Posted tagged ‘Donald Sterling jokes’

Time passages.

June 4, 2014

As of yesterday Donald Sterling is being sued by another ex-employee who claims she was his mistress. The woman is represented by Gloria Allred.   So congrats to all those who had June 3 in the pool.

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Almost as soon as the polls closed in the California primary, the media could report that Governor Jerry Brown looks like a runaway winner this November. It’s a far cry from Brown’s first election, when the results had to come in by telegraph

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After 90 years, WGN radio has decided not to carry the Chicago Cubs anymore. So have they decided to go with programming that’s more likely to have a happy ending, like opera?

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Who says Sarah Palin and Democrats never agree on anything? Apparently last week at the Republican Leadership Conference, Palin suggested that “Duck Dynasty” patriarch Phil Robertson should run for president.

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The NFL is ditching Roman numerals for their Super Bowl in Santa Clara, and instead of “L” will go with the Arabic number 50. Clearly this is Obama’s fault.

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When the totals are in, perhaps 300,000 Californians will have voted for Leland Yee for secretary of state. Now, not only has Yee been indicted on money laundering and weapons charges, he dropped out of the race over two months ago. Maybe this really does prove, there’s no such thing as bad publicity.

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“Breathe Right” nasal strips will co-sponsor Saturday’s Belmont Stakes, and hand out at least 50,000 of its nasal strips to fans at the race. If California Chrome wins will the NFL and MLB add the strips to their lists of banned performance enhancers?

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Donald Sterling on the $2 billion sale of the Clippers, “I feel fabulous, I feel very good.” Wonder how many other professional team owners are wondering how they can get taped making bigoted remarks and get a similar price.

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#SFGiants get game-winning home run from a guy in starting lineup hitting .048 #JuanPerez. So who’s #Bochy betting on for #BelmontStakes?

 

A 20 year veteran of the San Jose, CA police force was arrested after managers of a Public Storage started clearing out his storage space because of overdue rental payments and found perhaps 20 pounds of marijuana. Title this “Dude, when was my rent due?”

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So I think I understand. According to Republicans, President Obama was wrong before in not doing “everything possible” to secure POW’s Bowe Bergdahl’s release, and he is wrong now for actually doing it. Well, at least they’re consistent.

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Well, of course it makes sense that the GOP is angry Congress wasn’t consulted about the hostage deal. Because Reagan always made sure Congress knew about all the hostage deals he made… Oops. Never mind.

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So I think I understand. According to Republicans, President Obama was wrong before in not doing “everything possible” to secure POW’s Bergdahl’s release, and he is wrong now for actually doing it. Well, at least they’re consistent.

(My friend Linda points out that Oliver North said it was OK that Reagan negotiated with the Iranians because he never admitted it. …)

 

Don ZImmer has passed away at the age of 83. Guessing they won’t let Pedro Martinez anywhere near his coffin.

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From Marc Ragovin  “For all those who beliieve that Bowe Bergdahl is being overly glorified after willingly abandoning his unit , bear in mind that he is now entitled to medical care through the VA system.

Upon  being told that he is now eligible for medical care through tthe VA system, Bowe Bergdahl immediately requested to be sent back. “

Is it safe?

May 21, 2014

EBay admitted today that hackers broke into their site two months ago, and stole a database full of user information – including customer names, account passwords, email addresses, physical addresses, phone numbers and birth dates. Why worry about government intrusion on our privacy when we have the private sector doing such a spectacular job of it?

 

San Antonio 112, Oklahoma City 77? An advantage to being old? The Spurs played like they had to get home on time for their bedtimes.

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France’s national rail company SNCF admitted yesterday it had ordered 2,000 new trains that are too wide for many station platforms. Well, our citizens may be too wide but our trains at least are skinny enough. USA! USA! USA!

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You just cannot make this “stuff” up. In Arkansas, GOP gubernatorial candidate Asa Hutchinson, who backs the state’s new voter ID law, was originally turned away at the polls because he forgot his ID. He had one of his staff go get the ID, and was then able to vote. Well, of course, and don’t we all have staff for things like that?

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Pat Sajak tweeted “I now believe global warming alarmists are unpatriotic racists knowingly misleading for their own ends. Good night.” Note to Pat, get some vowels and – B_Y   _    CL__.

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There’s been some controversy over the September 11 Memorial and Museum having a gift shop. (9-11 mugs, anyone? Seriously.) But the museum may have gotten that story off the front page, by having a fancy cocktail party at the site last night for big donors. #beyondtonedeaf

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Some think the NFL chose Minneapolis over New Orleans for the 2018 Super Bowl because of the power failure during the 2013 Super Bowl. Right, because everyone would rather spend a week in Minnesota in February rather than spending 20 minutes of that week in the semi-dark in New Orleans.

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A new NBA report says that Donald Sterling and his wife, Rochelle, are not estranged as she now says. The L.A. Times reports the couple is “inextricably intertwined.” Translation, no one else would want either of them.

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Bruce Jenner is going to Paris to give his stepdaughter Kim Kardashian away, again. Wonder what his dress will look like?

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The SF Giants’ Santiago Casilla, who was told not to swing during an 8th inning at-bat, fell while trying to beat out an infield hit and may have to go on the DL. So how long until Giants manager Bruce Bochy sends his relief pitchers at least up to the plate without bats?

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So who besides me really wanted to hear #PresidentObama ask #RichardSherman at the White House today what he thinks of #VladmirPutin?

Lost and Found.

May 14, 2014

An underwater explorer believes he has found and identified the wreck of Christopher Columbus’ flagship, the Santa Maria. And CNN responded “How are you on planes?”

 

The Los Angeles Clippers played that last minute of their playoff game like they just want to go home and stop dealing with basketball. Can’t imagine why.

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Donald Sterling’s most recent interview talking about Magic Johnson is a perfect paraphrase for an old adage. Better to be thought an ignorant a**hole, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

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The #Pacers are playing some of these NBA playoff games like a team with nonrefundable vacation plans for Memorial Day weekend. #Wizards

 

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The widow of the driver in the crash that killed Paul Walker is suing Porsche. Guess she thinks they should have built something into the car to keep it from going 94 MPH on city streets?

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Phillies manager Ryne Sandberg and Mets 1b Lucas Duda said they think a hamburger from Shake Shack at Citi Field gave them food poisoning this weekend. Is that going to be the Yankees’ excuse?.

 

Justin Bieber now being investigated for attempted robbery? So is it robbery when you sell CD’s and downloads that are allegedly music?

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A thought about some of these people who were uncomfortable with Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend. Have to wonder if there would have been the same reaction had say, a very attractive WNBA draftee kissed her equally attractive girlfriend?

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Rutgers dismissed incoming QB Philip Nelson, who has been charged with assault for allegedly critically injuring another man by kicking him in the head. Wonder how good a QB Nelson is, which might determine how quickly some other team will call him a “troubled young man” and give him another chance

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The latest rumor on Stan Van Gundy is that he may take the Pistons job, and that he will get a fair amount of operations and personnel control. The most disappointed people? Comedy writers who were hoping he’d sign on with the Golden State Warriors and Joe Lacob with that expectation.

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Fox News reports that a UCLA professor is alleging racial bias in admissions in favor of African-Americans. The current enrollment at the university is 1,082 African-American/Black, or 3.8% of the total. Counting athletes. If admissions is really trying to be biased they’re not doing much of a job.

 

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Fortunately, there were no injuries Tuesday at the Seattle Airport when passengers were deplaning a Southwest flight and a jet bridge dropped several feet. United would have charged them a “thrill ride” fee.

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Teddy Bridgewater, who seems like a nice young man, is now saying he didn’t want to be drafted by the Browns. What’s the point of that statement? Just gives another team a reason to try to pound you into the ground. At least the Vikings don’t play Cleveland this year.

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Alec Baldwin was cited for riding his bike the wrong way on a New York City street, and then arrested when he allegedly became belligerent and abusive with the police. Then he ranted “How old are these officers? They don’t even know who I am.” Guessing the cops knew EXACTLY who Baldwin was…and that might have been why they arrested him when he played the DYKWIA card

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At #ATTPark workers wear gloves to make giant hot fudge ice cream sundaes. Because the #SFGiants would hate for those sundaes to be unhealthy for you?

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Mike Minor comes into game with 6.75 era. So of course #SFGiants can’t hit him. #turningbadpitchersintoCyYoung.

For whom the Silver bell tolled?

April 30, 2014

The Los Angeles Clippers are undefeated in the post Donald Sterling era.

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Mark Cuban about forcing Donald Sterling to leave the NBA over his private conversations, says “It’s a very, very slippery slope” Translation, wonder what conversations, including with other owners, Cuban himself has been a part of…?

 

Apparently the NBA needs the support of 75% of owners to make Sterling sell the Clippers. And let’s see, over-under on owners who want to risk boycotts or loss of sponsors by voting in his defense? I am guessing zero. (Even including Mark Cuban.)

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Donald Trump yesterday said that V. Stiviano was the problem, not Donald Sterling .  “It’s terrible, he got set up by a very bad girlfriend. She was baiting him and she’s a terrible human being.” Sounds like a good thing the Donald’s potential partial ownership of the Buffalo Bills hasn’t gone through yet..

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Since #DonaldSterling is banned from #NBA, maybe sponsors will return to #LAClippers.But Clips may lose the new deal with #DuckDynasty.

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#WashingtonRedskins fans are wondering if there’s any way they could get #VStiviano (and her tape recorder)  to start hooking up with #DanielSnyder.

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Just wondering, what would the NBA have done if #DonaldSterling had made the exact same comments, but for “blacks” substitute “gays?”

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Serious note.  Regarding the whole “private free speech” question with Donald Sterling. Yeah, we can all say whatever we want when we think we have privacy. But on the other hand, we can also all decide not to support people who we don’t like.

And while many around the NBA knew Sterling was a racist douchebag, the casual fan didn’t. Now they do. And sponsors fled in droves. Have no problem with the league’s decision, but thinking in the end it was less about the moral high ground than money in the pockets of other owners, AND the players.

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A recent poll said only 38% of Coloradans think legalizing marijuana has been bad for the state. And many of the rest no doubt responded “Dude, what was that question again?”

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An “tunnel to nowhere” is being built on the West Side of Manhattan, (before a massive development is built on top of it). The plans are to eventually link it to new commuter tunnels under the Hudson to New Jersey. Although to be fair, even if the trench does end up leading to NJ, won’t most Manhattanites still consider it a tunnel to nowhere?

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A company called GeoResonance says they have found a plane in the Indian Ocean they think could be MH370. Official searchers say they are wrong. Which could be true but when have the official searchers ever been right?

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Just a little too wedded to the script? Cheerful Safeway cashier asking “If I needed help out?” My purchase? Half a dozen cans of cat food…..

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Matt Cain scratched due to cutting himself while making a sandwich. Isn’t your posse supposed to make your sandwich? #sfgiants.

(Cain should NEVER have taken sandwich making lessons from Jeremy Affeldt.)

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A thought for the SF Giants, who often give Cain no run support.  Maybe Bruce Bochy should always start someone like Petit for the first inning, let the team score, THEN put in Matt in the second… (SF did score two in the first tonight.)

 

 

Games People Play

April 28, 2014

The X Games Austin this June will now feature a “Call to Duty” tournament. What’s next, MLG (Major League Gaming) in the Olympics?

 

The “Kissing Congressman,” Vince McAllister, who campaigned on Christian values and was caught on tape with a staffer, says he will not seek re-election. Guess McAllister wants to spend more time lying to his family.

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The SEC, saying they want to improve strength of schedule, will start in 2016 to require that all football teams schedule at least one ACC, Big 12, Big 10 or Pac 12 team per season. That stampeding sound you hear is all the SEC AD’s rushing to call Cal.

 

A ESPN report citing Jim Nantz says that the Dallas Cowboys “will do whatever it takes” to get Johnny Manziel. Because there are still people outside of North Texas who don’t already hate the Cowboys?

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In South Korean, three people have been arrested on suspicion of destroying evidence connected to the ferry sinking. These people almost make the captain of Costa Concordia look decent by comparison.

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Paul Simon and his wife, Edie Brickell, have been arrested on disorderly conduct charges. What were they doing, burning that bridge over troubled water

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I’m not even a Warriors fan – root more for the Spurs. But well played Dubs fans, well played.

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Warriors coach Mark Jackson says that fans should boycott game 5 in Los Angeles as a response to the comments made by Clippers owner Donald Sterling. Fair enough, but why didn’t he also suggest fans boycott game 4 in Oakland?

Not sure in a community property state why Donald Sterling’s wife has stayed with him all these years, but now might be a good time to file for divorce. Especially if she can get an African-American judge.

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Yes, I believe in free speech. But even as big of an idiot as Donald Sterling should have known that with a woman you are basically buying, NOTHING is free.

 

If all these sponsors leaving the Clippers teach us anything it may be that the color that matters isn’t black or white, but green.

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If any other NBA owners have negative thoughts about minorities, including gays, probably not a good idea to share them in a conversation with your mistress.

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So has anyone asked the #DuckDynasty clan what they think of #DonaldSterling?

 

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Marc Ragovin wonders if “it’s time for Donald Sterling to take up cattle ranching?”

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#DonaldSterling may have saved the #Pacers from being the most embarrassing story of these NBA playoffs.

All that glitters is not Sterling.

April 28, 2014

 

Leaving the racism aside, Donald Sterling also appears to be an incredible misogynist. Wouldn’t you think a beautiful woman who wants to be a temporary rich man’s mistress can find someone who’s a bit less of an a**hole?

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It will may only last as long as this playoff series but the Golden State Warriors have to thank #DonaldSterling for temporarily making them America’s Team.

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As much as other professional sports team owners are decrying the comments of the NBA’s Donald Sterling, have to wonder how many of them are hoping no one has tapes of THEIR phone conversations?

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As #DonaldSterling story completely dominates the media, have to wonder who leaked the tapes? #ClivenBundy?

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So the NAACP was going to give Donald Sterling a lifetime achievement award? What’s next? The NCAA planning to honor John Calipari for his commitment to student athletes?

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Hardest thing for the GOP in dealing with Donald Sterling’s comments other than dealing with the fraction of their constituents who agree with him, is trying to figure out how to spin that President Obama’s response is wrong.

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Sarah Palin, speaking at an NRA convention, said that gun-free zones are “stupid on steroids.” Thereby challenging all those who thought if there was anyone who should be an expert on “stupid on steroids…”

 

 

During Sarah Palin’s NRA speech she complained that the “Obama administration wants you ID’d” for having a gun. Okay, I guess being ID’ed should be reserved for truly dangerous things, like voting.

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Got to love United Airlines, sending a message at 632p saying that a 629p flight has been delayed at least an hour but “please be at gate for boarding PRIOR to the original scheduled departure time as the departure time could be revised again.” Uh, not exactly.

(And then sending the SAME, be at the gate before the originally scheduled 629p flight boarding time, at 730p…)

 

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NBC is adding Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski to next week’s Kentucky Derby telecast as fashion correspondents. Thereby making the most asked question after “Who will win?” “What will Johnny wear?”

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The San Jose Sharks, originally up 3-0 in their series with the L.A. Kings, are now up 3-2 and reeling. Isn’t it kind of early for the team to be in late-round playoff form.

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A Phoenix man was arrested for using Craigslist to find sex with a horse. Really? Craigslist? Isn’t there an app for that?

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New NFL director of football operations Troy Vincent says he can see the NFL adding a developmental league. Don’t they already have that? It’s called the SEC.

Those were the days…..

April 26, 2014

This morning the NBA has to be longing for the days when their most embarrassing owner was Mark Cuban.

 

How quickly things change. Yesterday the most embarrassing thing about NBA basketball in Los Angeles was the Lakers.

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If Donald Sterling gets suspended as an NBA owner will Clive Bundy offer him a job as a ranch hand?

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Was actually in New York tonight and lucky enough to have seen Denzel Washington live.  Suppose I can thank Sterling for reminding us that “Raisin in the Sun” isn’t a dated play.

 

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George Clooney, 52, is engaged to his latest girlfriend, a 36 year old lawyer. Not sure if the marriage will work, but her pre-nup sure should.

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One difference between men and women.  When most women heard that Clooney was engaged, their reaction was “okay, we can stop dreaming now.”  If someone like – fill in the blank – Olivia Wilde, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston, Beyonce, – gets engaged, the reaction is “well, she just hadn’t met me yet.”

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Taco Bell is planning to open a new chain called U.S. Taco Co, with a more upscale menu – for example, the “Brotherly Love”, a tortilla stuffed with Philly cheese steak, or the “Winner Winner”, with crispy Southern fried chicken and gravy. Sounds like the price of gas is going up.

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Re pine tar. If “everyone does it” and it’s “really for the safety of the batter,” then maybe MLB should legalize the stuff. Or make the rule like it is about pitchers’ jewelry. Only legal if it’s not visible enough to distract the batter.

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The SF GIants and Cleveland Indians met today in a 1954 World Series rematch.   Until 2010, the Giants hadn’t won since 1954, and the Indians haven’t won since 1948.   Both amateurs on a 1 to Cubs pain scale.

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Bizarre early season stat. Michael Morse has six home runs in April. All the SF Giants’ left fielders together last year total hit five.

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Explained to a 20 something today why New York has a 212 area code. (It was the fastest to dial on a rotary dial phone.). Wonder how long it will be before 20 somethings won’t have even heard of a rotary dial phone?

 

Hundreds of “E.T’ Atari video games, which had been considered perhaps the worst video game ever made, were found in New Mexico landfill. So before “Breaking Bad” there was ‘Burying Bad?”

 

Thanks to Gregg Drinnan for this gem  “During a news conference to introduce Donnie Tyndall as the head coach of the U of Tennessee’s men’s basketball team, it was pointed out to him that he wasn’t the first choice. Tyndall pointed to his fiancee, who was in attendance, and offered: “Look at her and look at me. I probably wasn’t her first choice either.”

 

 


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