C. is getting back to normal. The Metro is less crowded, streets have reopened, and the only disappointed ticket holders are Wizards fans.

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Should we be surprised that Governor Rod Blagojevich thought of offering Obama’s Senate seat to Oprah. He knew she could afford it.

More from the “purple tunnel of doom.”

January 26, 2009

First, in case that reference is too “inside baseball” – the Purple Tunnel of Doom refers to all the thousands inaugural ticket holders who missed the ceremony because they were stuck in endless security lines…some actually IN a tunnel on their way to the gates. Blue ticket holders had the privilege of at least being stuck in the sunshine, albeit the 25 degree sunshine.

Anyway…

Actually, until last week the “Purple Tunnel of Doom” just referred to the tunnel from the locker room to the field used by the Minnesota Vikings in their Super Bowls.

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Now that the Bush team has left the White House, get ready for a flood of tell-all books about the adminstration. Especially as in the this case, all the former staffers and potential authors are confident their boss will never read them.

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Barack Obama still maintains he will have an open door policy with Republicans. Of course, to maintain some semblance of order, access to that door will be done by a system of purple tickets.

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Since President Obama’s inauguration, Oregon State’s usually lowly men’s basketball team, now coached by Barack’s brother-in-law Craig Robinson, is 2-0, with upsets of Cal and Stanford on the road.

When this college basketball season is over, wonder if Barack will send Craig on a humanitarian rescue mission – to the Wizards.

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It’s been a rough time recently for Roger Clemens. Not only are the feds convening a grand jury against the former pitcher, but Roger’s performance last year didn’t even get him nominated for an Oscar.

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For our Neighbors to the North, a few hockey jokes.

The NHL All-Star game ended in a shoot-out with the East beating the West 12-11. Most Americans found this shocking…the NHL had an All-Star game?

The NHL All-Star game ended with the East winning 12-11. 12-11? Where did they play the game, Coors Field?

(Actually, if there were more 12-11 games, there might be more Americans watching hockey.)

Another brief pre-inaugural post…

January 18, 2009

It’s a party atmosphere in Washington D.C. this weekend. But Republicans are scarcer than US Airways executives at a fundraiser for the Audubon society.

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So what’s rarer now – an actual Cardinal in Arizona, or a steelworker in Pittsburgh?

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And for all high school quarterbacks making decisions on college and thinking that for their football careers they need to go to the highest profile Division 1 school available…. may I present – the Northern Iowa vs. Miami (of Ohio) Super Bowl.. Yep, the alma maters of Kurt Warner and Ben Roethlisberger …

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This Super Bowl matchup is making television executives think back longingly to that marquee World Series with the Rays and Phillies.

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But kudos to Kurt Warner. The only downside, he will have to cancel his taping of that “Where are they now?” episode.


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