Posted tagged ‘Christie jokes’

The pain, the pain.

May 25, 2014

Really? AP story starts out “Rory McIlroy put aside the anguish in his private life to win the European Tour’s flagship BMW PGA Championship.” Anguish? Uh, HE broke off the engagement, and after sending out wedding invitations. “I feel so sorry for him,” said no women.

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Landon Donovan today told the media he thought he should be going to his fourth World Cup. And many Americans responded “So when’s this World Cup? “

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New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie inaugurated the Memorial Day Weekend at Jersey Shore and did shots with Ashbury Park Mayor Matthew J. Doherty. If it was Obama, the Fox headline would be “Is the President an alcoholic?”

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Ebay just sent out an email FRIDAY NIGHT to all users saying they must change their passwords due to a data breach. Gosh, how did Ebay hear about this problem, on CNN?

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A NY Jets fan in California has purchased the “Butt Fumble” jersey worn by Mark Sanchez. He says he will likely frame it and hang it on his wall, “until we win a Super Bowl or I can get together enough money to put it on a rocket ship and shoot it to outer space because I don’t think it belongs on this planet anymore,” Wonder how much he’ll have to save for that rocket ship.

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Amazon is trying to increase profits and is being accused in some cases of pushing e-books over physical books. Awfully hard though to have a collection of autographed e-books.

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Tampa Bay Rays beat the Boston Red Sox in 15 innings. Game lasted almost as long as a typical Red Sox Yankees game.

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Now Matt Cain will miss another start with a sore hamstring. The #SFGiants keep getting injured, and keep winning. Wonder how many more players they will need to spend time on the DL to have a chance of winning it all this year

 

Ryan Hunter-Reayw won his first Indianapolis 500 today. And the reaction from most Americans. a. Who? and b.. How many crashes?

 

 

-Congrats to the #Dodgers Josh Beckett for the first no-hitter of 2014. Beer and fried chicken in the clubhouse on him?

 

 

And okay, the young man in Santa Barbara who allegedly killed 6 people besides himself was seeing therapists. His own parents called the police because they were worried he was dangerous. And he bought all three guns he used legally…. How many more?

 

Two wrongs make a ?????

January 11, 2014

So because some baseball writers think some players made a mockery of the game, they made a mockery of the HOF voting? #growthef*ckup

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So will #ChrisChristie‘s 2016 Presidential Campaign song be “Troubled Bridge Over Water?”

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Some in the GOP are having a hard time knowing how to deal with this Chris Christie bridge scandal. Sure, it looks bad, but it’s not like the New Jersey Governor did something really awful, like appearing again in public with President Obama.

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Indianapolis punter Pat McAfee says the Colts justifiably fined him for his locker room tweet that inadvertently showed Andrew Luck nearly naked. McAfee has apologized repeatedly and says that Luck has been great about it. Makes sense. Andrew is a cool guy, and in any case, his butt looks less embarrassing than his beard.

What’s scarier? That Target now says their data breach may have affected 110 million customers, instead of the original 40 million? Or the other stores with data breaches we don’t know about yet?

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The NFL now says New Orleans CB Keenan Lewis violated “concussion protocol” by returning to the Saints sideline, although he did not go back on the field after his concussion in last weekend’s game. No fine imposed. Although no doubt had Lewis put an unauthorized hat on to stay warm it would have been $50k.

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Most amazing thing about “Bridgegate” Now when most people think of the most embarrassing story to come out of New Jersey, it won’t even include Snooki.

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Sarah Palin says her new show, Amazing America, on the Sportsman Channel, won’t be political, although she says she IS interested in promoting freedom of speech and gun owners’ rights. So I guess Sarah’s definition of non-political is talking about anything she believes in.

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Alabama has appointed Lane Kiffin their offensive coordinator. Good news. For the rest of the SEC.

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Be careful what you wish for. No doubt some people in New Jersey were thinking just last week that they were hoping that media would quit focusing on their state only for potential Super Bowl weather problems.

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French President Francois Hollande, who is not married but has a long-time partner, is threatening legal action over a Closer magazine story saying he is having an affair. Wouldn’t it be a bigger story if a French President DIDN’T have a mistress?

The Unholy Trinity at CVS: Christmas clearance candy next to Valentine’s Day candy. And yes you got it, some actual Easter candy.

A-Rod and a reel. Or a not-so-real?

July 31, 2013

Alex Rodriguez says he would still like to be a “role model.” Would he settle for being a cautionary tale?

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Archaeologists said yesterday they found a new coffin-within-a-coffin in the central England parking lot where the skeleton of King Richard III was discovered. The remains are yet unidentified. Maybe an ancestor of Jimmy Hoffa?

 

Chris Christie criticized Rand Paul for bringing home pork barrel money to Kentucky, whereupon Paul responded that this was “the king of bacon talking about bacon.” President Obama hasn’t had this much fun since the GOP presidential primaries.

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Oscar “Ossie” Schectman, who scored the first basket in NBA history, died today at the age of 94. Wonder if he scored his own first basket in a pickup game against Greg Oden.

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Bad news for SF Giants fans: Brian Wilson is now a LA Dodger. Good news for SF Giants fans: Brian Wilson is now an LA Dodger

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My Dodger fan friend Jeff Klein suggests that Brian Wilson might want to live on Venice Beach now. Not so sure, the man lives to stand out from the crowd – in Venice most of his get-ups would barely warrant a second look.

 

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Eliot Spitzer says he is not supporting Anthony Weiner for Mayor. Well, probably shouldn’t have expected the pot to vote for the kettle.

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U.S. Border agents found marijuana on Justin Bieber’s bus as it crossed from Windsor, Canada into Detroit. Beginning to look like this young man is as smart as he is talented.

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A man survived driving his car off a 40 foot cliff in San Diego. Wonder if his last tweet before the crash was “Damn this road is steeeeeeeeeep.”

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Meanwhile in sadder news.  But still a Darwin award Texas A&M football player Polo Manukainiu was killed with two friends in a car accident where police believe he fell asleep at the wheel. His last tweet “22 hour drive back to Texas on no sleep – oh my.”

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I know these online deals like “Groupon” are becoming a “thing.” But really, would anyone seriously want half-price Botox injected into their face? Kind of like day-old sushi.

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Carlos Hyde, Ohio State’s top RB, was suspended for “at least” three games after a assault charge was dismissed because the alleged victim declined to press charges. The Buckeyes’ star will miss games against Buffalo, San Diego State, and Cal. If Hyde misbehaves again Urban Meyer will slap his other hand REALLY hard.

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Anthony Weiner in a new ad – “Quit isn’t the way we roll.” Really? Even Brett Favre is saying “Give it up already.”

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Executive privilege?

June 2, 2011

NJ Governor Chris Christie is under fire for using a state police helicopter to get from his son’s baseball game in Montvale, N.J. to Princeton. Good thing Arnold Schwarzenegger used his own jet, heaven knows how many baseball games and sons the former California governor might have had.

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The Bruins were 0-6 with a man advantage tonight in their 1-0 loss to the Canucks Wednesday night. So maybe instead of calling it a “power play”, Boston should call it a “brownout” play.

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The space shuttle Endeavour landed safely this morning and is now retired. Although NASA got a call from Brett Favre about the possibility of being a civilian passenger on the next flight.

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The parents of “balloon boy” are prohibited by their probation terms from making money off their story until 2013. But the couple said they will auction off the helium balloon they claimed their son floated away in to raise money for earthquake and tsunami relief in Japan. With all due respect, if it got them publicity, I think these two would auction off their son.

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A survey by a British travel agency says that while the average woman packs ten pairs of underwear for a one week trip, the average man packs three. I guess for men that means two pairs for emergencies

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According to the AP, Snooki had her international driver’s license revoked in Italy after she rear-ended her police escort and slightly injured two policemen. Just one question – who the heck gave Snooki an international driver’s license?

(As my friend Tim says “who gave her a passport?”)

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A terminal at New Jersey’s Newark Airport was briefly evacuated by authorities tonight while they investigated a suspicious package. Anthony Weiner immediately issued a statement calling the incident a prank, but said he could not confirm that the package wasn’t his.

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Ohio State QB Terrelle Pryor is already suspended for selling memorabilia, and under investigation for possibly illegal benefits involving cars. Now Pryor has been seen driving a Nissan 350-Z around Columbus, despite a suspended driver’s license. Well, on the bright side, with these antics, Terrelle’s well on his way to being a first round draft pick for the Cincinnati Bengals.

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Shaquille O’Neal has announced his retirement, apparently because injuries won’t let him continue to play at a serious NBA level. Which doesn’t rule out him getting an offer from the Washington Wizards.

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A group of 100 eighth grade students from Pennsylvania went on a field trip to Baltimore. They had to split into smaller groups for lunch, and apparently about 15-20 of them going to Hooters. Well, it’s good to see that parents who chaperone now include fathers.

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Paris Hilton was interviewed by CNN’s Piers Morgan and called the her sex tape “the most embarrassing humiliating thing.” Well, except for her new show “The World According to Paris.”

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The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim had their plane make an emergency landing at Los Angeles International Airport, instead of Orange County airport 40 miles way.  The landing was due to a problem with the plane’s hydraulic system. Now, if something similar had happened to the Dodgers, it probably would have been from Frank McCourt not paying the fuel bill.


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