Tragic number 1? Or 5?

Posted September 23, 2014 by left coast sports babe
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The Yankees’ “tragic number” to be eliminated from the playoffs is 1.  Although the “tragic number” for watching Jeter in uniform is 5.

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At least looks like the ship is going down with the Captain.

 

On Keith Olbermann’s show tonight, he rained on the farewell parade big time: “Derek Jeter is not the greatest person in human history. He did not invent baseball, he did not discover electricity, he is not the greatest shortstop who ever lived.” Wonder how long it will take the Yankees to demand ESPN fire Olbermann for heresy?

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For Derek Jeter’s final AB, the Yankees will use a recorded introduction one more time from former ballpark announcer Bob Sheppard, who passed away in 2010. Well, this ought to be good for another ESPN 1 hour special.

 

 

If Yasiel Puig played against ‪#‎BobGibson‬, ‪#‎Puig‬ might be dead by now.

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Nebraska RB Ameer Abdullah, 21, a friend of Jameis Winston’s from Birmingham, “It’s kind of hard for me to understand what’s going on with him right now, but from a general standpoint it’s the maturity level. Think before you act. Understand the bigger picture. Everything that you do, say or how you present yourself can have dire consequences.” Hope this doesn’t convince scouts Abdullah is too intelligent to play NFL football.

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A friend forwarded a tweet reporting how FSU coach Jimbo Fisher explained why Jameis Winst0n wouldn’t be doing weekly press conferences any more… “to give him m0re time for academics.”   And wow, Fisher said it with a straight face.

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Those strikes against ISIS must have gone better than expected. Because some conservative websites are in an uproar over President Obama exiting his helicopter today on his way to a speech and saluting Marines with a cup of tea in his hand. ‪#‎allhateallthetime‬

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The Steelers have re-signed LB James Harrison, and indicated his 2008 domestic violence arrest was not an issue. Well, I suppose when you can play well behind a rapist..

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University of Texas football coach has kicked nine players of the team this year due to academic and rules violations. At this point the SEC reps will be lying in wait outside the Longhorns’ locker room with transfer papers.

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Bus to hell time: Three people are dead, including the gunman, after a former UPS employee in uniform opened fire at a warehouse in Alabama. So UPS is not only taking business from the USPS, they’re also starting to go postal.

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A drunk man jumped into the White Tiger enclosure at the Delhi zoo yesterday with predictable results. Suppose reducing the zoo’s food bill for the week at least made it a productive Darwin award.

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Former HP CEO and California gubernatorial candidate Carly Fiorina said she wouldn’t rule out a run for the White House in 2016. Who says Democrats haven’t had any good news lately?

 

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For a real insult to Native Americans, how about the Atlanta Braves? 1-9 in their last 10 and on a  late season push to catch  the Marlins for 4th place.

 

 

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#‎AngelPagan‬ will undergo season ending back surgery. But ‪#‎SFGiants‬ hope he will be back & ready to be injured again in spring training.

Making waves.

Posted September 22, 2014 by left coast sports babe
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A fake ad on Twitter suggested that Apple iOS 8 users could charge their phones in the microwave. Apparently some people have tried. And somewhere Darwin is weeping.

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After a long separation, Bruce and Kris Jenner have announced they are divorcing. Apparently the train wreck that has become the NFL is taking too many headlines away from the Kardashians.

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So ‪#‎BruceJenner‬ and ‪#‎KrisJenner‬ are divorcing. Guess Kris finally decided for sure she wasn’t gay?

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SF WR Anquan Boldin claimed the officiating cost the 49ers “another game” yesterday. Of course, what’s this team really needed was the refs to call the game over after three quarters.

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A German FIFA executive says he doesn’t think the 2022 World Cup will be held in Qatar. Because they’ve finally come to their senses on the heat? Or because someone is offering a FIFA a bigger bribe?.

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Need to tell ‪#‎Panda‬ that salary drive year means hitting more than his weight in Sept. He’s barely hitting Lincecum’s weight ‪#‎SfGiants‬

 

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Baltimore Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti complained today that the ESPN report about the Ray Rice case was from “a majority of the sources [who] are people that work for Ray Almost everything in there is anonymous, but it’s clear from the subject matter that it’s Ray’s attorney, it’s Ray’s agent, it’s Ray’s friends.” Possibly, but one thing Bisciotti didn’t say was that anything in the report was untrue.

 

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Sarah Palin defended her family on Facebook after the brawl earlier this month where police were called, with a post that included a picture of Bristol with a gun ‘“I love my Bristol! My straight-shooter is one of the strongest young women you’ll ever meet. I have to say this as a proud mama: right up there with their work ethic and heart for those less fortunate, my kids’ defense of family makes my heart soar!”
This might be the first time that “Bristol Palin” and “work” have been mentioned in the same sentence.

No place like dome

Posted September 21, 2014 by left coast sports babe
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whodat

For non-Saints fans “Ignorance is no excuse” is the phrase Roger Goodell used when, despite no evidence that Sean Payton knew about the bounty scheme, the NFL commissioner suspended the New Orleans coach for a year.

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Ray Lewis on the Ray Rice situation, ” There’s some things you can cover up and then there’s some things you can’t.” Well, he should know. ‪#‎murder‬

 

The NY Daily News reports a source saying of the June meeting with Rice, Goodelll and others in the NFL “Ray owned it from day one,” said one source of Rice’s descriptions of events. “He went in as if (the tape)existed. Everyone knew it existed. He knew if the commissioner hadn’t already seen it, he would see it.” It really is looking like Rice may come out of this looking better than the NFL commissioner.

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On a brighter note for ‪#‎Cal‬ football, losers 49-45 by a last-second Hail Mary;  last year they wouldn’t have HAD a 31-13 lead to blow in the 4th quarter.

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The Atlanta Braves have been eliminated from the postseason. So they will not be able to continue their streak of not selling out playoff games.

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#‎NFL‬ proves once again why their ‪#‎overtime‬ rule is as bad a way to end a game as penalty kicks. ‪#‎DENvsSEA‬

 

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Jameis Winston will be back has the FSU QB Monday. No word on when Seminoles coach Jimbo Fisher will remove the duct tape from Winston’s mouth.

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Tens of thousands of protesters, including many celebrities – RFK, Jr, Al Gore, Leonardo DiCaprio, Sting and Mark Ruffalo for examples -marked in the People’s Climate March in New York today. Wonder how many of the celebs arrived by private plane?

 

Just proving that not all NFL stupid moments involve crimes and coverups:: Detroit Lions LB Stephen Tulloch made a stop against the Green Bay Packers. And when he jumped to celebrate Tulloch tweaked his knee and had to come out of the game.

 

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Derek Jeter, interviewed for New York magazine, complained that Hank and Hal Steinbrenner are “not around as much as the Boss was. The Boss would pop in frequently during the course of the season. Hal and Hank, they don’t really come in too often.” And his Yankees’ teammates are thinking “Thanks for giving them the idea, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

Out of work?

Posted September 20, 2014 by left coast sports babe
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John Boehner, trash talking the unemployed – “this idea that has been born, maybe out of the economy over the last couple years, that you know, I really don’t have to work. I don’t really want to do this. I think I’d rather just sit around. This is a very sick idea for our country.” Really, who do these people think they are, Congress?

 

Urban Meyer says he was depressed and “mentally broke” with the stress of coaching Florida’s national champion 2008 team and contending 2009 team. So he can avoid all that being in the Big Ten?

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Florida State squeaked out a win against Clemson in overtime. If the Seminoles knew the game would have been that close they would have only suspended Jameis Winston for three quarters.

 

Would someone please tell the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ they don’t have to give up scoring for Rosh Hashanah.

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Brian Wilson gives up game winning home run to ‪#‎Cubs‬. And ‪#‎Dodgers‬ fans are getting just a little tastle of ‪#‎torture‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

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A lot of chatter amongst Florida fans about benching QB Jeff Driskel, including from former Gator Emmitt Smith. Which is shocking, bench an SEC QB for poor play rather than academic issues or arrests?

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542 people in Calgary all dressed in Batman suits this week at work to raise money for charity and to get into the Guinness Book of World Records.(The old record was 250 Batmans) What I want to know, who comes up with the idea in the first place of a setting a record for “The Largest Gathering of People Dressed As Batman?””

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A hacker allegedly briefly uploaded naked pictures of ‪#‎KimKardashian‬ but quickly took them down. Presumably because ‪#‎nobodycares‬.

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Kim Kardashian apparently wants to appear on ‘Downton Abbey.” And we thought some of the recent wars have tested the “special relationship” between the U.S. and Britain.

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What’s next for ‪#‎RogerGoodell‬? Almost expect him to tweet ‪#‎Winning‬!

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In a press conference that might have called for a “Hail Mary”, ‪#‎RogerGoodell‬ took a knee. ‪#‎NFL‬

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Roger Goodell and “Purposeful Misdirection” sounds like the name of a bad garage band.

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Full moonbeam rising: How strong is California Gov. Jerry Brown? At the state GOP convention, state controller candidate Ashley Swearingen, the mayor of Fresno, said she hadn’t decided whether to vote for Brown or his Republican opponent in November.

 

Turning the calendar.

Posted September 19, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

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Roger Goodell, 2014. He “believes” nobody in the NFL office saw the Ray Rice video. Roger Goodell, 2012, In suspending Saints coach Sean Payton for a year, “Ignorance is no excuse.”

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Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis’s baby daughter is due any day now. And to show there are no hard feelings, Ashton’s ex-wife Demi Moore is sending over some of his old favorite toys.

 

Florida State just announced they have suspended QB Jameis Winston for the entire game Saturday night against Clemson. Translation: the Seminoles have decided the Tigers weren’t as scary as they thought.

 

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The ‪#‎Cubs‬ magic number is 8. As in “8 more games and we are officially waiting for next year.”

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Pabst Brewing Co, the makers of PBR, Colt 45, Old Milwaukee, Schlitz and Lone Star beer, has been sold to Russian company Oasis. Waiting for Texas Senator Ted Cruz to slam Obama on needing tougher sanctions on Russia now. ‪#‎beer‬ ‪#‎priorities‬

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Roger ‪#‎Goodell‬ said NFL will “get its house in order.” Well, at least he didn’t say he would beat the problem into submission. ‪#‎clueless

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United Airlines now notes on their website what they consider to be the “best” Economy Plus seats you can pay extra to sit in. How long until they start noting the “worst” seats that you need to pay extra to avoid?

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The Cleveland planning commission approved a 10-story-high banner of Lebron James to hang on a downtown wall. In case Lebron changes his mind again, hope the banner will be fireproof.

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Ah, Joe. The Vice President recently admitted it was a “poor choice of words” for him to refer to unscrupulous lenders as “Shylocks.” Of course it could have been worse, many of the people who might have condemned Biden haven’t read Shakespeare and don’t know what the term means.

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Although really, could Joe Biden have gaffed Roger Goodell’s press conference worse than Goodell himself did?

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And for all the meaningless babble in Goodell’s press conference he didn’t say the two words most Americans really wanted to hear  – “I quit.”

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The parents of Honey Boo-Boo, Mama June and Sugar Bear, are splitting up. TMZ reported she found he was signed up for online dating sites. The couple, however, while they have gone through a “commitment ceremony” was never married. Where are the family values / Defense of Marriage folks on this one?

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Apparently thousands of tourists are still stuck in Cabo San Lucas after the hurricane, in uncomfortable situations with limited water and food. In fact, the conditions are almost as bad as they were on the plane flights to Mexico.

 

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They don’t give an award in MLB for “biggest choke job.” But this year there sure are a lot of contenders.

 

According to the NJ Star-Ledger, Rutgers AD Julie Hermann told staff members in a meeting. “[We] have to reach out to our donors, fans, everyone, and we need to touch them. Not in a Jerry Sandusky-type way.” Wow. Is Hermann trying to get hired as a VP of sensitivity training for the NFL.

United Kingdom we still stand.

Posted September 18, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

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So the Scottish Independence vote has failed. And across the U.S. the most common responses are probably “Weren’t they already an independent country?” and “What does this mean for Scotch whiskey prices?”

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And hope springs eternal.  From Daniel Miller, director of Texas Nationalist Movement., on the Scottish referendum, before the votes were counted:  “We’re excited that they are able to have a voice, to be able to go to the polls and voice their political will on the issue of self-determination. We’re hoping for a ‘Yes’ vote.” I’ll swap Puerto Rico for Texas as the 50th state any time. ‪#‎noforeignaid‬

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Andy Murray, who has been neutral on Scottish independence, tweeted early this morning “‘Huge day for Scotland today! no campaign negativity last few days totally swayed my view on it. excited to see the outcome. lets do this!’ Ought to be real interesting when Murray shows up next year at Wimbledon.

(and do have to wonder, understand neutrality, but have if he was going to come out as a “yes,” why not do it earlier, when it might have mattered, instead of today when it probably accomplished nothing except really annoying English fans and sponsors.)

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Florida State believes they have strictly disciplined Jameis Winston for his “offensive and vulgar” behavior with a one-half game suspension. The school’s biggest regret? That Winston didn’t scream the obscene meme sooner, so they could have suspended him for their game against the Citadel.

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Texas Tech defensive coordinator Matt Wallerstedt resigned today. ESPN reported that he was “was suspected of being under the influence of an unknown substance while on campus.” Of course, this is Lubbock, TX. Was the “unknown substance” Chardonnay?

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Gatorade has a new commercial honoring Derek Jeter and his retirement. Good thing. Would hate for such a momentous event to go unnoticed.

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Michael Vick feels that Roger Goodell should not be fired, and said that the NFL commissioner is “doing a great job.” And Vick’s image rehabilitation was going so well……

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About now the ‪#‎NFL‬ would let Michael Sam & his boyfriend get married on 50 yd-line if it would be the #1 football headline. ‪#‎Distractions‬

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Vikings WR Jerome Simpson. already serving a 3 game DUI suspension, will be arraigned in November after being pulled over for alleged marijuana possession, driving with an open bottle and violating limited license restrictions. And the NFL is thinking, “Thank God, he didn’t beat up anyone.

 

4-1 lead in the 7th over the Dodgers and the Chicago pitcher induces an inning-ending double play which gets booted, and LA ends up scoring 5 runs enroute to a 8-4 win. SFGiants fans would like to thank the Cubs for reminding us, we may have ‪#‎torture‬ but it could be worse.

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Although they are not in the same league, the Oakland As are constantly competing with the SF Giants. And in 2014 year they seem bound and determined to compete with the June-July version of the Giants.

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Miley Cyrus is now under criminal investigation for twerking in Monterrey with dancers whipping and rubbing Mexican flags on her derriere. As the Mexican constitution protects “national emblems, the flag and the national anthem.” Well, even if Miley didn’t commit a technical crime in Mexico, she should be under investigation for criminal stupidity.

Days and confused.

Posted September 17, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

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Tuesday there was a press conference blasting the NFL and Roger Goodell over their handling of domestic violence cases – held by Gloria Allred. So congrats to all those who had Sept 17 in the pool.

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Scotland is voting September 18 on a possible declaration of independence from the United Kingdom. And the number one response in the U.S.A. “So what is the United Kingdom?”

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The Vikings, on deactivating Adrian Peterson “After giving the situation additional thought, we have decided this is the appropriate course of action for the organization and for Adrian.” Translation, we don’t want to lose any more sponsors. ‪#‎Followthemoney‬

 

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The NFL fined Colin Kaepernick $10,000 for inappropriate language last weekend, and fined Buffalo Bills linebacker Brandon Spikes $8,268 for an unnecessary roughness penalty. So the lesson is clear, if you’re really unhappy on the field, don’t swear at someone, stomp them.

 

 

#‎TMI‬ Baltimore WR Steve Smith posted a picture of his new son along with the tweet “The last time me and my wife were in elevator heading to our hotel room!!! We got this guy 9 months later.. ‪#‎Realtalk‬” And not that long ago that would have been the most unfortunate story most of us could imagine involving a Ravens player and an elevator.

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Jameis Winston has been suspended for the 1st half of FSU’s game Saturday against Clemson for standing on a table in the student union and repeatedly yelling an obscene internet meme – “F*ck her right in the p*ssy.” Considering that the Heisman winner is still being investigated for alleged sexual assault the suspension has to be as much about stupidity as obscenity.

 

 

Well, this kind of sucks. Rob Ford’s doctor says the Toronto mayor is battling a rare and “fairly aggressive” form of cancer. And Ford is probably thinking, “Hell, if I knew that I’d have kept smoking crack.”

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Adrian Peterson’s mother ” When you whip those you love, it’s not about abuse, but love.” Sounds like the apple didn’t strike far from the tree.

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Aaron Hernandez, trying to get evidence tossed in his murder trial “I felt helpless in the face of the occupation of my house by the police. I was also very concerned about what would happen to my fiancée and our baby if I refused to answer their questions. I did not feel free to leave at any time during the search.” “I feel so sorry for him”, said nobody.

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Now some are slamming the new Miss America Kira Kazantsev because she interned at Planned Parenthood… Would they have been as angry if she supported raising welfare payments for poor children?

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Told to unload his bags from a bus in Altoona, PA on July 31 after a AA game for Richmond. Game winning single in Arizona for the SF Giants in a pennant race Sept 17. Quite a few weeks for Matt Duffy.

 

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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg  “It is so hot in Los Angeles, people are going to Dodger games just to feel the cool breeze coming off of Yasiel Puig’s bat when he strikes out.  ” (.183% in his last 31 games)


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