Posted tagged ‘Cowboys jokes’

Cold comfort?

May 20, 2014

The NFL has awarded the 2018 Super Bowl to… Minneapolis. For all those who thought spending the first week in February in New York wasn’t cold enough.

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Jon Bon Jovi is apparently part of a group that wants to buy the Buffalo Bills. Well, if any franchise knows about “Livin’ on a Prayer.”

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California golfer Lucy Li, 11, has qualified for the U.S. Women’s Open. Quite an achievement. It gives all those Chinese women gymnasts a goal to shoot for when they grow up.

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Swiss bank Credit Suisse has pleaded guilty to running “an illegal cross-border banking business” to help thousands of Americans conceal their income from the IRS. The bank will pay a $2.6 billion fine, but will not have to provide names of their U.S. clients who they helped cheat on taxes. So wonder how many of those clients will be subsidizing the “settlement” with a silence fee?

 

Halle Berry on “Ellen” today talking about getting pregnant at 47, which is considered a “geriatric pregnancy.” If Berry thinks it was a “geriatric” pregnancy, wait until she gets to applying for Medicare at the same time her son is applying to college.

 

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Judge just declared PA’s #gaymarriage ban unconstitutional. Will last state to keep gay marriage banned please keep the lights turned off?

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Cleveland has the top NBA lottery pick for the second straight years. Who says the Cavaliers will never win anything?

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As far as Cleveland getting the top pick in 2015?  Probably at least as good a chance as a Miami Heat “three-peat”

 

NBA playoffs are down to San Antonio, Indianapolis, Oklahoma City and Miami. Three team from cities most Americans can’t find on a map and one they can’t stand.

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A 19 year old Texas man in facing five years to life in prison for allegedly baking and selling pot brownies made with hash oil. If he’d only shot and killed someone he’d be facing 10 years max.

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At Allen High School, near Dallas, they will have to close their new $60 million new football stadium this fall due to cracking concrete. This is the biggest disappointment in North Texas since the Cowboys.

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On a brighter note, the stadium is a $48 million cheaper disappointment than Tony Romo.

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The NY Racing Stewards have approved California Chrome to race with a nasal strip. If he wins will Roger Goodell add nasal strips to the NFL’s list of banned performance enhancers?

 

Congrats to Meryl Davis, who with her partner won Dancing with the Stars tonight. With that kind of dancing talent maybe she could do something big on an international stage…. .Oops, never mind.

Damages.

February 27, 2014

Richie Incognito apparently bashed his own Ferrari with a baseball bat. Did he tell police responding to the report of a damaged vehicle that he and the car were the best of pals?

 

On March 15, the San Diego Padres are offering free season tickets to fans who can hit a home run at Petco Park off the team’s pitching machine. And considering the way the team has hit lately, winning fans may also be offered a free-agent contract.

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A $60 million Texas high school stadium located in a suburb of Dallas will be shutdown INDEFINITELY due to “extensive cracking” in the concourse concrete. Wow. This could be the biggest waste of football money in town not affiliated with the Cowboys roster.

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Paula Dean “I feel like ‘embattled’ or ‘disgraced’ will always follow my name. It’s like that black football player who recently came out,” Even Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson is thinking “Sweet Jesus, that woman is dumb.”

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The folks behind Kentucky’s “Creation Museum” are now moving ahead with “Ark Encounter” a theme park built around a 510-foot replica of Noah’s Ark, which will also present a biblical version of history. How long until they run into copyright infringement from Disney? Isn’t “Fantasyland” already taken?

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The CFL Montreal Alouettes released WR Arland Bruce, after he was fined last month by the league for comments about Michael Sam. Bruce tweeted that Sam should “man up, get on his knees and submit to God fully.” Leaving aside the stupidity and homophobia, was that really the best choice of words? #bustohell

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United Airlines is now allowing passengers to pre-book Direct TV on flights for only $4.99, a savings of $3. No doubt the airline figures they’ll make bonus money when passengers don’t bother to ask for a refund on all the times the inflight TV doesn’t work.

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American Airlines is dropping bereavement fares, saying they are making the change “to have a single, consistent program for American and US Airways.” (US Airways didn’t have such fares.) Amazing how in airline mergers the new “consistent” program is always the one that costs consumers more…..

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The GOP is complaining about military budget cuts, but they just scuttled Bernie Sanders’ bill to improve services for veterans. Largely because the Democrats wouldn’t add sanctions to Iran as part of the bill. And because anything President Obama backs must be wrong.

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Finally, from Alex Kaseberg, an open letter:

“Dear Rest of the U.S:

We hear you have had some severe weather this winter, so we would like to ask you some questions. Today, we woke up and there was a liquid-like substance actually falling from the sky. Here is my question: Is it OK to leave the house?

Yours Truly,

California”

Almost memories?

February 1, 2014

All of this Justin Bieber trouble in the headlines makes many Americans nostalgic for a kinder, gentler time, when the worst music export we could blame Canada for was Celine Dion.

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NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said today that the name “Redskins” “honors Native Americans”, and “is a unifying force that stands for strength, courage, pride and respect..” Maybe once upon a time, but has Goodell watched the team play lately?”

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Federal authorities say they have seized over $21 million in fake Super Bowl merchandise. What was their first clue? Did some of the gear say “Dallas Cowboys” on it?

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Just think, the U.S. is only about a day away from being done with pre-Super Bowl hype. And after the post-Super Bowl recap is done we should be only about 48 hours away from NFL draft hype.

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In Kingsport, Tenn, SF 49ers OL Daniel Kilgore was charged with public intoxication last Saturday night when police saw him “staggering” on a sidewalk and arrested him for his “safety and the welfare of the public.”. Just one thought, Kilgore is listed at 308 lb. How many drinks does it take to get “staggering” drunk at 308 lbs?

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It’s an old joke but someone’s got to recycle it. Police today Friday were investigating white powder scares in New Jersey near MetLife Stadium. Wonder if the cops were Jets and Giants fans, in which case there’s a good chance the unknown powder was the goal line.

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Olive Garden has a promotion next Friday night, drop off your kids at a “My Gym” location, eat at Olive Garden, show your receipt, and the babysitting is free. If this works maybe real Italian restaurants will follow suit.

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Roger Goodell, joking about marijuana and the NFL drug policy, “I am randomly tested, and I’m happy to say that I am clean.” No doubt. If Goodell inhaled, the No Fun League might be a little mellower.

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Apparently Tim Tebow will appear in two Super Bowl ads. If the ads are any good presumably they’ll only run in the 4th quarter?

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U.S. Capitol Police say they will not press charges over the incident when Rep. Michael Grimm threatened to throw a reporter over a “f*cking balcony.” No doubt because despite the threat, the police figured, Grimm’s a Congressman, they don’t actually DO anything.

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In an interview with Geraldo Rivera Rudy Giuliani said it’s “fifty-fifty” that Christie was aware in advance of the bridge closures. And if anyone knows on the uncertain odds of honesty, it’s the man who’s said “til death do us part” three times.

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Not sure if these new allegations that Chris Christie knew about the bridge closure in advance are true. But strikes me if they are the NJ Governor maybe should have responded when the story first hit ” – Yeah, I closed down a few lanes on his damn bridge. What do you think I’ll do to countries who don’t cooperate with the U.S.?”

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Apparently 6% of Americans call in sick the day after the Super Bowl. Forget avoiding cruises, clearly the real way to take care of your health is to avoid Super Bowl parties.

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Now Toronto mayor Rob Ford has come to the defense of Justin Bieber. Maybe Ford views Bieber as a future Canadian political leader?

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Robert Marchand, 102, broke his own world record in the 100’s cycling category. He rode 26.927 kilometers in one hour, more than 2.5 kilometers better than his previous best time two years ago. Quick, somebody test his ENSURE.

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Romo, romo, where art thou, romo?

December 30, 2013

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Thanks to Jeff Klein for the picture.

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And thanks to Kyle Orton for the great fourth quarter Tony Romo imitation.

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If consistency is a virtue than the #Cowboys are a truly Godlike team. #eliminatedagain   (Three .500 seasons in a row.)

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Cowboys should have put in Jon Kitna?

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But worst of all for Cowboys fans?  They face the additional heartbreak of not being able to blame it on Tony Romo.

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Congrats to the Chargers. But if it takes a missed 41 yard FG , (and a missed defensive penalty on the attempt) , and then an OT FG to win against a KC Chiefs team that rested 7 starters including their QB…. well, thinking their SD fans might not have to worry about tickets for week 2 of the playoffs.

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Drew Brees, 381 passing yards. Peyton Manning. 266 passing yards. Each with 4 TD passes in the first half. Brees added a rushing TD in the second. Unlikely they both make it to Metlife, but if so and the game isn’t played in a blizzard, might be the highest Super Bowl total score in history.

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Peyton Manning broke Drew Brees’ NFL record for most passing yards in a single season (5,476) today in Oakland. Should the record have an asterisk since it was against the Raiders?

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Rex Ryan and Geno Smith will apparently both be back with the NY Jets next year. Not sure if this will be good news for Jets fans, but it should be for comedy writers.

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Detroit finished off their late season collapse on a consistent note, with their 4th loss of the month (and 6th in their last 7 games.) This December these Lions couldn’t have even beat the Christians.

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The Redskins are expected to fire Mike Shanahan after today’s game. Thereby creating a job opening with the approximate same chance of success as mediating peace in the Middle East.

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So have to wonder, if “Paula’s Best Dishes” and “Paula’s Home Cooking” had the ratings “Duck Dynasty” has, would Paula Deen still have her TV gig?

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A man who was mugged in Central Park this weekend that the mugger took money, but looked disgustedly at his flip phone, and gave it back to him. Yet another reason to carry, if not a flip phone, a Blackberry.

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Kanye West apparently told fans at his Toronto concert this weekend that he plans to keep his opinions to himself for a while. “Might be another, like, six months. At least. You’re just gonna have to run back the interviews and s–t if you wanna hear some realness.” Promise?

And the winner might be?

December 28, 2013

Alas, too late in the year to qualify for the 2013 Darwin voting. In Bali, a security guard volunteered to catch a 15 ft-Python on the grounds of the Hyatt, which is closed for renovation. He got the snake by the head ahd tail and put it around his shoulders. Whereupon the python promptly strangled him.

 

Shin-Soo Choo at today’s press conference in Arlington was asked why he was drawn to Texas. He said he “was looking for a winning team — that is the most important thing for him and his career.” Right. Choo must have been dazzled by all those World Series trophies..

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Tony Romo  had season-ending back surgery Friday. So looks like his season will be 1 game shorter than that of his Cowboys teammates.

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With Tony Romo out, and math teacher Jon Kitna suited up on the sidelines, this means we are one hard hit on Kyle Orton away from a possible Disney movie….

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In Argentina on Christmas Day, about 70 people were injured, non-fatally, when they were attacked at a beach by a swam of piranhas. Has the made-for-tv movie started filming yet? #Piranhanado?

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When Jadeveon Clowney was stopped for going 84 mph in a 55 zone, he was 6 miles from the stadium – where his South Carolina team was leaving for the airport “in three minutes.” Assuming this guy survives to sign with an NFL team, maybe his contract can include a car and driver and a clock?

 

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A California man pleaded guilty today to a federal terrorism charge after using Facebook to connect with Al Qaeda. How dumb are crooks? Not sure how long it might have taken NSA to catch him but FB probablly took about five minutes to show the guy ads for weapons, bombs, flights out of the country..

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Some complicated permutations with the NFL playoffs depending on the Sunday’s results. But to be fair, some of those potential upsets are as likely as the Sacramento Kings beating the Miami Heat….

 

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So the NFL just said that Peyton Manning’s 50th TD pass against the Houston Texans, which tied Tom Brady’s mark for most TD’s in a season, shouldn’t have counted because it was really an incomplete pass. And this matters because Brady has never received the benefit of the doubt from the officials….

 

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About 10 days ago Target said 40 million customers MAY have had their credit and debit cards impacted. Originally this was between Black Friday and December 6. Then December 15. Then they were definitely impacted. But it wasn’t PINS. Now it’s PINs but they were encrypted, so it shouldn’t be a problem….. So heck, let’s scream again about government intrusion and praise the private sector.

 

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So let me get this straight. “Duck Dynasty,” is a reality show about a large conservative redneck family in Louisiana, who are serious about prayer and guns. Not probably a favorite amongst liberals in the first place. Then the patriarch is suspended over un-PC statements which I’d guess a large percent of their audience had no problem with. Much outrage from fans resulted. And now Robertson is back, and no doubt ratings will skyrocket. Can’t imagine how any one might think this was a publicity stunt.

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So now that Phil Robertson is back on “Duck Dynasty”, who’s going to be the next reality TV star to try to jump start their ratings by saying something offensive? Should we start a pool?

 

 

From Bill Littlejohn:   The NFL says they are prepared to move the Super Bowl to another day if snow threatens the game. The Pope reportedly sent the league a tweet “Don’t even think about Easter.”

 

(another day for the Super Bowl?  Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we have a new prop bet.)

The NFL is prepared to move the Super Bowl to another day if snow threatens the game. The Pope sent a tweet that read, ‘Don’t even think about Easter’. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/318968/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-December-27-2013-Edition-451#sthash.c456aNZL.dpuf
The NFL is prepared to move the Super Bowl to another day if snow threatens the game. The Pope sent a tweet that read, ‘Don’t even think about Easter’. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/318968/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-December-27-2013-Edition-451#sthash.c456aNZL.dpuf

Not a creature was stirring

December 25, 2013

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Well, actually it would be a good time for a stirring mouse.

 

T’is the season.  (Cats in the picture are Ashton, aka sh*t for brains – and Xena – aka warrior princess – aka voodoo cat.)

 

Now back to snark.

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“He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake….” So will Edward Snowden’s next attempt for asylum be an offer to some country to divulge the secrets of Santa?

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T’is the season for creative Darwin awards. This was another near miss. At the Denver Zoo during the Holiday Lights event, an allegedly drunk woman was rescued from the elephant enclosure after she somehow wandered in and was zapped by an electric fence. The lions are no doubt disappointed she didn’t wander into THEIR enclosure.

 

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Apparently Tony Romo received an epidural after Sunday’s game. Not sure if this will have the Cowboys QB ready to play next week, but maybe it will give him a waiver next year to use some of Manny Ramirez’s female fertility drugs?

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Eliot Spitzer and his wife Silda today announced they are ending their 16 year marriage. Based on their business backgrounds and relationship for the past few years this final dissolution must have been decided on based on something deep and important, like 2013 tax returns.

 

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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg:  For all those who remember the great Johnny Carson.  And even for those who don’t:

 

Carnac the Magnifigant, envelope to head: “Ho, ho, ho.”  (Rips envelope and pulls out question: “How do you say hello to the Kardashian sisters.”)

 

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Aaron Rodgers is still uncertain if he can play in Green Bay’s game Sunday against the Bears. Maybe this is God’s karmic payback for that “Discount Double Check” commercial?

 

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Mike D’Antoni says if Lakers fans ” are discouraged, then, you know, find another team to root for. ” But gosh, where would fans in the Los Angeles area go to find another decent NBA team?”

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Wonder how many people who are screaming about not having enough advance warning to sign up for Obamacare were also rushing around desperately Tuesday trying to finish their Christmas shopping.

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Dallas owner and GM Jerry Jones said that Jason Garrett’s is NOT coaching for his job Sunday and that Garrett’s future is ‘bright with the Cowboys.” If true, maybe only because Jones won’t admit he made a mistake hiring the coach in the first place. (And this might be first time this year “bright” and “Cowboys” get used in the same sentence.)

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During the SF 49ers’ last night at Candlestick Park there were 81 ejections and 30 arrests. Sounds like an average Giants-Dodgers game at the ‘Stick.

For whom the Stick tolls

December 24, 2013

Mike Tirico’s ESPN sign off after MNF tonight “What a great night to say farewell to Candlestick Park, perhaps the last game played at this great stadium.” At this great stadium? Uh, did someone check the brownies in the SF press box?

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Boise State QB Joe Southwick, dismissed from the team and sent home before the Hawaii Bowl, took a polygraph test to prove he was unfairly accused of peeing off a hotel balcony. He says he only watched others do it. (Of course, considering the probable amount of alcohol involved, is it possible Southwick just doesn’t remember?)

(and just imagine how thrilled folks were who spent a lot of money on a Hawaii vacation must have been to stay in that same hotel.)

Uh oh. Steve Martin sent out a racially offensive joke on Twitter.com Although he has apologized. Should we boycott SNL reruns? I don’t think they sell his merchandise at Cracker Barrel….

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Here’s a bipartisan simple idea for solving the whole offensive comment issue. If an ENTERTAINER says something that really offends you – don’t watch their show. And if you are really unhappy, don’t patronize their advertisers. But doesn’t living in a free country mean that people are free to be idiots?

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Former Dallas WR Michael Irvin said yesterday “I don’t know if anybody has less talent than the Dallas Cowboys, now.” And both the Houston Texans and Washington Redskins responded, “Who are we, chopped liver?”

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Lions head coach Jim Schwartz was unhappy hearing boos from the Detroit fans towards the end of yesterday’s game. Well, he probably won’t be hearing them next year.

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Junior Jerian Grant, Notre Dame’s leading men’s basketball scorer, had to leave the school and the team for the rest of the season “due to an academic manner that [he] did not handle properly.” At Kentucky they are asking “What is an “academic matter?”

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Kate Winslet named her newborn son “Bear.” Well, either she wants him to grow up and coach at Alabama, or the actress believes in full employment for child psychologists.

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According to ESPN Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo will miss the rest of the season with a back injury. Bummer. This is the equivalent of Santa giving a lump of coal to comedy writers.

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If they’re going to have challenges and instant replay in the NFL, why not allow a challenge as to whether or not a penalty should have been called. Seen way too many games this year turn on either a bad call or a bad non-call. #Missingreplacementrefs

Lottery fever?

December 18, 2013

When they total U.S. retail sales this December will Mega Millions lottery tickets count?

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So were all these people rushing to buy tickets risking affluenza?

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A winning Mega Millions jackpot ticket was purchased today in San Jose. The winner might have almost enough to buy Santa Clara 49ers season tickets.

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Okay I admit it, my coworkers went in for a handful of Mega Millions tickets today, I declined. But when I heard “winning ticket sold in the South Bay,” yes, there was a second of “uh oh….”

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Channel 2 in the SF Bay Area is doing “Breaking News” on the winning “Mega Millions” ticket. So every few minutes they were  showing a live picture… of a locked up gift store in San Jose….

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Edward Snowden has written an “open letter to the people of Brazil” saying he is willing to help the country investigate U.S. surveillance of Brazilian citizens. Translation: Snowden is already tired of living in Russia.

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Eight tech officials, including CEO’s from Apple, Facebook, Yahoo and Google, wrote a letter to Obama and Congress calling for curbs to NSA surveillance. Apparently they want the surveillance left to the corporate sector.

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It may be December, but those Thanksgiving stalwarts the Dallas Cowboys and Detroit Lions apparently decided to do their giving on the field this week.

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-The Harvard bomb threat that closed several buildings on Monday was apparently emailed in by a student to administrators, police and the Harvard Crimson. The young man in question was scheduled to take an exam that day. You’d think if he had time to think of the scheme, he also had time to study.

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Urban Meyer says he’s an “awful loser. I guess I’d rather be known as that than as a good loser.” I have news for the OSU coach. He’s not known as a good winner either.

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Oregon CB Troy Hill has been suspended following his arrest last Friday for “menacing” and “criminal mischief.” Well, the Ducks may not be going to a BCS bowl, but good to see their players are still in NFL prospect form.

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Scientists at Emory University devised an algorithm using Twitter to figure out how various NFL fan bases deal with wins and losses. Turns out the Raiders fans have the biggest swings between happy and sad. Good thing they stuck with football, Cubs fans might have crashed the system.

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Harold Camping, the California preacher who freaked out thousands of people when he predicted the end of the world has died at age 92. So wonder if his predictive power was at least good enough to know he didn’t need to buy Christmas presents.

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Back in Texas, an advisor to Attorney General Greg Abbott tweeted earlier this fall that State Senator Wendy Davis is “too stupid to be governor.” “Too stupid to be governor” of Texas? Didn’t think based on recent history that was possible.

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A Delta flight slid some distance off the runway last night in the snow at Madison Airport. The important question for many this time of year… did the airline at least give passengers a few extra frequent flier miles?

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The Charlotte Bobcats said they will unveil their new “Charlotte Hornets” logo Dec. 21, The team will rename itself for the 2014-15 season. Alas they will have a new name, new uniforms and the same lousy players

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Some 49ers fans plan to taunt Seahawks fan by purchasing a billboard in Seattle with pictures of the five Super Bowl trophies SF has won. Fair enough…but no doubt Seahawks fans will in turn point out that they can see the billboard on their way to home playoff games.

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Justin Bieber said during an L.A. radio interview that “After the new album, uh, I’m actually, uh, I’m retiring man, I’m retiring…” Alas, unlike Megyn Kelly, Bieber probably really WAS joking.

 

What’s a few zeros…

December 17, 2013

The Mega Millions jackpot, already at $586 million, may reach a billion before Tuesday’s drawing because of lottery fever. Right, because there are so many things you can’t buy for half a billion….

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Marissa Mayer is one of several tech executives scheduled to meet with President Obama Tuesday. Because maybe her changes with Yahoo mail have made the Obamacare website look good by comparison?

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Of course, there’s a good chance Obama wanted to meet with Mayer last month, but his invite got caught in Yahoo mail spam.

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Starting today, San Francisco has free wi-fi on Market Street. Yet another excuse for pedestrians to walk right into traffic,,,,

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A water leak filled a skyway bridge and closed one of the Terminals at San Jose Airport this morning. No word on a re-opening time, but wonder who will be the first airline to institute a pump fee.

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At Harvard, fake bomb threats resulted in the evacuation of some buildings and the cancellation of some final exams. And in the SEC, football players preparing for bowl games asked “What are final exams?”

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Dez Bryant said the reason he left the field early in the Cowboys’ loss to the Packers is that he didn’t want to be seen crying on the sideline. And Dallas fans are thinking “How do you think WE felt?”

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Why should New Jersey have a monopoly on Gubernatorial political comedy? Donald Trump now says he might run for Governor of New York next year.

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Peyton Manning was named SI’s “Sportsman of the Year.”   Now, the Broncos just lost their last game and who knows about the playoffs. But maybe this year’s award should be subtitled “Biggest name star least likely to embarrass himself or get arrested.”

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Ravens-Lions on MNF. Good economic stimulus. Because most of the country said “Meh, let’s go shopping.”

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ESPN says that Nick Saban brought Lane Kiffin to Tuscaloosa to help evaluate the Crimson Tide offense. This could be good news. For Oklahoma.

-Chip Kelly, rumored to be a candidate for the U Texas head-coaching job, said “It’s just speculation, but I’m not involved in any jobs. I’m the coach of the Philadelphia Eagles.” So given past history when Kelly announced he was staying at Oregon it will be about 10 days before he heads to Austin?

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The New Orleans Saints are apparently mulling a change after Garrett Hartley missed another two field goals yesterday. Hey, Morten Andresen is only 53 now!

A 58 year old SF woman, accused of speeding at over 80 MPH on city streets in her Mercedes-Benz this September, will be charged with felony vehicular manslaughter for crashing into a minivan, and killing a 16-year-old boy. So will there be an adult “affluenza” defense? 
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If it is better to give than receive, then the #DallasCowboys in the second half yesterday were the best team in the #NFL

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Great ending for the Ravens with a 61 yard field goal to win at the end of the 4th quarter. Does this mean Nick Saban is more likely to bolt Alabama for the NFL?

It’s the most munchie-fun time of the year?

December 16, 2013

Pennsylvania police arrested a Florida man after a traffic stop after they found 20 pounds of marijuana in boxes wrapped as Christmas presents. Well, who’s to say the boxes weren’t Christmas presents?

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Fox NFL announcers before 49ers-Buccaneers game Sunday in a gray Tampa. “There’s no sunshine in the Sunshine State. Temperatures are 70 degrees and falling.” And no doubt East Coast viewers are all thinking “just STFU.”

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In-N-Out Burgers has indicated they do not want to expand to the East Coast. This is bad news for both East Coast residents and any of their under-employed cardiologists.

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Former MLB player Ryan Freel, who reportedly had 9-10 concussions while he played, and who committed suicide last year, reportedly suffered from CTE. No doubt Bud Selig will address this with all the dedication he showed on the steroid issue.

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Joan Fontaine, 96, died today. Perhaps she went to Manderley again?

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The Dallas Cowboys blew a 23 point lead today. To paraphrase a Horace Walpole quote – “A tragedy to those in North Texas, a comedy to those who live everywhere else.”

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Monte Kiffin is making his son Lane look good.

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As TC says “Good news Cowboy fans, “Everytime Romo throws a pick, an angel gets their wings”.

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Apparently the Saints decided to take a bye week. Or at least a bye three quarters. #gladitsnottheplayoffs

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The Miami Dolphins upset the New England Patriots 24-20. So the question of the day “WWGB?” Who will Gisele blame?

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Not the Onion. Larry Pratt, president of Gun Owners of America, said the problem in America is overly restrictive. “Every one of our mass murders in our country has occurred in places where guns were prohibited. The legislation that is on the books is lethal. It is killing people. All of these gun free zones are murder magnets. We’ve simply got to get rid of them.” Hey, guns on airplanes, in schools, in theaters, what could possibly go wrong….?

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John Kerry said Kim Jong Un is “reckless” and “insecure.” What was his first clue?

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Journey guitarist Neal Schon and former “Real Housewives of D.C.” star Michaele Holt Salahi wed in a Pay-Per-View ceremony in San Francisco Sunday. Proving it was possible to show something less relevant than the Redskins-Falcons game.

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Redskins coach Mike Shanahan isn’t planning to resign and according to ESPN sources “actually would like to return to Washington next season as long as he can run the organization the way he wants.” I think we have a better chance for world peace.

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Apparently all four GOP candidates for lieutenant governor in Texas think that public schools should teach creationism. Not sure about creationism but these folks are not doing much for the theory of “intelligent design.”

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So much fuss over a picture. But for different reasons we can I think be thankful that “selfies” weren’t a phenomenon when either W. or Bill Clinton was President.

(and btw, since some friends have asked, the explanation from the photographer of the Obama and friends picture…. http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/12/11/selfie-of-obama-was-misinterpreted-photographer-says/?_r=0)

Decisions, decisions.

December 11, 2013

The stories out of Austin keep changing by the hour. Texas football coach Mack Brown was retiring, then he wasn’t, then he is, then he’s staying, then he’s leaving…. Even Brett Favre is impressed.

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Although the male cheerleader didn’t actually trip the player, Oklahoma State announced they will discipline the student who extended a foot as one of the Oklahoma Sooners celebrated his end-of-game touchdown. Wonder if the young man has been offered a job with the Pittsburgh Steelers?

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Paul Ryan and Patty Murray said they have reached a bipartisan budget deal, which would prevent another government shutdown. Well, this weather in DC may be inconveniencing many but seems like there are benefits to Hell freezing over.

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A missing group of 2 adults and 4 children who went off to “play in the snow” have been found alive and in “good condition” in Nevada after being lost for two days. It’s good news, but maybe next time they get this idea the family should head to a ski resort? Or a mall with a snow making machine?

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Aaron Hernandez, writing to a pen “friend” from prison. “I really enjoy my days. It’s not that bad, honestly.” Seriously? Maybe Hernandez figures it’s better than say, having been traded to the Redskins.

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Uruguay’s Congress just voted to become the first country to legalize selling and growing marijuana. Can you say a new high for the Uruguay tourist industry.

 

Apparently over 200,000 people have signed up with a Dutch company potentially to be the first settlers to colonize Mars. Though to be fair, have to wonder how many of those signups were done by folks who secretly volunteered relatives or in-laws?

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Dear Gawd. Now George Zimmerman’s girlfriend is recanting her 911 call and gun story. Saying that she both wants to drop charges and get back together with him. If the police allow this can they add a condition that the two never leave the state of Florida? Crazy might be contagious.

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Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said today he still has confidence in defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin. Right, like Pat Haden said this Sept. of Monte’s son ” I’m behind Lane Kiffin 100 percent. I have great confidence in him….”

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At Nelson Mandela’s memorial President Barack Obama shook hands with Cuban President Raul Castro. Mandela would be proud. And maybe it’s an early Christmas present – Obama has given Fox News material for a week.

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So it begins. Sen. John McCain likened Obama’s handshake with Raul Castro to shaking hands with Adolf Hitler. Saying “Why would you shake hands with someone who’s keeping Americans in prison.” Uh, so exactly with how many countries would McCain advocate cutting off our relations?

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But really, all this commotion about Cuba. Americans can travel to Vietnam, Russia, China and even Iran. Not to mention a number of ridiculously repressive regimes around the world. Maybe it’s time to stop worrying about electoral votes in Florida? Besides, two words that might make even conservatives smile about a thawing in relations – Cuban cigars.

A cold day in h*ll, or in New Jersey?

December 9, 2013

This just keeps getting better. To avoid congestion and due to limited parking, even fans with tickets that cost thousands will not be able to hire taxis or limos for the Super Bowl. There will be fewer than 13,000 parking places, but other than that the 80.000 ticket holders will have to use a “Fan Express” bus, or N.J. Transit. No drop-offs by private vehicles will be allowed.

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Bad weather across the U.S. has closed businesses and forced the cancellation of many flights. The worst thing in D.C., however, was that it didn’t cancel yesterday’s Redskins game.

 

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A 24 year old Georgia woman said that she and a guy she was casually dating are now a serious couple after he accidentally shot her in the leg last month with a hunting rifle, and he has even moved in to take care of her. How sweet. If they end up planning a wedding will the lovebirds invite Dick Cheney?

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South Carolina DE end Jadeveon Clowney was pulled over yesterday in a Chrysler 300 near Columbia and ticketed for going 110 mph in a 70 mph zone. The fine may be dwarfed by the endorsement Clowney he gets from Chrysler – — you can go 110mph in one of their cars?

 

Christmas cheer for the 49 states that aren’t Texas. On the ninth day of December my true love gave to me…. 11 #Cowboys sucking….

 

Eleanor Parker, who played the baroness in the “The Sound of Music” movie has died at 91. Let’s hope that NBC live special didn’t kill her.

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Candlestick Park is offering fans a chance to buy a pair of their plastic seats (for $749!) before the stadium is torn down after this season. Of course to get the full experience, will they sell the seats with cushions made of ice packs?

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The SF 49ers won’t be on MNF next year because of parking issues in Santa Clara at their new Levi’s stadium, which is surrounded by local businesses so won’t have parking on weekdays. Bodes well for the Cal-Oregon game scheduled for 2014 at the stadium…on October 24, a Friday night?!

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Oh the horror. Some local papers (and the coach) bemoaning how San Jose State was a bubble team that was shut out of a bowl. The Spartans are a fun team with a very good QB (David Fales). But they were 6-6.

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Washington coach Mike Shanahan says he might sit RGIII for the team’s 3 remaining games. Except that without their star QB the Redskins might unwatchable…. Oops. Never mind.

 

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Britney Spears told an interviewer she would “I would really like to have another baby, a girl,” because then “I’m not going to feel as alone in the world anymore.” Right.   Britney and her sister Jamie were so every mom’s dream in their late teens and early 20s.

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Richard Sherman thinks the SF 49ers only won yesterday because of “questionable calls” by the officials. “We expected to blow them out, but they got the benefit of a few calls tonight throughout the game and that helps you, especially on third down.” Well, this ought to do wonders for the Seahawks’ reputation for being less than good sports.

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Former San Diego Mayor Bob Filner was sentenced today to three month’s home confinement and three years probation. The judge also specified the Filner “may not seek or hold elective office during the term of his probation.” So otherwise voters might be stupid enough to elect him again?

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Saints be praised.

November 11, 2013

New Orleans Saints 49,  Dallas Cowboys 17.   The only time they usually see scores like that in Louisiana is when LSU schedules one of their out-of-conference cupcakes.

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How bad did the Saints make the Cowboys defense look? In the Kiffin family for a change, Lane was feeling sorry for his dad.

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Looks like it’s a good thing for the NFC Least that the NFL’s requirements for winning your division aren’t as strict as the NCAA’s rules for being bowl-eligible.

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SF 49ers, who play New Orleans on the 17th,  are just hoping the Saints offense tired themselves out by going up and down the field so often.

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So who wins the “most embarrassing day in the division” award? The Colts for getting spanked by the Rams or the Titans for losing to the Jaguars?

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Now backup Green Bay quarterback Seneca Wallace is injured. Think that Brett Favre’s wife has hidden his cellphone?

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Singer Miley Cyrus smoked a joint on stage and twerked with a dwarf during the MTV EMAs today. Guess she’s not happy with only offending music fans on one continent.

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It just gets better…. Apparently GM Jeff Ireland spoke at a Dolphins meeting this week and singled out head coach Joe Philbin for creating a team of high character. Would hate to see what a team of low character was….

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But not that long ago I’m sure the folks at MNF looked at tomorrow’s Dolphins Bucs matchup and thought – “how are we ever going to come up with a story line for this turkey of a game?”

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Two people were shot and injured, one reportedly an innocent bystander, after a shooting at New York City’s Bryant Park ice rink. If only all the skaters had been armed.

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Hillary Clinton made a speech in SF stressing bipartisan unity. Translation, going to be fun to see her and Chris Christie each trying to claim ownership of the centrist platform in 2016, after they both try to run in opposite directions in the primary.

Negotiations

August 14, 2013

Alex Rodriguez’s lawyer, trying to fight MLB’s 211 game suspension, says that his client didn’t commit “multiple violations.” Brings to mind the old joke “we’ve already figured out what kind of woman you are, we’re just arguing price.”‘

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The horror, according to “E-news” Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie almost both ended up on the SAME FLIGHT in first class from Los Angeles to London. When Aniston’s people were informed they changed her flight to the next day. Beyond-first-world problem. Way-beyond-first-world solution.

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Forbes says the Dallas Cowboys, worth $2.3 billion, are America’s most valuable team. Can you imagine how much the Cowboys would be worth if they could actually win?

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Apparently Tom Brady limped off the practice field today with a possible knee injury. Will  Patriots fans blame Tim  Tebow.

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In California, the Sonoma Valley High School Boosters had a fundraising event threatened with cancellation as they were serving homemade wines (some made by well-known winemakers.) Guess they should have done something less dangerous, like raffle off a gun?

 

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Kate Gosselin, (from the not-so-dearly-departed Jon & Kate Plus appears with her children on the cover of People Magazine: “We were struggling, then we were doing really well, then it all fell apart, and now we have a so-called normal life.” Right, because all normal families appear on the cover of People Magazine.

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A 73 year-old man who climbed over a barrier at Hawaii Volcanoes National Park and fell 115 feet was rescued after a hiker heard his cries for help. And somewhere Darwin is thinking “Missed it by THAT much.”

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John Oliver on “The Daily Show” tonight said he became a NY Mets fans “because, as a British person, I associate sports with misery.” Responded the Chicago Cubs “who are we, chopped liver?”

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You cannot make this “stuff” up, female version: Sheryl Sandberg, the multimillionaire who advised women to “Lean In” has founded a non-profit to help women get ahead “Lean In” -the foundation is looking for interns. Unpaid interns. Well, this ought to do wonders for Sandberg’s reputation for being completely out of touch with the lives of average women.

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Oops,. In 2010, the Oklahoma Lottery Commission had discontinued their toll-free number to save money, but recent lottery tickets were printed on old paper. And the phone number is now used… by a phone sex line. The mistake will be corrected, the potential excuse could go on for years. (Really honey, I was just trying to win us millions.)

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From T.C.  “Irish discount airline Ryanair is under fire for refusing to refund a ticket of a passenger who passed away before her flight. The deceased’s son threatened to put the urn containing his mother’s ashes on the plane and filming and uploading the video to YouTube. Talk about passengers requiring assistance to board.”

This wouldn’t happen in the U.S.  They’d probably demand an additional over-sized bag fee for the urn.

Spurred on.

June 7, 2013

The aging San Antonio Spurs looked like the more energetic team tonight in the NBA finals, despite the late 9pm start time.  Maybe it works having dinner be that 4p Early Bird Special.

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David Stern said before game 1 that this was “probably the most anticipated Finals in who knows, 30 years.” Wow, that’s almost as good as Bud Selig saying the steroid era was over.

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45 years ago,  June 6,  Robert F. Kennedy died after being shot the night before. Scary to realize he’s been dead longer than he was alive.

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Dallas Cowboys DT Josh Brent, awaiting trial for the DUI car crash that killed his teammate Jerry Brown, tested positive for marijuana. Prosecutors are trying to revoke his bail, and presumably to add charges of criminal stupidity and 1st degree douchebagery.

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On a package of Children’s Benadryl: “Do not use to make a child sleepy.”   Wonder if it will stop parents from trying, or give more other parents the idea.

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The karmic payback for shutting down Stephen Strasburg in 2012 continues? The Nationals’ Bryce Harper now will see Dr. James Andrews about his knee, which is not responding to treatment.

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Chris Christie appointed N.J. Attorney General Jeffrey Chiesa, a self-described “conservative Republican” to the Senate to replace Frank Lautenberg. Chiesa called the appointment “an incredible honor,” and says he will not run in the October special election. Translation, he knows he has no chance of winning.

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Mississippi State’s football program is expected to be hit with sanctions for “major infractions” tomorrow. What’s a “major infraction?” Anything done wrong by a non-major SEC program.

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A truck carrying a tank of 6,000 gallons whiskey overturned in New Jersey, and then the liquor caught fire. Firefighters were able to use foam to extinguish the blaze and much of the liquor just flowed into the gutter. At Jersey Shore, flags were lowered to half staff.

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UNC leading scorer’s P.J. Hairston was charged with marijuana possession following a traffic stop in Durham, N.C. Really? You’re a Tar Heel and you do something illegal in Durham? About as smart as speeding near Fenway Park wearing a Yankees Cap.

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A judge tossed a suit by PA’s governor alleging that taking scholarships from Penn State will result in a market-wide anticompetitive effect, such that the “nation’s top scholastic football players” would be unable to obtain a Division 1 scholarship.” Uh, right, because Penn State was only taking student-athletes who had no other offers.

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Wonder how many of the people screaming about the NSA getting Americans’ telephone records are the same ones screaming that the government should have been keeping close track on the Boston bombers.

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A JetBlue flight from White Plains, NY to Fort Myers, FL was diverted to JFK after a bird strike this morning. No injuries were reported. Well, except for the bird.

Almost 20 years ago today.

October 2, 2012

19 years ago today, the SF Giants needed to win their 104th game of the year against the LA Dodgers to reach the postseason. Whatever you say about Barry Zito, he’s no Salomon Torres.

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Bummer ending for Dodgers fans. That may be the last time many of them stick around for the ninth inning.

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Of the teams with the seven highest payrolls in MLB, not counting the Dodgers after their big trade, four of them didn’t make the playoffs this year. (Yes, Phillies, Red Sox, Angels and Marlins, I’m talking about you.)

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Bristol Palin is on DWTS again? She wasn’t even a star the first time. Guess she really wants to show young girls that becoming a teen mom can ruin your life.

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A video of Paul Ryan in 2011 has him saying “70% of Americans want the American Dream. Only 30 % want the welfare state.” Does that mean Mitt figures 17% of Americans got lazier in the past year?

 

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NY  GM Brian Cashman said he would like the team to win its 28 World Series as one last gift to his late father, who was a big fan and passed away in September. “How sweet” said children of Yankee fans. “Oh STFU,” said children of Cubs fans.

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MLB has said it could be FRIDAY until game times for Saturday are announced.   Basically so they can assure that NY will be in primetime.  Yankees suck!

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Mitt Romney said today he would honor the temporary visas President Obama granted to some illegal immigrants. Some conservatives were up in arms, others just laughed and decided to wait for next week.

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Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said today last night’s loss “I couldn’t be more disappointed.” And Cowboys fans said “Well, unless you paid your hard-earned money for tickets to that debacle.”

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New Orleans Hornets basketball player Lance Thomas says he doesn’t think he violated any NCAA rules when he bought almost $100,000 in diamond jewelry during his Duke college career. What’s his defense? “It was Duke, didn’t everybody?”

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Ohio State and TCU have signed up to play a “home and home” football series in 2018-19. Of course the way the Big Ten has been playing lately, maybe it’s TCU who considers the Buckeyes “the Little Sisters of the Poor.”

 

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Rough week for American Airlines, now with a flight from Chicago to London needing to divert to Shannon because of a “smoky odor” coming from an overheated fan. Stand by for the merged United-Continental Airlines’ new motto – “We suck less.”

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A fire damaged a home in Berkeley, CA and resulted in an entire block losing power after a seagull flew into a power line. Wonder how long it will take residents to protest having power lines where birds can fly into them.

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From Marc Ragovin:   The Bikini Basketball League is gearing up for its inaugural season. Fans will be rooting for strings of wins, and losses of strings.

Missed them by that much.

October 1, 2012

Heard Tony Romo threw a tantrum after the Monday Night Football game. The tantrum was picked off by the Bears and returned for a touchdown.

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Who did Romo think he was Monday night?  Brett Favre?

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NY Jets owner Woody Johnson said it was more important to him that Romney win than his team have a winning season. Curiously enough, many Republicans are about as happy with Mitt as the candidate as Jets fans are with Mark Sanchez as their QB.

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A 19-year old is recovering in a Southern California hospital after he fell 60 ft off the side of a water slide at Six Flags Hurricane Harbor. Allegedly he jumped the line, barged past lifeguards and leaped head-first instead of feet-first onto the slide. Somewhere Darwin is thinking “Missed it by THAT much.”

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Paul Ryan, lowering expectations about Wednesday:   President Barack Obama’s  “done these kinds of debates before. This is Mitt’s first time on this kind of a stage.”   Does that mean even Ryan couldn’t bear to watch the GOP Primary debates?

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This line noticed by the SF Chronicle’s Debra J. Saunders in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s autobiography:  “Maria and I are very different in that way. She grew up in a world where a sharp line was drawn between friends and the help. With me, there is almost no line.”

You can say that again.

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Okay, the man challenging Nancy Pelosi for her Congressional seat is running an ad comparing Pelosi to a zombie. How silly. Beside the “wtf” nature of the comparison, zombies have more facial expressions.

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Kobe Bryant, 34, said today he got a question earlier about whose team the Lakers are: “I don’t want to get into the, ‘Well, we share …’ No, it’s my team”. Wonder if Tiger Woods, 36, would have said it was HIS Ryder Cup team.

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American Airlines says a Boston-to-Miami flight needed to make an emergency landing at JFK airport over the weekend when a row of seats became loose. Standby later this week for the new “seat bolt” fee.

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NY Jets coach Rex Ryan is still saying that Mark Sanchez at QB “gives us our best opportunity to win.” If true his comments should be great for ticket sales – for the Knicks.

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The 2013 Oscars ceremony will be hosted by “Family Guy” creator Seth MacFarlane. By making this choice five months in advance the Academy is giving themselves plenty of time to pre-write those “Sorry you were offended” emails and letters.

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Mitt Romney is hard at work preparing for Wednesday’s debates. His latest challenge, how to blame the U.S. Ryder Cup challenge on Obama.

(Jim Barach says  “Blame it on Furyk’s caddy Fluff for not knowing how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver.”)

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The Yankees now have a one-game lead in the NL East,  but the way the new playoff system is set up, if the Baltimore Orioles somehow win the East, the NY Yankees, as a wildcard, could be out of the postseason by Friday. Bud Selig is trying to see how quickly he might be able to change the rules.

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Although tonight it was 9-0 Yankees-Red Sox in the third. Boston isn’t just mailing it in, they’re FedExing it in.

Letdown?

September 17, 2012

Wonder how many viewers tuned into tonight’s  49er-Lions game and were secretly disappointed by the relative lack of violence? Especially between the Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwartz.

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Jim Harbaugh tonight borrowed Molly Ivins’ line about Ann Richards to praise his QB Alex Smith, saying he was “tougher than a two-dollar steak.”   And a Golden Corral Restaurants spokesman said,  “Hey, what did we ever do to you?”

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Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel says he will go to court to force teachers back to work. Which means either he thinks the union has gone too far, or he realizes children don’t vote.

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Have to wonder if the Cowboys will feel the same sense of urgency this week in signing that long term contract with Tony Romo?

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The Patriots fell at home to the Arizona Cardinals. Frustrated New England fans are wondering if they can blame it on Bobby Valentine?

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Dwight Howard in an ESPN interview to air tonight” That’s one of the lessons that I learned, you know. I can’t make everybody happy.” Here’s a hint, Dwight, if you can’t make up your mind, you don’t make anyone happy.

(Even Lebron James is saying,  “Hey, bro, at least I made a decision.”)

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Reggie Bush had such a good day, wonder if we should expect Kim Kardashian to reconsider?

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A new study has 7 signs of being a “shopaholic,” One supposed sign “You experience a rush of excitement when you buy.” Of course there’s a name for people like that, they’re called “women.”

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“I am not a witch” Christine O’Donnell, is considering another run for Senate in 2014, saying “I think I owe that to my supporters.” Not to mention the nation’s struggling comedy writers.

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Love these “bombshells.” The National Enquirer has a headline story about Malia and Sasha’s private school, saying 71% of students said they have attended parties where drugs or alcohol available. Wow. Would guess in most high schools it’s closer to 100%. (And wonder if that counted their parents’ parties.

(as a friend says,  well, that means 29% percent of the kids have already learned how to lie.)

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Stanford’s number 9?! Okay, not too bad after barely beating San Jose State and beating that other California team by a touchdown.

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My favorite statistic from last night’s Stanford-USC game: As the clock ran out in the first half with the Cardinal protecting against a Hail Mary, Curtis McNeal ran for 30 yards. Without that the Trojans would have been in minus numbers for net rushing.

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Netanyahu said today that the U.S. must establish a clear “red line” that Iran cannot cross with its nuclear program if it wants to avoid war. Sometimes I wonder, does the PM realize Americans are not electing a President of Israel?

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Another statement on Libya: “This is a time when we all should reflect on those who continue to give, even the last measure, of service and sacrifice, to promoting and defending America’s interests abroad. This is above all a reminder that politics should end at the water’s edge.” From Jon Huntsman, proving again why he was too sane to make it through the GOP primary.

Riddle me this…

January 1, 2012

Why do Dallas Cowboys fans have the biggest flat screen televisions?

Because for years they haven’t had to waste money on playoff tickets.

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And yes, for the third time in four years, the Dallas Cowboys will not be in the playoffs. No punchline, I just like writing this.

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Newt Gingrich is now blaming his fall in the Iowa polls on being “Romney-boated.” After blaming his failure to get enough signatures to be on the Virginia ballot on a staffer’s fraud. If this GOP nomination thing doesn’t work out, Gingrich has a great chance of being hired to lobby for the California Whine Industry.

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Contrary to popular belief God did not desert Tebow today. He just watched the Raiders play defense and decided to save His energy for a day Tim actually needed His help.

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Rick Santorum, who is criticizing Romney in his TV ads for being too liberal, endorsed Mitt in the 2008 GOP presidential primaries as the “clear conservative candidate.” Who knew – Romney’s flip-flopping is turning out to be contagious.

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How can Aaron Rodgers hope to win the MVP when he may not even be the best QB on his own team?

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Newt Gingrich said Mitt Romney would buy the presidency if he could. And Mitt allegedly tried to bet him $10,000 that wasn’t true.

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Okay, you know your team doesn’t have much of a football reputation when…. Overhead at San Francisco Airport, which is full of people in red – one pilot telling another “So much red, must be a lot of Wisconsin Rose Bowl fans.” Not exactly. Go Stanford Cardinal!

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Locals in the Phoenix area seem very supportive of Stanford. But makes sense Cardinal/Cardinals, whatever…. they’re just pleased to see a team in red actually playing in the postseason.

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Lebron James is engaged to his longtime girlfriend, Savannah Brinson, after proposing last night. Well, at least one of them now has a ring.

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In Coventry, England, a display model of Apple’s Siri apparently told a child to “Shut the f*ck up” Many frequent travelers heard this story and hoped that’s what happens when you put the phone in airplane mode.

Such a deal.

September 14, 2011

A “Living Social” deal in the SF Bay Area today allows people to buy $20 worth of food at Whole Foods for $10. Cool. That’s enough to buy at least three or four pieces of fruit.

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An article in the Atlantic estimates that employees playing Angry Birds is costing employers $1.6 billion a year in lost productive time. And just imagine how much more time is lost by employees posting this kind of story.

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On a radio show Tuesday, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones declined to criticize his QB, saying he thought Romo “played one of the best games I’ve ever seen him play.” Jones will get no argument from New York Jets fans.

Looks like we’ve made it – college football division. The NCAA found Boise State guilty of numerous violations for prospective and enrolled student athletes (with the football violations totalling 63 young men “over a lengthy period of time.”)

The athletic department has lost scholarships and was put on three-years probation, but the only post-season ban will be a year for the women’s tennis team. Yeah, that’ll teach them.

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Only one week into the NFL season, and many fans and those in the media are already writing off several quarterbacks. But knowledgeable fans are waiting for the real sign of desperation – the first team to contact JaMarcus Russell.

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According to the NY Post, Baseball commissioner Bud Selig is “irate” that the Mets went public wih news that his office had prevented players from wearing NYPD and NYFD caps on Sept. 11. Makes sense. Selig would rather the world not know when he behaves like a jerk.

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The Boston Red Sox got off to one of their worst starts ever, then looked great for about 100 games. And now, although they won tonight, Boston is dancing on the edge of one of the potential worst collapses in major league baseball history. Amazing. Even Mitt Romney is more consistent.

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Dick Cheney said during an appearance on “The View” today, that he hadn’t decided whether he wants a heart transplant. Wonder why the former V.P. is even thinking of a new heart now. He’s survived this long without one.

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A special election in Anthony Weiner’s heavily Democratic congressional district went to a Republican, this after a May special election in a heavily Republican district in upstate NY went to a Democrat. The talk is whether or not these elections are referendums on Obama. But it seems even more likely that New Yorkers are saying they are just fed up with Congress.

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TaylorsGift.org was inspired by a 13 year old girl who died in a skiiing , and became an organ donor for five people. It’s a great site to help people register as organ donors, and in fact in all seriousness I encourage any reader who hasn’t signed up for organ donation to do so. (I have done so myself).

But Taylorsgift is now running commercials geared towards young people saying “In less than 90 seconds you can become a hero by becoming a registered organ donor” with “just a few clicks.” Yeah, and if you do it while driving, you can become a donor sooner.

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Okay, I’m not generally a big defender of Gov. Rick Perry. But he is getting slammed by Palin and Bachmann and others for signing a Texas law requiring sixth-grade girls to be vaccinated for HPV, a sexually-transmitted virus that can cause cervical cancer. And the same people criticizing him are against mandated health care for girls and women with cervical cancer.

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And regarding those in the debate audience who seemed in favor of letting the 30 year old without health insurance die, well, now we know. They’re against government death panels because THEY want to be the death panels.


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