Posted tagged ‘Cleveland jokes’

Before the fall.

July 13, 2014

About 30,000 fans showed up Saturday at Candlestick Park for the last game ever to be played before the stadium is demolished .  A meaningless SF 49ers flag football game. Wow. Almost as many at the Stick as any 10 random SF Giants weeknight games.

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Nice tribute to Dave Dravecky today at A T and T Park. Did someone tell the SF Giants they didn’t have to honor Dave by pretending to bat with only one arm?

 

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How long has Ryan Vogelsong gone without support? The last time the #SFGiants scored a run when he was on the mound, the #USA was undefeated in the #WorldCup.

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Even as a Giants fan, this is just wrong. As reported by Bruce Jenkins in the SF Chronicle, , if you live in the SF Bay Area, and subscribe to MLB’s TV package, you can watch the Dodgers Sports-Net telecasts with Vin Scully. But 70% of fans in LA are blacked out. #moneymoneymoney

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The Cleveland Indians placed DH Jason Giambi, 43, on the 60 day DL over his sore knee. Bummer. But at least most of Giambi’s medical bills should be paid by Medicare.

 

 

Tiger Woods, feeling good as he approaches the British Open, “I can do whatever I want ” And somewhere Elin Nordegren is thinking “Haven’t we seen this somewhere before?”

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Quite a number of no-shows at today’s #WorldCup third place game. Including apparently the Brazilian team. #BRAvsNED

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Okay, the Lebron Decision sequel is over. But doesn’t it seem like everyone is paying much more attention to all these NBA free agent machinations than they do to the actual season?

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Lebron James’ contract with Cleveland is for just two years? Meaning we could go through this all again in 2016?

 

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A United Airlines flight from Honolulu to Guam had to divert to Midway due to a mechanical problem. Passengers spent several hours on the Island before a replacement plane took them back to Honolulul, and then another plane took them to Guam. United says the passengers were given $500 travel vouchers. Well, that’s a start, but how about all those extra frequent flier miles?

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Rick Perry, attacking fellow Republican Rand Paul’s isolationist strategy called him “curiously blind.” Well if anyone is familiar with the concept of “curiously blind,” it’s the Governor of Texas.

 

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If immigrant children at US border said they were fleeing home because of oppressive gun control would be fun to watch  heads explode.

 

 

From T.C.  “North Korea state news reports that their country has reached the finals of the World Cup, and are preparing to announce victory tomorrow. They have a ready to use Photoshop picture of Kim Jong-un hoisting the trophy. Too bad it’s The Stanley Cup.”

Cold comfort?

May 20, 2014

The NFL has awarded the 2018 Super Bowl to… Minneapolis. For all those who thought spending the first week in February in New York wasn’t cold enough.

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Jon Bon Jovi is apparently part of a group that wants to buy the Buffalo Bills. Well, if any franchise knows about “Livin’ on a Prayer.”

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California golfer Lucy Li, 11, has qualified for the U.S. Women’s Open. Quite an achievement. It gives all those Chinese women gymnasts a goal to shoot for when they grow up.

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Swiss bank Credit Suisse has pleaded guilty to running “an illegal cross-border banking business” to help thousands of Americans conceal their income from the IRS. The bank will pay a $2.6 billion fine, but will not have to provide names of their U.S. clients who they helped cheat on taxes. So wonder how many of those clients will be subsidizing the “settlement” with a silence fee?

 

Halle Berry on “Ellen” today talking about getting pregnant at 47, which is considered a “geriatric pregnancy.” If Berry thinks it was a “geriatric” pregnancy, wait until she gets to applying for Medicare at the same time her son is applying to college.

 

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Judge just declared PA’s #gaymarriage ban unconstitutional. Will last state to keep gay marriage banned please keep the lights turned off?

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Cleveland has the top NBA lottery pick for the second straight years. Who says the Cavaliers will never win anything?

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As far as Cleveland getting the top pick in 2015?  Probably at least as good a chance as a Miami Heat “three-peat”

 

NBA playoffs are down to San Antonio, Indianapolis, Oklahoma City and Miami. Three team from cities most Americans can’t find on a map and one they can’t stand.

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A 19 year old Texas man in facing five years to life in prison for allegedly baking and selling pot brownies made with hash oil. If he’d only shot and killed someone he’d be facing 10 years max.

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At Allen High School, near Dallas, they will have to close their new $60 million new football stadium this fall due to cracking concrete. This is the biggest disappointment in North Texas since the Cowboys.

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On a brighter note, the stadium is a $48 million cheaper disappointment than Tony Romo.

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The NY Racing Stewards have approved California Chrome to race with a nasal strip. If he wins will Roger Goodell add nasal strips to the NFL’s list of banned performance enhancers?

 

Congrats to Meryl Davis, who with her partner won Dancing with the Stars tonight. With that kind of dancing talent maybe she could do something big on an international stage…. .Oops, never mind.

Mistakes by the lake.

May 14, 2010

Not to say Lebron played like a quitter in the Cavaliers series against the Celtics. But in truth, he looked less like a King and more like a Governor of Alaska.

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So let’s see, Lebron James, who was actually booed in Cleveland for his performance, is thinking of going to the New York Knicks? Yeah, now there’s a market where lousy play will certainly be dealt with in a kindler, gentler manner.

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ESPN announcers said midway through the fourth quarter that Boston was “smelling victory.” Cleveland was smelling like the Cuyahoga River when it caught on fire.

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How bad did the Cavaliers look? Even Ken Griffey, Jr, is saying “Hey, at least I’m not in the lineup when I fall asleep.”

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How bad has the San Francisco Giants lineup looked lately? There’s more scoring when a bunch of guys from a video game convention hit the singles bars.

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And San Francisco Giants fans are getting frustrated. At this point you can count on seeing more hits watching the NBC primetime lineup.

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The defending Stanley Cup Champion Pittsburgh Penguins had a 2-1 and then a 3-2 series lead against the Montreal Canadiens, who were the worst team to make it into the NHL playoffs. And the Penguins ended up losing, with the final game a 5-2 loss at home. Wow. Normally embarrassing Pittsburgh is the job of the Pirates and Ben Roethlisberger.

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Some are calling for a boycott of the Lakers-Suns games played in Phoenix, due to Arizona’s new immigration law.

And in Utah, Jazz fans are saying “See, we didn’t choke, we were just early adherents to the boycott.”
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BP CEO Tony Hayward has admitted that regarding the oil spill “We made a few little mistakes early on.” Isn’t that like Tiger Woods admitting to a “little” adultery?

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And another combo joke effort with Jerry Perisho, who noted “A Japanese company has introduced a bra that allows women to grow rice in the cups of the garment. Or, in Heidi Montag’s case, watermelons.”

Meanwhile, BP has asked Pamela Anderson if she would donate a bra to help cap the oil leaks.


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