Posted tagged ‘Hurricane Sandy jokes’

The real magic number…

November 2, 2012

Three.

As in the number of days before we are done with political ads and emails.

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Rudy Giuliani called on President Obama to resign over the four American deaths in Libya. Makes sense, after Rudy called on President George W. Bush to resign over 9/11. Oh, wait…. never mind.

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Meanwhile,  across the state line,  got to love that American spirit sometimes: N.J. Gov. Chris Christie said Atlantic City’s 12 casinos could reopen immediately after a nearly five-day shutdown for Superstorm Sandy.

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Dwayne Wade thought it was inappropriate for the Heat to play the Knicks Friday night at Madison Square Garden. A social conscience? Or a premonition that New York would beat Miami by 20 points?

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A  serious thought regarding early voting: Personally, it bothers me when people don’t make an effort either to get to the polls, OR vote absentee. On the other hand, while there may not be a constitutional right to vote early, the founding fathers left voting rights to the states, excluding all but white, male landowners. Times change. So in the end, I come down on the side of making voting as easy as possible.

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Montgomery Burns from the Simpsons has endorsed Mitt Romney for President. Hey, some Republicans may hope this offsets the all important Honey Boo Boo endorsement.

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The Los Angeles Angels are looking to trade pitcher Dan Haren, and reportedly have interest from both the Red Sox and the Cubs. Sounds like either way, Haren’s likely to keep getting his Octobers off.

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In Northern California, Chevron says their Richmond oil refinery, closed since a fire in early August, could be fully operational by March. Which gives them four months to think of another excuse for higher gas prices.

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From my friend Jim Barach,   (and a majority of voters polled do expect President Obama to win.)

A study says that who people expect to win an election is more reliable than who they want to win. This has been proven time and again for more than a century by Chicago Cubs fans.

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The New York City Marathon has been cancelled for this weekend. One question – what took them so long?

After candy and Sandy?

October 31, 2012

On the day after Halloween  with so much devastation around the country it is important to remember one point – Problems will fade, but uneaten candy corn is forever.

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Some say President Obama needed a little more Bill Clinton in him this election season; it may turn out that he just needed a little more Chris Christie.

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More Chris Christie, in an interview with Fox News…. “I have a job to do here in New Jersey that is much bigger than presidential politics.” And if anyone knows “bigger”, it’s Chris Christie.

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Hey, some priorities are intact. Gov. Chris Christie, with a signed executive order, postponed Halloween festivities in New Jersey until Monday, Nov. 5. Not even Sandy stands in the way of the American child’s right to free candy.

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Maybe our neighbors to the  north they think he’s a comedian? Michael Brown, director of FEMA during Katrina, in an op-ed in Canada’s “Globe and Mail” newspaper: “Hurricane Sandy should teach us to be prepared, willing to live without the modern conveniences of elevators, computers and refrigerators. Hurricane Sandy should teach all of us to chill.”

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Lance Armstrong will become the latest celebrity to be burned in effigy Saturday during a English town’s Guy Fawkes’ Bonfire Night. And we thought Phillies fans were tough.

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From my funny friend Neil Berliner:   “Obama campaign head David Axelrod:  ‘I’ll shave off my mustache if he loses Minnesota, Michigan, or Pennsylvania.’ Now let’s hopefully hear the same regarding Romney from Ann Coulter.”

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Nice twist of justice for Jerry Sandusky. Not only will he be housed on death row in prison, but also “all visits will be non-contact, meaning no touching is allowed.”

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SF Giants’ closer Sergio Romo, of Mexican descent, is wearing a t-shirt for the World Championship parade today. The phrase on the shirt? – “I only look illegal.”

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Eli Manning says he hopes that this weekend the Giants win and give those NY and NJ residents affected by Hurricane Sandy “a little break” and “a little joy.” By that standard it’s a good thing the NY Jets have a bye week.

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From Mark:   “Weird score of the night from English Premier League: Arsenal 7, Reading 5. To put that into perspective, Arsenal scores more in one soccer game that the Detroit Tigers did in an entire World Series.”

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This response to Mitt Romney’s ads in Ohio – “We’ve clearly entered some parallel universe during these last few days…. campaign politics at its cynical worst….” The liberal media? No, General Motors.

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In Idaho the daughter-in-law of the Senate Minority Leader is in stable condition after her husband accidentally shot her at the end of hunting trip. Does this mean the guy has aspirations to be vice president?

Halloween…

October 31, 2012

And it’s only the first game of the season, but looks like the Washington Wizards are doing their annual act of dressing up like an NBA team.

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All that money, all those stars, and the Lakers looked pretty flat.on opening night. Well, at least it takes the Los Angeles spotlight off the Dodgers.

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Just MAYBE these seasons combined with postseason games are getting too long? If the SF Giants hadn’t swept the Detroit Tigers the World Series would be overlapping the NBA openers.

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Meanwhile on Halloween, Mitt Romney is trying to decide whether to go as a Liberal, a Conservative or a Moderate. In other words,  just another day.

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In Alaska this past weekend, Levi Johnston married his second baby mama, Sunny Oglesby. So where’s Sarah Palin congratulating the father of her grandson on his belated family values?

 

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As the power stays off in much of the East Coast, wonder how many younger people are wishing if only there was a material you could use to make something to read or do puzzles on,  and that didn’t have to be charged or plugged into the wall.

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As the East Coast tries to recover from Sandy, your tax dollars at work out west: Nayda Suleman has checked into a Southern California Rehab clinic for 28 days to deal with a Xanax addiction….

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Well, at least he’s consistent. W’s FEMA director Michael Brown on Monday said President Obama acted too quickly in mobilizing relief for Sandy: “It’s premature [when] the brunt of the storm won’t happen until later this afternoon.”

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So wonder how long after the election it will take Donald Trump to file bankruptcy and ask for federal relief from Obama for his Atlantic City and New York properties?

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The NCAA says they have passed tougher sanctions to crack down harder on rule-breakers. Great, even more punishment for schools and athletes who get left behind when the cheaters go to another school or the NFL.

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George Lucas has agreed to sell Lucasfilm to Disney for $4.05 billion. Insert “dark side” joke here:

 

 

 

From T.C. “What’s the difference between Lance Armstrong and Felix Baumgartner?  Felix landed on his feet.”

 

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Really? Some have been criticizing President Obama because the speed of his investigation into Benghazi hasn’t been as swift as his response to Hurricane Sandy. Uh, maybe because there is a difference between a rush to judgment and a rush to put people’s lives back together?

Post season.

October 29, 2012

What was this stupid game played by men in tights on TV Monday night and where is my baseball?

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Oops, technology. Just got an email from Stubhub this morning “San Francisco Giants Postseason Tickets in a Flash – Head to StubHub.com. We wanted to give you a heads up that seats are still available.” Well, no doubt game 6 and 7 tickets are cheap…..

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Over 5 million are  now without power.  5,000,050 if you count the New York Yankees and Detroit Tigers.

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Pablo Sandoval, World Series MVP?! So does this mean tacos may be declared a PED?

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Hmm, used this joke Saturday, and Jay Leno used almost the same one tonight.   ” Detroit looking like their only hope is to ask President Obama for a bailout.”   (But of course they still don’t think they need any female freelancers.)

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A line going around the internet (don’t know who wrote it) is that they should have renamed the storm Hurricane A-Rod, then it wouldn’t have hit anyone.

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So much for the country pulling together: The Fed. Govt. is closed for at least 2 days, which may delay the Oct. jobs report. Iowa GOP Rep. Chuck Grassley tweets “Labor Dept says may release latest Unemployment figures until after election. Par for course. Why release something might hurt Obama elect?” Right, clearly the President conjured up Sandy for this purpose.

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Chris Christie is praising President Obama for his response so far to Hurricane Sandy. Nice bipartisan statement. And makes sense – I am sure Christie would rather run against Hillary, Biden or Cuomo in 2016 rather than an incumbent Romney.

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N.J. Gov. Chris Christie said evacuations are no longer possible, and rescuers won’t be sent out “until daylight tomorrow.” Translation – “Okay idiots, we’ll pick you or your bodies up in the morning.”

(Added Nick Coombs,  “Attention New Jersey residents.  In case of emergency your governor may be used as a floatation device.)

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The HMS Bounty, built as a replica tall ship to be used in movies, has sunk off the N.C. coast. Tragic for the two missing crew members but going out in hurricane conditions had to be the dumbest decision since Captain Bligh figured he could handle an angry Fletcher Christian.

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49ers fans were glad that their Monday Night Football game was played in Arizona and thus avoided a Hurricane Sandy postponement. New York Jets fans are just wishing Sandy had shown up yesterday morning.

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For anyone who doesn’t believe in voodoo, this from ESPN:    “Oct. 9 in Cincinnati. Giants trailed, 2 games to 0 in NLDS. And then, with their entire season on the line, they picked THAT night to get no-hit into the 6th, to get 1 hit in the first 9 innings, to strike out 16 times — and they WON. In extra innings. On an unearned run.”


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