Posted tagged ‘Harbaugh jokes’

Immortality and other options.

March 25, 2015

Still so impressed by Mo’ne Davis’s gracious response to the baseball playing idiot who posted an offensive tweet about her. And my sense is we will be hearing about Mo’ne and what she accomplishes in her life for a long time. As opposed to what’s his name.

 

Remember “Jon and Kate Plus 8?” Now former reality star Jon Gosselin says he is considering running for the state legislature in Pennsylvania. Gosselin hasn’t said what party, which will no doubt set up a heated battle between Dems and the GOP. “You take him, no YOU take him.”

GOP Rep. Peter King just referred to Ted Cruz as a “carnival barker.” Prompting calls for an apology. From carnival barkers.

A Detroit TV reporter who asked Jim Harbaugh if he is worth the 7-year $38 million contract he signed. And the new Michigan coach responded “No.” You start seeing why Harbaugh is back at the college level. He’s too honest to be an NFL coach.

Indiana Senator Dan Coats retired in 1998. Evan Bayh ran for and won his seat. Then Bayh retired in 2010 and Coats came back and won the seat again. Now Coats is retiring once more. All eyes are on Bayh. If Evan runs will he offer a job as a special consultant to Brett Favre?

At Miller Park this year, the Milwaukee Brewers will sell “Deep Fried Nachos” – beef and beans, rolled in crushed Doritos, fried on a stick and topped with sour cream and cheese. Fans can presumably buy a package including Nacho sticks, a beer, and a turn at the defibrillator.

You cannot make this “stuff” up.    Ted Cruz, who in announcing his candidacy for the Presidency said Monday that he would work to repeat Obamacare, said Tuesday that because his wife is leaving her Goldman Sachs job and losing her insurance that he will sign up for Obamacare.

(as my friend Ian reminds us “You do not like them. SO you say.  Try them! Try them!  And you may. Try them and you may I say.)

 

 

Wisconsin men’s basketball forward Sam Dekker on coach Bo Ryan’s game plan. “We try not to do dumb stuff.” So if the Badgers win it all this year, maybe Ryan could retire and run for Congress?

 

Miss Universe Japan, who was apparently born and raised in Nagasaki, is being criticized by some as not Japanese enough because she is biracial. (Mom is Japanese, dad is African-American.) Out of habit, Donald Trump is demanding to see her birth certificate.

The NFL has announced they are planning a “golden” celebration all year for the upcoming 50th Super Bowl. And of course to attend the game, SERIOUS gold will be required.

Jason Collins testified today against a bill in Indiana that would allow business owners in the state to deny service to same-sex couples for religious reasons. So will the bill also allow hotel owners to demand to see marriage licenses for couples booking a room? Or proof of being a married couple of childbearing age for Viagra prescriptions? For starters?

Sad news about Germanwings (4U) 9525. These airline crashes provoke such different reactions: Friends and families are devastated, the travel industry tries to reassure other travelers, and CNN and media are trying not to appear thankful for the ratings boost.

Wrecks and more wrecks.

March 4, 2015

Jim Harbaugh apparently stopped to help two women who were injured in a car accident on the interstate in Michigan this afternoon. Kudos to Jim, but makes sense, after dealing with 49ers management Harbaugh probably found a car wreck easier to deal with than a train wreck.

Sweet Briar college has announced that for financial reasons, they are shutting down at the end of the academic year. What a shame. No doubt some SEC school would have offered the college $1 million to play them in football.

Edward Snowden’s lawyer says he that Snowden wants to return to the United States if he’s guaranteed a fair trial. Sounds like someone’s had enough of living in Russia.

During the Aaron Hernandez trial today, a maid testified at his murder trial that she saw him “messing with” the security camera in his basement the day after the killing. You do again have to wonder, as stupid as Hernandez seems to be, how did he stay out of jail for so long?

The SF Chronicle has reported that Jim Harbaugh exhibits have been removed from the 49ers museum at Levi’s Stadium. Guess Jed York wants fans to remember the halcyon days of Mike Nolan and Mike Singletary.

 

Do they have online medical schools now or something? Dr. David Samadi, on Fox & Friends last weekend. “Now we have crack babies coming in because pregnant women are smoking this whole marijuana business.” ‪#‎facepalm‬

(I looked it up, Dr. Samadi is an expert on prostate cancer…. Figures.)

Hillary Clinton apparently used a private email address instead of a government address while she was secretary of state.    Which probably translates to  “same lack of security, different hackers.”

Here’s what I really don’t get on the Hillary Clinton email story. Okay. so she must have sent tens of thousands of emails, at least, in four years. And if it was such a big deal on what account she used, somehow none of her recipients saw fit to make an issue of it at the time?

Maryland Child Protective Services will now keep a file open on two parents after they were found responsible for ‘unsubstantiated’ child neglect. This for letting their 10 and 6 year old children walk together by themselves a mile home from the park. If only they had just let their kids play at home with guns….

Seven players were ejected after a bench clearing fight during last night’s Texas-Baylor men’s basketball game. The schools may review the tape for possible further discipline, and their football programs may review the tape for possible recruiting

 

After Billy Bean visited the Mets clubhouse, Daniel Murphy spoke at length to the NY Daily News about his feelings. “I disagree with the lifestyle. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love a teammate who is gay.” And he added “And I completely understand why someone who believes it is not a choice, that you’re born with it, would take issue with my beliefs, that it is a lifestyle.”

Ought to be very interesting what kind of service Murphy gets in restaurants and from flight attendants this year. And guessing the guy is NEVER going to play 2nd for San Francisco.

(Have no problem with differing beliefs, but what WAS Daniel thinking?. Might be hard for a team right now to sign an openly gay player, but it’s easy NOT to sign a mid-level player who will alienate any significant part of a fan base.)

 

 

New Oakland SS Marcus Semien hit a home run of Madison Bumgarner today in the team’s spring training opener against the SF Giants. And followed that with another home run and an RBI single. If this keeps up,Semein can count on the A’s trading him midseason.

 

 

From Neal, on ISIS threatening Twitter CEO and employees for not allowing their posts:   “They destroy ancient statues and artifacts but they want Twitter..

One direction?

February 18, 2015

GM Trent Baalke on Jim Harbaugh: “We’ve moved on…. I feel very good about the direction we’re headed and I’m sure he does as well.” Yeah, actually it wouldn’t surprise me if Harbaugh feels VERY good about the direction in which the 49ers are headed…..

So in Boston, they are offering free Red Sox tickets to residents who help shovel show away from fire hydrants. If New York gets another storm they are thinking of a different strategy, anyone who doesn’t help with the snow will get free Knicks tickets.

 

The beagle that won “Best in Show” at the Westminster Dog Show, and thus became “America’s Dog”, is actually Canadian. Another immigrant taking something away from Americans. I blame Obama.

A New Jersey high school teacher has been indicted by a grand jury for allegedly having for sex with 6 different students. 6 students?! So clearly we do have a serious problem in our schools with overcrowding.

Browns coach Mike Pettine just said of Johnny Manziel’s issues, that “we had the same information everyone else in the league had. It turns out to be a deeper-rooted thing than we thought.” Is Cleveland planning on changing their mascot to an ostrich?

Mississippi just passed the “Jesus Take the Wheel” act, which would exempt drivers of mid-sized church buses (up to 30 passengers) from having a commercial driver’s license. Well, this is one way to get more people praying on the road.

Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce from Rick Salomon for the THIRD time. And this is the type of marriage some conservatives are working so hard to defend?

United Airlines plans to slightly increase capacity this year. And apparently 50% of the growth will come from the installation of “slim line” seats on 450 planes. Will United be installing these additional seats on their aircraft with a shoehorn?

 

Some are criticizing Joe Biden for putting his hands on Ash Carter’s wife’s shoulders. And really, it wasn’t very Presidential of him. Clearly Joe should have also given her a neck massage.

 

In Orlando, a woman was arrested when she walked naked down a residential street and stopped traffic by masturbating in public. Some Americans responded to this story with shock, others with “that’s Florida,” and Bostonians with “You can walk outside without a coat on?”

Scott Walker says that criticizing him for dropping out of college during his senior year is “elitist.” I think I like Sarah Palin’s “higher calling” better.

Little Caesar’s is offering a new deep dish pizza which is not just topped with pepperoni and back, its crust is wrapped in bacon. Does it come with free sides of statins and beta-blockers?

 

From Marc Ragovin. “I would put more stock in A-Rod’s letter of apology to Yankees fans if he hadn’t written it in disappearing ink.

From T.C.  Handwriting experts have analyed A-Rod’s written apology and concluded that he writes like a girl and has a massive ego. So does this mean he had his ex-squeeze Madonna pen his apology for him?

Soft balls?

January 20, 2015

ESPN reports that 11 of 12 game balls allotted to the Patriots for the AFC Championship game were found to be underinflated by two pounds of air (PSI) Out of a required 12.5-13.5 pounds. The report adds that the league is “disappointed … angry … distraught.” So that makes the entire NFL honorary Packers fans?

Many think “deflate-gate” is ludicrous because the Patriots wouldn’t need to have cheated to beat the Colts. Of course, Nixon sure didn’t need to cheat to beat McGovern.

Seahawks vs Patriots. A lot of people just really don’t care who wins the Super Bowl. At least Katy Perry will give millions of men two reasons to watch.

Jim Harbaugh has hired his son, 25, as a coach. Of course Michigan fans don’t care if Harbaugh puts his dog on the payroll, as long as he can beat Ohio State.

From Bill Littlejohn:   “A large number of Seahawk fans left the stadium and were not around for Sunday’s wild finish.Thus, only 775,000 will claim that they were there to see it.”

68 Stanford students shut down the San Mateo bridge during Monday’s commute. They were protesting Ferguson, as well as “state-sponsored and U.S.-sponsored violence in Mexico and Palestine.” Have no problem with their free speech in tying all those diverse things together, but thinking if you want to win people to your side, keeping them stuck in their cars after a long day of work doesn’t seem to be the best way to do it.

 

Donald Trump says he is giving “serious thought” to another Presidential run. This may be the first time that “Donald Trump” and “serious thought” have been used in the same sentence.

 

What’s the point of a long rebuttal to the ‪#‎SOTU‬? When the basic message is simply. “What he said was all wrong”?

So apparently some people are doing a “Nationwide Boycott of the SOTU” where they will take pictures of themselves turning their back on President Obama. Aren’t some of these the same people who are unhappy that we no longer do the Pledge of Allegiance each morning in school? – “One nation, INDIVISIBLE…..”

Hope Solo just had domestic violence charges dropped against her, now allegedly she was almost arrested again for being “belligerent” when her former NFL player husband Jerramy Stevens was arrested for DUI in L.A. Who says female athletes will never be the equal of men?

Why there is no satire. MLB just put Fred Wilpon in charge of the MLB finance committee. For the uninitiated, he is the owner of the Mets, whose performance should in and of itself question his ability to manage money, but he also lost about $700 million investing in a Ponzi scheme run by Bernie Madoff. And Wilpon’s defense to avoid criminal charges himself…. he had no clue what was going on…. ‪#‎facepalm‬

Kim Kardashian has a book coming out in May, titled “Selfish.” Does this really even need a punchline?

MLB is proposing that pitchers now be ready to throw a pitch 30 seconds before all between-inning commercial breaks end. Hitters would need to be ready 20 seconds in advance. This would supposedly shorten all games that are not nationally televised by at least 10-15 minutes.  Which means Yankees-Red Sox games will still last four hours.

 

Sad news Tuesday night, that a heart surgeon at Boston’s Brigham and Women’s Hospital has passed away after being shot this Tuesday morning, apparently by a disgruntled son of a former patient, who then turned the gun on himself. A sad remember that for all we worry about foreign terrorists, we have plenty of crazy dangerous people right in here in the USA.

Candlestick Park South?

December 31, 2014

 

For the opening kickoff of the first Foster Farms Bowl, the wind blew the football off the tee repeatedly so Maryland had to use a holder.   They can take the 49ers out of Candlestick, but they can’t take the Candlestick out of their field.

 

fosterfarms

 

 

Game time temperature at Levi’s Stadium 45 degrees with wind gusts up to 40mph. Maybe it wasn’t a great idea to have a bowl sponsor with a major product of frozen food. ‪#‎FosterFarmsBowl

 

 

VTA Light Rail announcement tonight at each stop on the way to Levi’s stadium. “Look both ways before crossing tracks.”. Might be more effective to say “Trains use both tracks. Please have your organ donor card available”.

The Lion’s Ndamukong Suh won his appeal and will play Sunday after his one-game suspension was changed to a $70,000 fine. Bonus time for the NFL, as they get the money from his fine plus higher rates as people tune in to see which Cowboy Suh is planning to stomp now.

Nick Saban said today he’s “not really interested in any situation in the NFL.” Makes sense, the Alabama coach is making plenty of money, and he already gets to deal with professional players, who will be gone after a maximum of four years.

 

Maryland beat Michigan in football this year 23 to 16. Stanford probably calling Harbaugh tonight to see if Jim wants to schedule a game.

Texas A&M fired student assistant coach Michael Richardson after he hit two West Virginia players during the Liberty Bowl. Richardson may, however, be offered a tryout with the Oakland Raiders defense.

At a Idaho Wal-Mart, a 2-year-old boy shot and killed his mother when he reached into her purse where she was carrying a concealed gun and the weapon fired. If only the woman had been armed. Oops, wait, never mind.

A thought about this toddler who shot and killed his mom with her own gun at Walmart. That woman wouldn’t have been allowed to drive the kid to the store without a carseat. But a loaded gun with the safety off, no problem. ‪#‎noanticarsafetylobby‬ ‪#‎priorities‬

Jim Harbaugh has a seven year contract at Michigan. Seven years?! And they said it with a straight face.

Groupon is selling a “49ers field experience” where during the first five weeks of 2015, you’ll be able to enter Levi’s Stadium and run around on the field and play with a football. And if you can get along with Jed York, maybe the team will offer you a coaching position.

How social media can make you feel really out of touch. The #1 trending story on FB this morning is “Giada De Laurentiis announces divorce.” And my #1 reaction was “Who?”

Kim Kardashian claims she doesn’t smile often because it causes wrinkles. Got news for Kim, people aren’t looking at her face

Mistakes were made.

December 30, 2014

Oops, the Detroit Free Press printed a Jim Harbaugh to UM story on their cover. Except they used a picture of JOHN Harbaugh. Well, okay, they used a photo of the wrong brother. Many Americans think in 2000 we elected the wrong brother as our President.

 

Two men were arrested today after a nearly 3 hour police chase that started when they stole San Francisco Chronicle newspaper delivery truck. Many are wondering, “What’s the value of stealing a newspaper delivery truck?” Still more are wondering “Who knew they still delivered newspapers?

The NY Jets fired coach Rex Ryan and GM John Idzik. Owner Woody Johnson said he has already reached out to potential candidates. Wonder if he called the NTSB (National Transportation Safety Board). They have experience dealing with train wrecks.

Ndamukong Suh was suspended for the Lions’ playoff game for stepping on Aaron Rodgers’ leg. Suh is appealing, saying it was unintentional, and besides he knows millions of Americans were hoping he would step on Tony Romo.

Lane Kiffin, now offensive coordinator at Alabama, said he “definitely” plans on returning to the Crimson Tide for a second season. Translation, “unless I get a better offer.”

Texas A&M played West Virginia, and Oklahoma played Clemson Monday. In two of the bigger “We-expected-a-much-better-season” bowls.

The 6-10 Atlanta Falcons fired coach Mike Smith. What? After the team came only one game from making the playoffs…..

Not saying that it wasn’t time for Jim Harbaugh to move on from SF. As three years seems to be about his shelf life. But can we name a top football coach who doesn’t have a least a somewhat arrogant and irritating personality? Or any former top coach for that matter?

Bus to hell time: Reports indicate that debris from “a red and white plane” which is likely the missing Air Asia jet has been spotted.  Sad news for families, and for CNN, as the network had been hoping the plane would be lost for at least a week.

Meanwhile, over at Fox News, co-host Anna Kooiman suggested that the metric system could be to blame at Air Asia. “Even when we think about temperature, it’s Fahrenheit or Celsius, it’s kilometers or miles. You know, everything about their training could be similar, but different.” And when an FAA expert a bigger difference was foreign pilots’ greater reliance on autopilot, she responded “It’s not just a difference in the way that we measure things? Is it not as safe in that part of the world?”

Spectacular. By suing a 22 year old kid with a website, Skiplagged.com, that probably wasn’t going anywhere, United and Orbitz have taken “hidden-city ticketing” from an odd and limited strategy that only some travel agents and frequent fliers knew about, to a trending item on social media.

(Basically the idea is simple. If a nonstop flight is expensive between two cities, book a connecting flight on to a cheaper city and then get off the plane. For example, SF to Houston is expensive, so book a ticket SF via Houston to Orlando. But you can’t check bags, and if you put in your mileage number they track the no-show so you can’t get miles, and it only works one-way at a time.  For starters. Still, thanks to the lawsuit and publicity, millions of people have now been turned onto the concept.

 

C.C. Sabathia apparently came unglued at Newark Airport this past weekend when he and 11 friends, all booked in first class, showed up 15 minutes before departure for a flight to Jamaica, and United told him he had no chance to make it through security in time. On brighter notes, no arrests were made, and a lot of people who thought they had had no chance for a upgrade suddenly got lucky.

Going blue

December 29, 2014

Many SF 49ers fans were disappointed with this season, and now they won’t have Jim Harbaugh to kick around anymore. So soon the team can go back to the halcyon days of Mike Singletary and Mike Nolan.

Statement from the SF 49ers: “Jim and I have come to the conclusion that it is in our mutual best interest to move in different directions.” Well, it sounds better than “conscious uncoupling.”

There will be a lot of changes for Jim Harbaugh as he returns to the coaching ranks. For starters, at Michigan he’s going to have to figure out something warmer  (and blue-er) than his regular long-sleeved black shirt.

More than 100 people gathered in Times Square today for the eighth annual Good Riddance Day. Where attendees used a shredder and mallet to get rid of bad memories. Wonder how many showed up with NY Giants and Jets stuff?

Apparently a contributing factor, if not the reason, for Josh Gordon’s suspension, was a party Johnny Manziel threw Friday night. (Gordon was then AWOL for the team’s Saturday walk-through.) Who says Johnny Football isn’t a leader already?

 

Cleveland owner Jimmy Haslam said some of the Browns’ young players have “disrespected” the team. “We’re going to work with them — hopefully they grow up. But if they can’t grow up and they can’t be responsible to the their teammates and the coaches and our great fans, then they won’t be with the Cleveland Browns.” So anyone want to take the first guess in the “Johnny Manziel trade date” pool?

This weekend police were called and arrests were made over fights in food courts at three separate malls, Arden Fair in Sacramento, Chicago Ridge Mall in Illinois and Opry Mills in Nashville. So what the heck are those food courts serving?

How up-to-date is Al-Qaeda? Their most recent magazine, released last week, called for individual jihadists to bomb Western carriers. Including United Airlines, American, Delta, and Continental.

 

Headline on Foxnews.com “Attention: Dish has blocked Fox News. Switch TV providers now. ” Hmm…. So how long until Dish starts using that headline as an ad on Msnbc.com and Huffington Post etc?

No real surprise at this point, Jeb Bush leads a new GOP presidential poll with 23%. Christie is second at 13% and Ben Carson has 7%. I think I speak for many Americans when I say about Carson – “Who?”

 

So the NFL is running their ad “Domestic violence and sexual assault are  tough for everyone to talk about” in game with Ben Rothlisberger leading Steelers into playoffs ‪#‎irony‬

From T.C.  “I just hacked into Sony Pictures computers and found a movie to be released on Monday. It’s about NFL coaching brothers Rex and Rob called “Saving Ryan’s Privates”.


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 273 other followers