Posted tagged ‘California Chrome jokes’

Close but no Chrome

June 8, 2014

secretariat

Once again, a picture though to remind us  of maybe the greatest athlete ever. And a win that will never be equaled.

 

Saturday might have been the only time New Yorkers have been sorry to see a Californian lose.

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The stars looked like they might have been aligning for California Chrome for a Triple Crown. Another miraculous event occurred Saturday – the Cubs were on a five-game winning streak.

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Carolina Panthers Coach Ron Rivera says he voted against his QB Cam Newton for the cover of ‘Madden 15′ because of the curse. So somewhere in a closet is there a dusty copy of “Madden 1909″ featuring the Cubs?

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North Korea says they have detained a U.S. tourist. Wonder what the alleged crime is? Being stupid enough to be a U.S. Tourist in Korea?

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Hertz says they have to review and correct financial statements from the past three years after an internal audit found accounting errors. “I’m shocked.” said no one who regularly reviews their own car rental bills.

 

 

Sacramento guard Jason Terry said today he thought Spurs coach Gregg Popovich had something to do with the broken air conditioning during San Antonio’s Game 1 win. Of course, because everyone knows that it’s being overheated that helps age and treachery overcome youth and skill

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Bartolo Colon, 41 against Tim Hudson, 38.. A battle for the aged. #SFGiants #Mets

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Two words guaranteed to strike fear in the hearts of New Yorkers: “Mets Bullpen.”

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You know it’s going well when you win a game where tying run in the bottom of the 9th gets on base via a strikeout. #SFGiants #walkoff

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Best thing for #NYMets fans Saturday night. The #SFGiants game ended past their bedtimes.

 

 

Follow the money

May 19, 2014

The NY Racing Association stewards today unanimously approved equine nasal strips. Which means California Chrome can wear one during the Belmont. Translation, “we want people to watch the race.”

 

Disney is hiking prices for its one-day “Parkhopper” pass to both Disneyland and California Adventure Park over 10% to $150. For that amount of money people who want to see a high-priced Mickey Mouse organization can buy Lakers tickets

 

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Gender equality “crooks are stupid” moment. Danielle Shea, 22, had dropped out of Quinnipiac University in Connecticut. But she hadn’t told her parents, who were still sending money for tuition. So, as she admitted to police, she made bomb threats before the graduation ceremony so her parents wouldn’t find out. (Police caught Ms. Shea because she made the threats from her own phone.)

 

Kudos to Brandon Marshall, who signed his 3 year, $31 million contract extension with the Chicago Bears today on “The View.” Marshall, who has said he has a Borderline Personality Disorder, also said he would donate $1 million to mental health services. Nice move, and guessing Bears fans who might have a problem with it weren’t likely to be watching “The View” anyway.

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A European cruise ship, the Saga Sapphire, was temporarily stranded off the coast of Scotland when a fire caused the vessel to lose power. But the crew was able to quickly contain the blaze and restore power so the Sapphire will return to port and its regular schedule as normal. The passengers were relieved. CNN is disappointed.

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At Austin Peay State, in Tennessee, a giant 40 foot sinkhole has opened up in one end zone. And the Washington Redskins are thinking “Hmm, potentially one way to keep opposing offenses from scoring?”

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About 1.8 million pounds of ground beef in the U.S. is being recalled for possible E. coli contamination. Which means Taco Bell customers are safe as they never use any actual beef anyway.

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All of this speculation over who will and will not run for President in 2016, even though the primaries are almost two years away…. The process is becoming almost as over-hyped as the NFL draft.

 

The FAA is apparently investigating an April incident where a United Airlines flight from SFO landing at Newark apparently came within 400 feet of an ExpressJet United Express flight taking off. See, there are potentially worse things that can happen than just ending up in New Jersey.

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So the problem a lot of people have with the San Antonio Spurs is that they are “boring?” Meaning they play team basketball without a lot of showboating and their stars generally stay on the sports page instead of the front page? And the NBA wonders sometimes why they have an image problem.

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Researchers at the University of Sydney examined seven sets of data involving more than 1.25 million children and concluded that there was NO evidence to support a relationship between common vaccines for measles, mumps, rubella, diphtheria, tetanus and whooping cough and the development of autism. Which will convince exactly no one who believes otherwise because it involves commie-pinko science and numbers.

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Lance Armstrong apparently tweeted a picture while he was playing “Cards Against Humanity,” and got the card saying “Lance Armstrong’s missing testicle.” But the real question, which card did Lance use to answer?

Ups and downs.

May 18, 2014

Michael Bloomberg said today he would run for President, except he doesn’t think he can win. Well, that never stopped a whole lot of other people.

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The Giant Dipper roller coaster in Santa Cruz is now 90 years old. The ride is in great shape, except that it has started going around the track with its left blinker on.

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There is a chance that California Chrome might not run in the Belmont if New York racing officials, known for being stricter than other states, do not allow him to wear his customary nasal strip, which helps with the colt’s breathing when he races. Even Roger Goodell might think that’s a ticky-tack ruling.

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Of course, to be fair, hard to imagine Roger Goodell would have let California Chrome run with the label of “Dumb Ass Partners.”

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So #PabloSandoval hits his first home run in over a month on the same day that #TimLincecum shaved his mustache. Coincidence? #SFGiants

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Karl Rove continues to insist that Hillary Clinton’s brain injury will keep her from running in 2016, saying it is “far more serious’” than many currently realize. Except if anyone knows that a working brain is not required for being President…

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Miss Beazley, one of George W. and Laura Bush’s beloved Scottish Terriers, has passed away at the age of 9. Clearly this is Obama’s fault.

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North Korea is reporting that an apartment building in Pyongyang has collapsed in a “serious accident” that caused an unspecified number of casualties. Further details will follow as soon as they figure out a way to blame this on the U.S.

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Miguel Tejada has signed a minor league deal with the Miami Marlins and will work out at the club’s spring training headquarters while he serves the last few weeks of a 105 game suspension for his third failed drug test. It’s all part of Bud Selig’s strict “three strikes and you’re almost out, maybe…” policy.

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The U.S. government is trying to help farmers in Central America fight a coffee fungus that is especially deadly to Arabica coffee, a bean that makes up a lot of high-end coffee. It’s about the livelihoods of the farmers as well as the price of coffee. Although Starbucks is no doubt considering helping consumers with an installment plan.

 

 

There’s been another call for the resignation of the NH Police Chief who used the N word to refer to Obama. From that commie-pinko Mitt Romney. Is Mitt trying to get back to the days when people said he was too reasonable to be the GOP nominee for President?

A horse is a horse….

May 17, 2014
horse

 

 

The Preakness is just under a 2 minute race.   But a better proportion of action to hype than the #NFLDraft.

 

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And there’s more time between the Preakness and the Belmont than between the NFC/AFC finals and the Super Bowl.  But at least we know none of the athletes are likely to get arrested.

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California Chrome owner Steve Coburn, while hardly politically correct,  seems like the anti- Donald Sterling. #Preakness

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Looking at #ESPN I’m a bit confused. Did anyone get chosen in the #NFLDraft this year besides #JohnnyManziel and #MichaelSam?

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Amazing. The Bakersfield dog who attacked the young boy before he was fought off by Tara the cat, is scheduled to be euthanized. And in the meantime he is trying to bite workers who are feeding him. But the dog also now has people calling the shelter and begging to adopt him. The answer is no. And got to love the shelter director’s response. “I have 200 other dogs that need a home, who haven’t bit anyone and make great family pets.”

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The SF Giants’ Brandon Hicks was called out on instant replay for missing first base on a ball that missed being a home run by less than 2 feet. Your basic 1-3 off the wall put out.

 

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A woman threatened to shoot everyone inside a South Carolina Burger King after she complained that her cinnamon bun wasn’t fresh enough. Was she a tourist from Florida?

 

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Love it. Sarah Palin, mocking Michelle Obama’s for using “hashtagging tweets” as foreign policy,: “Diplomacy via Twitter is the lazy, ineffectual, naive and insulting way for America’s leaders to deal with major national and international issues. It’s embarrassing,” Sarah posted this rant on Facebook.

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Actual warning on a bottle of Korbel sparkling wine – “NEVER open using a corkscrew.” Must have been a lawyer and/or an interesting story behind that one.

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Hyon Song-Wol, said to be Kim Jong-Un’s ex-lover who he ordered to be executed, has apparently appeared alive and well on state television. Will North Korea now announce their Supreme Leader has the ability for resurrection?

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Apparently in 2013, 63 parents in the U.S. named their daughter “Vanellope.” The scariest thing, these people are Darwin ineligible because they have already bred.

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Sometimes change is just a matter of moving to the next generation. A story that is both depressing and gives hope for the future. A Catholic school in San Francisco chose to keep a girl’s senior picture out of the yearbook because she was wearing a tux. But her classmates, boys and girls, are overwhelmingly supporting her.


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