NL Power outage.

Posted July 15, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , , , , ,

Seriously??!   ONE home run gets Todd Frazier to the Home Run Derby finals representing the NL? #ShouldhavepickedMadbum

-

Thought after watching round one of the Home Run Derby;  Yasiel Puig is no Madison Bumgarner. #SFGiants. #Dodgers

-

If they ever have an All-Star Game and Home Run derby in pitcher friendly Petco Park, is there a provision for ending it with penalty kicks?

-

Apparently the SF Bay Area had some of the highest World Cup television ratings in the U.S. For that soccer can thank Northern California’s cultural diversity, advantageous game times with Brazil being only four hours ahead, and oh yeah, the fact the the SF Giants s*cked throughout the month that the tournament was on.

-

 

 

Today begins a four day stretch without regular MLB games. So Cubs fans looking for their regular experience in the meantime will just have to bang their heads into the wall.

-

So how long until other teams start intentionally walking Madison Bumgarner with the bases loaded? #SFGIants #Grandslam #MadBum

-

Apparently Archie of comic book fame will be shot and die in the next issue while trying to protect a gay friend. Waiting to see how the GOP spins this as another reason to impeach Obama.

-

High school basketball star Emmanuel Mudiay, who had committed to SMU, says he will instead play professionally overseas. What a shame. By skipping college Mudiay could be giving up some of the potential best few months of his life.

-

The Cleveland Browns are planning to use a live bull-mastiff as their mascot this fall. Of course Browns fans are hoping the real dog doesn’t turn out to be Johnny Manziel.

-

The 2016 campaign sniping is in fine form. Like this line about Texas Gov. Rick Perry: “Apparently his new glasses haven’t altered his perception of the world, or allowed him to see it any more clearly.” From Hillary Clinton or Joe Biden? Nope, fellow Republican Rand Paul.

-

TSA surcharges on airline tickets are more than doubling July 21, from $2.50 to $5.60 per flight, with extra charges for layovers of more than 4 hours. As far as paying for misery, these fees are becoming the travel equivalent of alimony.

 

 

Happy belated Bastille Day. And we Americans think we celebrate violence. These lines translated from the first first and chorus of “La Marseillaise”. “The bloody flag is raised. Do you hear in the countryside, The roar of these savage soldiers They come right into our arms To cut the throats of your sons….,To arms, citizens! Form up your battalions Let us march, Let us march! That their impure blood Should water our fields….”

Just call him Babe.

Posted July 13, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , , , , , , ,

madbum

Madison Bumgarner, leaving the mound in the 7th inning today in a game where he was not only the winning pitcher, but hit a double and a grand slam. The real shame of him leaving when he did. Madbum’s turn at bat was coming up.

-

Is it too late to add Madison Bumgarner to the All Star Game home run derby roster? #SFGiants

-

 

#Madbum was saying all week he wanted to hit in the All-Star game home run derby, and was texting NL Captain Troy Tulowitzki about it. Troy’s got to be second guessing that decision about now.

-
Maybe now that the #WorldCup is over the SF Giants realized they were allowed to score without penalty kicks.

-

(actually posted before today’s game that “You know it’s been a rough month when your starting pitcher comes into a game with a higher batting average than four of your starting lineup.” After his double and grand slam, Bumgarner now has a higher batting average than anyone on the team except Hunter Pence.
-

Who’s done a better acting job in the last month? The floppers of the #WorldCup or millions of Americans who pretended to care about soccer?

-
Understatement of the year. Eric Holder, in responding to Sarah Palin’s call for Obama’s impeachment. ““She wasn’t a particularly good vice presidential candidate.”

-
So figure… the last game before the All-Star break between the Yankees and Orioles ended up in a rain delay…. and was called after midnight. Might have been the first game ever played Monday of All-Star week.
-
Colin Kaepernick apparently has a new tattoo. How could anyone tell?


Cornerback CB Jimmy Smith was arrested at a suburban Baltimore bar last night and charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct. Smith is the 5th Raven to be arrested this off-season. How long until Baltimore changes their team color to orange?
-

CNN has decided to make yesterday’s story of the United flight diverted to Midway Island today’s front page news. Standby for tomorrow’s story of all the islands where they COULD have diverted MH370.

-

ESPN story talked about “bravery” with the “Running of the Bulls in Pamplona. Can think of a number of adjectives. “Bravery is not in the top ten. (If we’re going for “Bs” – “Braindead”, maybe.)

-

Before the fall.

Posted July 13, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , , , , ,

About 30,000 fans showed up Saturday at Candlestick Park for the last game ever to be played before the stadium is demolished .  A meaningless SF 49ers flag football game. Wow. Almost as many at the Stick as any 10 random SF Giants weeknight games.

-

 

 

Nice tribute to Dave Dravecky today at A T and T Park. Did someone tell the SF Giants they didn’t have to honor Dave by pretending to bat with only one arm?

 

-

How long has Ryan Vogelsong gone without support? The last time the #SFGiants scored a run when he was on the mound, the #USA was undefeated in the #WorldCup.

-

 

Even as a Giants fan, this is just wrong. As reported by Bruce Jenkins in the SF Chronicle, , if you live in the SF Bay Area, and subscribe to MLB’s TV package, you can watch the Dodgers Sports-Net telecasts with Vin Scully. But 70% of fans in LA are blacked out. #moneymoneymoney

-

The Cleveland Indians placed DH Jason Giambi, 43, on the 60 day DL over his sore knee. Bummer. But at least most of Giambi’s medical bills should be paid by Medicare.

 

 

Tiger Woods, feeling good as he approaches the British Open, “I can do whatever I want ” And somewhere Elin Nordegren is thinking “Haven’t we seen this somewhere before?”

-

Quite a number of no-shows at today’s #WorldCup third place game. Including apparently the Brazilian team. #BRAvsNED

-

Okay, the Lebron Decision sequel is over. But doesn’t it seem like everyone is paying much more attention to all these NBA free agent machinations than they do to the actual season?

-

Lebron James’ contract with Cleveland is for just two years? Meaning we could go through this all again in 2016?

 

-

A United Airlines flight from Honolulu to Guam had to divert to Midway due to a mechanical problem. Passengers spent several hours on the Island before a replacement plane took them back to Honolulul, and then another plane took them to Guam. United says the passengers were given $500 travel vouchers. Well, that’s a start, but how about all those extra frequent flier miles?

-

Rick Perry, attacking fellow Republican Rand Paul’s isolationist strategy called him “curiously blind.” Well if anyone is familiar with the concept of “curiously blind,” it’s the Governor of Texas.

 

-

If immigrant children at US border said they were fleeing home because of oppressive gun control would be fun to watch  heads explode.

 

 

From T.C.  “North Korea state news reports that their country has reached the finals of the World Cup, and are preparing to announce victory tomorrow. They have a ready to use Photoshop picture of Kim Jong-un hoisting the trophy. Too bad it’s The Stanley Cup.”

LeBron gone.

Posted July 11, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Tags: , , , , , ,

Open note to Miami fans. There are children in Africa who need clothes. Just in case you were thinking of a jersey bonfire? #Lebron

-

Most googled question in #Cleveland today? “How do you get burn marks out of a jersey? #Lebron

-

Lebron James returning to the #Cavaliers. Best sure thing about this for #Cleveland fans? It knocks Johnny Manziel off the front page.

 

Miami Heat owner Micky Arison sent a classy ‘Thanks for the memories” tweet about Lebron James leaving, even though it’s not great news for his franchise. But Arison must be used to train wrecks by this point – he also owns Carnival and Costa Cruises.

 

“There are no second acts in American lives.” So somewhere maybe F. Scott Fitzgerald is saying “F**k you, Lebron James.”

-

Suspended Uruguay soccer star Luis Suarez is leaving his professional team of Liverpool for Barcelona. Wonder how long he had to chew on that decision?

-

Chad Johnson, now a member of the Montreal Alouettes, scored his first touchdown since 2011 and celebrated by hugging a CFL official. Out of habit Roger Goodell fined him.

-

Forget #Lebron, the REAL breaking news is that Tim Lincecum got Paul Goldschmidt out #SFGiants

-

Curtis Reeves Jr. the man charged with shooting a man for texting inside a movie theater, was released on bond today. Reeves will be allowed to leave home only for church, court, doctors’ appointments, and the GROCERY STORE. New catch  phrase in Florida: “Cover me, I’m going for a quart of milk..”

-

 

Mashiro Tanaka, on being injured. “I want to apologize to the Yankees organization, my teammates and our fans for not being able to help during this time.” How long until the NY Yankees apologize to their fans for this season?

 

Brazil vs. the Netherlands for 3rd place in the World Cup Saturday. Have we finally found a sporting event where athletes care less than the NFL Pro Bowl?

-

Consumer Reports just rated California-based “The Habit Burger Grill” as having the best (chain) burger in America. Uh, many people would say it’s not even the best burger in California.

 

 

From Alex  Kaseberg:  “100 years ago, Babe Ruth made his baseball debut. It was a big day, Larry King threw out the first pitch. “

 

(and I’m thinking, who could forget the Babe’st thrilling first hit off of Jamie Moyer?)

 

-

 

Well, Jerry Brown may win re-election easily in California, but for 2012 Gubernatorial fun at least we have Florida. Where Gov. Rick Scott just criticized Charlie Crist as “elitist” for wearing a Rolex. Scott is worth about $150 million and has his own plane.

Still no sign of news.

Posted July 10, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

So the Lebron James Indecision saga continues, with absolutely no real information. If this keeps up it’s only a matter of time until CNN sends out hourly “Breaking News” updates.
-
Starting to think if the #NFLDraft happened at the same time #LebronJames was making his free agent decision that #ESPN heads would explode.

-
Comedian Marcus Tisdale released a video of him pretending to smoke crack on a San Francisco street, and getting a minimum reaction from passing people. Well, duh, it’s San Francisco. If he wanted the reaction to be outrage, he should have smoked a regular cigarette.

(Or held up a “Palin, 2016″ sign.)

-
Stories out of Boston indicate that the Red Sox designated A.J. Pierzynski in part because he was a serious negative influence in the club house. What did they expect from someone of whom Ozzie Guillen once said “If you play against him, you hate him. If you play with him, you hate him a little less.”
-

The Brooklyn Nets will pay a record $90M luxury tax for last season. $90 million!? The team salary cap is only about $63 million. Who do they think they are, the Yankees?

-
John Boehner delayed convening the House Thursday due to an early morning accident involving asbestos.. Yes, they actually may have found something at the U.S. Capitol more toxic than Congress.

-
The Chicago Cubs have won approval for a $575 million renovation of Wrigley Field, which includes scoreboards that will block nearby rooftop seating. But owner Tom Ricketts says the team needs the added revenue to be competitive. Right. To bring the Cubs back to the glory days of 2011. When they had the 6th highest payroll in MLB and finished a sparkling 71-91.

-
Boeing said today their new 737s will have overhead luggage bins that can store 6 carry-on bags instead of four, and will be easier to use. Wonder which U.S. carrier will get the planes first, and add a “bin surcharge?”

-
General Mills says they will reformulate Trix cereal to make it taste “fruitier.” Wait, Trix was supposed to taste like fruit?

-
Only good news for #TimHudson today. If he promised family a vacation over the All-Star break looks like he’ll be available.#SFGiants

-
Todd Akin is taking back his apology over “legitimate rape.” “My comment about a woman’s body shutting the pregnancy down was directed to the impact of stress on fertilization. This is something fertility doctors debate and discuss “Doubt me? Google ‘stress and infertility,’ and you will find a library of research on the subject.” WTF? Is Akin angling for a job with Fox News?

-

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, who announced their “conscious uncoupling” in March, have been spotted together recently, leading to rumors of a reconciliation. “Oh, what great news, I’ve been so worried about them” said absolutely no one.

-
The couple who were rescued by the U.S. Navy after being stranded at sea 900 miles off the Mexican coast with their 1 and 3 year old daughters now say they plan to sue their satellite phone carrier. Saying that they hope any monetary winnings will allow them to help repay the government for their rescue. Is this what Shakespeare anticipated when he said “First thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers”?

-

President Obama is telling Israel that the USA is willing to negotiate a cease-fire between Israel and Hamas. If this works maybe Israel will negotiate a cease-fire for Obama with the GOP?

And then there were two.

Posted July 9, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Argentina over the Netherlands 4-2 in a penalty kick shootout. Setting up a World Cup final with Germany. Over-under on Nazi War Criminal jokes in the next 4 days?

-

 

On a brighter note for the World Cup host country, think of all the underprivileged children in Africa who will be be thrilled with their “Brazil, 2014 Champions” shirts.

-

 

Heard the US has offered to have a ceremony honoring the Brazilian soccer team. Their suggested venue? Wrigley Field.

-

-

 

So Germany vs. Argentina for the World Cup Championship Sunday in Rio De Janeiro. For Brazilians that must be like a World Series game 7 featuring the Yankees played at Fenway, or the Dodgers at A T & T, etc…..

 

-

Headline “Last Year’s Champion Drops Out of Tour de France.” And the response across America “Who?”

-

 

Sarah Palin is saying she would like to join “The View.” Good thing Barbara Walters has retired. This prospect might have killed her.

-

After Hobby Lobby, some religious leaders have asked President Obama to be exempted from his forthcoming executive order prohibiting federal contractors from discriminating against LGBTs. But okay, folks, if the point is limiting birth control and abortions, what better sex than gay sex?

-

An LA jury found the Dodgers partly liable for the injuries to Bryan Stow, ordering them to pay only $4.5 million of an $18 million verdict. $4.5 million!? That’s less than a half-year contract for an average rental player at the trade deadline.

 

Lebron James’ second free agency tour continues without a final decision.  Here we thought Lebron wanted to be Michael Jordan. Appears now he wants to be Brett Favre.

-

Edward Snowden has asked for an extension on his one-year Russian visa. So, okay, people disagree on if he is guilty of a crime. Snowden CLAIMS, however, “If I could go any place in the world, that place would be home.” So if true wouldn’t you think he’d want to publicly defend himself back home in a trial?

 

 

President Obama today in Texas about the “immigration crisis.” “Are folks more interested in politics or are they more interested in solving the problem?” If Obama has to ask maybe he really hasn’t learned that much during four years in Washington.

-

Joe Montana, playing in a flag football game which will be the final game at Candlestick Park this weekend “My jersey just got here. I’m pumped, it’s almost time for the game. #cantwait.” Flag football? Have news for Joe. Most of us CAN wait.  Forever if need be.

 

Former New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin, 58, was sentenced today to 10 years in federal prison on corruption and graft charges. Which in Louisiana means Nagin may be released just in time to run for Governor.

 

-

“Can’t fix stupid” item of the day. A small Pennsylvania newspaper does a reader opinion feature on various topics, complete with a photo of the responders. And a Bloomsburg University student opined on the Redskins name controversy. Campus police saw the picture, recognized it and arrested him for jumping bail in a DUI case…..

 

-

 

From Marc Ragovin, on the story about two members of one of the NY Mets’ Single A minor league teams being recently arrested for drag racing.  “I guess this gives new meaning to being on the fast track to the majors.”

 

 

Just a few goals past ugly?

Posted July 9, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

7-1 final. Germany hasn’t rolled over another country like this since…. oh, does this even need a punchline?
-
This Brazil vs. Germany World Cup game should get us all ready for those thrilling September SEC-cupcake matchups.

-

How ugly was it looking in Belo Horizonte against the Germans today? Wonder if the Brazilian team considered singing “Edelweiss” and trying to sneak out the back? #toosoon?

-
#Dodgers score 5 runs off Justin Verlander in 1st, now trail #Tigers 12-5. Are both teams are taking turns emulating Brazil vs. Germany?

-
-
Rough day for the Brazilian team. Maybe a record day for Caipirinha sales.

-
Meanwhile, what a waste. Madison Bumgarner in an AL park with the DH. He was more likely to get a clutch hit than at least a few batters in the #SFGiants lineup.
-

 

Cleveland has been selected as the site for the 2016 Republican Convention. Stand by for “Mistake by the Lake” jokes.

-
Sarah Palin recently referred to today’s politics as “incorrigibly disastrous.” Well, if anyone should be an expert on “incorrigibly disastrous…”

(My friend Julia Park Tracey “I didn’t know she was polysyllabic.”)

-
Two University of Miami football players, both projected starters, were dismissed from the team after being arrested on sexual battery charges against a “physically helpless” 17-year-old girl. Wonder how long it will take for them to show up “rehabilitated” on another team or on an NFL practice squad?
-
This summer TGI Fridays will offer “Endless Appetizers.” $10 a person – no sharing please – unlimited refills of choices including Potato Skins, , Mozzarella Sticks and Boneless Buffalo Wings. Presumably the offer also comes with a free test for Type 2 Diabetes.

-
United Airlines has announced they will outsource 630 jobs at 12 U.S. airports in a cost-saving move. So you thought that customer service was bad at Albuquerque; Buffalo; Charleston, Charlotte; Columbus, Ohio; Des Moines,. Detroit, El Paso, Sioux Falls, Wichita, Pensacola and Salt Lake City before…..

Former “Baywatch” star Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce again. So guys, they’re available.
-
John Boehner wants another $3.3 million for another House investigation of Benghazi. Not sure what they hope to find out this time, though it now seems pretty certain that if Congress put as much money and effort into protecting our Embassies and Consulates as they are now into “getting” Obama, Ambassador Stevens and the others would be alive today.


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 214 other followers