Posted tagged ‘GOP jokes. NFL jokes’

United Kingdom we still stand.

September 18, 2014

So the Scottish Independence vote has failed. And across the U.S. the most common responses are probably “Weren’t they already an independent country?” and “What does this mean for Scotch whiskey prices?”

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And hope springs eternal.  From Daniel Miller, director of Texas Nationalist Movement., on the Scottish referendum, before the votes were counted:  “We’re excited that they are able to have a voice, to be able to go to the polls and voice their political will on the issue of self-determination. We’re hoping for a ‘Yes’ vote.” I’ll swap Puerto Rico for Texas as the 50th state any time. ‪#‎noforeignaid‬

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Andy Murray, who has been neutral on Scottish independence, tweeted early this morning “‘Huge day for Scotland today! no campaign negativity last few days totally swayed my view on it. excited to see the outcome. lets do this!’ Ought to be real interesting when Murray shows up next year at Wimbledon.

(and do have to wonder, understand neutrality, but have if he was going to come out as a “yes,” why not do it earlier, when it might have mattered, instead of today when it probably accomplished nothing except really annoying English fans and sponsors.)

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Florida State believes they have strictly disciplined Jameis Winston for his “offensive and vulgar” behavior with a one-half game suspension. The school’s biggest regret? That Winston didn’t scream the obscene meme sooner, so they could have suspended him for their game against the Citadel.

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Texas Tech defensive coordinator Matt Wallerstedt resigned today. ESPN reported that he was “was suspected of being under the influence of an unknown substance while on campus.” Of course, this is Lubbock, TX. Was the “unknown substance” Chardonnay?

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Gatorade has a new commercial honoring Derek Jeter and his retirement. Good thing. Would hate for such a momentous event to go unnoticed.

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Michael Vick feels that Roger Goodell should not be fired, and said that the NFL commissioner is “doing a great job.” And Vick’s image rehabilitation was going so well……

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About now the ‪#‎NFL‬ would let Michael Sam & his boyfriend get married on 50 yd-line if it would be the #1 football headline. ‪#‎Distractions‬

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Vikings WR Jerome Simpson. already serving a 3 game DUI suspension, will be arraigned in November after being pulled over for alleged marijuana possession, driving with an open bottle and violating limited license restrictions. And the NFL is thinking, “Thank God, he didn’t beat up anyone.

 

4-1 lead in the 7th over the Dodgers and the Chicago pitcher induces an inning-ending double play which gets booted, and LA ends up scoring 5 runs enroute to a 8-4 win. SFGiants fans would like to thank the Cubs for reminding us, we may have ‪#‎torture‬ but it could be worse.

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Although they are not in the same league, the Oakland As are constantly competing with the SF Giants. And in 2014 year they seem bound and determined to compete with the June-July version of the Giants.

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Miley Cyrus is now under criminal investigation for twerking in Monterrey with dancers whipping and rubbing Mexican flags on her derriere. As the Mexican constitution protects “national emblems, the flag and the national anthem.” Well, even if Miley didn’t commit a technical crime in Mexico, she should be under investigation for criminal stupidity.

Is it safe?

May 21, 2014

EBay admitted today that hackers broke into their site two months ago, and stole a database full of user information – including customer names, account passwords, email addresses, physical addresses, phone numbers and birth dates. Why worry about government intrusion on our privacy when we have the private sector doing such a spectacular job of it?

 

San Antonio 112, Oklahoma City 77? An advantage to being old? The Spurs played like they had to get home on time for their bedtimes.

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France’s national rail company SNCF admitted yesterday it had ordered 2,000 new trains that are too wide for many station platforms. Well, our citizens may be too wide but our trains at least are skinny enough. USA! USA! USA!

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You just cannot make this “stuff” up. In Arkansas, GOP gubernatorial candidate Asa Hutchinson, who backs the state’s new voter ID law, was originally turned away at the polls because he forgot his ID. He had one of his staff go get the ID, and was then able to vote. Well, of course, and don’t we all have staff for things like that?

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Pat Sajak tweeted “I now believe global warming alarmists are unpatriotic racists knowingly misleading for their own ends. Good night.” Note to Pat, get some vowels and – B_Y   _    CL__.

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There’s been some controversy over the September 11 Memorial and Museum having a gift shop. (9-11 mugs, anyone? Seriously.) But the museum may have gotten that story off the front page, by having a fancy cocktail party at the site last night for big donors. #beyondtonedeaf

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Some think the NFL chose Minneapolis over New Orleans for the 2018 Super Bowl because of the power failure during the 2013 Super Bowl. Right, because everyone would rather spend a week in Minnesota in February rather than spending 20 minutes of that week in the semi-dark in New Orleans.

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A new NBA report says that Donald Sterling and his wife, Rochelle, are not estranged as she now says. The L.A. Times reports the couple is “inextricably intertwined.” Translation, no one else would want either of them.

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Bruce Jenner is going to Paris to give his stepdaughter Kim Kardashian away, again. Wonder what his dress will look like?

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The SF Giants’ Santiago Casilla, who was told not to swing during an 8th inning at-bat, fell while trying to beat out an infield hit and may have to go on the DL. So how long until Giants manager Bruce Bochy sends his relief pitchers at least up to the plate without bats?

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So who besides me really wanted to hear #PresidentObama ask #RichardSherman at the White House today what he thinks of #VladmirPutin?


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