Messing with Texas.

Posted October 14, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Texas Gov. Rick Perry, speaking in London, telling his English audience  “You always sound so darn smart and refined no matter what you’re saying.” And no doubt many in the crowd are thinking “It’s not just the accent that makes you sound so dumb.”

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But also let me get this straight, in Texas, they are upset that the CDC and President Obama haven’t done more against Ebola. Mark this down, Texans are  Cocomplaining that the Federal Government hasn’t done enough to interfere in their state.

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Really? Cowboys RB Joseph Randle was arrested last night for shoplifting underwear and cologne in at a local Dillard’s. Wonder if the reaction in Dallas front office was, well at least he didn’t hit anybody.

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Apple and Facebook will now cover the costs for women employees who want to freeze their eggs and delay having children. Makes sense, why use those young and energetic years for motherhood when you can work 80 hour weeks for your company?

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We’re coming up on the 25th anniversary of the Oct 17, 1989 “World Series” earthquake. Wow. They actually used to play the World Series during mid-October?

 

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Alabama TE Kurt Freitag’s status is probably in jeopardy after police searched his dorm room last week and allegedly found 112 grams of marijuana and $4,661 in cash. Thinking this sort of thing presents a major recruiting opportunity for Colorado and the University of Washington.

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Dodgers have now hired Andrew Friedman from the Tampa Bay Rays as their new president of baseball operations. Well, money can’t buy happiness. But Friedman may be about to see it also can’t buy chemistry.

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Tickets for the Cal vs Oregon football game next Friday at Levi’s Stadium are now 2/3 off at Groupon. Might be a good time to check the place out.  With Cal’s defense and Oregon’s offense there probably shouldn’t be too much traffic leaving late in the 4th quarter.

 

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The SF Giants are doing their best to give all baseball fans in the Bay Area a free cardiac stress test. ‪#‎NLCS‬

 

 

#‎SFGiants‬ won at 4 20. Anyone see what Lincecum might have been doing to start a rally in the dugout?

 

 

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Anyone know how many ways there are to score without a base hit in baseball? ‪#‎SFGiants‬ seem bound and determined to show us ALL of them.

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The Royals were almost never on ESPN or FOX during the season, and they still aren’t. But watching them the last couple weeks I find it hard to believe that this team ever lost.

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Meanwhile for SF Giants (and St. Louis Cardinals) fans who were watching tonight’s KC Royals and Orioles game – – Amazing how much fun close game is when your heart isn’t set on one outcome. ‪#‎NLCS‬ ‪#‎ALCS‬

 

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The NHL Florida Panthers announced attendance of 7,311 last night. Or as the Montreal Expos used to call that, a packed house.

All wet?

Posted October 13, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Game 3 of the ALCS was been postponed due to rain. Which means the lead sports story Monday was  Monday Night Football.   So at least that didn’t change.

 

The game was scheduled to be on TBS,   had it been scheduled for ESPN no doubt the network would have run a “Derek Jeter’s greatest playoff moments” retrospective.

 

The Baltimore Orioles are no doubt particularly disappointed that Monday’s ALCS game was rained out and not just delayed. Playing in serious mud might be the only way to slow the Kansas City Royals rabbits down.

 

#‎Rams‬ looked like they could use ‪#‎MichaelSam‬ on defense ‪#‎49ers‬ ‪#‎MNF‬

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How can you not love ‪#‎HunterPence‬? Apparently he made his own sign “Hunter Pence will work for ring.” ‪#‎HunterPenceSigns‬ ‪#‎SFGiants

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NC State suspended 7 players this week for a “BB gun incident” involving a “game with the guns” last week. A game with guns? Wonder if the players were immediately offered transfer opportunities to schools in Texas or Florida?

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A photo has been circulating showing Ole Miss star DL Robert Nkemdiche allegedly using a bong. Coach Hugh Freeze says “appropriate measures were taken.” Translation, Nkemdiche has probably been suspended for the 1st quarter of the Nov. 8th game vs Presbyterian.

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So NBC News’ Dr. Nancy Snyderman’s violated an Ebola quarantine to get some SOUP at Peasant Grill in New Jersey. What’s the restaurant’s new slogan going to be “Soup worth dying for.”? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

Wouldn’t it have been simpler for ‪#‎jameiswinston‬ if he just traded autographs for crab legs? ‪#‎FSU‬

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The head of the NIH said that budget cuts might be the reason we don’t have an Ebola vaccine, which the agency has been working on over a decade. But really, why should we let all this fear and hysteria turn into a discussion about money and science?

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A psychologist said Oscar Pistorius is a “broken man” after shooting his girlfriend last year. Yeah, apparently the pain is affecting Pistorius’s relationship with the new girlfriend he met last December.

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A social worker testifying for the defense in the Oscar Pistorius trial said that an appropriate punishment for Pistorius would be 16 hours of community service, house arrest (in a mansion), and that he should be allowed to continue with his career as an athlete. Even Los Angeles juries are thinking “Are you nuts?”

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Points for honesty. Senator Mitch McConnell, who reported that he is worth $11.97 million, debated challenger Alison Grimes tonight, and argued against increasing the minimum wage.  Grimes challenged McConnell about having become rich in office but not caring about the poor.

His response “To claim that I got rich at public expense — she knows that that’s a result of an inheritance that my wife got when her mother passed away.” In other words, I inherited my money fair and square.

 

Former NY Times executive editor Jill Abramson said that Condoleezza Rice asked the paper in 2003 to kill a story on the CIA not being able to stop Iran’s nuclear program. Standby for FOX News to explain to us all how Barack Obama really made her do it.

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And Columbus Day is over, a semi-holiday for most Americans with banks and the post office and some schools closed, but most offices open. And many want to change the name.  But as Alex Kaseberg says  “Personally I think we should stay with Columbus Day. Go to your job, do half of what you were supposed to do, declare it a huge success and then get as many people sick as you can.”

All Bucked Up

Posted October 13, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

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Since NLCS games 1 and 2 weres basically being called by St. Louis home town announcers can the SF Giants Mike Krukow and Duane Kuiper call game 3 for Fox Tuesday?

 

The advantage of watching ‪#‎SFGiants‬ on FOX. All game stress is mitigated by ability to scream at TV regularly due to idiocy of Joe Buck

 

(and the above two are not sour grapes, I wrote both lines when the Giants were tied or winning.)

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But okay, if anyone had told ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans that their team would have given up four home runs on mistake pitches while hitting ZERO home runs themselves, and the team would be returning to AT&T tied 1-1, (with Yadier Molina probably out for the series), they would have been ecstatic.

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Taylor Swift quoted on the cover of People Magazine. “It would take an astonishing human being for me to even consider getting back in a relationship.” Well, either that or a bad case of writer’s block.

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As bad as day as the Jets had, this week they didn’t even look like the worst team in New York. Or rather, New Jersey.

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MSU #1 in the new coaches poll.  Ole Miss #3.  So a lot of sportswriters and copy editors are finally finding a use for that old M-I-S-S, I-S-S, I-P-P-I spelling chant from grade school.

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USC escaped with a 28-26 win Saturday night despite 13 fourth quarter points from Arizona when the Wildcats’ kicker missed his third FG of the game, a 36 yarder with 12 seconds left. Trojan coach Steve Sarkisian said “God’s got a plan, but we’re not exactly what his plan is for us yet.” And God said, “don’t blame me for all these lousy Pac12 placekickers.”

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Raiders fans egged the Chargers’ team bus as it arrived at O.co Stadium for today’s game. Fortunately, since this was Oakland, most of the eggs were intercepted.

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After last night’s NASCAR race in Charlotte, Matt Kenseth and Brad Keselowski ended up fighting in the garage. If this sort of thing starts happening near the track it could double ratings.

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Wonder how many Americans are so worried about ‪#‎Ebola‬ that they are now reading updates on their phones while driving?

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John McCain now wants a “health care czar.” And hey, the post of Surgeon General is vacant. Why? Because Dr. Vivek Murthy, President Obama’s November 2013 nomination, hasn’t been confirmed by the Senate. Murthy’s crime, upsetting the NRA by calling guns “a health care issue” in a 2012 tweet…. ‪#‎haveyounoshame‬

 

 

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving.  A day where Canadian residents with national healthcare and reasonable gun laws look at the U.S. and feel thankful they live where they do. Of course, there’s a reason this day is in October, well before Canada deals with actual winter.

 

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Going to the chapel…

Posted October 11, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

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Gay marriage is now legal in Nevada. Which means that gays can now get drunk in Las Vegas and make the same quickie marriage mistakes that straights do.

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#‎FOX‬ talking about how bad the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are without Angel ‪#‎Pagan‬. Kinda makes you wonder how they got into the ‪#‎NLCS‬ doesn’t it?

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So how did anyone ever beat the ‪#‎KCRoyals‬ during the regular season? And are the ‪#‎Royals‬ ever going to lose again? ‪#‎ALCS‬

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Mike ‪#‎Moustakas‬, #9 hitter in ‪#‎kcroyals‬ lineup has 4 postseason home runs. ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎Madbum‬ is going to take that as a challenge.

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National TV ratings for ‪#‎ALCS‬ ‪#‎NLCS‬ would be better if ESPN & FOX paid attention to 4 remaining teams during regular season. ‪#‎nottheyankees‬

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More than two dozen teenagers were arrested at opening night of the Arizona State Fair after a brawl broke out. If only they had been armed.

 

How has ‪#‎Royals‬ Lorenzo Cain not been on ESPN’s Top 10 plays and Web Gems every single night of the season?

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Bit of trivia from the Royals’ 10th inning win over the Orioles Friday night – the time of game. Four hours and 37 minutes. If Kansas City ever plays an 18 inning game like the SF Giants did the concession stands better have morning coffee ready.

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Stanford’s Red Zone offense for the football season is 679, which ranks 115th out of 125 FBS (D-1) teams. Shocking. There are 10 teams who are worse?

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FSU just notified Jameis Winston that he will face a disciplinary hearing into sexual assault charges from December 2012. Presume this hearing will take place 3-4 days after the BCS national championship game?

 

Yep, it is all Obama’s fault. This from Phyllis Schafly , “Out of all the things he’s done, I think this thing of letting these diseased people into this country to infect our own people is just the most outrageous of all. Obama doesn’t want America to believe that we’re exceptional. He wants us to be just like everybody else, and if Africa is suffering from Ebola, we ought to join the group and be suffering from it, too. ‪#‎whythereisnosatire‬

 

One reason people are so scared about Ebola is not just that it is usually fatal but also how horrible the disease’s symptoms are in its final stages. Uh, have people read about the last days of smokers who die of lung cancer?

Drop zone

Posted October 10, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

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A FOX Sports investigation alleges that FSU University officials and Tallahassee police “took steps to both hide, and then hinder, the criminal investigation into a rape allegation against Jameis Winston.” Well, not like Winston was accused of anything serious, like selling his autograph.

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The Yankees fired hitting coach Kevin Long. Right, because it’s his fault all these sluggers making over $10 million a year suddenly forgot how to hit.

 

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Picture below is of a  Navy Seal parachuting into Stanford Stadium with flag and game ball. Of course a true Stanford Cardinal Seal would land -and stop – between the 30 and the goal line.

 

 

seal

 

KC ‪#‎Royals‬ are the team every real baseball fan loves to watch in postseason. Until you think about them possibly playing YOUR team.

 

#‎Royals‬ are doing their best to prove that playoff experience is overrated. ‪#‎ALCS‬

 

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‎#SFGiants‬ fans watch ‪#‎Royals‬ load bases with no out and not score. Are we sure we aren’t watching ‪#‎Giants‬ replay for June or July?

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And we wonder why there’s a gender gap. NJ GOP Senate candidate Jeff Bell on why he is losing to Cory Booker. “I’ve done a lot of thinking about this and looked at a lot of different polls, I think it has more to do with the rise in single women. Single mothers particularly are automatically Democratic because of the benefits. They need benefits to survive, and so that kind of weds them to the Democratic Party. But single women who have never married and don’t have children are also that way.”

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Another day, another quarantined plane over a passenger vomiting, this time landing in Las Vegas. And apparently a false alarm. But if someone getting sick is going to start meaning long delays, airlines may have to start upgrading the food they sell onboard.

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In case ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans were feeling lukewarm about another postseason against ‪#‎Cardinals‬, STL has added AJ Pierzynski to roster. ‪#‎douchebag‬

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Why there is no satire. Gwyneth Paltrow hosted a fundraiser for President Obama, and cited his efforts for sustainable energy and also for equal pay for women which she called “Very important to me as a working mother.’” And somehow Gwyneth said it with a straight face.

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Johnny Manziel on Georgia RB Todd Gurley, suspended for accepting autograph payments. “He’s built an image for himself. He’s built somewhat of a brand I feel he should be able to capitalize off it.” And of course Manziel didn’t need to add “Like I did.”

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Will.i.am tweeted his displeasure with United Airlines for giving away his first class seat to China. “Plane leave at 1:15 I got to the airport at 12:30…@united is the worse…” Uh, as much as I rag on airlines, 45 minutes in advance at the AIRPORT, not the gate, for an international flight that boards at least 45 minutes in advance….? . Bet hundreds of passengers are glad they didn’t delay the plane for another entitled celebrity.

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The young woman who accused suspended Florida QB Treon Harris has apparently withdrawn her sexual assault claim. Alas, no way of knowing whether she made it up in the first place, or whether she decided not to go through the hell of an investigation and trial, with a lot of resources against her. But while plenty of morons talked about women provoking domestic violence don’t see a lot of people saying maybe these players shouldn’t get themselves in this sort of situation in the first place.

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From Bill Littlejohn:   After his latest playoff meltdown, do we call baseball’s best pitcher—‘Clay-Rod’? -

Truthiness in advertising.

Posted October 9, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes

Tags: , , , , , ,

Red Bull settled a $13 million class action lawsuit over customers being deceived by the slogan “Red Bull Gives You Wings..” Darn, and here I was thinking of going as a bird for Halloween and counting on the drink to give me feathers. -

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Katy Perry will reportedly perform during the Super Bowl halftime show. Well, for many men that’s two reasons to watch.

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49ers QB Colin Kaepernick was fined $10,000 for wearing pink Beats by Dre headphones around his neck Sunday, instead of the NFL-approved Bose.  Hey, for that amount of money he could have chop-blocked somebody.

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So Jameis Winston is probably out of the Heisman conversation, now another hopeful, Georgia’s TB Todd Gurley, who was leading the SEC in rushing, has been suspended from the team indefinitely pending an “investigation into an alleged violation of NCAA rules.” This year’s award may end up like the Tour de France – last candidate not suspended wins.

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Now Adrian Peterson’s bail may be revoked he told a drug tester that he had “smoked a little weed” before taking a urinalysis test this week. Sigh. Maybe if Peterson had been smoking MORE marijuana he might not have hit his kid as hard.

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 Amazon‬ announced they will open their first store. Response from young adults who have grown up with Amazon Prime – “what’s a store?
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Apparently the iPhone 6 has been catching and painfully plucking loose hairs when held to a user’s face. Well, that’s what people get for using the device for something radical like actually making a phone call.

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Combined ages of Hudson, Peavy & Vogelsong, the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ starting pitchers in 3 ‪#‎NLDS‬ games the Giants won, is 109. ‪#‎ageandtreachery (If the Giants can coax Jamie Moyer out of retirement, maybe they’d be favored to win the World Series.)

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From T.C.  “Their “Murder’s row of bats” are Panik, Posey, Pence, Panda,  Perez, Pray and then Pray some more.

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Okay, it’s a convoluted story, but as I understand it, in 2012. a 25 year old single male volunteer for the President’s advance team in Colombia is accused of legally bringing a prostitute to his room in 2012 and denying it later.. And the administration may have delayed the investigation. Wow. Good thing we don’t have any serious issues to worry about.

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Sigh. A new survey finds that 58% of Americans want to ban all flights to the United States from West African countries hit hardest by the Ebola outbreak – Liberia, Guinea and Sierra Leone. Uh, number of direct flights to the US from those countries? Zero. Mission accomplished.

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Another Ebola thought: Lots of folks, especially in the GOP, screaming about closing borders and all kinds of other measures to stop the spread of the disease. When we get this epidemic under control and since AIDS is still an issue, will those same people also start telling all Americans to start using condoms?

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Something stronger.

Posted October 8, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

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Brian Wilson will apparently be exercising his player option so LA will have to pay him $9.5 million in 2015. SF Giants fans, in the spirit of camaraderie, are offering to give Dodger fans their best cocktail recipes.

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Giants got 9 runs in 4 games. 1 home run. A lot of runs that weren’t even scored by hits. And they won the series 3 games to 1. ‪#‎SFchicksdigthesmallball‬

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All of these experts predicting the ‪#‎ALCS‬ and ‪#‎NLCS‬ winners. Because they’ve done so well so far……‪#‎Giants‬ ‪#‎Cardinals‬ ‪#‎Royals‬ ‪#‎Orioles

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No baseball Tuesday night since the ‪#‎ALDS‬ and ‪#‎NLDS‬ series are all over. And no football as it’s Wednesday. So it was time for most Americans to start ignoring hockey.

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For hockey fans, the San Jose Sharks did start defending their unofficial title of of being “The Best Regular Season Team in the NHL.”

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Okay, it worked out if you are an ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fan. But Matt Williams is being lambasted for putting rookie Aaron Barrett into the game late last night with veteran pitchers in the bullpen. But Bruce Bochy put September call-up Hunter Strickland into the game late too. And Strickland did get through an inning, albeit with a home run bomb to Bryce Harper. ‪#‎geniusifitworksidiocyifitdoesnt‬ ‪#‎NLDS‬

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So what’s the difference between the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and the Los Angeles Dodgers? About 48 hours.

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The FTC just announced that AT&T will pay $105 million in fines for placing unauthorized charges for third-party services on customers’ cell phone bills. So now wonder what surcharge the phone company will add to cover the fines

 

Roger Goodell, talking to owners and defending the NFL’s player conduct policy. “I believe the vast majority of our players are great people.” Right, because in the US we’ve never needed criminal laws because the vast majority of Americans are law-abiding people.

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An American Airlines plane made an emergency landing in Midland, TX last night because a passenger was vomiting and there were Ebola fears. Despite the fact she had come from TURKEY, not Africa (She has already been released from the hospital). Here we go again…. Let’s hope no one gets the bright idea to put TSA in charge of taking temperatures and asking medical questions:

 

 

Open note to ANYONE who is anti-vaccine. Please just STFU about Ebola


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