Posted tagged ‘deer antler spray jokes’

Where’s the tape?

January 30, 2013

SF 49ers CB Chris Culliver in a pre-Super Bowl radio interview: “I don’t do the gay guys man. No, we don’t got no gay people on the team, they gotta get up out of here if they do.” Proving again, that for all the protective tape put on NFL players’ elbows and knees, sometimes where they really need it is on their mouths.

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Chris Culliver, followup statement: “The derogatory comments I made yesterday were a reflection of thoughts in my head, but they are not how I feel. It has taken me seeing them in print to realize that they are hurtful and ugly. Those discriminating feelings are truly not in my heart. Further, I apologize to those who I have hurt and offended, and I pledge to learn and grow from this experience.”

Right, and if Culliver actually wrote that Manti T’eo is online dating again.

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Another mouth in search of tape:  Or is it the humility that makes him the all-time best? Randy Moss today: “If Joe Blow would have said it, I do not know if it would have been in USA Today. Since Randy Moss said it, it is front of the sports page. Like I said, I just try to stay humble and do my job. But I do believe in my heart and my mind I am the greatest to ever do it.”

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The deer-antler spray controversy continues. And there’s a chance Ray Lewis will be the player after the Super Bowl who says “I’m going to Disneyland.”  Just in case someone keep that man away from Bambi.

 

Apparently this newly popular deer antler spray is an ancient Chinese healing method. Right, because China has produced so many Hall of Fame football players….

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Rumor has it that the NY Yankees are looking at the latest PED allegations swirling around Alex Rodriguez as a way to void his contract. Of course, A-Rod could look at his recent history with the Yankees as evidence that his performance has clearly not been enhanced.

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Jim Nabors, 82, finally married his male partner of 38 years. Well, Gollllll-y!

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SF 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh said on Super Bowl media day “A lot of time is used on the Facebooking and the Tweeter” and “my personal opinion is it’s a time drain.” So wonder how many millions have taken time to post his comments.

 

Nate Silver is now predicting a 49ers win in the Super Bowl. That same game that he predicted two weeks ago would be between the Seahawks and Patriots.

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In Mississippi, two Tea Party lawmakers want to create a permanent committee to nullify any federal laws the state does not want to follow. Okay, if Mississippi wants to be independent can the rest of the U.S. also then stop any federal money going to the state?

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The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention say that leafy greens such as lettuce, spinach and kale cause the most food-borne illnesses. And kids across the U.S. are forwarding this story to their parents saying “See!”

Deer in the spotlights?

August 7, 2011

So MLB has warned players against using a spray made from deer antlers. So how will they test for it? Play “Bambi” in the clubhouse and see who starts crying uncontrollably?

Justin Verlander of the Detroit Tigers is 16-5 in 2011 with a 2.30 ERA. With the San Francisco Giants he might be 9-11.

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Phrase I am getting REALLY REALLY tired of hearing on the SF Giants postgame show. “Fill-in-name-of-Giants-pitche​r pitched a great game and didn’t deserve to lose today.”

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Tiger Woods is 13 shots off the lead in his first tournament in months, and the current leader, Adam Scott, is using Steve Williams, the caddie Woods just fired.

If Scott wins, and even if he just comes close but way ahead of Tiger, I’d like to tip my hat to karma. For being a really impressive bitch.

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Brett Favre quashed rumors that he is considering returning to the NFL with the Miami Dolphins, saying he doesn’t have “any interest.” Translation, he is waiting for an offer from a better team.

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This week is the DEF CON convention in Las Vegas. It’s a 15,000-person gathering of computer hackers. Which answers the question – When do Vegas prostitutes take their vacations?

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The Yankees’ C.C. Sabathia has six losses this year, four to Boston. So wonder when C.C will call the Red Sox his daddy?

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Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly says he won’t pick his starting quarterback until 10 days before the season opener. Makes sense, that not only gives him time to watch the four contenders in practice, but also means his final choice will have less time to get suspended or arrested.

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Open note to Tony Bruno: I completely understand saying something stupid because you are angry -i.e. SF Giants mgr “Bochy is a coward for having his illegal alien pitcher hit a guy”

But saying “saying I apologize for my comments regarding illegal aliens,but I stand behind my comments that Bochy is a coward, People resorting to name calling are more classless and vile.” Uh,Tony, you could have had us at “I apologize.”

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Tiger Woods struggled again today while playing his first tournament in months. Beginning to wonder -what if illicit sex with random women WAS his performance enhancing drug?
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Texas Governor (and probable presidential candidate) Rick Perry spoke at a prayer meeting and said it was to “rally the nation to a Christian unity.” Now, it’s been a while since I studied history, but wasn’t the point for those on the Mayflower to set sail for religious freedom.

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San Francisco and Philadelphia are waiting for MLB to announce suspensions from last night’s brawl. One person involved who probably will escape suspension – Giants hitting coach Hensley Meulens. Because there hasn’t been any evidence he’s been doing anything lately anyway


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