Posted tagged ‘Dodgers jokes’

I’ll be watching you…maybe.

July 23, 2014

So there were NYPD officers working graveyard shifts in four marked cars at the Brooklyn Bridge while the lights were dimmed and white flags were raised Monday night. None of them noticed anything. And the NY Daily news quotes a police source as saying none of them will be disciplined. Well, not like anything really bad could have happened…

 

 

A man claims he was kicked off a Southwest flight in Denver after he tweeted a complaint over a gate agent not allowing his daughters to board early with him. He claims he won’t fly the airline again. Well, and hey, why not, when he can take advantage of the great customer service at Denver from United….

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Mark McGwire says of Jose Canseco. “I don’t care to ever speak to him again.” Well, of course not, Canseco’s in the past.

 

St. Louis CF John Jay tonight struck out on a 4-2 count. That’s bad. What’s worse, no one in the Cardinals dugout, including the manager, noticed it. #whoneedsmath?

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18 runs given up in two days?  All of a sudden #Dodgers pitching is looking like maybe Josh Beckett’s been bringing beer and chicken back into the Clubhouse #sfgiants

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Cameron Maybin has been suspended for 25 games for testing positive for amphetamines. But come on, it’s the San Diego Padres. Couldn’t Maybin have used the excuse he needed the drugs to stay awake?

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Wednesday Alabama coach Nick Saban talked about his team’s loss to Oklahoma in the Sugar Bowl and said it was a challenge to “try to play in a consolation game.” Well, that ought to do wonders for the image of college football players as egotistical babies.

(Also, for the uninitiated, please note. The Sugar Bowl, with a $17 million per team payout, is not a consolation game. Now, the “AdvoCare V100 Bowl” just might be a consolation game….)

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Eagles tackle Lane Johnson is the latest NFL player suspended four games for PED’s. Johnson said in a statement he “mistakenly and foolishly” took a prescription drug in April and failed to clear it with the Eagles’ athletic trainers or check the banned substance list. Just once would be nice to hear someone say, “Yeah, I was cheating and got busted.”

 

Another thought about all these NFL players who plead ignorance when they get caught for PED’s. Wouldn’t you think if they were smart enough to read their playbooks, they’d be smart enough to read the the rules and their drug labels?

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‘What if I decide to run?': Michele Bachmann saying she might try for Presidency again in 2016. Comedy writers: “Thank you Jesus.”

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You have been warned.  From Alex Kaseberg.  “‘Comic Con’ begins in San Diego on Thursday, so get your computers and internet servers fixed now.”

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So what does Rick Perry have against all these kids? The Texas governor doesn’t want more people in America who can embarrass him by counting to three?

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California’s teen birthrate has fallen 63% since 1990, the biggest drop of any state in the country. Instead of “Abstinence Only” education, California has chosen comprehensive sex education, and increased access for teens to contraceptives. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

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From T.C.  ” The #1 selling NFL jersey today is Johnny Manziel. Sitting at #5 is Michael Sam. Neither one of them has yet to play a down in the league. That should be enough to bring Brett Favre out of retirement again.”

The Selig era is almost basically over.

July 19, 2014

Bud Selig is actually supposed to retire in six months. He and baseball owners want former MLB deputy commissioner Steve Greenberg to be his replacement. But Greenberg says he doesn’t want the job, though he would be honored to follow Selig, who he calls “easily baseball’s greatest commissioner since Judge Landis.” Well, wishes aside, shouldn’t that statement disqualify Greenberg by reason of insanity?

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Only 30% of Los Angeles area residents can see Dodgers games on TV due to a cable dispute. And David Rone, president of Time Warner Cable Sports, which distributes the games, says “It is unlikely that we are going to get a deal done. Suffering Midwest fans are thinking “why couldn’t this happen with the Cubs?”

 

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Anyone else think Vladimir Putin is more likely to officiate at a gay wedding than he is to determine that MH17 was shot down by pro Russian-separatists?

 

 

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The Federal Government has charged FedEx with drug trafficking for delivering illegal prescription drugs, allegedly for over a decade. What took the Government this long? Maybe they figured FedEx is taking profitable business from the post office?

 

 

Lebron James announced his return to Cleveland last week, but still hasn’t chosen if he will wear #6 or #23. How long until ESPN dedicates a special edition of Sports Center to the decision?

 

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For all those who think the SFGiants have a problem at 2nd base, it could be worse. Dan Uggla, released by the Atlanta Braves, hit .162 with 2 home runs and is still owed over $18 million.

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Red Sox GM Ben Cherington says the last-place team is not giving up on 2014 yet. And even Cubs fans are thinking “I want some of what you’re smoking.”

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CNN had Michele Bachmann commented that Hillary Clinton “should be worried” about Elizabeth Warren in 2016. Michele Bachmann as a political prognosticator? Well, maybe since Paul the Octopus is no longer with us.

 

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From Jim Barach ”  Downtown Los Angeles is at its driest since record-keeping began in 1877. Which means at least there is something in L.A. with a longer dry spell than the one that takes the Dodgers back to 1988.”

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A Supreme Court injunction means that Utah has won at least a temporary delay in recognizing same-sex marriages. Guess the state figures if a man isn’t happy marrying a woman, he should just marry more women.

 

 

In Los Angeles, a man robbing a liquor store apparently accidentally shot and killed his accomplice. So sometimes the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is another bad guy with a gun.

 

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The NY Yankees announced there will be  a Derek Jeter retirement ceremony on Sept 7. #FarewellCaptain Except that I thought the whole 2014 season was a Jeter retirement ceremony.

 

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And finally.   Aldon Smith,  after a D.A. decided not to press charges for alleged LAX bomb threats, was sentenced Friday for possessing illegal fire arms. Along with a separate case of DUI and marijuana possession after driving and hitting a tree.

Smith got 3 years of probation, and 12 days of work crew on Mondays. Which will end before the 49ers first Monday night game.

So let this be a lesson to the youth of America. Behave yourselves. Unless you are SURE you have NFL level talent.

 

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Excuses, excuses…

June 9, 2014

Seattle Seahawks coach Pete Carroll just told the L.A. Times he wouldn’t have left USC in 2010 if he knew the NCAA was going to sanction the Trojans. I think I liked “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

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There is now a drive to legalize marijuana in…. Jamaica?!! Does this even need a punchline?

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California Chrome owner Steve Coburn’s rant after the #BelmontStakes may have cost him and the colt some endorsement. But maybe they’re still in line for a deal with California wine.

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Don’t get me wrong, Steve Coburn was a poor sport yesterday. But as the NY Times points out, the last NINE Belmont winners have skipped the Preakness. ‪#‎TripleCrown‬

(T.C wonders,  “So if Maria Sharapova wins the French Open and doesn’t have to play against the Williams sisters or Li Na; she’s a coward, right? “

 

It’s approaching mid-June, and as most experts predicted, the Los Angeles Dodgers and NY Yankees have very similar records. (Okay, so maybe they didn’t predict those records would be basically .500.)

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Even FIFA is impressed with the flopping levels in the #NBAFinals.

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So next year, how many #NBA teams will choose their home games against the #Heat to give free fans to fans and turn off the a/c?

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On a sweltering day in Paris, Rafael Nadal won his 9th French Open. Imagine what he could do if Roland Garros had air conditioning.

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A Northern California high school basketball player is in jail on suspicion of using stolen credit cards to pay $13,000 to rent a McLaren car and $27,000 to rent a vacation home. Guess he wasn’t good enough to get those perks playing college basketball?

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Former “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” contestant Emily Maynard, who was engaged twice on the show, has just gotten married. And she told People magazine in an “exclusive”. “For so long I felt so embarrassed and ashamed about that TV stuff The grace that my faith has given me to wipe that all away and not find worth in that and find it through God.” Guess “magazine stuff” is different from “TV stuff.”

 

Two police officers in Las Vegas, plus another bystander, were shot and killed today, And then the suspects killed themselves. Once again, wishing these folks with murder-suicide plans could take take care of the second part first.

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Do wish Fox News and the GOP would grieve as much for all those lives that have been lost in the Iraq war, as they do for those four Americans lost in in Benghazi and however many soldiers were lost looking for Bowe Bergdahl.

 

 

Rolling in the deep.

June 2, 2014

Jacques Cousteau’s grandson is going underwater for 31 days starting next week. It will be a record for the longest time anyone has spent down in the depths. Well, other than the Chicago Cubs.

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A $40 million settlement has been reached for college athletes with NCAA branded video-games. So basketball and football players will receive from between $48 to $951 per year for each year they were on rosters. And presumably the lawyers receive $20 million.

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RIP Ann B. Davis, Alice on the Brady Bunch, who passed away at the age of 88. And this probably has a bigger emotional effect on many late baby-boomers than the death of Maya Angelou.

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For Americans confused and unsure about the negotiations that led to Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl’s release, the GOP has simplified things: “Obama did it, it was wrong.”

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Joe Biden gave the commencement address at the University of Delaware. The speech presumably took place on Saturday and Sunday.

 

Juan Carlos I of Spain will abdicate and hand the crown to his son. And in England the British are telling Queen Elizabeth II “don’t even think of it.”

 

Some in the GOP are demanding hearings into Bowe Bergdahl’s release. Exactly. How dare he not stay in Afghan custody until a Republican is President.

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From Bill Littlejohn  “MLB and Joe Torre have warned Dodger pitchers to pick up their pace, as their games are getting too long. They first became aware when arriving fans at Dodger Stadium started getting there in the first inning instead of the usual third”

 

The NRA said last Friday that Open Carry Texas has gone too far in bringing their guns to restaurants: “‘A small number (of Texans) have recently crossed the line from enthusiasm to downright foolishness.”‘ Wow. The NRA believes there IS a line to cross?

 

 

From T.C. Re: Sofia  Vergara and her fiance have split up. And millions of men around the world are thinking “There’s hope!”  And Marc Ragovin’s “The Mets have fired their hitting coach, Dave Hudgens. We had a hitting coach? asked every member of the team.

TC wants to hire a hitting coach for tips on hitting on Sofiia Vergara.

A bush league of his own?

May 27, 2014

The Cubs have given Manny Ramirez a job with their Iowa affiliate. Well, okay this might be bad. But it’s the Chicago Cubs. Not like Manny has a chance to associate with a major league team.

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At a British music festival, Macaulay Kulkin’s band the “Pizza Underground” was booed off the stage and pelted with beer. Maybe his band needs to play a gig at Yankee Stadium. Where beer is far to expensive to throw at anyone.

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Alex Schubert says they “should have a gig at Wrigley Field..  Where the thrown beer will miss the band by 20 feet.”

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The median pay for a CEO of a public company in the US is now over $10 million a year. Yep, I can see why we can’t afford to raise the minimum wage.

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Dodgers catcher A.J. Ellis, who was hitting .170, is on the DL after spraining his ankle celebrating Josh Beckett’s no-hitter. Which means Ellis will be contributing about as much for the next two weeks as he has for the last two.

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One game after Josh Beckett’s no-hitter, the Dodgers” Hyun-Jin Ryu took a perfect game into the 8th. He left after allowing a double and two singles. But the final score ended up 4-3. What happened? Brian Wilson in the 8th. Giants fans are thinking “Now it’s LA’s turn to enjoy the torture.”

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Malaysian authorities published a 47-page document with raw data from communications between satellites and MH370. Will it help find the plane? Quite possibly not. But it will keep CNN busy for at least a week.

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Texas Congressman Ralph Hall, 91, is running for re-election. Saying he wants to fix Obamacare. Although a bit disingenuous for a man who’s been eligible for Medicare for over a quarter century.

The new U.S. men’s national soccer team will debut at Candlestick Park in an exhibition against Azerbaijan tonight. Many Americans are thinking one of two questions – “We haven’t already torn down Candlestick Park?” And “We have a new national men’s soccer team?

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Li Na, the #2 women’s tennis player in the world, was upset in the first round of the French Open. And most Americans responded “Who?”

 

The pain, the pain.

May 25, 2014

Really? AP story starts out “Rory McIlroy put aside the anguish in his private life to win the European Tour’s flagship BMW PGA Championship.” Anguish? Uh, HE broke off the engagement, and after sending out wedding invitations. “I feel so sorry for him,” said no women.

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Landon Donovan today told the media he thought he should be going to his fourth World Cup. And many Americans responded “So when’s this World Cup? “

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New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie inaugurated the Memorial Day Weekend at Jersey Shore and did shots with Ashbury Park Mayor Matthew J. Doherty. If it was Obama, the Fox headline would be “Is the President an alcoholic?”

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Ebay just sent out an email FRIDAY NIGHT to all users saying they must change their passwords due to a data breach. Gosh, how did Ebay hear about this problem, on CNN?

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A NY Jets fan in California has purchased the “Butt Fumble” jersey worn by Mark Sanchez. He says he will likely frame it and hang it on his wall, “until we win a Super Bowl or I can get together enough money to put it on a rocket ship and shoot it to outer space because I don’t think it belongs on this planet anymore,” Wonder how much he’ll have to save for that rocket ship.

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Amazon is trying to increase profits and is being accused in some cases of pushing e-books over physical books. Awfully hard though to have a collection of autographed e-books.

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Tampa Bay Rays beat the Boston Red Sox in 15 innings. Game lasted almost as long as a typical Red Sox Yankees game.

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Now Matt Cain will miss another start with a sore hamstring. The #SFGiants keep getting injured, and keep winning. Wonder how many more players they will need to spend time on the DL to have a chance of winning it all this year

 

Ryan Hunter-Reayw won his first Indianapolis 500 today. And the reaction from most Americans. a. Who? and b.. How many crashes?

 

 

-Congrats to the #Dodgers Josh Beckett for the first no-hitter of 2014. Beer and fried chicken in the clubhouse on him?

 

 

And okay, the young man in Santa Barbara who allegedly killed 6 people besides himself was seeing therapists. His own parents called the police because they were worried he was dangerous. And he bought all three guns he used legally…. How many more?

 

Missed it by that much.

April 21, 2014

Kraft Foods is recalling 96,000 pounds of its Oscar Mayer wieners because they may mistakenly contain cheese. Wonder how many Kraft might have recalled if the wieners mistakenly contained meat.

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Why there is no satire. Connecticut  Senator Richard Blumenthal, campaigning campaign for better safety with Metro-North trains, held a press conference, set up his easel too close to the tracks, and almost got hit by the train. 

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A South African Sunday Times columnist wrote today that a “reliable source” told him that Oscar Pistorius was taking acting lessons before his trial so he could appear more sympathetic. Just when you thought Pistorius couldn’t appear any more of a scumbag….

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R.I.P. Ruben “Hurricane” Carter, 76. And if you don’t know who he is except that Dylan wrote a song about him, you might be young. And if you don’t know who Dylan is, you might be REALLY young.

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Miami needed an 18-4 run in the 4th quarter to beat Charlotte in game 1 of their NBA playoff series. Heat coach Erik Spoelstra ” We were flat to start. I think our guys were just anxious.” “Anxious” against the 43-39 Bobcats? Or worried about their ticket allocation for the Eastern conference finals?

 

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The NBA says now that referees made a game-changing mistake in missing a foul against Chris Paul with 20 seconds left in the Warriors-Clippers game 1. But it’s not as if the league feels it was anything really critical – the refs didn’t cost the Heat a game.

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Meanwhile, the Washington Wizards have actually won a playoff game. I blame Obama.

 

It will be a very long time before Easter is again on 4-20.    So  Frito-Lay really missed their chance to have a line of egg-shaped Doritos.

 

Miss American has asked a high school to reconsider their suspension of a student for asking her to his prom during an assembly. Really?! Better that than he was dating a teacher.

 

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In Friday night’s game against the Rays, the Yankees’ Cesar Cabral faced six batters, allowing three hits, three hit batsmen, and three runs. All without recording an out. He was released afterwards. Cabral has to hope he gets picked up by an NL team, he could probably throw a few shutdown innings against the SF Giants.
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Apparently the Dodgers’  Clayton Kershaw felt no back pain in a simulated game. And SF Giants fans are thinking “Good for him, now let’s hope he takes the recovery nice and slow and easy. Until August or September at least..
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From Bill Littlejohn  “What University of Idaho football recruiters tell prospects—that WR Dezmon Epps was the only WR in the nation to total over 100 yards receiving against eventual national champion Florida State
What University of Idaho football recruiters neglect to tell prospects–they lost that game to Florida State, 80-14
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Opening Bench Day?

March 29, 2014

The LA Dodgers just placed Clayton Kershaw on the 15-day disabled list. with back issues. Up in SF, sympathetic Giants fans are thinking “Bummer, but don’t rush the poor guy, let him take at least a few months off to recover.”

 

The most exciting two minutes in sports may be the Kentucky Derby. But the longest two minutes in sports must be the fourth quarter of an NCAA March Madness game.

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Florida Gators are surprisingly articulate in post-game interviews. Though to be fair, by college basketball standards they are mostly old men of 20-21.

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Indicted Ravens RB Ray Rice has married his fiance. Let’s hope this wasn’t so she couldn’t testify against him.

(Alex Kaseberg says he heard the reception was a knockout.)

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#AJMcCarron and #KatherineWebb are engaged. Has Brent Musberger already put in a request to cover the wedding?

 

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Apparently some “influential” Republicans are working to draft Jeb Bush into the 2016 presidential race. Right, because it’s not a true banana republic until you have single dynasty rule on both sides?

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Vin Scully, 86, calmly went on with the play-by-play during yesterday’s earthquake at Dodger Stadium. Although to be honest, at 86 everything usually shakes.

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A USGS seismologist said the 5.1 LA quake has a 5% chance of being a foreshock of an even larger quake. At at CNN they are thinking, well, we hope not until they’ve identified debris from the Malaysian Air plane.

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Rain and a 5.1 earthquake in California. East coast and midwest residents would call to express sympathy if they had time to put down their snow shovels.

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ESPN headline “Kevin Ware transferring from Louisville to finish his career.” Well, at least they were honest and didn’t pretend it has anything to do with education.

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So how many offers does George Takei have already for the starring role in the Leland Yee story?

(Yes, I know Takei is Japanese and Yee is Chinese. But they do look a lot a like. IMHO)

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A hearing-impaired Texas couple was incensed at a note American Airlines put on their lost luggage for the delivery person “Please text, deaf and dumb.” And okay, I get it. Not terribly sensitive in the 21st century. But must admit as a child of the last century, in elementary school, “deaf and dumb” WAS how they described Helen Keller.

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Now CNN is airing a report -“Flight 370, the final hours.” To be followed no doubt next week by a new report – “The Search for Flight 370, the interminable hours.”

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From Gary Bachman,   “A travel company in Denmark is encouraging Danish couples to go on vacation and have sex to increase a shrinking population. Denmark should also consider getting an NBA team.”

A long, long, time….

March 27, 2014

Miguel Cabrera just signed a 10 year, $300 million contract with the Detroit Tigers. Wow. By current Dodgers’ standards that’s almost enough for a good utility infielder.

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The #Philadelphia #76ers , 15-57, have lost 26 straight games. The real question, how did they ever win 15?

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Some of the NCAA’s freshman basketball stars claim to be undecided about entering the NBA draft. Maybe the young men are just trying to figure out their odds of being stuck with the 76ers.

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The Milwaukee Bucks ended an eight game losing streak by beating the LA Lakers 108-105 tonight. And anyone who watched that game with the Sweet Sixteen as an alternative is probably guilty of March Madness.

 

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Will the video of the Stanford Cardinal’s lackluster performance in the #SweetSixteen be titled “Sleepwalking in Memphis?”

 

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Baltimore RB Ray Rice has been indicted for 3rd-degree aggravated assault. Maybe Rice was trying a little too hard to become a Ravens legend like Ray Lewis.

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Amazing, a sixth-grade girl in Oklahoma set a world record by selling over 18,000 box of Girl Scout cookies. What’s more amazing? She did it without living in Washington or Colorado.

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A 22 year old woman who killed her husband by pushing him over a cliff in Montana eight days after their wedding was sentenced today to 30 years in prison. Well, at least the marriage really was until “death do us part.”

 

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Start building that shelter in the backyard. Last year Stevie Nicks says there was “more chance of an asteroid hitting the earth” than Christine McVie rejoining Fleetwood Mac.

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Pat Robertson’s latest “Jesus wouldn’t bake a cake for a gay wedding.” As if they would have wanted Him to bake a cake. The happy couple surely would have preferred that water into wine bit.

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California State Sen. Leland Yee, who was arrested yesterday, today withdrew from the secretary of state race. His lawyer “This was a very personal decision on the part of the senator. This is what he wanted to do.” Uh, no, what Yee wanted to do was not to get caught.

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A taxpayer-funded report from a law firm hired by Chris Christie found that the NJ Govenor was not involved in the Bridgegate plot. Presumably the same firm will back up Bud Selig’s statement that steroid use in baseball is now virtually nonexistent.

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Despite an aide’s saying otherwise, Chris Christie says now he “does not recall” being informed about traffic jams near the George Washington Bridge last September. Guess the NJ Governor really does see himself as the next Ronald Reagan.

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An 18 year old Norwegian man had a McDonald’s receipt tattooed on his arm. And guess what, ladies, this guy is single.

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For all those who fly on commercial planes and think “It could be worse,” you are about to be proved right. Airbus is going to start making A380s with a 3-5-3 coach configuration.

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A number of employees at LAX have been arrested for allegedly stealing from passengers’ luggage. 25 (!?) police raids recovered belongings including clothes, electronics and jewelry. Scary, but really, why does anyone put JEWELRY in checked luggage?

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From T.C. ” The NFL will be penalizing the slam dunk celebration with the football over the goal post this year. So let’s say you celebrate your TD by taunting the defender covering you, dunk the football over the goal post and also call someone on the field the “N” word, your team will be kicking off from its own 1 yard line.”

Tangled up in blue.

March 25, 2014

Sen. Mitch McConnell’s put out an online campaign video featuring Kentucky horse racing, bluegrass, and basketball. Except the picture was of the 2010 men’s national champions – Duke.. Ah well, geography is another of those commie pinko liberal concepts.

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David Cassidy was sentenced to three months of rehab and five years probation for his 2nd DUI in six months and third in less than two years. It’s all part of Los Angeles’ celebrity “Three strikes and we’re really really going to warn you” policy.

 

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Malaysian Airlines flight 370 is an awful story. But how many people at this point are really looking forward to the day they find the plane so CNN can go back to their regular coverage of norovirus on cruise ships?

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The Baltimore Ravens have had 3 players arrested in a month, Ray Rice for assault, WR Deonte Thompson for possession of marijuana, and OL Jah Reid for misdemeanor battery during a bar fight. On a brighter note, at least none of the arrests were for murder.

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A 9 year old Colorado girl who shaved her head, to support a friend who went bald because of cancer treatment,  was temporarily suspended for violating her school’s dress code. Really? Even in Florida the response is “Are you folks nuts?”

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Really. The Tea Party is now complaining that the new OFA “Don’t Tread on My Obamacare” bumper sticker is stealing their symbol. Because they had first stole the Gadsden flag fair and square from the American Revolution?

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Can’t wait to see who ESPN’s experts predict will win the Sweet Sixteen game between Ohio State and Kansas. Oops, never mind.

 

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The NFL is going to start penalizing goal post dunks in 2014. Well, at least this is one problem that won’t be faced by the Oakland Raiders.

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NY Knicks at LA Lakers Tuesday night on TNT. I’ll take “Games that looked good when they drew up the schedule” for $500, Alex.

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Donald Rumsfeld just said “a trained ape” would be better at foreign policy than Obama. One, says who? Two, that’s not a nice way for him to talk about his former boss.

 

The Dodgers have ended the NY Yankees’ 15 year streak of leading MLB in payroll. Now let’s see what kind of a streak L.A. can start of proving money doesn’t buy championships.  (In the 21st century, the Giants have twice as many World Series titles as the Yankees. Just sayin’)

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Investigators have decided that the reason behind Paul Walker’s crash was not a mechanical failure, but rather driving 94 MPH on city streets with a 45 MPH limit. Alas once again, the story is, “Too fast, survivors should be furious.”

 

From guest driver on the bus to hell Bill Littlejohn  “Ex-NBA player Quinton Ross was falsely reported dead on what he calls a ‘tough day’.The day could’ve been worse, though–the report could’ve been true”

 

Interesting, Jimmy Fallon just used almost this exact joke below  from yesterday. I know someone at the Tonight Show with Jay Leno used to “borrow” stuff from this blog. If you’re reading this and are from the new Tonight Show, message me. I’ll freelance officially for cheap!

Anthony Weiner has a new gig as a political columnist for Business Insider. Wonder if he knew it’s “Insider” not “Inside-Her.”

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Cardinals rule

October 18, 2013

FOX has announced that all World Series games this year will take place at 8:07pm EST, except for Sunday night’s game which will start at 815p. Way to pull in children as lifelong fans…. kids on the East Coast will be lucky to make it up for 3 innings.

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SF Giants fans watching tonight’s NLCS game had to be shaking their heads – who knew you were allowed to score runs on Clayton Kershaw?

Alas in the NLCS for Dodgers fans against the #stlcards, Clayton #Kershaw turned out to be no Barry Zito.

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At about the 5th inning it became obvious that not even Mike Matheny giving Wacha the game ball will save the Dodgers. #beatLA

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From Giants Hot Corner:  “Tonight was the first rainy, 9-0 win to clinch a NL pennant since… the Giants beat the Cardinals last year”

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(Congrats to St. Louis, actually. But bet they won’t have anywhere near as cool a souvenir as the SF Giants rain globe.)

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In college football, UCF (University of Central Florida) had a last minute rally to upset previously undefeated Louisville tonight, 38-35. Wonder if the Golden Knights got a congratulatory phone call from the president of the SEC?

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Enterprise Rent-A-Car announced they will start renting Harley-Davidson motorcycles on the Las Vegas Strip. Great, let’s mix testosterone, motorbikes and Vegas…. With possibly alcohol.   What could possibly go wrong?

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A federal air marshal was arrested yesterday at Nashville Airport for allegedly using his cellphone to take upskirt pictures of female passengers boarding a plane. If the guy wanted to see under women’s clothes, why didn’t he just get a job running TSA’s body scanners?

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I must say that watching Prince Fielder play first is really making me miss watching that svelte young man Pablo Sandoval. #ALCS

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From TC   “Phoenix Cardinals WR Larry Fitzgerald is enrolled in the U of Phoenix and is working on a degree in Communications. Too bad he couldn’t get QB Carson Palmer signed up as well so they could both be on the same page.”

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Mitch McConnell said there will not be another government shutdown: “I think we have now fully acquainted our new members with what a losing strategy that is.” Ted Cruz said he wouldn’t rule it out and will “continue to do anything to stop the train wreck that is Obamacare.” This is beginning to remind me of some folks who brag about their parenting skills while their little darlings run amok.

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So between the government being shut down and the government not being shut down is there any real difference in what Congress is not doing?

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Russian airline Transaero will get its first Airbus A380 in 2015, and while they plan 12 First and 24 Business Class seats, the carrier plans to put 612 seats in economy class. Don’t tell United Airlines.

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FOX has announced that all World Series games this year will take place at 8:07pm EST, except for Sunday night’s game which will start at 815p. Way to pull in children as lifelong fans…. kids on the East Coast will be lucky to make it up for 3 innings.

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A woman who was working as a drug informant asked two POLICE OFFICERS she was riding with to help find a hitman to kill her husband. She was arrested when she met the “hitman”, who was an undercover officer, and gave him a shotgun. You guessed it, Florida. (Though Arizona would have been a good 2nd choice.)

Thank you note?

October 17, 2013

Now that the shutdown is over, wonder if President Obama will send a thank you note to John Boehner and Ted Cruz for reminding him where he put his cojones.

 

 

The government reopened today, and Michele Bachmann called it “a very sad day.”  Brave words from a woman who never had to give up a day of her paycheck.

 

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Sarah Palin, not fazed by Steve Lonegan’s loss to Cory Booker, is suggesting the Tea Party should focus on 2014 Senate primary challenges to GOP incumbents in Kentucky, South Carolina, Tennessee and Mississippi. Great news…for Democrats.

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A British company has come out with a line of “Live Strong” style colored silicon bracelets called “My Single Band.” The bracelets indicate that the wearer is unattached and looking for a relationship. Wonder how many married men will buy them.

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Flori-duh strikes again. This would be funnier if it weren’t scary. Two murderers serving life sentences in a Florida prison were set accidentally set free earlier this month because of forged court documents. The Florida Dept of Law Enforcement just learned of this and a sheriff’s office spokesman said “”These two individuals are out. They shouldn’t be, and we want to get them back in custody.” Ya think?

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Headline about Mitt and Ann Romney’s California vacation home “Romney to tear down house.” Wonder how many Americans saw that and thought “Could he do the same for the senate?”

 

Roseanne Roseannadanna was right…. Just when folks in Washington D.C. decided to act like adults…. BART workers have announced they plan to strike Friday.

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Sometimes I think if President Obama said the sky is blue, some conservatives would argue it. But this line from his remarks today might set a record for bipartisan agreement “The American people are completely fed up with Washington.”

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A Miami high school teacher was fired after she rented a penthouse apartment for a post-prom party that included alcohol and condoms. And across America men are thinking “Where were teachers like that when I was in high school.”

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Thursday was #throwbackthursday Could we throwback #TedCruz to Canada?

 

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The Oregon Ducks will wear pink helmets this weekend for their game against Washington State in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month. Good idea, should add a spark to their usually otherwise nondescript uniforms….

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And for those who think the Ducks’ uniforms aren’t ugly enough, or for that matter the Red Sox playoff beards, I leave you with. the Dodgers’  Andre Eithier.

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Playoffs and other stress tests.

October 16, 2013

Apparently after a routine stress test, doctors found that George W. Bush had a 95-percent blockage in one of his coronary arteries, which doctors opened with a stent. “Who needs a heart anyway?” responded Dick Cheney.

 

Fans who don’t regularly watch baseball and have turned in for the playoffs had to be looking at tonight’s Cardinals-Dodgers game and thinking “Wait, you’re allowed to score before you’ve played 5 or 6 innings?”

 

No one will know if Yasiel Puig woke up the St. Louis Cardinals. Besides, the idea that such a thing can happen during the postseason is a myth. Just ask the SF Giants who beat the same Cardinals during Jeffrey Leonard’s “One Flap Down” playoff series…. Oops, never mind.

(of course as my friend Michael says  “Cards are a lock. When’s the last time they blew a 3-1 series lead?)

 

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Regarding Puig, I do seriously get the youthful exuberance.   But while baseball has ceded many things about being America’s pastime to football, I do hope they never try to match the NFL with all the dances and celebrations that have gone from following a game-winning touchdown, to the most trivial of tackles or catches.  As the much-ascribed line goes “act like you’ve been there before.”

 

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Detroit twice had runners on third with less than two out, and failed to score today. The 2013 Tigers picked a bad day to turn into the 2013 SF Giants.

 

 

Class act: Dennis Eckersley on the 25th anniversary of the Kirk Gibson HR “It was a great moment for the game, just not a great moment for me. There’s so many great things that have happened to me since that time, if that’s the only thing I have to live with for the rest of my life, I’m cool with it.”

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From Bill Littlejohn:  On the 25th anniversary of Kirk Gibson’s iconic World Series HR against the Athletics,  the Dodgers wanted him to throw out the first pitch at Tuesday’s playoff game-.  The D-Backs manager declined, but said that he would throw a couple of Dodgers into a swimming pool

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Lights back on in Comerica Park after a 17 minute power outage. Waiting for the Baltimore Ravens to blame this on Roger Goodell.

 

The Senate is trying to resolve the shutdown and debt ceiling crisis created by the House. And if and when this is done, will Senate leaders Reid and McConnell also give House members a timeout?

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Two days to default. And the Senate passed a “clean” funding bill two weeks ago. But somehow a House that can vote to overturn Obamacare 40 times can’t manage to vote on it once?

(Can’t we borrow the “Vote of No Confidence” rule from Britain just once?  And use it next week?)-

People complain Obamacare is confusing? As opposed to the current mess? Anthem says they pay 70% for non-participating providers, but actually pay closer to 20%, because they decided a California ob-gyn doctor should only charge $90 for a new patient comprehensive exam. Their response to a complaint: “The amount is determined according to the non-participating provider section in your Evidence Disclosure Form from March 1, 2013, on page 131….” #weneedsinglepayer

 

(regarding that page 131… wonder how many pages are in the form?)

 

Don’t Jeer the Beard?

September 21, 2013

Senator John McCain tweeted after the Dodgers jumped in the Dbacks pool to celebrate “No-class act by a bunch of overpaid, immature, arrogant, spoiled brats!”

Pitcher Brian Wilson’s tweet back “Senator McComplain knows a thing or two about coming in second and watching someone take a plunge in the pool (I mean poll) #POoLITICS

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Alex Rodriguez apparently didn’t know Friday night that Andy Pettitte had announced his retirement.  A-Rod also doesn’t know it’s time to announce his OWN retirement.

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So the hottest new thing is a gold iPhone, and it’s already sold out? Come on, this is America. How long until someone comes up with iPhone paint?

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Anthony Weiner in an interview “I’m not an idiot.” (But I do play one on TV?)

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Yet another reason why the America’s Cup has not captured the attention of the country: Today’s race’s cancelled due to “changes in wind direction.”

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Raining in Oakland Saturday. And with the stadium’s sewage and draining problems,  had the A’s clinched, they wouldn’t need a pool…. they could have just swam in the dugout.

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From Marc Ragovin  “John McCain twitted that the Dodgers’ players celebrating in the Diamondbacks’ stadium pool after clinching the NL West was a “no-class act by a bunch of overpaid, immature, arrogant, spoiled brats.” And he added “and stay off of my lawn.”

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Andy Pettitte, who admitted to using HGH, now says “I’ve never tried to cheat anything in my life.”. I guess it depends on what the definition of “cheat” is.

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Ohio State 76, FAMU 0. Good thing coach Urban Meyer is a classy guy who would never try to run up a score.

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GOP Florida Rep. Ted Yoho, who wants to shut down the govenment over defunding Obama care, told the NY Times “It only takes one with passion — look at Rosa Parks, Lech Walesa, Martin Luther King. people with passion that speak up, they’ll have people follow them because they believe the same way, and smart leadership listens to that.” And somewhere Parks, Walesa and King are taking turns throwing up.

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49ers coach Jim Harbaugh, before the season started: “We want to be above reproach.” After Aldon Smith’s latest arrest: “Well, we haven’t killed anyone yet.”

-The Cubs say they will not release closer Kevin Gregg despite his public criticism of the team. Makes sense, keep him suffering in Chicago long as possible -

There have been rumors that Nick Saban might be lured away from Alabama to coach Texas. Hmm, if true does it means the Crimson Tide is not far away from going on probation?

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This has been referred to as “Shark Week” in college football for all the ranked teams against much lesser opponents (Ohio State vs. FAMU, Louisville vs. Florida International, etc. ) In many of these cases think swimmers had a better chance against the sharks.
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And while Michigan escaped a now 0-3 UConn, the theme of the week has to be  “What if a week happened in the #NCAA football schedule but nothing happened and nobody cared?”
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The Royal not always known as Prince?

September 8, 2013

Prince Andrew was briefly stopped by Buckingham Palace police who didn’t recognize him on an evening walk through the gardens. Good thing this was England and not the U.S., so the Prince wasn’t accidentally shot.

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A 107-year-old man was killed during a shootout with members of an Arkansas SWAT team last night. Sigh. Once again this is what happens when you have guns without parental responsibility.

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Oracle Team USA has at least avoided a shutout in the America’s Cup by finally winning race 4. This is a tough one for many U.S. sports fans. With the natural inclination to cheer “USA USA” running directly into their natural hatred of Larry Ellison

 

-115,109 fans watched the Wolverines beat the Fighting Irish last night at Michigan stadium. That’s  almost the average attendance of a couple of Tampa Bay Rays’ home stands.

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Texas and USC, who played for the BCS National Championship in 2006, have both fallen out of the AP top 25 poll. Maybe they’re hoping for a rematch, in the Valero Alamo Bowl.

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Wonder if anyone in the Green Bay Packers locker room made the mistake of saying before today’s game, “Well, at least this season we’re opening with refs who know the rule book?”

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From T.C.   “Former NFL running back Ricky Williams is an asst coach for a college in San Antonio. Look for this team to run the Weed-Option offence.”

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Mark Sanchez may have a torn labrum in his shoulder, which will not necessarily need surgery. And NY Jets fans are thinking “Rest, take all the time you need, years even…”

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With Sunday night’s NY Giants vs Dallas Cowboys game have to figure 10% of Americans wanted  NY, 10% wanted Dallas, and the rest wish they could both lose.

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Meanwhile, back in MLB, what happened to the “invincible” Atlanta Braves and Los Angeles Dodgers? Both losers of four straight….

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Lost in the hubbub over the NFL opening weekend was the Reds 4-3 walkoff win over the Dodgers last night. When Brian Wilson walked the first batter in the 10th, and Cincinnati scored with a stolen base and a single. Ladies and gentlemen in Los Angeles, get your flasks ready.

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NY Yankees win with walkoff walk after another blown save. Maybe even Mariano Rivera wants to be done with A-Rod after the regular season.

Armed and dangorous?

June 13, 2013

The L.A. Times says that the Dodgers and Diamondbacks will open the 2014 season….in Sydney. Presumably the Aussies asked that MLB send their best rugby teams?

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First the Padres, now the Diamondbacks. Is a bench-clearer with the Giants next? Los Angeles Dodgers quickly becoming the top team in Major League Basebrawl.

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Another thought on Tuesday night’s #basebrawl This might be the most coverage ever the Dodgers and Diamondbacks are getting on #ESPN.

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So since Newtown, some states (South Dakota, Alabama, Arizona and Kansas) have enacted laws allowing teachers to carry guns on school campuses. (Texas already allowed it with school approval.) Well, this ought to liven up salary contract negotiations.

 

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Edward Snowden says he’s going to stay put because he has “faith in Hong Kong’s rule of law.” So he’s going to fight what he perceives as a tyrannical, controlling and intrusive U.S. government from what a “special administrative region” of the People’s Republic of China.

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Arizona Congressman Trent Franks in an abortion debate yesterday “The incidence of rape resulting in pregnancy are very low.” Reminding many women again, even if the Obama administration were reading or hearing EVERYTHING you write or say, it could be worse.

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Roger Goodell, defending the Washington Redskins name. “For the team’s millions of fans and customers, who represent one of America’s most ethnically and geographically diverse fan bases, the name is a unifying force that stands for strength, courage, pride and respect.” Leaving aside the “most diverse” line, “strength, courage, pride and respect?” Has Goodell watched the team play for the last decade?

 

 

 

The latest tabloid turn in the Kardashian saga is a 24 year-old young woman saying she’s been sleeping with Kanye West while Kim is pregnant. Meanwhile, some in America are still crying how the worst thing that can happen to a baby is to be raised by a loving gay couple…..

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Betty White, 91, says she eats a hot dog for lunch every day, and keeps Red Vines at in her dressing room at all times. No wonder she looks so good – regular doses of preservatives.

 

 

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The first game of the Stanley Cup Finals went THREE overtimes. To put that in Chicago perspective, the Blackhawks’ 4-3 win took longer than the Cubs remained in contention this season.

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For the first time since 2005, more Americans view George W. Bush positively than negatively. Which just goes to show again, that one of the truest song lyrics ever written was “Could it be that it was all so simple then, or has time rewritten every line…?”

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Commercial:. “Over 60% of America shops at Walmart every month.” Forget party politics…. we may have the real reason why this country is FUBAR’ed.

 

“This is almost airline worthy”  rant of the day:   Run a big ad with 14-day cruises to Canada from Boston, when they’re actually two  7 day cruises back to back with the SAME PORTS, just in a different direction. (Boston-Quebec-Boston)  Thanks, Holland America……

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And yes, we are a LONG way from over.  But just in case the Spurs do hang on and win this, is it too soon to trademark the phrase #TheHeatisGone?”

Oldies but goodies.

June 11, 2013

The San Antonio Spurs actually play like girls. And I mean that as a compliment.

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Last time there was a massacre like this in #SanAntonio, I believe the #Alamo was involved. #Spurs

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Meanwhile, what a brawl between the #Dodgers and #Dbacks. Wow! These guys put up more of a fight than the #Heat did tonight in #SanAntonio.

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As my friend Joe Salvatore pointed out:  “Involved in the Diamondbacks Dodgers brawl :Trammell, Sax, Matt Williams, Baylor, Mattingly, Gibson, McGwire. I love the 80’s”

(Wonder if they were hitting each other with their canes?)

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My friend Jeff Klein points out that down in Southern California, “People started lining up at 2 a.m. for Lawry’s prime rib for $1.25 (the cost of a dinner when Lawry’s first opened 75 years ago). But people get mad when they have to stand in line and wait 20 minutes to vote. What a country.”

I guess the moral of the story, to increase voter turnout, give away free food at the polls.

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Warner Bros has decided to drop a planned sequel to the movie “Dumb and Dumber.” Guess the studio figured that when it comes to “Dumb and Dumber” no movie these days could possibly be a match for reality.

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Just a thought for folks worried that the government will know exactly what you are reading. There’s a cure for that. Use cash and buy a magazine, newspaper or an actual book.

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Ian Stewart, hitting .164 at Triple A Iowa, ranted last night on Twitter saying the Cubs organization is letting him “rot” and “might as well release me.” If Chicago releases Stewart they are on the hook for his $2 million salary. But maybe after that rant they will do something better, like trade him to the Marlins.

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Discount carrier Allegiant Air had passengers stuck on a Las Vegas tarmac in two different planes for more than four hours. At one point passengers joined together for a group singalong to “I Believe I Can Fly.” Wonder if Allegiant then hit others on the plane with an entertainment charge.

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The SF Giants are expected to place Pablo Sandoval on the DL with a foot strain.
Wonder if the trainer will tape up Panda’s foot. Might be more effective to tape over his mouth.

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After Marco Scutaro was injured by being hit with a pitch, and the Giants retaliated by hitting Andrew McCutchen, expect bad blood between SF and Pittsburgh tomorrow. But if Barry Zito hits a Pirate with a pitch, how will that player be able to tell?

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“ESPN the Magazine” asked CB Richard Sherman if Seattle Seahawks have a problem with PED’s, his response “it does seem that way.” Not sure what Sherman majored in at Stanford but guessing it wasn’t Communication.

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There are allegations that in Hillary Clinton’s State Department, staff may have engaged prostitutes. There’s a name for people like that – they’re called “men.”

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Booz Allen says they have fired #EdwardSnowden. And who saw THAT coming?

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Okay, Mayor Bloomberg and his attempted nanny law on large sugary drinks was stupid. But for a bit of perspective, in Turkey earlier this month, President Erdogan proposed bans on alcohol and public displays of affection…. And how’s that working out for him.

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Oklahoma, not OK.

May 21, 2013

But first, give this country credit.   Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin has been one of the Governors most strongly rejecting Obamacare, and no doubt she is not a favorite of the President.  But Obama promised major disaster aid immediately, with the same efforts to cut red tape he did in New Jersey with Sandy.  And I expect a positive response from Governor Fallin.  Even if it’s not an election year.

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Now, back to snark.

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It’s only May, but for Time’s “Person of the Year” 2013, may I suggest Mother Nature?

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The tornado news out of Oklahoma is pretty horrific. Wonder how long it will take though for Reps. Jim Bridenstine and Markwayne Mullin,  and Senators Tom Coburn and Jim Inhofe who all voted “no” on Sandy Relief, to demand federal aid?

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Oklahoma currently ranks 3rd in the nation after Texas and California in terms of total federal disaster and fire declarations. Now, the first thing we need to do is help the state, ideally with a funding bill free from added pork. But second can the state’s senators and congressmen STFU about funding other state’s disasters.

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The death toll in Oklahoma unfortunately keeps climbing and will no doubt include many children. No way of knowing yet how many victims had been told to evacuate and/or go to shelters but perhaps next time people, wherever they are, will be a bit less cavalier on weather warnings.

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And how long until the first conservative pundit or politician figures out a way to try to blame the Oklahoma tornado on Obama?

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Apparently the Seattle Seahawks have the highest PED suspension rate in the NFL since Pete Carroll took over. And they probably attend classes at the same rate Carroll’s players did at USC.

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Tiger Woods was asked if he had tried to clear the air with Sergio Garcia after the Players Championship. His one word answer – “No.” Guess this marriage cannot be saved.

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Ray Manzarek of the Doors died today. Scary Doors sidelight. Had he lived, Jim Morrison would be 69. A few months younger than Mick Jagger.

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The NFL is close to moving the draft from April to May. Translation, “We want one more month of post-Super Bowl hype to take the spotlight from other sports.”.

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Relations between President Obama and the media may not be at their best, but up in Canada….. The Toronto Star and Gawker are raising money to buy a video from Somali drug dealers that purports to show Toronto mayor Rob Ford smoking crack.

(What are signs that Rob Ford was smoking crack…. for starters was it his alleged planned Stanley Cub victory parade for the Maple Leafs?)

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Yahoo bought Tumblr and in a press release “Promises not to screw it up.” Uh, could they un-screw up Yahoo mail first?

Mark Obenshain, GOP nominee for Virginia attorney general, introduced a bill in 2009 that would make it a crime for women not to report a miscarriage to police within 24 hours. Why stop there? Why not also make it a crime for men to “spill their seed upon the ground?”

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A winning Mega Millions lottery ticket was sold in New Jersey, although the winner has yet to claim the prize. Presumably because he/she is busy making plans with the winnings to move out of New Jersey.

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Meanwhile, back at IRSGate or whatever they call it now, Okay, I get that the Tea Party may have been targeted unfairly by the IRS. But while they are proclaiming their outrage, would some Tea Party leaders also like to explain how they are a social welfare organization and not a political organization?

Dogging it?

May 19, 2013

Ken Rosenthal thinks that Don Mattingly soon to be fired as #Dodgers manager. Wouldn’t it be worse punishment to make him stay whole season?

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Meanwhile #SFGiants. This road trip might be the worst ever not involving the Donner Party.

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If misery loves company, then at least relations betweens SF Giants and Los Angeles Dodgers fans may never be better.

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SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy said this has been the worst week he can remember “Wanna trade?” asked President Obama?

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Meanwhile MLB umpires are thinking next week can’t get any worse… From Marc Ragovin:   “I’m not saying that MLB umpire Fielding Culbreath — who was suspended for allowing an illegal pitching change — is unfamiliar with the game’s rules, but he was heard singing the other day “cause it’s one, two, three strikes take your base at the old ball game.”

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A Florida Lottery executive told the AP. “We’re delighted right now that we have the sole winner,” and added that Florida has had more Powerball winners than any other state. Uh, except that as far as bragging, this is kind of the opposite of winning the state IQ test.

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Star Trek: Into Darkness” had a $70.6 million opening weekend in the U.S.- slightly disappointing to Paramount executives who had expected more. On the other hand, $70.6 million is pretty impressive considering how many theater-goers went without a date.

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A SNL skit last night paid homage to “The Graduate” as Seth Meyers broke up Stefon’s wedding. Reading this, a number of younger Americans no doubt are thinking “What’s ‘The Graduate?'” A number of older Americans are thinking “Who’s Stefon?”

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Now that gay marriage is legal in France, how long until the next trend is winking at married gay couples having affairs?

A man is in critical condition after falling from a roof during a San Francisco Bay to Breakers party Sunday. Which is sad, but did the media even need to add that police suspected alcohol “may have been involved?”

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That story about the 21 year old student on Long Island, NY  who was taken hostage and then accidentally killed by a police bullet is awful. But once again, I wonder, if even a trained professional can make such a mistake in the heat of battle, why do so many think more armed amateurs will make us safer?

A really not so big show?

May 11, 2013

NBA playoffs on TNT. You know we’re talking major media outlet when the commercials are for CaliforniaPsychics.com “$1 a minute but the first question is free.

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This post is a joint effort with my friend Alex Kaseberg: Not saying the Los Angeles Dodgers are playing badly. But the team has started referring to Dodger Stadium as “the Friendly Confines.”

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In yesterday’s Astros-Angels game, the umpires mistakenly allowed Houston to make a second pitching change before the original reliever threw a pitch. (This is illegal starting in Little League.) So after the missed home run call Wednesday, we’ve now had blind, and dumb. Waiting to see what they’ll do for deaf.

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If it’s not one thing, it’s another. New Rutgers men’s basketball coach Eddie Jordan said he was a 1977 graduate from the university. But apparently while Jordan attended Rutgers, he never received a degree. So maybe this makes Eddie a perfect fit for today’s players.-
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1 in 8 Americans over the age of 60 says their memory is getting worse, which could be a sign of a Alzheimer’s problem. On the other hand as most parents who remind teenagers of various things will confirm ….memory loss begins at puberty.
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“Teen Mom” Farrah Abraham says that despite selling her sex tape for $1 million, she’s “not that sexually active.” Glad she cleared that up. Her parents must be so proud.
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Suri Cruise, 7, has apparently signed (?!) a contract to launch a fashion line for young girls. The first “Suri” collection will be available this fall in New York. Well, at least Suri’s older than the kids who will be making the clothes.
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An American Heart Association study found that owning a pet and found that owning a pet is “probably associated” with a lower risk of heart disease. This may be because of the companionship, or in the case of cats, because they teach people how to relax and not give a sh*t.
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Roy Halladay today apologized to Philly fans for his performance before going on the DL, “….and my heart goes out to all of the people who spend all of their money and go out to the games and don’t get to see what they want to see.” Down in Los Angeles, Angels and Dodgers fans are waiting for apologies from their whole teams.
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MLB has suspended umpire Fieldin Culbreth for two games. Culbreth is the crew chief who didn’t know on Thursday that a relief pitcher has to face one batter before being replaced. Presumably two days off is enough time to read the rule book?
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 On the players’ side, Cincinnati Reds minor league pitcher Daniel Tuttle has been suspended for 100 games for a THIRD violation baseball’s drug program. Getting caught three times?! At this point that’s being suspended for stupidity as much as drugs.
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One of the “fastest rising” baby names for boys in the U.S. is “Messiah.” If the trend continues, how many Jewish moms will name their son “Doctor?”
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Hooters is giving free meals to moms on Mother’s Day. Only thing worse than taking your mom to Hooters on Mother’s Day?   Going to Hooters on Mother’s Day and seeing mom at work.

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