Posted tagged ‘Broncos jokes’

Mourning after?

February 3, 2014

Apparently 6% of Americans take the day off after the Super Bowl. So the Denver Broncos were just 24 hours ahead of their time.

Super Bowl XLVIII is over.  On what channel does the Super Bowl XLIX pre-game show starts today.

All these people freaking out about the multilingual Coke ad should be thanking their lucky stars there are still American products the rest of the world loves.

Alexander Bradley, linked to a unsolved 2012 double homicide with Aaron Hernandez, accused Herandez of shooting him during an argument last year. And last night Bradley was shot again, this time outside a Hartford nightclub, where he then allegedly opened fire. Not sure, but this man might want to rethink his associates.

Yesterday’s Super Bowl set a record for the most-watched television event in U.S. history, drawing 111.5 million viewers. Well, Americans do love a good train wreck.

Maybe we should have known from the opening snap that “Over their heads” would be the Broncos theme for the Super Bowl. #SB48

In Florida, a middle school teacher who was accused of up to class drunk is blaming it on diabetes. And Toronto mayor Rob Ford is going “why didn’t I think of that?”

Oklahoma State freshman guard Stevie Clark was dismissed from the team following after he followed a Jan 1 arrest for marijuana possession with an arrest yesterday for”outraging public decency.” Guess this puts Clark in the category of “One-half and done?”

FOX’s Greta Van Susteren criticized her own network’s pre-Super Bowl Presidential interview: “With all the ‘stuff’ that goes on in the world, I want a few minutes off….I want something light…something maybe just about sports.” I don’t know, seems like Obama was more competitive against O’Reilly than the Broncos turned out to be against the Seahawks.

After the Super Bowl, Richard Sherman called Peyton Manning the “classiest person/player” he had ever met, and tweeted “There is no reason to bash him on here please Seattle let’s just enjoy this one!!!! He is still a Future HOF player.” But Doug Baldwin went off on a rant against Cris Carter who had called the Seahawks receivers “‘average” and ‘pedestrian.” Is it a rule that one Seattle player has to act like an idiot after every big game?

Eight inches of snow and cancelled flights in New York this morning. And Broncos fans are looking at the heavens and saying “What took you so long?”

Matt Gubser gets a permanent seat on the bus to hell for this one. Wish I had written it.

“Personally, I think it was a very nice gesture for the Broncos’ offense to take that three hour moment of silence for Philip Seymour Hoffman.”

From Darren K. Johnston   “After seeing that commercial with the horse & puppy, my kids wouldn’t stop bugging me. So I caved and bought them a case of Bud.”

Weather or not?

February 2, 2014

Not too long ago the NFL was worried that the Super Bowl might have to be postponed for bad weather. Alas for the Broncos, it wasn’t..

Most unhappy people in America who aren’t Broncos fans have to be advertisers who paid $4 million for a 30 second Super Bowl spot in the fourth quarter.

Maybe Peyton Manning shouldn’t have gotten tips about playing in MetLife Stadium from his brother Eli?


So was it during the Bruno Mars halftime show that the Denver Broncos 2014 Super Bowl championship shirts were first loaded on planes destined for children in Africa.

No “I’m going to Disneyland” ad after this year’s Super Bowl. Maybe because Disney knew early on that the real Mickey Mouse outfit this year was the Broncos?

In this year’s Super Bowl, Peyton Manning’s #Omaha is less reminiscent of the city than of June 6, 1944 on Omaha Beach. 

On a bright note, so much for the argument in millions of homes on the East Coast as to whether or not at 9pm to turn to Downton Abbey.

At this point will the Denver offense be charged with a crime if they try to sell game-used jerseys? #SuperBowl

Not only was the  Kitten Bowl no sillier than the regular Super Bowl pregame show, the game had more drama.  

A stupid question deserves a stupider answer? When asked if it was a “must-win game”, Stanford grad Doug Baldwin responded “Obviously it’s the Super Bowl. It’s win or go home….”

The NFL may have dodged a bullet on the weather, and Giants co-owner John Mara, who helped bring the Super Bowl to the New York area, is already talking the game returning to New York. Think there’s more chance of the World Series trophy returning to Wrigley Field.

From my funny friend Abbe Nelson:   “Q: Did you hear about the joke that Peyton Manning told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.”

And not sure who gets credit for originally posting this.  But if you don’t live in Denver it’s pretty darn funny.


A few non- Super Bowl thoughts-

A small Minnesota was testing beer delivery by drone to ice fisherman. When the FAA heard about it, they told Lakemaid brewery to stop. But millions of men reading this story just got a warmer, fuzzier feeling about drones.

Paul Ryan, Bobby Jindal and Rudy Giulani all defended Chris Christie on Sunday morning talk shows. Of course, had Rahm Emanuel allegedly caused traffic problems in Chicago to get even with a rival, they’d be calling for his, and Obama’s, impeachment.

Theaters these days all have these cutesy trailers telling people not to text during the movie. Wouldn’t it be more effective to put a headline on screen about the man who was shot and killed for texting in a Florida theater, with a note underneath saying “Btw, we don’t have a metal detector at the door.”

Not dead, sleeping?

January 13, 2013

There are rumors that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is actually dead. Even so he might be more effective than the U.S Congress.

So how did the Broncos somehow snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory tonight? Is it just possible that maybe God doesn’t want Tim Tebow disrespected?

A New York City school bus strike could start Wednesday and might keep 152,000 children from getting to class. Talk about a way to turn impressionable young minds into union sympathizers.

So after almost a month of post-season football I’m confused, which playoff game is sponsored by Poulan Weed-Eater?

Just once would like to see a defensive player flagged for pass interference indicate “Yeah, you caught me” as opposed to the injured innocence “Who, me?” –
Even Doug Flutie is thinking that Flacco pass  was unbelievable.Beyonce apparently is now releasing a sonogram of her pregnancy with Blue Ivy. Enough to make you long for the innocent old days of wardrobe malfunctions.
Theo Epstein says the Chicago Cubs don’t want to be known as “loveable losers.” So he’s going to have them stop being loveable?
Wells Fargo posted a record profit in its 2012 fourth quarter. You know what that means- banking fees are going up.
Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, who resigned after the fallout from his extramarital affair, will announce that he will run in a special election for a House seat. Amongst his likely opponents, Sanford’s ex-wife Jenny. Now there’s a debate I’d pay to watch.
The Toronto Blue Jays have signed catcher Henry Blanco, 41 to a 1-year $750,000 non-guaranteed contract. “Only one year? Give the young man some time to develop,” said Jamie Moyer.
So who did Peyton Manning think he was at the end near the end of that Ravens-Broncos game?  Brett Favre?
The White House has responded to petitions from Americans in several states asking permission to secede, saying the Supreme Court confirmed the “Constitution, in all its provisions, looks to an indestructible Union composed of indestructible States.” In short, “no”. But really, would it kill us to lose Florida?
Gary M. on the Kobe-Vanessa Bryant reconciliation – “They likely just sat down and hashed everything out over a couple of DeBeers.”

3 16

January 9, 2012

Yes, you cannot make this “stuff” up, Tim Tebow threw for 3 16 yards tonight. Coincidentally the number of his favorite bible verse.

Not to be confused with Ben Roethlisberger’s favorite 3 16 – three 16 year olds. (Okay, okay, so the alleged victim was 20. He was 28.)

But really, First play in overtime. Okay, that’s it, God is just f*cking with us.

John Elway has to be feeling pretty good about telling Tim Tebow to “”pull the trigger.” But if John’s going to toss around phrases like that, it’s probably a good thing the Broncos hadn’t traded for Plaxico Burress.

Fortunately a Denver-New Orleans Super Bowl is still a longshot. Because what’s God going to do if and when Tebow faces the Saints?

All this talk about Tim Tebow thinking he’s God. Clearly for much of Sunday the critics were wrong. Tebow didn’t think he is God, he though he was Steve Young.

From T.C “Big Ben supposedly heard muttering to himself as he left the field after 1 play in OT – There is no God.”

Anyone watch the Bowl? Yeah, me neither.

All this talk about if Atlanta had only not gone for those two 4th and inches plays…. The way I see it, that would have made the score 24-9.

Kiefer Sutherland said that filming on the new “24” movie will start in the spring. Presumably the first scenes will be shot between 9:00 and 10:00am.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry said today he’s not giving up on the GOP presidential primary. And compared himself to the fighters who rode back into the Alamo. Now, I wholeheartedly honor those brave Texans who fought in San Antonio, but does Perry know they all ended up dead?

Beyonce named her baby girl, “Blue Ivy.” So when did they print the memo that says that if you’re a celebrity it’s your duty to name your kids something stupid?

Poor Kristen Wiig. Not that her career is doing that badly with “Bridesmaids” and SNL. But watching her again on “Weekend Update” reminded me that her Michele Bachmann impersonation, which she won’t have much call to do now, is ALMOST as good as Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin.

Think we can now safely rule out a Newt-Mitt ticket: Gingrich on Romney’s saying that he was a one-term Mass. because he wanted to return to private life. “Could we drop a little bit of the pious baloney?? You had a very bad re-election rating; you dropped out…. You were running for president while you were governor, you were out of state consistently.”

(You do have to love a man who has been married three times but still endorses the Defense of Marriage Act telling ANYONE to “cut the pious baloney.”)

And yes, we Stanford fans need to get over it. Eventually. But let’s see, in this past week at the end of a tie game, we’ve now seen a coach with the best QB in college go conservative and run, and a coach with one of the worst QBs in the NFL risk disaster by going for the big pass….


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