Not enough hot air?

Posted January 22, 2015 by left coast sports babe
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The “deflate-gate” story is getting more and more media coverage. If this keeps up, God may not be rooting for the Seahawks, but Roger Goodell and the NFL sure will.

Andrew Luck, asked about losing the AFC Championship game. “You do feel deflated.” Now Andrew is a nice young man and apparently felt embarrassed when he realized what he said. But Luck does have a free pass on the bus to hell if he wants one.

So deflated footballs are easier for quarterbacks to handle? Maybe this explains why Jerry Jones wanted Chris Christie as a lucky charm at Dallas games…. he just wanted the NJ Governor to sit on the team’s balls.

 

As if most Americans weren’t already sad to see Seattle instead of Green Bay in the Super Bowl, here’s Aaron Rodgers, when asked if losing a game like last week’s shakes his faith: “I don’t think God cares a whole lot about the outcome. He cares about the people involved, but I don’t think he’s a big football fan.”

(besides, we all know, God prefers baseball.)

 

Even casual football fans now know that the amount of air in a ball makes a difference. One of the few deflating offenders caught in the past? USC , who was fined $25,000, under then coach Lane Kiffin in 2012.  Yep, the same Kiffin who is now under consideration to be the 49ers offensive coordinator.  So the circus may really be coming to San Francisco.

A new study has found that people of drink four or more cups of coffee a day have a 20 percent less chance of getting malignant melanoma skin cancer. Maybe due to the antioxidants. Or maybe due to the fact that anyone drinking that much coffee won’t be able to sit still in the sun for long.

Now Joe Biden says he might run for President in 2016. Seems reasonable. Why should late-night talk show hosts just have fun with the GOP side?

 

Chelsea Clinton, talking about her baby girl – “I read her the world news every morning.” Well, of course, how else will Charlotte be prepared in 2060 to run for President?

 

Former NY Jets QB coach David Lee said that Geno Smith’s inconsistency “is what killed us.” Right, because the Jets did so much better with Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow.

A password management company has found that Americans have wised up and that “password” is no longer the most commonly used password in the U.S. It has, however, been replaced by “123456.” Maybe such users should consider another six character password – “Darwin.”

PGA golfer Robert Allenby said he was kidnapped, beaten and robbed in Honolulu. But now witnesses say they just saw him passed out drunk on a sidewalk. Even Tiger Woods is thinking, “Dude, you couldn’t come up with a better story?”

Why there is no satire. Thanks to my friend Laura for this line from the AP, note, not the Onion, the AP: “ORLANDO, Florida — A trial to determine whether U.S. Rep. Alan Grayson’s wife committed bigamy when she wed the congressman has been delayed because she required emergency surgery to remove breast implants.”

 

 

From T.C.  Mah husband cannot throw the f***ing ball and blow it up too – Gisele Bundchen

Soft balls?

Posted January 20, 2015 by left coast sports babe
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ESPN reports that 11 of 12 game balls allotted to the Patriots for the AFC Championship game were found to be underinflated by two pounds of air (PSI) Out of a required 12.5-13.5 pounds. The report adds that the league is “disappointed … angry … distraught.” So that makes the entire NFL honorary Packers fans?

Many think “deflate-gate” is ludicrous because the Patriots wouldn’t need to have cheated to beat the Colts. Of course, Nixon sure didn’t need to cheat to beat McGovern.

Seahawks vs Patriots. A lot of people just really don’t care who wins the Super Bowl. At least Katy Perry will give millions of men two reasons to watch.

Jim Harbaugh has hired his son, 25, as a coach. Of course Michigan fans don’t care if Harbaugh puts his dog on the payroll, as long as he can beat Ohio State.

From Bill Littlejohn:   “A large number of Seahawk fans left the stadium and were not around for Sunday’s wild finish.Thus, only 775,000 will claim that they were there to see it.”

68 Stanford students shut down the San Mateo bridge during Monday’s commute. They were protesting Ferguson, as well as “state-sponsored and U.S.-sponsored violence in Mexico and Palestine.” Have no problem with their free speech in tying all those diverse things together, but thinking if you want to win people to your side, keeping them stuck in their cars after a long day of work doesn’t seem to be the best way to do it.

 

Donald Trump says he is giving “serious thought” to another Presidential run. This may be the first time that “Donald Trump” and “serious thought” have been used in the same sentence.

 

What’s the point of a long rebuttal to the ‪#‎SOTU‬? When the basic message is simply. “What he said was all wrong”?

So apparently some people are doing a “Nationwide Boycott of the SOTU” where they will take pictures of themselves turning their back on President Obama. Aren’t some of these the same people who are unhappy that we no longer do the Pledge of Allegiance each morning in school? – “One nation, INDIVISIBLE…..”

Hope Solo just had domestic violence charges dropped against her, now allegedly she was almost arrested again for being “belligerent” when her former NFL player husband Jerramy Stevens was arrested for DUI in L.A. Who says female athletes will never be the equal of men?

Why there is no satire. MLB just put Fred Wilpon in charge of the MLB finance committee. For the uninitiated, he is the owner of the Mets, whose performance should in and of itself question his ability to manage money, but he also lost about $700 million investing in a Ponzi scheme run by Bernie Madoff. And Wilpon’s defense to avoid criminal charges himself…. he had no clue what was going on…. ‪#‎facepalm‬

Kim Kardashian has a book coming out in May, titled “Selfish.” Does this really even need a punchline?

MLB is proposing that pitchers now be ready to throw a pitch 30 seconds before all between-inning commercial breaks end. Hitters would need to be ready 20 seconds in advance. This would supposedly shorten all games that are not nationally televised by at least 10-15 minutes.  Which means Yankees-Red Sox games will still last four hours.

 

Sad news Tuesday night, that a heart surgeon at Boston’s Brigham and Women’s Hospital has passed away after being shot this Tuesday morning, apparently by a disgruntled son of a former patient, who then turned the gun on himself. A sad remember that for all we worry about foreign terrorists, we have plenty of crazy dangerous people right in here in the USA.

Slip slipping away.

Posted January 19, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes

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So Brandon Bostick didn’t lose that game for the Packers all by himself. But when he let that onside kick go through his hands, the fat lady was so upset she dropped her sheet music.

 

The Seattle Seahawks deleted their MLK day tweet saying “We shall overcome” with an MLK quote about faith and a picture of a crying Russell Wilson. Good thing it wasn’t Easter…. wonder what they would have tweeted about resurrection.

 

 

So lots of potential bets on the Super Bowl. One of the more intriguing… what’s the over-under on the size of the fine the NFL will levy on Marshawn Lynch for not talking during media week?

Seattle police let Seahawks DE Michael Bennett commandeer one of their bicycles for a joy ride around the field after yesterday’s game. And somewhere Madison Bumgarner saw that and said, “Alright, next time no one’s telling ME I can’t ride a police horse in a parade.”

Happy MLK day. And a weird trivia apropos of nothing, well, except that it’s almost Spring Training. Had Martin Luther King lived, he would still be younger than Vin Scully.

 

A college intern working for the Cincinnati Bengals’ was arrested and is facing felony fraud charges after allegedly stealing more than 100 items, including shoes and other gear from the team’s locker room. The items were valued at a total of about $3,500. What an idiot. You’d think he’d at least work for a team where the stolen stuff would be worth more.

Chicago GM Ryan Pace called new coach John Fox “a game-changer” for the team. Cool, but it will take more than changing one-game to make the Bears a serious postseason contender in 2015.

Bud Selig this weekend in St. Louis, “I visit all 30 cities, and you are the best baseball city.”    Now, Cardinals fans are great. But no respect for the city that has sold out every game for the past three years?  (San Francisco)

The measles outbreak that started at Disneyland over the holidays is now up to at least 51 cases in California, a few other states, and Mexico. And it is expected to get much worse. The L.A.Times reports “the wealthy area of southern Orange County has particularly low vaccination levels among kindergartners compared to the state average.” ‪#‎Moneycantfixstupid‬

Pope Francis, who has come out against artificial birth control, did just say. “Some people think that – excuse my expression here – that in order to be good Catholics we have to be like rabbits.” and added that he knew many ways allowed by the Church to limit family size. Right. Brings to mind the old joke, “What do you call people who practice the rhythm method?” “Parents.”

A new poll shows President Obama’s approval rating back up to 50%. Makes sense. The economy is getting better. And maybe Americans are starting to look ahead to the alternatives.

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal today reiterated his claim that Muslim immigrants have created “no-go zones” in Europe where non-Muslims are not welcome. Although he can’t name one such zone. Apparently Jindal’s prior comment that the GOP must “stop being the stupid party” doesn’t extend to pesky things like facts.

Okay, Billy Crystal has been taking heat for saying he thought some gay sex scenes on TV went “a little too far. ” But it’s gotten less attention when he added “What I meant was that whenever sex or graphic nudity of any kind (gay or straight) is gratuitous to the plot or story, it becomes a little too much for my taste.” Actually agree with him. Hard to believe it was scandalous when I was a kid that Mike and Carol Brady shared a bed.

Here we go again. In Missouri a 9-month-old boy has died after being shot in the head by his 5-year-old brother. Stand by for the NRA campaign to arm babies at birth.

 

The lights weren’t out, the party wasn’t over.

Posted January 19, 2015 by left coast sports babe
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Some say God wanted the Seahawks to win. But isn’t it as likely that God was rooting for the Packers and just turned to the Colts-Patriots figuring the game was over?

The ending of the NFC championship was bad enough Packers fans are getting sympathy cards from Cubs fans.

Quite a number of Seahawks fans actually left with a few minutes left in the game.   Suppose that’s better than all the Packers who didn’t show up in the fourth quarter.

 

Considering how popular both the  ‪#‎Patriots‬ and ‪#‎Seahawks‬ are wonder how many Americans will fast-forward through ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ to get to commercials

 

Will the ‪#‎Seahawks‬ vote ‪#‎Bostick‬ a ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ playoff share?

 

In “prop bets” though,  who had Russell Wilson getting his first completion of the day with less than four minutes less in the second quarter?  And who had him completing more passes in the first half to the Packers than the Seahawks?

The NFL  warned Marshawn Lynch that if he had worn gold cleats Sunday as he planned, he would have been ejected from the NFC championship game. Good to see the league once again focusing on what’s important.

Not a Seahawks fan, but if the problem with Lynch’s gold cleats was that they might have been a distraction, why weren’t the Oregon Ducks’ uniforms declared illegal most weeks.

Meanwhile, TC asks “Did anyone notice that Jim Nantz and Phil Simms were not wearing “Bose” headsets? That has to be a $50,000 fine at least from the NFL! EACH!!!!!”

 

Indianapolis reporter Bob Kravitz tweeted “Breaking: A league source tells me the NFL is investigating the possibility the Patriots deflated footballs Sunday night. More to come.” He added that “no one is suggesting this is why Colts lost” but if true the story will just add to New England’s lovable reputation.

 

On a brighter note, at least the Colts didn’t break their fans’ hearts in the 4th quarter.

First Jim Tomsula. Now rumors have the 49ers looking at Lane Kiffin as an offensive coordinator. And in from Ann Arbor you can almost hear a new resident giggling.

And one thing about Lane Kiffin, he’ll have the “offensive” part down pat.

 

Tony Verna, 81, the inventor of instant replay for sports on TV, has passed away. At his funeral, wonder how many times they will review his life?

FOX News apologized four times Saturday for recent incorrect information about Muslims in Europe- things like more than half the Muslims in France supporting ISIS, Sharia law superseding local law, there being “no-go” zones etc. Less shocking that people on FOX said these things perhaps, then that they apologized for them.

Below expectations?

Posted January 18, 2015 by left coast sports babe
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The bleachers at Wrigley Field won’t be ready by Opening Day, and due to renovations will be closed at least all of April, and possibly May.   Longtime Cubs bleacher bums are upset, they already know they’ll miss October.

Yes, the Oscars this year are very white. But while we’re screaming about lack of diversity, once again, where are the nominees for comic movies and “chick flicks”? ‪#‎grumpyoldacademymen

 

The surviving members of the Grateful Dead have announced a 50th anniversary reunion show this July. Good news for many of those who saw the band in its “smoky” heyday. It will be an actual concert they can remember.

Jennifer Aniston, being asked again about a rivalry with Angelina Jolie. “I think it’s time people stop with that petty B.S. and just start celebrating great work and stop with the petty kind of silliness.” What, and put all those tabloid writers out of business?

 

President Obama apparently will propose raising the capital gains tax on on couples making more than $500,000 per year to 28 percent, the same level as under Reagan. Have to wonder how many younger GOP legislators are thinking “yeah, that commie pinko… oh wait, never mind.”

 

The Power 5 NCAA conferences approved a measure 79-1 saying that schools must pay athletes a stipend (a few thousand a year) to cover the actual cost of attendance besides room, board and books. One ACC school dissented. Wonder if it was FSU. That stipend probably wouldn’t cover crab legs.

Meanwhile, the University of California will tie pay for newly hired coaches and athletic directors to their athletes’ performance in the classroom. Which is a good thing. Unless it means more athletes majoring in underwater basket weaving.

According to the NY Times, a U.S congressional delegation is in Havana this weekend to meet with Cuban officials “to discuss greater cooperation and remaining areas of disagreement.” And maybe to do a little cigar shopping.

Bill Cosby’s lawyer says he has proof the comedian was not in Los Angeles the night a model accuses him of drugging and sexually assaulting her at the Playboy Mansion. If true, that’s one “she said” down, and about 99 to go.

Fox is considering bringing back “24” without Kiefer Sutherland/Jack Bauer. ‪#‎whatsthepoint‬

 

Free pass on the bus to hell for my funny friend Jerry Perisho:  “‘There’s an easier way.’ – Bill Cosby to Greg Anthony”

 

The Colts’ Trent Richardson didn’t travel with his team to Sunday’s AFC championship game against the Patriots because of “personal reasons” As in “personally” everyone else on the team is sick of him?

Testing, testing….

Posted January 17, 2015 by left coast sports babe
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In Arizona, high school seniors will have to pass a 100 question civics test to graduate from high school. Wonder how many legislators could pass it.

 

Not to say the mostly old white male voters in the Academy don’t get it, but when the uproar began about this year’s Oscars being too white, they suggested giving all nominees a gift certificate to a tanning salon.

 

Now that the Supreme Court is going to rule on the subject, am sure advocates of same-sex marriage have to feel confident about Clarence Thomas’s vote. Since his marriage to a white woman would have been against the law in some states until the Court ruled miscegenation laws unconstitutional in 1967.

New Oakland Raiders coach Jack Del Rio was optimistic in a press conference today but said the team needs “some work.” Yep, like Joan Rivers had had “some work” done.

 

#‎NBC‬ says they won’t work with ‪#‎BillCosby‬ again. Which would be big news, if anyone still watched NBC.

Urban Meyer on the Late Show talked about how J.T. Barrett “broke his ankle against the team up north.” Letterman asked “When you say ‘team up north?’” Meyer replied “That’s our rival. Can’t say the word.” Right, and some wonder how kids get the idea that there’s no life outside football.

Is no sport sacred? Former world champion Carolina Kostner of Italy has been banned for 16 months for a doping case involving her ex-boyfriend, Olympic race walking gold medalist Alex Schwazer. It’s all enough to make you long for the purity of professional wrestling.

Randy Johnson has announced that he will go into the Hall of Fame wearing an Arizona Diamondbacks cap. So guess those 7 months he was with the SF Giants didn’t mean that much to him?

John Boehner is using 13 gifs of Taylor Swift to take President Obama’s plan to offer free community college tuition. Who knew the Speaker knew what a “gif” was? Who knew the Speaker knew who Taylor Swift was?

Just wondering, what would happen if terrorists threatened the creators of “South Park”? Would the people who are getting hysterical over Obama not going to Paris also say the President should strongly defend their right to cartoon free speech?

Amnesty International reported Saudi authorities today postponed the second round of public flogging of a blogger sentenced to 1,000 lashes for insulting Islam. Only because a doctor said the wounds from the first hadn’t healed and “he would not be able to withstand another round of lashes at this time.” The floggings will thus resume late – he still has 950 lashes to go.

It’s okay though, Saudi officials marched in the Paris demonstration last week.

 

After having 20 debates before the 2012 election, the Republican National Committee has cut the 2016 Presidential debates down to nine. Great news for Rick Perry, whose theory is “the smaller the better” when it comes to numbers.

Career moves?

Posted January 15, 2015 by left coast sports babe
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A 23 year old woman who was a Wall Street intern apparently quit and is embarking on a new career in porn. Well, many would say she has chosen a more honorable profession.

 

OSU QB Cardale Jones “My decision was very simple. I had to talk it over with my family, my friends, my coaching staff… At my point in my career, I feel like it’s best for me to go back to school. One of the most important things for me to do is graduate.” Have to wish the guy the best; sounds like Jones is already more mature than Johnny Manziel.

Darrell Winfield, one of the original “Marlboro men” in cigarette ads, died this week at the age of 85. The rancher no doubt attributed his long life to not actually smoking those Marlboros.

Two parents in Silver Spring, MD, a nice suburb outside DC, are being investigated by Child Protective Services for allowing their 10 and 6 year old children to walk a mile home from the park by themselves. And we are supposed to be raising a generation that can stand up to terrorists? ‪#‎facepalm

Your “awwww” story of the day. A cat in Russia is being called a hero for climbing into a box with an abandoned baby and keeping him warm, then meowing until she got a passerby’s attention. Of course, the meows might have been to say “Get this thing out of MY box.” ‪#‎cattrap‬

Really? Former congressman Joe Walsh tweeted “Let’s hope that when the Islamists next strike they first behead the appeasing cowards at CNN, MSNBC, etal who refused to show the cartoons.” Uh, Mr. Walsh, why don’t YOU show the Charlie Hebdo cartoons in a tweet yourself?

 

Former Dallas Cowboys offensive coordinator/offensive line coach Bill Callahan has taken a new job as offensive line coach for Washington. How awful does Jerry Jones have to be to make Dan Snyder look like a better alternative as an boss?

From T.C.  “Even former SF 49ers Head Coach Jim Harbaugh was Googling Tom Sula to find out who this guy is.”

In Pennsylvania, 62-year-old woman says she found a python on her bathroom floor when she went to take an overnight “potty break.” Assume it scared the sh*t out if her.

A 132-year-old Winchester rifle was just found in a remote part of the Great Basin National Park in Nevada. Very cool. Wonder if it’s the one that was lost after being bought new as a Christmas present for a young Larry King?

 

At the Republican National Committee winter meeting, hundreds of activists said they hoped Mitt Romney didn’t run for President for a third time. On the other hand, millions of people do hope Mitt runs again. They’re called Democrats.

On a serious note,  over 20 years ago I was lucky enough to meet and talk with Molly Ivins in a small group setting. Molly was famous as a liberal, but what she cared most about was free speech. While I can’t remember her exact words, what she said was that free speech was hard, and messy. That it didn’t just mean letting people you agreed with speak freely. And that if you truly supported free speech you would hear some pretty awful things.

I would have loved to read a column of Molly’s on Charlie Hebdo. No doubt she would have agreed some of their cartoons were disgusting. But she would have defended their right to print them.


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